Page 31 of Sins of the Flesh

She takes a deep breath and continues, “I have lived with that anger as my protector since… But today, when I looked at my planner, I saw it was his birthday.I got up to start on a cake.I was mixing the batter when I realized he would never eat it, and I broke down.”She sobs covering her face with her hands.

She pulls her hands from her face placing them in her lap folding a tissue in her dainty fingers staring at it.“I miss him in the same way a person misses the loss of a limb, except what I lost was my heart.”She looks into my eyes as if she is searching for understanding.I wrap my arms around her and whisper into her hair.

“I understand, Mom.”

"I think...I think it might be time for me to talk to someone," she says hesitantly."A counselor or therapist.”I squeeze her hand supportively.

"I think that's a great idea, Mom.You don't have to go through this alone."She gives me a watery smile.

"Thank you, sweetheart.You've been so strong through all of this."Her eyes search my face."How are you holding up?Really?"

The question catches me off guard.I've been so focused on taking care of Mom and keeping everything together that I haven't really stopped to think about how I feel about everything.And now, with everything that happened with Caleb… Before I can stop myself, the words tumble out.

"Mom, I...I need to tell you something."My heart races as I take a deep breath."I'm gay."

For a moment, silence hangs heavy in the air.Then Mom pulls me into a tight hug."Oh, Cole," she says softly."We've known since you were little.”I freeze, my mind reeling.

"We?"I choke out.Mom pulls back, a bittersweet smile on her face.

"Your father and I," she explains gently."I told your father back when you were eleven, I said William I think Cole might be gay.He says, well, whatever he is, Emma, he's ours, and we will love him no matter what.We were just waiting for you to feel ready to tell us."

Tears spring to my eyes, a mixture of relief and renewed grief."Dad knew?"I whisper.She nods, reaching up to cup my cheek.

"He did.And he loved you so, so much, Cole.He was so proud of you."

I break down then laying my head in her lap, my arms wrapped around her waist, years of pent-up emotions pouring out.Mom holds me close, stroking my hair like she did when I was little.We cry together, mourning the conversations I'll never get to have with Dad, but also celebrating the unconditional love he left behind.

She rubs my back and as my sobs slow she says “So cake?”I sniffle and laugh “Yeah that sounds good.”

Later when I’m alone in my room I pull out my phone to text Mason.

Me:

I came out to my mom

Mason:

How did it go????*nervous emoji*

Me:

She said she already knew,

and so did my dad!

Mason:

Hahaha, that sounds about right.

Mrs.A is an intelligent lady

Mason:

How do you feel, man?

Me:

RELIEVED!