Page 60 of Sinful Seduction
“And probably to try on dresses.” I drop my head back and sigh. “Again.”
He snickers. “I understand this is an especially difficult time for you.”
“I will not hurt my husband. I will not hurt my husband.” Chanting my mantra just loud enough for him to hear, I hide behind the lip of my coffee with a small grin, but as we move from one flight of stairs to the next, and eventually arrive at the bottom, my levity falls away, and my brows come together. “I don’t know how I’d deal if he died.”
Solemn, he takes my hand and helps me off the last step. “It was a pretty big scare.”
“I don’t like people. I don’t like depending on them, or holding affections for them, or caring if they’re around. I learned a long time ago that pinning my emotions on someone other than myself typically leads to disappointment.” We move across the overheated lobby-like space and through the front door without a hug or a witty good morning from the man who usually waits for me. His absence is like waking up without coffee. Like being alone with my husband and not touching.Such a waste. Emerging into the filthy heat outside, I release a sigh and turn left. “In my experience, hoping someone else is safe and happy is a quick way to being miserable.”
“You care about me.”
I make a sound in the back of my throat, a dissatisfied grumble that rolls through my chest and up, past my lips. “I made an exception to an otherwise important and well-thought-out rule.”
“And that time I got shot, you made damn sure I stayed alive. Since you’d invested such vital effort and importance in my survival.”
“I hear you mocking me.” Despite the heat, I walk closer and lay my cheek on his chest. “Being alone worked for me for a good long while, but then I moved to this dumb city, met a dumb boy, and broke all the rules.”
“And that dumb boy is, of course, Steve Morris.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “He’s gonna be okay, Minnnka. And you’re gonna hound whichever nurse we buy for him, regardless of her bra size. You’re allowed to rely on people. It sucks when it goes pear-shaped, but we established last night, didn’t we? The good outweighs the bad.”
“The good will outweigh the bad forus. For me and you. Becausewestill have seventy years together, and at the end of it all, we have a plan to ensure neither of us is left behind. It’s not the same with Steve, though. He’s going to die, Archer. Not today. Probably not even this year.” I draw a heaving breath and fill my lungs to bursting, then I release it again, hot air escaping on a shuddering exhale. “But he’ll die in a decade, at most. We get ten years, and in those ten years, he’ll deteriorate. He’ll get weaker, and his hospital stints will get more and more common. He’ll?—”
“You’re catastrophizing something that hasn’t happened.” He drags me to a stop and backs me up until my shoulder blades touch the coarse brick wall behind me. Staring into my eyes, he rubs my arms. “You know the human cycle better than anyone, babe. We’re born, we live, we die. It’s the way the world goes. But keeping people away because you’re afraid of the inevitable end isn’t healthy. Imagine never knowing Aubree, because you don’t want to feel that loss someday?”
“If I never knew her, I wouldn’t have to try on stupid dresses this week.Twice.”
His lips curl sweetly. “If you never knew her, you wouldn’t be sad that she moved away.”
“My point exactly! She left, and she didn’t even consider how she used to be in my kitchen most mornings, crowding my coffee machine and making it just a little easier for me to carry my bad mood. Joke’s on me, because I came torelyon her being there, then she went and fell in love with a stupid boy, and now I?—”
“If you never knew her, you wouldn’t know how it feels to have someone like her crowding your coffee machine.” He steps into my space,his thighs brushing mine, and his aftershave filling my lungs with something far more pleasant than city smog and car exhaust. “Aloneness might be a fun way to avoid all those pesky emotions. But don’t forget all the times you got to feel happybecauseof her. Don’t forget how you realized your morningcouldbe lighter, simply by her being around. Loss is expected,” he murmurs. “It’s inevitable. But love isn’t. And only a lucky few get to love hard enough that losing someone stings.” He slides his thumb over the dimple in my cheek, his stare growing gentler with each passing second. While we stand here, cocooned in our own little bubble, Copeland City continues to move around us. Cars pass, a bus putters by, and pedestrians rush with their heads down and their arms pumping. “The same goes for Steve. I hate that he’s getting old. That you’re worrying. I hate seeing you hurt. But you know what I like?”
I suckle my bottom lip between my teeth, searching his beautiful emerald eyes. “What?”
“I enjoy seeing you walk downstairs each morning and stepping into his arms. I fuckingloveknowing that there are very,veryfew people on this planet whose touch you tolerate, and maybe I’m a jealous bastard who sometimes gets weird because I want to be theonlyone, but knowing you have Steve, too, that you can come to him and find comfort… that’s special. So maybe he’ll die in ten years. Maybe he’ll get sick, and sure, he’ll deteriorate. Eventually. But not everyone gets those ten years in the first place.” He leans in and presses a long, lingering kiss against the corner of my lips. “Appreciate what you havenow, because time will pass regardless. You may as well enjoy those ten years, not dread them.”
“That was thoughtful.” I drop my head forward, resting my forehead against his chest. “Deep.”
He chuckles, the rumbling vibration rolling straight from his broad body and into my nervous system. “I have my days. Sometimes it’sshut the fuck up, you dunderhead,and other days, it’sembrace the romantic and blah blah blah. I dunno.” He cups my face and pulls me back, staring down into my eyes. “I can’t use it on command. But it’s there. Hidden.” Grinning, he gifts me with one last peck on my lips, then he takes my hand and tugs me away from the wall. “You have to go to work. I have to go to work.”
“Solve your homicide yet?”
“Nope. But I have a nasty, creeping suspicion about something I wanna check out at the station, and I’m kinda concerned if we don’t tie this up soon, Molly’s dad is gonna revisit the streets he ran when he was younger.”
“You think so?”
“That sort of shit is like being a Malone—it’s in your blood. It’s who you are in your soul. He got out because he had the drive, and maybe he had a damn good reason to be better. I got out, too. But when shit gets serious and your family is on the line…”
“You go back.” I wrap my arm around his and walk plastered against his side. Because I remember how I felt when he hopped on a plane and left Copeland City without warning me. When he returned to the family I thought would end his life… or be the reason he never came back again. “They seem like a nice family. Like they’ve worked hard to have a good life. It would suck for it all to come tumbling down.”
“My thoughts exactly.” He looks up at the towering George Stanley building as we cross from one block to the next. “I think Ben was a risk they were no longer willing to run. It’s not often I hope I’m wrong.”
“What’s your next step?” I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to untangle our arms and walk into my building, to be separated for eight hours and a half dozen—or more—dead bodies. “What will you figure out at the station?”
“Molly’s interning at Channel Seventy-Nine for the summer.”
My lips curl into a displeased snarl. “Gross.”
“I’m gonna look over Molly’s socials again, make sure I’ve got my ducks in a row, then I have to talk to Miranda London. If Molly so much as breathed a tidbit of information that could help move this case along, Miranda will have heard it, saved it, stored it away, and prepped it for the six o’clock news repeat.”