Page 8
CHAPTER 7
I’m dreaming.
Even in his subconscious state, Slade was aware that none of what was happening was real. Which was why he let the best fucking dream of his life continue because he was with her. He was with…
Shadow.
They were together in his bed, and the two of them were naked. Fueled by unbridled passion and hunger, their bodies became tangled in the sheets as he took her the way he’d always imagined.
Over and over, he drove himself deep into her core. She was hot and wet and staring up at him with those incredible eyes, and all he could think was that he was finally home.
But then something changed, and her expression turned from wild abandon to one filled with fear. And when she opened her mouth, it wasn’t his name she cried out. Instead, he heard her shouting for?—
“Help!”
Slade’s eyes flew open, and he threw off the covers, shooting straight up in his bed. His chest heaved with heavy pants, just as it had been doing in his dream, and his dick was so full and hard the damn thing physically ached.
What the hell was that?
He ran a hand through his already-mussed hair while his sleep-ridden mind worked to figure out what exactly had woken him. When the answer came seconds later, it sent his heart racing and his hand reaching for his gun.
“Please…help!”
Shadow!
Her echoing scream had him leaping from his bed, gun in hand as he raced from his bedroom into the hall. With his weapon held tightly in his grip, he kept it up and at the ready. His bare feet covered the wooden floor separating his room from hers in the span of a few terrifying seconds.
Slade didn’t go slow or even consider using stealth as he burst through the door and into the room. His pulse raced, and his trigger finger slid into place, ready to take out anyone daring to come after the woman he was protecting.
But a quick and efficient sweep of the shadowed room—as well as the connected bathroom—he realized there was no intruder. There was only…
Shadow.
She was lying in the middle of the bed, her body thrashing about beneath the thick bedding. He lowered the gun and drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he willed his heartbeat back into a normal rhythm.
With the knowledge that no one had broken in with the intent to do harm came clarity. And as Slade made his way toward the bed, he finally understood what was really going on.
She’s having a nightmare.
His heart ached at the sight of Shadow’s tortured expression and the distressing sounds she was making. Unlike before, he couldn’t quite make out her pleading mumbles, but their message was crystal clear.
She was stuck in a terrifying dream of her own mind’s making. One that he suspected was more a memory from her past, rather than a fictional dream.
He went to the bed, unwilling to let the heartbreaking scene continue on his watch. With his free hand, he carefully reached out, placing his palm on her blanket-covered thigh.
“Shadow,” Slade whispered as her leg shifted beneath his gentle touch.
Her eyes remained closed as she shook her head against her pillow with a whimpering, “No.”
Several strands of her long, blonde hair became strewn across her grimacing face. Not seeing any signs that she was close to waking up, he used a little more force and nudged her again.
“Shadow,” he said her name more curtly in the hopes that she’d hear him.
When the struggle against a monster only she could see continued, Slade put his pistol on her nightstand and ended her suffering once and for all.
“Dammit, Shadow!” He yelled that time. “Wake the hell up!”
With his hands on her shoulders, he gave her a stern shake.
Her eyes flew open, but it wasn’t his face that she was seeing. Slade knew this because, rather than shake off the remnants of what had been an obviously awful dream, she immediately began to fight.
Son of a…
Slade lifted his arms in front of his face to defend it from her flailing hands. The sound of her palms slapping against his skin echoed, and she got in a few good hits before he literally got the upper hand.
“Stop!” His voice boomed as he wrapped his fingers around both of her wrists. At the same time, he crawled up onto the bed and straddled her much like he did the very first time they met.
The sleep-driven fog in her widened gaze finally began to clear. It was quickly replaced by a blinking look of confusion as she lay still beneath his gentle yet firm hold.
“Digger?”
A sense of déjà vu struck hard as he stared down at her beautiful, frowning face. “You were having a bad dream.”
While I was busy having one of the best of my existence.
His dick—which was still half-hard from his own imagined scenario—twitched behind his boxer briefs. Thanks to the moon-lit slit shining down on her through the bedroom’s curtains, the tiny flash of awareness in her eyes was plain to see.
“I’m sorry I woke you,” Shadow offered softly, her voice rougher than normal from sleep.
But he shook his head, keeping his eyes locked onto hers. “Nothing to apologize for, princess.”
She smiled even as a single tear fell from the corner of one eye. “I haven’t had one that bad for almost a week.” Her voice cracked and her chin quivered. “I thought maybe they’d stopped, but apparently not.”
It was obvious the amazing woman was doing everything in her power to not completely break down. Her show of strength made him like her even more than he already did, but it also pissed him the hell off.
