Page 15

“Have you ever gone swimming off your dock?”

Nora frowns, adjusting her sunglasses and slipping a bookmark between the pages she’d been reading. Dani has been sleeping over more and more lately—mostly because Nora is getting more and more reticent to not wake up next to her—and they’re at the tail end of a four-day stay.

Dani is lying in a lounge chair in the sun, one foot sticking out so that she can wedge it under Nora’s back where she sits in the shade of her deck umbrella. It’s sweet how Dani always seems to find a way to touch her when they aren’t directly sitting together, even if it’s only with a foot. She’s probably going to have a hilarious tan line by the end of the day.

Nora should probably think a little bit harder about how easy it is just existing with Dani nearby, sitting in companionable quiet while they each do their own activities. It’s something she’s never really had before, even with Kayla and Ash. She’s always lived alone. Worked alone. Now she’s dividing her attention between a book about forest management and Dani’s glowing skin, and it’s perfectly comfortable.

“No. I’ve never thought about it,” Nora says.

“Do you want to?”

Nora blinks, looking out at the slab of wood that juts into the water near the boathouse. She’s never really been down there—she gets enough fresh air and sun up here on the deck. The water does look tempting—cool and clear blue in the heat of the late afternoon. “Sure, it’d be nice to do it sometime.”

“Then we should,” Dani says decisively.

“Right now?”

“Yeah! You should get the things you want. Let’s have a beach day.”

“There’s no beach,” Nora points out, gesturing at the rocky shoreline. “And you don’t have a bathing suit.”

Dani is already standing, heading inside the house, and Nora follows somewhat perplexedly. Dani ducks into the hallway, her bare feet padding on the hardwood. Before she disappears, Nora sees that she does, in fact, have a funny tan line on her right leg from having one foot in the shade.

“You have a private dock! Nobody else lives out here,” Dani says. Nora pokes her head around the corner to see Dani rummaging through the closet next to the washroom. She emerges with two fluffy, red towels and tosses one over. “Come on!”

Nora doesn’t have time to so much as change into her own suit before Dani is taking her hand and leading her back onto the deck, heading down the stairs that lead to a dock Nora has never set foot on.

The wood planks creak when Dani waltzes onto them, and Nora is reminded ominously of the rickety tree house, but it seems to hold. Dani lays the towels down, but doesn’t sit.

“You’re going to get your clothes wet—oh, and you’re already stripping,” Nora says, her voice going high and a little squeaky as Dani pulls her shirt up and over her head. “Okay!”

Dani’s shorts follow suit. Rather than jumping into the water when she’s stripped to her underwear, like Nora expects her to, Dani reaches behind her back and starts to fiddle with the clasp of her bra.

“Dani!” Nora hisses, picking up the discarded shirt and throwing it at Dani’s torso, as if that will cover up the sudden nudity. “We’re in public!”

Dani laughs, shrugging off the T-shirt projectile and slipping her bra down her arms. It lands on one of the towels, and in short order, Dani is standing on Nora’s dock with the sun warming her bare chest.

Nora’s train of thought takes a steep dive into the river.

“It’s a private dock. The only other houses on this side of the bay are either too far away to notice or can’t see me through the trees,” Dani says.

Nora, distracted entirely by Dani’s shirtlessness, nods mutely.

Frowning in the face of Nora’s sudden silence, Dani gently takes Nora’s hands. “You know you can say no, right?”

Nora bites her lip. She knows that Dani doesn’t expect it from her—what Nora is being tripped up by is the fact that she actually wants to say yes.

“I don’t mean to be pushy. I get excited about things sometimes. But if you’re not comfortable with something, I want you to be okay with saying so,” Dani says. “I’m gonna put my shirt back on, okay?”

“No, wait,” Nora says quickly, grabbing Dani’s arm before she can stoop to pick up her clothes. “No, I—I can’t say I object to seeing you naked. I’m just not used to the nudity being so…public.”

“So, are you objecting to the public nudity?” Dani asks.

It would be easy, Nora knows, to call this whole thing off. If she asked, Dani would put her clothes back on, go inside, and take them off again in a more socially acceptable place.

But Nora is here to relax, isn’t she? Skinny-dipping is normal. One of those normal, exciting teenage experiences she never got, busy as she was with graduating early and pleasing her father. It’s something Dani wants to share with her. Why shouldn’t she partake?

“No. Keep going.”

Dani’s concern turns into a grin, and with a flourish, she slips out of her turquoise boxer briefs. And then she’s naked. On Nora’s dock. In broad daylight.

