Page 62 of Show Me 1

“Uh-huh, and if we’d left him alone, about three minutes hence he’d have been spewing all over the crowd.”

“Yeah, yeah. Maybe so.” Matt cast another glance at Joel as he pitifully gulped air. “I’ll sit with him for a little while.”

I left him there and headed toward my room, where I found Jesse smoothing over the sheets on the bed. He’d placed a trash bin near the bedside table.

“I wasn’t sure if he’d sleep on the floor or the bed.”

“I’ll probably let him have the bed.” I offered a grateful smile that faltered when Jesse opened his mouth and promptly snapped it shut again. Had he been about to…? No, that was crazy. It was ridiculous for me to think he’d been about to offer me space in his bed. Especially when his brother was here, too. “My mom’s going to be so pissed at me.”

“Aww, nah, he should be all right tomorrow. He’s not comatose.” Jesse leaned against the doorframe. “There’s a secret stash of electrolyte powders in an old spaghetti box in the pantry. Ansel hid them after Nate kept stealing them. He thinks no one knows about them. One tonight and one tomorrow and I’ll bet he’s fine. I should’ve grabbed them while I was down earlier. I’ll go—”

“I’ll grab them in a sec. Don’t worry about it.” I dropped a pillow on top of the mattress and sat down on the edge. “About earlier on the roof. You’re not…”

Jesse waved a hand. “Oh yeah, no, that was fine. Don’t even worry about it.”

“That wasn’t what I was going to say. But okay.” I frowned.

“Oh shit, I insulted you.” Jesse smacked his forehead. “Fuck. No. Wait. Back up. I didn’t mean to insult you. I just meant I didn’t have any expectations out of it.”

I mustered a thin smile. “I get it. I promise. I just thought you should know that I liked kissing you. And the other stuff that happened…I liked that, too. That’s all. Doesn’t have to be anything more or less than that.”

“I know. I’m trying not to swoon over it.”

“Do you swoon?”

“Oh yeah. Freshman year a guy could’ve told me a bird shit on my head and I’d have swooned that he’d gone to the trouble to tell me. Nowadays it takes a little more.” He cut me a coy sidelong look. “Like a guy telling me I’ve got a pretty pucker.”

“I’ve never said the word ‘pucker.’ I wouldn’t say that.”

“I know. But you could. I’d be into it.” His grin faded. “The thing is, I already know this story. This is what I do. I get a crush. I dive into something headlong. I don’t think about what’s right for me. I don’t think at all. I don’t come up for air, and then all of the sudden I’m thirty feet deep, alone with no air.” He cocked his head. “That’s pretty dark. Let me rephrase in a much less poetic fashion: I let myself get too attached too fast and then am heartbroken when the other person with a heart that functions at normal human speed decides that I’m not a good match for them and they want to move on.”

“How long does that usually take?”

“A few days.” He chuckled when I turned a concerned look on him. “I’m kidding, but still faster than the average human. Reid and I were confessing love after two days. I pop crushes like a fourteen-year-old dude pops boners. So I just have a little bit of trouble trusting my instincts sometimes.” He met my eyes. “Even if certain things seem…really nice.”

“You don’t want to get hurt.”

“I don’t want to get hurt.”

“You don’t want to jinx it.”

“I really don’t want to jinx it.” He nodded, his voice quiet. “So maybe we could just keep on doing exactly what we’re doing for a while without trying to…to define it.”

I didn’t understand it. Not fully, but I understood that the fear was real to him, and I understood not wanting to get hurt. I didn’t want to get hurt either. “Okay. No jinxing, then.”

Jesse stared at me for a long moment and then nodded before pushing off the doorframe as Matt guided Joel into my room.

Shortly after I turned out the light, my phone buzzed. My brother was already snoring on the floor at the foot of my bed. I opened the message, a grin forming the second I saw theJin his name.

Jesse:I liked it, too. I mean, for the record.

Sam:Was also gonna tell you you’re a really good kisser but then figured you’d get all cocky about it.

Jesse:So what if I did?

Sam:Well then I would’ve wanted to kiss you again right there next to the trashcan Joel is currently hugging like a teddy bear and you were too busy silently freaking out.

Jesse:I wasn’t freaking out. I was just…digesting.