Page 64 of Sisters

‘I think I do. Because Ben left you too, didn’t he, Susanna? Died when he was just eleven months old.’

FORTY-SEVEN

Her mother was waiting for her to speak. She had the same look on her face as when she’d impatiently waited for Susanna to recite her times tables or spell a word or tell the time. It was a look that said she expected Susanna to get it wrong. And when she did, Susanna would shrivel inside under the scornful eyes, the look of contempt.

Susanna didn’t answer her mother at first. Instead she spoke to Matteo.

‘My second child, Ben, died when he was a baby.’

‘He was poisoned,’ said Kathleen, moving to a chair and lowering herself into it.

‘What my mother is saying is true,’ said Susanna, ‘but not as you are probably thinking. It was an accident, a terrible thing to have happened.’

‘He was fed too much salt,’ said Kathleen. ‘His little body couldn’t cope and he had a brain seizure.’

‘It wasn’t my fault.’

‘You were the one who fed him.’

‘The police didn’t ever charge me. I was in the clear – the whole time. You have no right to speak to me like this.’

Kathleen gave her a hard stare. ‘I’m well aware the police didn’t charge you. And at the time I was relieved. For all your faults I couldn’t imagine you’d have done something so awful. But now I hear about what happened to Ellie, I think they should have delved a little deeper.’

‘You’re not being fair.’

‘I’ve had a bit of time to think since Matteo called me. It’s amazing the clarity your mind can get thirty thousand feet up in the air – no distractions, just time to piece together what had been staring me in the face all those years ago but I failed to see. And I came up with a theory. That man you ran off with...Danny. He was already sleeping with his new woman when Ben got poorly. Was it your way of keeping him at home? Make his son ill so that he felt guilty for going off with someone else?’

Susanna gasped. She’d forgotten how cruel her mother could be.

‘Susanna,’ said Matteo. ‘Can you explain to me why your mother is saying all this?’

Her eyes blazed. ‘My son, my beautiful baby, died from a salt overdose. At the time I was pregnant with Ellie and, like with all my pregnancies, I was terribly sick. I could barely function, let alone look after two young children. I would...I’d feed Ben and Abby with ready meals – I had no idea they contained so much salt.’ She started to well up. ‘If I could change it, I would—’

‘Pah!’ said Kathleen, waving a dismissive hand. ‘I’d bet my last pound there was more salt in his body than just from ready meals. You were frightened of being left alone. You’d made a monumental cock-up by getting shacked up with that money-grasping toad and you saw everything slipping away from you.’

‘It’s not true...’

‘Stop lying, girl.’

‘You don’t know what you’re saying.’

‘But Danny left you anyway, didn’t he? His new woman’s money was stronger than anything you could do to keep him. Even if it did mean murdering your own child.’

‘I didn’t murder him.’ Susanna was trembling; she rubbed her shaking hands down her sides. This was unbearable, all this pain dragged up again. Everything she’d tried to bury for so long. She closed her eyes.Maybe it’s time to come clean.

‘You just can’t bear to be left. Can’t stand on your own two feet. Is that why you started on Ellie? You saw her getting a life away from you too? If I’d worked out what happened to Ben, I’d have had those girls taken away from you.’

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Susanna went to leave the room but her mother shouted after her.

‘I’m going to call the police! Tell them everything.’

Susanna buckled. Turned back to Kathleen. ‘OK, you do that. But first, know what really happened.’

It had the desired effect. Her mother shut up.

‘What do you mean?’ asked Matteo, in the silence that followed.

‘My mother is right,’ said Susanna, her voice cracking. ‘Ben had more salt than in just those ready meals. But it wasn’t me. It was Abby.’