With an air of confidence she doesn’t quite feel, Nora strips, too, letting Dani pull her close and press their bodies together once the last piece of clothing falls. She feels less exposed this way, with Dani’s body covering most of her intimate areas. And it’s not like she’s going to complain about feeling Dani’s skin against hers.

Dani dips her head, and Nora tips her chin up, expecting a kiss.

“Ready?” Dani says, her breath warm and sweet on Nora’s lips.

“For what?” Nora whispers. Her eyes drift closed.

That’s when Dani picks Nora up, pivots, and jumps into the water.

It isn’t quite as shockingly cold as Nora feared. They’re still in the shallows, with Dani holding her to make sure she lands safely and that her feet can touch the ground. But it’s still a shock against Nora’s hot skin. She immediately shoves Dani away when they surface.

“You ass ,” Nora sputters, wiping the wet tangle of dark hair away from her face. “You could have warned me!”

But Dani is laughing so hard, her head thrown back and her hair drifting around her like a halo as she floats, cackling her delight to the sky. Nora can’t stay irritated for long.

It’s very freeing to float in the cool water with no barriers. No fabric weighing her down. Just the current against her skin. Dani stays close by, anchoring her to the earth, and when Nora eventually abandons the floating for greener pastures—climbing Dani and letting the water lap at their shoulders as they kiss leisurely—it’s the softest, most unhurried embrace they’ve ever shared.

Eventually Dani’s hands wander over Nora’s hips, squeezing with slightly more intent, and Nora pulls away from the kiss to poke her firmly in the chest.

“We’re outdoors.”

“Are we?” Dani murmurs, nibbling at Nora’s ear now that she’s been denied her lips.

Nora swallows the small moan that almost slips free as Dani’s teeth scrape at the sensitive skin, her short nails digging into Dani’s shoulders. “Skinny-dipping is one thing, but full-on exhibitionism is another.”

“That’s fair. Having sex outside is a rite of passage here, though,” Dani says with no trace of exaggeration in her voice.

Nora makes a noise somewhere between a laugh and a scoff, pulling back until Dani ceases with her distracting kisses and looks her in the face. “You’re kidding, right?”

“My first time was outside.”

Nora blinks.

“You lost your virginity in the woods?” Nora is unsure whether to laugh or be concerned.

“In the dugout at the baseball field, actually,” Dani elaborates, chuckling at Nora’s aghast expression. “It was after dark. But we can go in the house, if you’d rather. Like I said, I’m good either way, babe.”

Dani seems unbothered by the sudden use of a pet name, but it makes Nora’s heart stutter.

Dani has never called her babe . She’s never called Nora anything besides her shortened name, and something about it softens the anxiety and makes Nora feel a little braver. More adventurous.

With a glance around at the empty woods and quiet water, Nora does what Dani has been giving her the freedom to do ever since they started up this arrangement—she gives in to desire.

“Not in the water,” Nora says quickly. “It’s unsanitary.”

With a grin, Dani lifts Nora out of the river and onto the dock, pulling herself up after. Nora tries and likely fails not to fawn too obviously over the clear, easy strength that Dani shows without even thinking.

“Better?” Dani asks, slowly crawling until she’s hovering over Nora’s body. They press together from thigh to chest, Dani nuzzling into her neck and starting to drift open-mouthed kisses over the sensitive skin.

Nora nods, succumbing to the choice she knows she’ll always make.

Nora’s toes curl into the towels when Dani presses three fingers inside her, the scratch of the wood underneath the fabric grounding her when it feels like her body is on fire. The heat of Dani’s skin, the inferno in Nora’s belly, the sun beating down—it’s all enough to make Nora lose herself. She’s a blazing star. A supernova just waiting to explode.

All other sounds are blotted out by her own whimpers, by Dani’s heavy breathing and whispered encouragement: the wind in the trees, the birds chirping, the gentle lapping of the water against the dock. Anything beyond their bodies is muted. Unimportant.

When Nora gains enough cognizance to raise her thigh up and into Dani’s path, it stokes the flame. Dani groans, bearing down on it with a pleased shudder before she pulls away and refocuses on the rhythm of her own hand.

It’s as if she won’t allow herself pleasure without giving it to Nora first. It’s a quirk Nora has noticed since their first time together, part and parcel with Dani’s general denial of her own needs. Dani hasn’t been opposed to being touched, by any means. She actually seems to deeply crave it, but she usually needs to be encouraged.

Nora slips her hand up to do just that. Her fingers are enveloped in wet heat, and this time Nora slips downward instead of up, just enough for her fingertips to sink inside—and Dani tenses.

