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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

emma

L ogan gaped at me as though he’d never had anyone in his life refuse his command, his blue eyes made brighter by the flush of fury in his face. He circled the study, pacing—no, prowling , as though he was a predator, and I was his prey. A shiver tripped down my spine. He’d gone feral.

Nervously, I licked my lips. What if he attacked me?

What if he demanded fulfillment on the open-ended need between us?

Would I even be able to refuse him? Right here, right now, I wasn’t sure I could.

Fantasies of him pressing me against the wall and burying his face in my neck warred against my good sense.

Everything had gone wrong, and this moment turned dangerous. Everything about him illuminated desires in me. I wanted to beg for him to kiss me, take me, to make it all better.

But weakness wasn’t an option, so I glared in return, saying nothing, not backing down, and not moving from my spot on the threshold. Being his prey wasn’t what I wanted. Not like this. He had no right to command me, and I wasn’t willingly giving in.

Finally, he blinked, stopped behind his desk once more, and shoved his hand through his dark hair, making it stick out in all directions. He had a successful business. Clearly, he knew how to employ self-control when it suited him.

“Sit down, Emma.”

“No.”

“I told you to sit down,” he said, his expression dark, his voice menacing.

“What the hell is your problem?” I threw my arms up and let them fall, my voice so loud Jasper could probably hear it from his new spot, seated in the driveway. “Is there nobody in this pack who tells you when you’re being a complete and utter ass?”

“That’s not how pack life works,” he growled.

“No wonder you’re such a fit-throwing asshole.

Do you actually believe you can command me?

That I’ll let you command me?” I crossed my arms. “That’s unacceptable.

If you’re going to teach me anything, you will teach me as an adult with autonomy.

I can refuse anything and do as I like. That’s the deal. ”

His lips peeled back from his teeth, and his chest rose and fell for long moments before he spoke. “ Please take a seat, if you please , Emma.”

I snorted but did not sit. “Try again.”

The muscles in his jaw flexed and released as he seethed so hard I could almost smell it. That was when it hit me. I probably could smell it, being that most animals innately detected changes in mood and hormones. My olfactory ability was probably better than it had ever been before.

“What do you want me to say?” he snapped.

“Ask me nicely.” I spied my car keys on his desk, easily within reach, but I didn’t grab them.

Logan cursed, threw his hands up in the air, and spun toward the closest window. He stared out of it without speaking. The silence in the study stretched, charged with everything I wanted to say and everything he wanted to say.

My phone buzzed against my thigh, and I retrieved it from my pocket, glad for the distraction while Logan sulked across from me. Voicemail.

I guessed my ass didn’t get cell reception good enough for it to ring through, and I’d pretty much been sitting on my cell phone since I’d sat down at the table to eat until I followed the cranky alpha into his office. I hit the speaker phone button and played the recording.

My mother’s shaky voice came over the speakerphone. “Emma, I tried to stop by, but you’re not home. It’s late, and you should be home. If I don’t hear from you, I’m going to call the sheriff.” The message ended.

“Next message,” the automated voicemail recording said.

“Hey, Emma. This is Sheila. Sully-Boy got out again. Callie is beside herself, and we’re looking for him, but I wanted to give you a heads up in case we have an emergency. Sorry to interrupt your weekend. I’ll let you know when we find him.”

“End of new messages.”

I tucked my phone back in my pocket, and the floor creaked beneath my feet as I took several steps toward his desk. “I’m going home.”

He raised his hands, almost pointing at me. “You should sleep first. Wait and decide your next steps in the morning.”

I waved him off to stop any other argument. “No, I’m going home. It’ll be hard enough to explain my abnormal behavior to my family back home.”

“Abnormal?”

“I’m always home by noon on Sunday, and I’m dependable so my mother doesn’t worry. If I’m not, I call. I didn’t call, and I didn’t show. That’s beyond abnormal for me. You have no idea how much I owe her.”

Everything .

He grunted but added nothing else.

“I love my life in Willow Creek,” I continued, “and my practice has been the most important goal in my life for the last decade.” My gaze met Logan’s over the copies of the prophecies Dr. Wise had left behind.

“Mom won’t stop until I’m home, and I don’t think I want to stay.

You’ve got some things to figure out, and so do I. ”

At that, every drop of fight went out of him, and his shoulders drooped. He sighed. “It’s a risk.”

My keys jangled as I swiped them from Logan’s desk. “Risk is inherent in living. Every part of my life is a risk—running my own practice, camping on my own, now this…” I glanced around the room. “Why should this day be any different than any other day?”

Fifteen minutes later, I was in my car and headed back to Willow Creek. Logan hadn’t escorted me out, and Jasper hadn’t been anywhere in the driveway. I left alone, and I had to admit the dismissal stung.

Maybe I wanted Logan to come after me, confess he couldn’t live without me, and drag me back to his room to fuck my brains out.

But that wasn’t real life.

I should have been elated that my wishes were respected, and I was being completely irrational.

I tapped the screen in my car as I pulled to stop at the end of the long driveway off the pack’s property, selecting Mom from the contacts.

A handful of big black birds flew from the trees as the gate on the entrance swung open.

The phone rang through my car’s system, and Mom picked up on the first ring.

“Emma, where have you been?” she demanded breathlessly. “They wouldn’t let me report you missing since you’re an adult. What if you’d been attacked?”

“I’m fine,” I said, biting back everything I wanted to say.

“But where have you been?”

“Enjoying my days off camping. If you’d wanted to know where I was, you can track my phone.”

“You know I don’t remember how to do that, Emma.” She sounded close to tears. “You know I worry.”

“How ‘bout I come by and see you on my way back home. Okay? ”

“You don’t have anything else to say for yourself?”

“I just needed some time,” I said. Guilt rolled through me. It was all I could say, and it wasn’t a lie.

She didn’t answer for a long time, and my mind churned as she fought her desire to demand more information.

I’d been the whole of her focus since Dad had passed, and normally, I didn’t mind.

She wanted more, but I couldn’t give her anything else, and it ate at me as surely as the reality of what had happened to me.

How the heck was I a shifter? A mountain lion attack had turned me into a member of a secret world I didn’t feel capable of handling. Figuring out what had happened to me and establishing my memories weren’t a nightmare were necessary to me.

This time, though, I had no choice but to leave her in the dark.

Shifting wasn’t something I wanted. It had been forced on me by genetics and a mountain lion attack.

Until I decided what I was going to do, I couldn’t tell her anything that might put her in danger.

What if I joined up with the shifters and became their prophesied whatever…

Finally, she sucked in a breath before speaking. “Okay, sweetie. Do you want me to make anything?”

“I’ll pick something up. No need to cook.”

“Okay. See you soon.”

The return to Willow Creek was as boring as it was soothing. It felt like I was exiting a dream world that I’d stumbled into by accident. No, it was more like being assaulted by the new reality and forced into it .

Guess what! You’re a shifter whether you like it or not. We’ll have your room and food assignments shortly.

At least Olivia hadn’t once pushed me about staying. She didn’t like it, but her opinion had nothing to do with my choices. Logan and her pack were her top priority.

Not mine.

And Logan Blackwood…

Sometimes, he excited me through to my core and set every cell in my body on fire, and then other times, like when he thought he could control me, wringing his neck seemed like a fantastic idea.

But then he had paced around his study, and I couldn’t get the image of him throwing me up against the wall and devouring me out of my head.

Pack life wasn’t anything like human life, and it wasn’t something I could get used to. My life had been simple, and I wanted it to be simple again.

Monday couldn’t get here fast enough.