Page 50 of Silver Elite

The weight of what I’ve done hits me hard and fast. A crushing sensation on my chest that obstructs my breathing. I can’t unsee it. Unhear it.

The hiss of the bullet leaving her silenced weapon. Penetrating her skull.

The fear in her eyes as she pulled the trigger against her will.

The memory plays on a loop in my mind, each detail etched with painful clarity. A torrent of emotions threatens to overwhelm me. Contrition. Shame. Relief. I killed her and it makes me sick to my stomach. I killed her and I’m relieved. She can never tell anyone what I am now. She can’t imprison me. Experiment on me. Put me in front of a firing squad.

I’ve rid myself of an enemy, a dangerous one, yet as I stare at her lifeless body on the floor, guilt claws at my insides. The line between right and wrong blurs into shades of gray, leaving me grappling with my own moral compass.

I told myself I never wanted to interfere with someone’s free will.

Look at me now.

“I’m here.”

When his deep voice fills my head, I almost keel over in relief. I yank him into the room, then close and lock the door behind him.

“Watch the blood,” I warn.

Cross glances at our feet, taking it all in. The gun in Jayde’s hand. The hole in her temple. The small crimson puddle forming around her blond head.

“What happened?” he says grimly.

“I told you, she had a vision of me. She figured out who I am. What I am.”

I bite my lip in disbelief. Everything was going so smoothly before that. Of all the things that could throw a wrench into the mission, this was the last one I expected.

“You shot her?”

I shake my head.

Then I nod.

“Which is it?”

“I don’t know.” I drag both hands through my hair. I want to tear it out by the roots. “I incited her.”

He briefly closes his eyes.

“Cross.”

He doesn’t speak. Without a word, he examines our surroundings, scanning the room. His cheeks hollow as he sucks them in. Thinking.

Finally, he says, “Okay. I got this.”

“What do you mean you got this?”

He’s already pulling out his source. “Xavier,” he tells the screen, then brings the comm to his ear. There’s a pause. “I need you. I’ll send the grids.” Another pause. “Sanitation.”

As he slides the source into his pocket, I fix him with a stern look. “No. I’m not going to let you risk your life for something that I did.”

“My life is already at risk.” He stares at me. “She’s in my father’s inner circle. She’s a lieutenant colonel. She’s on the fucking Tribunal.”

“Cross—”

“I’ll take care of the cameras. Just go.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“Go,” he growls. “I mean it, Wren. Go back to your quarters. Get ready for the party.”

I gape at him. “We’re not going to the party!”

“Yes. We are. You’re going to walk into that ballroom wearing your new dress, and you’re going to smile at all your superiors. You’re going to shake the General’s hand and tell him how much you love Silver Block. You’re going to congratulate him on twenty-five years of valiant, impeccable rule. Do you understand me?”

I clench my teeth.

“Do you understand me?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now get the fuck out of here.”

As much as I don’t appreciate his tone, I know there’s no way I could’ve done this…sanitation…on my own.

I grab my pack from the floor. “Should I use my jammer?”

“Yes. Keep it activated until you’re back in your quarters. I don’t want a single camera picking you up. Go.”

With a weak nod, I leave him to clean up my mess.

—

My anxiety levels don’t wane in the slightest. If anything, they only skyrocket when I burst into my quarters, because now I have the privacy to let every turbulent emotion I’ve been feeling since I killed Jayde bubble to the surface.

How is Cross going to explain why Jayde Valence dropped off the face of the Continent? How? Cross has a brilliant mind when it comes to military maneuvers. But this is…

Suicide.

The word lingers in my mind, spurring me to link with him. I’m a little surprised when he lets me.

“Cross, she shot herself. This could be staged as a suicide.”

“Go to your quarters, Dove.”

He severs the link.

Fuck!

Frustration burns a path through my veins. This isn’t fair to him. It isn’t fair to Xavier, as annoying as I find him. They shouldn’t be fixing something that I broke.

I force myself to follow his orders. I strip out of my uniform and step into the bathroom. I crank on the shower and then stand under the warm spray, trying not to cry.

I like to think I’ve grown since I got here. I’ve learned to be more patient. I’ve learned to trust someone other than myself. I’ve even started to rein in my impulses. Sort of. Sometimes.