Nora is nothing if not a fast learner. In all their days and nights together, she’s been taking notes. She’s learned that Dani likes hard pressure on her clit, and quick movements. Up until now, she hasn’t asked for anything else. Clearly that’s intentional.

Nora retracts her fingers, and Dani relaxes again. It makes Nora more curious than ever about what makes Dani tick. Dani’s body and its needs are so unlike Nora’s own, and she wants to learn each and every one of the differences until she can etch it into her mind like a schematic.

“Grind on me?” Nora gasps, clutching at Dani’s hip and pulling her down onto her thigh again. This, she knows, Dani likes. She feels the quick of Dani parting against her, her slick heat and textured hair, and this time Dani bucks down eagerly and nods.

The noise of pure, concentrated desire that Dani makes as she paints the length of Nora’s thigh with wetness is almost enough to make Nora come on the spot.

It has a similar effect on Dani, too, Nora is gratified to notice: she’s bearing down with more and more intent, rubbing herself unabashedly, and it makes the fingers currently inside Nora move faster and harder than before.

It’s a completely new sensory experience, doing this outside. Dani’s wet hair drapes between them, creating a curtain that smells like fresh air and lake water. Through the gaps, Nora can see Dani’s arm flexing; light stretch marks paint the skin on the underside of her bicep, stretched taut with the effort of holding herself above Nora. Inexplicably, Nora wants to bite them. Leave a mark of her own.

She can feel the edge just within her grasp. Dani is close, too, her cries breathy and vulnerable as Nora keeps her thigh as a hard surface for her to press against. And then Nora arches up—she’s close , so absolutely frantic, and she just needs that little bit more—

It comes with a rustling noise in the woods to their left. The sound of a snapping twig and shifting leaves breaks through the noise. Unbidden, a thought torpedoes into Nora’s mind.

Someone is going to see her like this.

She has a brief vision of what this must look like: the two of them naked and tangled together in broad daylight, Nora clinging to Dani like she’s the only anchor left in the world and moaning unabashedly while Dani gets herself off on Nora’s thigh, oblivious.

As Nora imagines some stranger getting a glimpse of their moment, seeing their utter desperation for each other, something inside her releases.

“Fuck,” Nora chokes out. Something tells her that Dani needs to hear more than her usual wordless moans. She can hardly get the words out, her brain ceasing normal functioning as she comes hard on Dani’s hand, but her ineloquence only seems to make it hotter. “God, yes, fuck —”

As she’d hoped, Dani falls apart not long after. It makes Nora pulse all the harder around Dani’s fingers when she realizes that she can feel Dani twitching against her thigh. They stay like that—tightly intertwined, dripping water onto the towels—as their bodies cool down in the breeze.

The rustling turns out to be a rabbit, which darts off into the woods after revealing its position. Nora chuckles at the unintended symbolism.

“Wow,” Dani finally murmurs, withdrawing her face from Nora’s neck and shifting down enough to lay her head on Nora’s chest instead. She withdraws her fingers, too, splaying them still wet over the soft swell of Nora’s stomach. “Sometimes I can’t believe how you make me feel.”

The comment is exclusively sexual. Yet the way Dani says it still causes an eruption of fluttering in Nora’s belly that feels suspiciously like butterflies. “Are you not used to people trying to return the favour?” Nora asks.

“Not really,” Dani says absently, as if that isn’t the saddest statement Nora has ever heard.

Instead of elaborating, Dani reaches for Nora’s hand, spreading the fingers wide. She starts to draw her rough fingertips over the creases of Nora’s palm, tracing every line and following them down to Nora’s wrist and then her forearm, cataloguing the smattering of moles and freckles as if making a star map.

“What are you doing?” Nora asks quietly, afraid that speaking too loudly will break this strange moment they’ve built.

“Making sure I don’t forget.”

The butterflies make themselves more loudly known.

She’s noticed Dani doing this a few times, running gentle hands over Nora’s body, slow and methodical, with a look of intense focus. She’d never put much thought into why. Knowing that Dani is memorizing her, logging the details of her body away for the inevitable time after they part, is information Nora doesn’t know what to do with. It makes her chest ache.

“What’s your life like back home?” Dani murmurs.

A burst of terror seizes Nora, obliterating the softer feelings she’s been basking in. The last thing she wants to do is let her real life infiltrate this happy bubble she’s so carefully constructed.

“I don’t have much of a life back home,” Nora says. It’s not a lie, but it carries the guilt of one. Dani shifts to tangle their legs together more closely.

“Sure you do. I’ve known you for months now, and I still don’t even know the names of these friends who told you to vacation here.”