“It’s okay to cry, you know?” He purposely kept his tone gentle. “You don’t always have to put on a brave face or do the whole tough-girl routine. Not with me.”
Never with me.
Her watery gaze searched deep within his, and a moment later…she began to crumble.
Shadow’s hiccupping sobs ripped his heart in two in a way nothing else ever had before. Without giving it a second thought, he slid his body from her trembling form. Then he pulled her back against his front in a comforting embrace.
“I’m s-sorry,” she offered between hiccupping breaths. “I don’t really know w-what that w-was.”
“That was you letting go,” Slade spoke softly near her ear. “Something tells me it’s been a while.”
Her lungs hitched with their effort to restore her breathing to a more normal pace, and for a moment he didn’t think she was going to respond. But then, as the movement of her rising shoulders evened out, he heard her sweet voice once more.
“I haven’t cried like that since I was a child.”
“Then I’d say you were long overdue.”
“Says a man who’s probably never cried an adult day in his life.”
Strawberries and cream filled his nostrils as he relished in the scent of her hair. Drawing in a deep breath, he released it slowly before giving her a tiny piece of his soul.
“I cried the day my mom overdosed, and again when she went to prison. There were a few times in a couple of the worst foster homes I was to, but I always waited until I was in the shower so no one would ever know.”
“Slade…”
“It was years after that before I ever cried again,” he told her truthfully. “The first time I lost a fellow serviceman during an overseas op.”
A stretch of silence passed for so long, he started to think maybe she’d fallen asleep. But then she moved, turning her body around so that she faced him, her eyes red and slightly puffy as they lifted slowly to meet his.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered an apology, not because of her crying jag, but rather the loss that he had suffered.
“It was a long time ago.” He did his best to brush the painful memory away.
“Time doesn’t heal all wounds, like people claim, Slade.”
Ah, sweetheart.
Reaching up, he gently tucked a few wayward strands of hair behind her ear. Slade let his hand linger there a bit longer as the pad of his thumb feathered back and forth against her cheek.
“Maybe it’s not supposed to,” he mused. “Maybe those memories are still there because we’re never supposed to forget.”
“Just learn to live with them?” she questioned. “Is that what you’re saying?”
He shrugged, keeping his hand in place and his eyes locked tightly with hers. “Every part of our past has shaped who we are today. Good and bad, alike. And…” Slade swallowed hard, uncertain about saying this very next part. But before he could talk himself out of it, he finished with, “I like you just the way you are.”
A soft rush of air escaped her gaping lips. Shadow blinked several times, the moisture there glistening in the light of the moon.
“I like you, too,” she whispered with a ghost of a smile. “Even when you get all growly like a bear.”
“I don’t growl,” he argued, his brows dipping in the center with a frown.
The soft snort that followed did wonders to ease the tension in his neck.
“Um…okay, sure.” Her tone was filled with sarcasm as she patted a palm against his bare chest. “We can go with that, if it makes you feel better.”
“I don’t .” He held on to the claim as if it were law. But his insistence only added fuel to the fire.
Shadow laughed, her entire body shaking within his loose hold, but rather than piss him off, as even he would have expected, Slade found himself chuckling, too.
“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t growl so much if you weren’t such a stubborn, frustrating?—”
“Watch it, buster.” She gave his chest a playful slap.
But as she did, he grabbed her wrist in a gentle hold and lifted her arm in the air. “Pretty sure you’re the one who needs to watch it,” he warned.
A second later, his hand was beneath her arm, and then…he started to tickle.
“Slade, stop!” she screeched loudly, her voice becoming high pitched and filled with boisterous laughter.
Her body twisted and turned as she worked to free herself from his grasp, her luscious mouth opened wide as she giggled and pleaded for his mercy.
“Admit that I’m right, and I’ll quit,” he teased, not fully aware of just how wide his own smile had spread.
“Okay!” Shadow relented as he continued with the playful torture. “You’re right, okay? I’m stubborn, and frustrating, and sarcastic, and?—”
His mouth slammed against hers to keep her from saying another word, his hands moving from torment to something much better. Because she may be all those things and more, but this woman was also absolutely…
Perfect.
Slade felt her entire body freeze beneath his touch half a second before Shadow melted into his arms. Her tongue met his in an explosion of pleasure, their lips matching in a dance that he never wanted to end.
He grunted, and she moaned, the sound wistful and matching the same need as his own. Her nails dug into the skin at his back, and his hips reflexively pressed against hers.
His lips moved from her mouth to her jaw, and below in a trail of hungry kisses. Shadow arched her back below him as if her body was begging him for more, so he slid a hand beneath the white tank-top she’d changed into before crawling into bed.
