Page 5 of Silent Echo

CHAPTER FOUR

A re we ever going to have sex again?” Eli asked after Charlotte rolled away from him.

A knot of dread wound itself in the pit of her stomach.

Since their conversation about Madison last week, she’d been doing her best to be more affectionate, but her desire for sex was nonexistent.

She reluctantly turned toward him. “Those are not exactly words to put me in the mood,” she joked weakly, but she felt guilty when she saw the hurt look on his face.

“I’m sorry. I’m just not myself. I’m trying. ”

He nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry too. It’s just that I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” she answered automatically, although it wasn’t true.

She didn’t know if her desire for him would ever return, but she couldn’t tell him that.

She’d asked her therapist if her marriage would ever recover.

Dr. Morrison told her that if they could ride this storm out, she might find that her marriage would emerge even stronger.

In the meantime, she just had to stall. “Dr. Morrison said the anti-depressants can diminish sex drive too. But I don’t think I should stop the medicine since it’s helping me to function better. ”

He shook his head. “No, no. It’s fine. Your well-being is the most important thing right now.”

“Speaking of my well-being … Remember Patricia from my job?”

“I think so.”

“She started her own marketing company and wants to hire me on a project-by-project basis to do some social media. What do you think?”

His eyes lit up. “Char, I think that’s a great idea. What do you think?”

“As long as it’s not too demanding, I think it might be good for me to have something new to focus on.”

“I think so too.”

“Okay, I’ll call her tomorrow. Night.” She closed her eyes, clutching the pillow to her chest, and tried to empty her mind.

Since she’d weaned herself from the sleeping pills, her nights had become restless.

Calming thoughts, she reminded herself, but her brain didn’t listen.

Unbidden, the image came again. The one her mind had made up of the bus careening off the bridge into the icy waters of the Chesapeake Bay.

She imagined the screams and looks of terror on the children’s faces and then her sweet Sebastion, sinking, sinking until he was beyond rescue.

Her heart was hammering in her chest, and she jumped up from the bed.

“You okay?” Eli mumbled, half asleep.

“Yeah,” she lied. “Just can’t sleep. Going to read in the other room for a bit.”

She grabbed her robe from the back of the bathroom door and slipped from the room.

Her breath came in uneven gasps as she ran into the living room and sat down.

Putting her head between her knees, she practiced the breathing technique Dr. Morrison had taught her until her breath returned to normal.

Would this torment ever end? She flipped the television on and pulled a blanket over her shivering body.

She forced herself to focus on the movie she’d seen many times before until, finally, her lids became heavy, and she surrendered to the blessed escape of sleep.

A gentle nudge on her shoulder made her open her eyes. Sunlight streamed into the room.

“Rough night?” Eli asked, a look of concern on his face.

She sat up and rubbed her eyes. “Didn’t mean to sleep here. Guess I dozed off.”

“I made a pot of coffee. I’ll take Harper this morning. She’s already in the car. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Thanks.” She got up, walked into the kitchen, and poured herself a cup.

Eli leaned down to kiss her. “Have a good day. Let me know how it goes with Patricia.”

She nodded. Before she lost her nerve, she went into the bedroom, got her phone, and fired off a text to Patricia to let her know she was interested. Not five minutes later, her phone rang.

“Well, that was fast,” she said, laughing.

“You made my day,” Patricia answered. “I’ve been on pins and needles, hoping you’d say yes.”

“Don’t get too excited. I’m dipping my toe back in. I’m not ready to go full throttle.”

“I know, sweetie. How are you? Really?”

Charlotte sighed. “Shitty. But less shitty than I was two months ago.”

“I guess that’s something. I won’t try to pretend to understand. I know it’s something you never get over. I just want you to know that I’m always here for you if you want to talk about Sebastion.”

Hearing his name was so refreshing. Everyone tiptoed around it.

As if by not mentioning his name, Charlotte could forget the pain.

But they didn’t understand that she didn’t want to forget.

It was like losing him all over again. She wanted to talk about him, to remember him and the joy he’d brought to her life.

“Thank you. You’re right. I’ll never get over it, but I’m trying to regain some semblance of a life. At least for Harper’s sake.”

“For your sake too, honey. You deserve it.”

But that was just it. She didn’t deserve it, and no one would ever convince her that she did.

She didn’t want to hear worthless platitudes about how she should handle her grief.

But at least Patricia was trying. “I tried to pack up his room yesterday. I couldn’t do it.

My therapist is pushing me, but it seems disloyal. Like I’m trying to forget him.”

“You go at your own pace. I don’t care what your therapist says. You’ll know when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that. Okay, enough about me. Tell me about this project.”

Patricia filled her in on the client she’d be working with.

“They do custom book merch. They’ve been on Facebook, and I want them on Instagram too.

You know, lots of authors there. You’ve got tons of experience with both, and they have a decent Facebook following, so they want to keep doing some ads and giveaways there.

I’d also like you to create reels and grow their following on Insta. I’ll set up a Zoom to introduce you.”

“Sure, that sounds fine. I’ll check out their website and current stats and develop a proposal. What’s their budget?”

“Decent. I’ll email all the details and send over some times for the Zoom. Sound good?”

“Yep. Thanks.”

Charlotte felt a tiny spark of excitement.

She was looking forward to the research and analytics that came with a project like this.

After pouring another cup of coffee, she went to the room that used to be her home office.

Everything looked the same. The only reason it wasn’t dust-covered was thanks to Enid, who came twice a week to clean the house.

She opened the laptop and plugged in the charger.

This was good. Exactly what she needed. She returned to the bedroom to shower and get dressed.

She might even have a little breakfast before she got started.