“Kayla and Ash,” Nora says, seizing gratefully on the slightly less personal topic. “Kayla and I went to private school together, and Ash and I met in college. They’re my only friends. At least, before I came here.”

Nora can feel Dani’s smile against her chest.

“What are they like?”

“They’re…a lot.” Nora laughs quietly. “Kayla sort of adopted me when we were kids. I was like her pet introvert. We’re total opposites in so many ways, but she’s my oldest friend.”

“And Ash?”

“We got each other through university. He saw what was happening with my father, during the whole…roommate debacle.”

“Your first love?” Dani asks, tracing a slow spiral over the bare curve of Nora’s breast.

Nora clears her throat, sidestepping the question. “Ash offered a mutually beneficial arrangement. It worked for us for a long time. And it turned out that he and Kayla get along like a house on fire.”

Nora can feel the muscles of Dani’s face shift into a frown. “Are you saying Ash was your beard?”

“And I was his. Are you judging?”

“Not at all. I’m glad you could help each other,” Dani says, chuckling quietly. “I guess it’s just funny. I’ve never met anyone who actually did that.”

“Not all of us came out at age fifteen,” Nora drawls.

“You got me there.”

“They’re pushy. Interfering. Catty, sometimes,” Nora continues, smiling even so. “But they’ve stuck with me. They’re the most loyal people I’ve ever known. For some reason, they care about me.”

“You’re easy to care about.”

Nora scoffs. “Try telling that to my father.”

“I would if I met him,” Dani says grumpily. “I’d tell him twice.”

“As much as I would love to see that,” Nora says, clearing her throat, “you can’t. He died a few years ago.”

Dani’s hand stills. She lays it flat against Nora’s chest.

“It’s fine; we weren’t close,” Nora says quickly.

“Does it bother you when I insult him?”

Nora laughs again, more freely this time. “No. I might even say my life is better without him. But I inherited a lot of responsibility.”

“What about your mom?”

“Is this really the best subject to be discussing right now?” Nora asks, her laughter turning nervous.

Dani props herself up on an elbow, looking down at Nora with a curious expression. “It’s pillow talk.”

“I don’t see any pillows here,” Nora mutters.

Dani doesn’t say anything else, but there’s a quietness in her expression that softens the anxiety.

“I don’t—” Nora starts, shifting under Dani and wishing there was a way to fidget that wouldn’t be too obvious. “My family isn’t a pleasant subject.” She feels exposed by Dani’s attention, and not just because she’s naked in broad daylight and probably glowing pale in the sun.

Dani nods softly, shifting so that she can tangle their fingers. She raises their joint palms to her lips and presses a kiss to the back of Nora’s hand. “Would it help if I talked about my family?”

Nora, happy to take any out she’s being given, nods quickly.

“We don’t have to talk at all,” Dani offers, her voice gentling in response to Nora’s clear skittishness. “We can just lie here together.”

But, despite her initial panic, Nora does want to know more about Dani. She wants to read Dani’s life like a textbook, dive into her and suss out what shaped her into the person she is. “I can talk. I will. You first, though?”

Dani’s thumb rubs absently over Nora’s. “You know Sarah already. She and Aunt Carol are… They’re amazing. They’ve always taken care of me.”

The sensation of warm skin on warm skin is starting to lull Nora back into relaxation. “It’s clear how much you love them.”

“Yeah. I still miss my parents all the time, but Carol has been there for all the big things.”

Nora nods, running her fingers through Dani’s wet hair, but she freezes when Dani asks a very logical next question.

“Were you close with your mother?” Dani says, her eyes drifting closed as Nora’s nails scratch at her scalp. It’s clear that it’s something Dani doesn’t consider a big deal, but to Nora, the question has the potential to reveal truths about her childhood that she doesn’t dredge up for just anyone.

“I don’t remember,” Nora says finally, so quietly that it’s almost inaudible.

Dani’s brow furrows. She opens her eyes, peering up at Nora in obvious confusion.

“She died when I was very young.” Nora swallows thickly. She’s put these thoughts aside for a long time, and now, with just the gentlest of encouragement from Dani, they’re all spilling out. “I don’t really know much about her. My father didn’t like to talk about it. I don’t even think I have a picture of her.”

“Oh,” Dani says softly, putting her warm hand over Nora’s now-still fingers. “I’m so sorry, Nora.”

It’s said not with pity but with kindness. With sympathy and understanding. It brings a kind of relief that Nora has never really felt before, knowing that she won’t be judged—that even though Dani doesn’t have the exact same experience, she can relate. Dani isn’t saying she’s sorry to assuage her own discomfort. She’s saying it because she’s genuinely sad for Nora’s loss.