The soft, plump flesh of her breast fit perfectly against his palm. Shadow gasped when his fingertips found the taut nipple he toyed with while giving the side of her neck a gentle nibble.
“Slade…” She panted his name like a prayer.
He’d grant every single wish she had if he could.
But since he wasn’t a genie, he did the next best thing and shoved her shirt up to expose both of her perfectly proportioned breasts. He took but a second to appreciate her natural beauty before leaning down and taking one of the hardened peaks between his lips.
Shadow cried out, her body bucking beneath his before spreading her legs wider to accommodate his muscular thighs. Slade took his fill, first one plump globe and then the other. And while he was giving the other breast the same ravenous attention, he slid his hand lower until his fingertips dipped beneath the elastic waist of her cotton panties.
Her pelvis lifted from the mattress in search of the pleasure he was more than willing to give. Slade filled his hand with her sex, loving that it was silky smooth and bare. His fingers began to explore, tracing her feminine curves and dips. He moved lower to the entrance of her hot, wet core, and then?—
The sound of a light banging from outside reached his ears. Half a beat later, the cabin’s high-end security system’s alarm blared to life.
Son of a…
In one swift move, he removed the one hand from her panties and the other from her breast. Pushing himself up and over, he hopped down from the bed on his way to grab his gun.
“Where are you going?” Shadow threw off the covers and stood beside her bed.
He picked up his pistol from the nightstand, not bothering to check for a full mag or one in the chamber. That had already been previously confirmed.
“That was out back,” he answered on his way to her door. Without looking back, he ordered a gruff, “Stay here. Lock the door, and don’t open it for anyone but me.”
“Slade, wait—” she called after him as he exited the room.
But he ignored her and shut the door, hoping like hell she did as she was told.
His mind raced as he ran down the stairs wearing nothing but his boxers and carrying his gun. It was implausible to think that anyone outside the team knew they were there. But this was Shadow, so he wasn’t about to risk her safety by making a dumbass assumption.
He quickly disarmed the security system, the ear-piercing alarm cutting off as he opened the cabin’s front door. It was the middle of the night, but the exterior lights were all motion activated, so when he stepped out onto the porch, everything within his immediate area was within view.
Thankful for its automatic lock system, Slade shut the door and moved as he’d trained, his eyes sweeping back and forth with efficiency and ease. Seeing nothing but the shadows of slightly blowing trees, he followed the same path he had before and went to his right.
The noise he’d heard while he and Shadow were in the midst of a hot and heavy make-out session had sounded as if it had come from around back. The grass was cold beneath his bare feet, his steps purposeful and silent as he followed the structure’s southernmost wall.
Slade stopped and waited before rounding the corner. Gun in hand, he took in a deep breath, steadying his weapon and preparing himself for whatever he may find.
With his weapon held tightly out in front of his near-naked body, he rounded the corner just as he had countless times with his team in the field. The lights mounted near each corner of the roof’s guttered edge illuminated the back patio and beyond.
It took mere seconds for him to assess the situation, and he soon realized there was no actual threat. Not to Shadow, at least. But the two metal trash cans that had been positioned up against the wall, well…
Those were a different story.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Slade watched as two round-bellied raccoons scurried away from the overturned cans. They were empty, but their scent had apparently piqued the animals’ interest enough for them to have wanted to investigate further.
He stormed across the grouted pavers and righted the cans with his left hand while still holding his gun at his side. With their lids re-secured, he continued checking the rest of the area, because again, the woman inside wasn’t one he was willing to risk.
Minutes later, Slade was back inside and the security system was once again reactivated. Heading straight upstairs, he didn’t stop until he got to Shadow’s bedroom. And when he tried opening the door, he was pleased to find it locked.
“It’s me,” he announced after tapping his knuckles against the smooth wood.
The sound of soft footfalls reached him seconds before she unlocked it, and her gorgeous face appeared.
“You just let two masked intruders walk away?” She stared up at him with a teasing smirk and a light click of her tongue. “My father is not going to be happy.”
“Very funny.” He made no move to re-enter the room. “I take it you were watching out the window?”
“Computer, actually.” Shadow slid to the side, revealing an open laptop resting in the middle of the bed. “I hacked into the cabin’s security feed the second you left. I could see the adorable creatures before you even made it outside.”
“You didn’t think to tell me?”
“And miss all the fun?”
Digger scowled, but he was more upset with himself than with her. He should’ve thought to check the feed before storming off half-naked into the dead of night.