But it feels like all that progress was erased the second I incited a woman to kill herself.

I rest my forearm against the tiled wall and press my face into it. My body feels weak as I’m struck with a bleak, depressing truth.

I think I might be a monster.

I made a woman kill herself.

How are those not the actions of a monster?

With a choked sob, I force myself to get out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself. In my bedroom, I put on a bra and then slip into a pair of boy-cut underwear. As I’m brushing my hair, I find an alert on my source. Lyddie, saying she’s on her way to get ready with me.

I forgot we planned to do that. But there might still be time to head her off. Her quarters aren’t in this building, but near the admin wings all the way across the base, which is quite a trek if she’s not driving.

I’m about to send a comm telling her not to come when the door swings open.

In our earlier exchanges, I told her to let herself in.

Shit.

Lyddie saunters in wearing a sweet white dress with a scoop neck and pleated skirt. Her bright smile lights up the room. “Hi!”

I’ve never been more grateful for a pair of underwear. They cover my bloodmark in its entirety.

Panic lodges in my throat when I realize how close I came to having her walk in on me naked. Cross was right. It was a careless decision to let Ellis heal me.

Lyddie notes my expression and giggles. “Someone looks frazzled.”

Someone is about to have a nervous breakdown.

I manage to paste on a smile. “Sorry, it’s been a chaotic day.”

“Aw, well, don’t worry. Soon you can forget all about it. Tonight is going to be so much fun,” she chirps. “I love parties.”

“Can’t wait.” I force another smile, trying to suppress the worry gnawing at me. “My dress is hanging in the bathroom. Let me put it on and then we can do our hair—”

“Wren! Your scars!”

Her gaze falls on my bare legs, eliciting a loud gasp. When I try to keep walking, she hurries over and tugs on my arm.

“They’re gone!”

Discomfort prickles my spine. “Yeah. They brought in this healer…” I trail off.

“You let an Aberrant healer touch you?” She narrows her eyes.

“We had no choice. Our unit has to do these wellness checks.” I start backing toward the bathroom. “He said he could get rid of the scars, so I said sure, why not?”

“Let me see it,” she says.

“Oh. It’s nothing fancy. Just plain skin now.”

She’s already in front of me, reaching for my leg. She touches the skin of my thigh, still smiling, but when the bottom of my underwear slides up slightly, I shove the fabric back down and jerk away from her.

Her cheerful expression falters. “What was that?”

“Nothing. I told you, it’s just skin now.”

“What was that red mark?” She stares at me in confusion. “Was that a bruise?” she asks, but the growing horror in her eyes tells me she knows exactly what she saw. “Wren, what was that?”

“It’s just a birthmark.”

“A birthmark.”

“Yeah. Let me get dressed so we can—”

In a very uncharacteristic Lyddie move, she lunges forward and pushes the fabric up.

I freeze, watching the awareness dawn on her face as she examines the bloodmark. The mark that betrays what I really am.

All the color drains from her cheeks. Her hand flies to her mouth.

“Oh my… gosh, ” she gasps, taking a step back. “That’s a bloodmark.”

“Lyddie,” I start, reaching for her, but she flinches as if my touch is going to burn her.

“Oh my gosh. What is happening?”

Gosh. Even in a state of sheer terror, Lyddie can’t not be Lyddie, refusing to utter the word God even when it’s not technically illegal. The General doesn’t want people practicing religion or worshipping a higher being, but he doesn’t give a shit if you say the word. He’s not threatened by a word.

But Lyddie is all about the rules.

“You’re Aberrant?” Her voice trembles with disbelief. “How could you lie to me all this time? Oh my… God !” All her rule-clinging propriety flies out the window as her breathing gets shallow. “How could this…Why…”

My mind scrambles to find a way to make her see I’m not a threat.

“They know,” I blurt out.

She blinks in confusion. “What?”

“They know that I’m Aberrant. Cross and the General.”

“W-what?”

And just like that, an entire story comes flowing out of my mouth like water from a tap. This is the reason Uncle Jim liked having me talk to the soldiers in Hamlett: my ability to improvise. It serves me well now.