The way Dani looks at her with such simple, warm compassion loosens something Nora’s long kept tightly wound.

“My mom and I were pretty close,” Dani says, gently leading the conversation elsewhere. She settles back down onto Nora’s chest. “My dad worked a lot.”

“And your brother?”

Now it’s Dani’s turn to tense. Her back stiffens under Nora’s hands, but when Nora gives her time to collect herself, she takes a big, slow breath and her muscles ease. “Not anymore. He almost ended up with custody of me, but everyone figured Aunt Carol was the better choice.”

The term ended up with is very telling, but Nora doesn’t want to interrupt Dani’s train of thought to say so.

“He was too young,” Dani says, tracing an abstract line of dark moles down Nora’s ribs. It sounds more like she’s justifying it to herself than explaining it to Nora. “Trying to raise me would have been too complicated.”

Nora gives in to her impulse to kiss the top of Dani’s head. “Would you have preferred to live with him?”

“At the time, I wanted to. I was probably better off with Carol and Sarah, but…it didn’t really matter. I didn’t have much choice.”

Dani sounds so heartbreakingly sad that, for a moment, Nora wonders how difficult it would be to send someone to Toronto to drag this Garreth to Riverwalk by his ear.

“Have you ever thought about getting in touch with him again?” Nora prompts, aware that this moment of openness won’t last forever. “Getting some closure?”

Dani’s gaze is distant as she looks out sideways at the treeline on the horizon. “I’d just get in the way of his life. He’s happy, I think. I don’t want to bring up stuff he’d rather forget.”

“You mean his mistakes? Why are his feelings more important than yours?”

Dani doesn’t answer, but a deep furrow appears in her brow.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to push you,” Nora says quickly.

“No, you’re right. Ever since he left, I worry that I’m losing them,” Dani whispers against Nora’s skin, as if she’s sharing a deep secret that she can’t trust to the open air. “My parents. That if I don’t keep talking about them with someone, they’ll disappear forever like they never existed. I’ll lose that part of myself.”

The fear in Dani’s voice strikes a chord in Nora. She can remember feeling it, too when her mother passed, but soon enough that instinct was overpowered by pure survival in a house where every facial expression was scrutinized by the series of strange women her father tried to slot into the role of mother. The few details she could hold onto had gradually gotten blurrier until they’d disappeared entirely.

“You can talk about them to me,” Nora replies softly. “I can tell you from experience that it’s…surprisingly easy for things to slip away.”

Dani’s hand moves to anchor at Nora’s hip. She grips it like it’s her tether to the earth. “Do you remember anything about her at all?”

Nora’s usual answer is a simple no. She doesn’t like thinking about the past when she can look to the future instead. But lying here with Dani, staring up at the wide blue sky, Nora tries to remember.

“She had dark hair,” Nora says finally. A fuzzy memory swims in her mind, half formed. “And eyes like mine. My father always said we looked alike.” Dani’s hand shifts a little, a thumb rubbing at Nora’s hip bone, and it settles her. “I think that bothered him. Whenever I try to remember more, it’s just…shadows. Moments.”

“Like?” Dani asks. Her hand spreads out, moving from Nora’s hip to splay out against her sternum. The weight of it somehow makes it easier to speak.

Nora takes a breath, trying to conjure one of the hazy flashes she can recall. “I remember a vacation house. I don’t know where. Somewhere on the coast, I think? And I don’t remember my father being there.”

Nora puts a hand over Dani’s to keep it in place. The more she talks, the more solid the memory becomes. Rustic stone walls and a warm kitchen. A dark-haired woman kneading dough. A feeling of safety.

“It rained a lot,” Nora says; it’s almost a whisper. “I remember sitting at a big red table and my mother making bread.”

Dani hums. “That sounds nice.”

“It’d be nicer if I could remember her face.”

“Did the bread taste good?”

It takes a moment to process the question, but Dani’s question blasts away the dark tendrils that were starting to curl around Nora’s mood.

“Yes,” Nora says, the memory of warm bread and sweet marmalade getting sharper like a camera lens struggling to find focus. A loving hand on her back, and a crackling record player. “I think it did.”

Dani nods, as if that fact is incredibly important to her.

A hot, prickling sensation tingles behind Nora’s eyes, and she clears her throat and sits up before it can get out of hand. It dislodges Dani from her place on Nora’s chest, and she rolls off with a cute disgruntled noise. Nora grabs the towel she’d been lying on, draping it over her shoulders. “We should probably go inside before I get sunburnt in places I’d rather not mention.”

Nora does get sunburned, but Dani takes special care to rub aloe on her tender skin every hour in apology.