You didn’t think about it because you were too busy focusing on other things. Namely the woman standing less than a foot away in nothing but a thin tank-top and barely-there panties.
His inner voice was right. He hadn’t thought things through as clearly as he should have because he’d done something he never did on a job…
I got distracted.
Not once in all his years as a SEAL, nor during his time with Tac-Ops had Slade ever let himself become distracted by a pretty face. And he’d damn sure never gotten physical with a woman he was charged with protecting.
But he had with Shadow. The last woman in the world he ever wanted to see get hurt.
Slade had given in to the need he felt for her without any regard for her safety or the very real threat that existed. If it had been an intruder and not just a pair of fucking raccoons, the night could have ended badly…for everyone involved.
She could have been hurt or even killed because he’d been too busy taking what he wanted instead of being the protector she deserved. Well, that shit stopped now. From this point on, his focus would be on keeping her safe and nothing more.
This was Shadow. She was his boss’s daughter and part of his team. And despite the inexplicable spell the woman had somehow cast upon him, he was strong enough to ignore it. He had to be.
Her life depended on it.
“Are you going to stand there all night, or…”
“I think it’s best if I go back to my own room,” he answered gruffly.
The look of disappointment on her face was nearly enough to change his mind.
“Oh. Okay.” She quickly flashed him a casual smile. “Whatever floats your boat, big guy. I’ll just be here…lying in that big bed all alone…”
Her tone was as tempting as the woman herself, but Slade shoved his desires down and forced himself to stand his ground.
“I’m sorry, Shadow. What happened earlier was?—”
“Just a taste of what could happen if you stay the night in here, instead.”
He wanted nothing more than to do just that. But rather than give in to the urge to pick up right where they’d left off, Slade made his intentions from that moment forward crystal clear.
“This can’t happen.” He shook his head. “I’m supposed to be protecting you, not…”
“Shoving your tongue down my throat?”
Jesus. “I’m serious, Shadow. You’re in danger, and I can’t allow myself to be distracted.”
“Is that what I am?” She inched closer. “A distraction?”
“I think you know you’re more than that. But it doesn’t matter. Me and relationships…they don’t work. I’m just not built like the other guys. So I think it’s best if we end whatever this is now, before shit goes sideways and someone winds up getting hurt.”
Her baby blues blinked as her gaze widened with a nod. “Okay, well, first of all, I’m glad you think of me as more than just a distraction. And second…who said anything about a relationship? Because in case you didn’t notice, I’m not exactly a long-term kinda gal, myself. So if you’re worried that I’m going to get all clingy and needy just because we spend one night together?—”
“It’s not that.” Slade shook his head.
“No? Then what is it? Because I know it’s not that you don’t want me.” Her gaze lowered to the bulge still throbbing between his thighs.
“You’re right.” There was no point in trying to lie. “I do want you. More than I’ve ever wanted another woman in my life.”
“But?”
“But I respect the hell out of you and what you do for our team.”
When he didn’t say more, her brows dipped in the center with obvious confusion. “You see, your words sound like a really nice, really sweet compliment. But your tone makes me think you’re using your respect for me as an excuse not to stay.”
“Because I am,” he admitted. He started to lift a hand, to reach for her as a lover would. But he stopped himself at the last second, pulling back to keep from falling back under her spell. “I can’t…” Slade swallowed hard, clearing his throat before moving on. “I won’t let my personal feelings toward you interfere with my ability to do my job. And if I stay?—”
“Please stay.”
He ground his back teeth together to keep from shouting out a resounding yes . “I’m not the man for you, Shadow. Casual or otherwise.” A slow shake of his head. “I’m sorry.”
Turning his back on the one thing he wanted more than anything else in the world, Slade started to leave for the bedroom down the hall but was stopped mid-stride by the sound of her sweet voice.
“Don’t you think that’s for me to decide?” she asked from her doorway.
“I’m sorry,” he rumbled once more without turning around. But then, as if he couldn’t keep from it, Slade looked back at her from over his shoulder and confessed, “I can’t look at you and not want. And I’m not a fucking saint. I touch you like that again, there will be no stopping. Which will only make it harder on us both when this is over, and we have to walk away.”
Their gazes remained locked on one another’s for several long, agonizing seconds. But then Shadow’s expression slowly changed from a look of desire to acceptance, and with a slight dip of her chin, she stopped begging him to stay.
“Goodnight, Digger.” She went back to using his nickname. “And….just so you know…no matter what does or doesn’t happen between us, I’m…really glad you’re here.”
Slade watched as she moved backward just enough to shut herself in for the night. And when the door snicked closed, and he could no longer see her, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life.