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Chapter seventeen

Luca

“ I can’t, Luca, I really can’t,” she sobs.

“You can’t what , Cici? You’ve got to tell me what’s going on here,” I beg.

“Everything is too hard,” she cries. “It all hurts. My body aches, and I want to be with her, but every time she cries, I just want to strangle her, and it’s not right, Luca! This isn’t how this was supposed to be. I was supposed to have her and love her unconditionally and give her anything she needs, but I’m just not good enough.”

Believe me, I feel similarly.

My heart thuds violently against my ribs. My mind is catching on to a few specific words that send a chill of fear racing through me. “Cici,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “Have you ever thought of ending your life?”

She freezes in my arms before the floodgates open even wider. She shakes against me as I fight to hold her still.

“Yes,” she whispers when several minutes have passed, and her body lies limply against mine.

I run my hand over the crown of her head, stroking her silky strands in an attempt to comfort her. “I need you to get help,” I whisper, my throat raw from repressed tears. “ Gia needs you to get help, okay? I’ll take care of her full-time while you get what you need, and you can see her as often as you want until you’re cleared by a psychiatrist, and then we can co-parent.” I hope the confidence in my words can somehow give her the strength she needs to seek help, but I pulled that plan out of my ass and have no idea what I’m doing either. “We can both be the parents that she needs us to be, but I need you to work with me here.”

“Okay,” she answers quietly a moment later, finally pulling away from my chest to look me in the eyes. “Thank you, Luca,” she adds, and it cracks my heart wide open.