“I don’t have the black bands,” I hold out my wrists, “because I’m undercover. They recruited me when I was still in lower school.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying. You’re…You’re Aberrant…”

“I am. But I’ve been loyal to the Company my whole life. My parents still serve the General in Ward Z. Our cattle feeds the Command.”

“Your parents,” she echoes. “I thought your parents were dead.”

“No, it’s all part of my cover. They gave me a fake Aberrant uncle so no one would suspect what I was.”

She stares at me. I can see her vacillating between wanting to trust her best friend Wren and wanting to recoil in terror from the girl with the bloodmark on her thigh.

“What’s your ability?” she asks in a weak voice.

“Telepathy, but I don’t have anyone to use it with. I’m not a double agent, so I don’t really need to interact with others like me. I can read minds, too, but I don’t because I respect everyone’s privacy. And I can heal.”

Her eyes go wider than saucers. “You’re a healer?”

“Yes. That’s why they wanted me in Elite, because I can heal members of the unit on the field.”

Careful.

I’m starting to provide too many details. The best lies are simple. Ordinary. I pull back, relying only on what I’ve already said.

“They know exactly what I am,” I reiterate. “They’ve always known.”

“Why are your burns gone?”

“The General decided it would encourage unity in Elite. It’s supposed to be a show of trust, so that my fellows know they can rely on me to always tell them the truth. Look. Lyds. There is so much more I want to tell you,” I say, imploring her with my gaze, “and I promise you can ask me a thousand more questions, but right now I need you to promise me you’ll keep my cover intact. You can’t tell anyone else about this.”

“Did Kaine know?”

“No. He died before the General instructed me to reveal myself to the captain. Cross hasn’t told the unit yet.”

“Told them what?”

I jerk in surprise at the sound of Ivy’s voice.

She’s standing at my door. The door that Lyddie failed to fully shut.

Holy hellfuck, could this night get any worse?

Jayde Valence’s dead body is lying in a supply room. Cross and Xavier are trying to handle it. Lyddie is gawking at me like she’s never seen me in her life. And now Ivy is here. Cross’s ex-girlfriend who never liked me. We might be friendly now, but we’re still not friends.

Before I can answer, Lyddie does the one thing I just asked her not to do.

“Wren is an Aberrant operative.”

Ivy is so stunned, she has to brace her hand against the doorway for a second. “What?”

I want to slap Lyddie in the face, but I can’t do that when I need her on my side.

“Is that true?” Ivy demands.

I dip my head in a nod. “Only the General and his inner circle know. Cross is briefing the rest of Elite tomorrow. The General decided it would promote cohesion if they knew my real identity.” I bite my lip. “I’m a loyalist. I always have been. I promise you, both of you, I’m not a threat. Tonight I’m going to put on a dress, shake the General’s hand, and thank him profusely for everything he’s done for us, for trusting us to be on the right side of history. Lieutenant Colonel Valence. Ellis. Me. We’re not like the others.”

Lyddie is softening. I can tell.

“We all know the destruction their powers can cause,” I continue. “But I don’t destroy. I heal.”

And make women kill themselves.

But that’s neither here nor there.

I take a step toward Lyddie. Instantly, she shies away in fear.

“Lyds. Come on. If I wanted to hurt you, I had ample opportunities to do it. I don’t want anything to happen to you. All I’m asking is, can you please keep this to yourself? Tomorrow Cross will call a briefing and everything will be out in the open. I’ll tell him I want you there.” I glance at Ivy. “Both of you. You can go through my file page by page if you want.”

“Let’s see it now,” Ivy says coldly.

“I don’t have clearance.” A laugh sputters out. “Nobody in Elite is even in the system. Not officially. Only the captain can access our files. Please. I’m no threat to either one of you tonight. We’re going to a party. That’s all. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.”

I focus on Lyddie, searching her expression for any sign of trust. Even a tiny trace of it.

“You know me, Lyds. You know I’m a good person. Please.”

She hesitates.

“All right,” she finally says.

A gust of relief blasts through me. “We’ll get everything sorted tomorrow,” I assure her. “Just promise you won’t say anything until then.”

She bites her trembling bottom lip. “I won’t.”

When I glance back at the doorway, I find it empty. Ivy is gone.

She left without making the same promise.