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I could barely nod before it was on and poppin’ again, the next few seconds a blaze of gunfire. At one point, I was pretty sure my mind left my body as my psyche tried to comprehend how I had landed myself in this predicament.

“I’m out,” Cruz announced once they took out the group that had just entered, the others expressing the same sentiment. “We need to get the fuck outta here.”

Mekhi was the first to strike the next set of about nine intruders from what I could make out as we made our way to the exit, slamming his boot into an attacker’s kneecap with a sickening crunch, before burying a knife deep in his throat.

Storm disarmed another before driving his elbow into the guy’s temple, the force snapping his head back, causing him to hit the ground hard.

Titan fought like a demon with a vengeance, using brute force and rage to plow through two men at once, grunting as he cracked one’s skull against the weight rack, even finding a moment to dab fists with Cruz as he did so like this was just another day … another fight.

And then there was Cruz, a devil unleashed as he moved with ruthless efficiency, ducking a swing while countering with a brutal uppercut that sent a man sprawling onto the floor in a bed of limbs.

When another man charged at him, in one fluid motion, Cruz caught the guy’s wrist, twisted it until the bone snapped, and drove a knife into his side.

I was terrified, but couldn’t look away, mesmerized by how they moved so powerfully together. Yet some of the masked men just wouldn’t die, one of them managing to slip through past Cruz and Titan and lunge for me.

I barely had time to react before he was on me, his hand closing around my throat, shoving me into the wall. I panicked, clawing at his grip, the little training I had nothing against a man twice my size.

Cruz turned, and the moment he saw me, something inside of him snapped. The man who snatched me didn’t even get the chance to flinch before Cruz had grabbed him by the back of the head and slammed his face into the hard floor twice, the sound of bone crunching before blood pooled at my feet.

The others had won their fights, and Mekhi announced that we needed to get out of there, and that he’d explain to the cops that the alarm went out and clear the security feed.

However, even with all the chatter around him, Cruz kept going, his fists slamming into the already lifeless body beneath him.

Only when Titan bellowed his name did he get in a few more punches, then stop abruptly and slowly lift his head to me.

Holy shit. His eyes were savage and untamed when they locked onto mine, his chest heaving and his hands trembling.

“He’s okay,” Titan whispered. “He’s just lost in the kill.”

“You can go to him if you want,” Storm encouraged. “You’re his calm.”

His calm? Am I really? The notion that I wanted to be whatever he needed is what compelled me to move.

I dropped to my knees beside him, my hands closing over his that were slick with blood. “He’s dead, Cruz,” I whispered, my voice shaking. “It’s over.”

For a moment, he just stared at me. And then, his bloodstained fingers curled around my wrists and pulled me to him. Seconds later, Titan and Storm were ushering us through the door and into Titan’s vehicle that was parked down the street.

It took a while for Cruz to talk, but hearing the sirens as they passed us to head to the gym snapped him out of it.

“We almost lost you,” he rasped.

“You didn’t,” I told him, cupping his face and beard. “None of you did. I’m still here.” You didn’t lose me like we lost Rev. I didn’t say it, but I felt like he saw the sentiment in my eyes.

A strangled sound left him that was half growling, half groaning as he leaned down, his lips crashing into mine. Unlike our kisses before, the desperation in this one wasn’t one of passion, but of fear of losing me.

I leaned my forehead to his when we broke the kiss, my eyes wandering to the front seats where Storm had lowered his visor and was lookin’ at me just as attentively, and Titan’s piercing stare was more on me in the rearview mirror than it was on the road.

I scared them all. They cared about me that much, that tonight had rocked their foundation.

I understood the feeling.

I felt that way about them, too.

But also, I didn’t want to tell them what my heart was still trying to come to grips about. The day had started full of excitement for me and had ended with me being more terrified than I had in my entire life.

When we got home, I hugged them all and thanked them for being by my side today before I rushed upstairs, opting to use the bathroom in my ensuite than the one I had been using downstairs.

Only then did I let the tears fall down my cheeks, my mind all over the place while I tried to come to terms with the fact that I had been involved in a full-blown shootout. I kept my wails as silent as possible, hoping that the water drowned out the noise.

Yet, for the first time upon arriving here, I was truly afraid. Not only for their safety, but for my own.

I knew they would do everything in their power to keep me safe, but hadn’t Rev thought he’d make it home that day, too? I knew what kind of man Cruz was. You couldn’t do what he did every day and not make peace with the fact that one day may be your last.

Because while they were shooting at those masked men, I was hoping they killed each and every one for daring to shoot at us first.

And if my first instinct was to kill, and with every man down on their side, I inwardly rejoiced, then what did that say about me? In my mind, there was the Santari I always thought I was, and the Santari I was morphing into with each day that I stayed in this house.

It was up to me to decide which version of myself I wanted to be. I only wished Rev was here for me to talk it out with.