Page 37 of Shattered King

Fiorella

T he basement smells like disinfectant. The monitors constantly beep with the slow rhythm of Raf’s heart. I sit near his bed as the full-time nurse goes over his vitals, checks his chart, and makes muttering sounds to herself. She’s older, in her sixties, but Luca says she’s one of the best.

“Dr. Gabriel should be back around in a few hours, but it seems like your brother’s doing well.” She gives me a tight smile. I like her immediately. There’s no nonsense with this woman. “I’ll be in the other room in case you need anything.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Happy to help.” She heads back upstairs, leaving me alone.

I watch my brother’s chest rise and fall. From what the doctor said, he should be waking up soon. His wounds are healing, and the risk of infection is dropping by the hour. Assuming he regains consciousness within the next few days, his recovery is going as expected.

I reach out and touch his arm. “This sucks, doesn’t it?” I say quietly. Raf doesn’t answer. His pale face is tense, like he’s having a bad dream. All this feels like I’m going to break out from under the water at any moment, like I’m trapped in some alternate dimension.

“Dad would’ve hated this. But you knew the risks.

You weren’t always a good older brother, but at least you’re trying to keep the family together, right?

A few weeks ago, that wouldn’t have mattered to me at all.

Now, I don’t know what I want.” I press a hand over my belly.

It’s hard to believe there’s a baby growing inside of me.

I honestly haven’t really come to grips with it yet.

I’m not sure I will, at least not until I start showing and can feel kicking and movement.

“All I ever dreamed about was running. Now I’m standing still, and I don’t know how to handle it. ”

There’s creaking on the steps. I look over as Elisa comes down. She smiles at me and takes the chair next to mine, leaning forward to pat Raf’s arm gently. “How’s he doing?” she asks quietly.

“Hard to say. Nothing’s changed. The doctor was just here checking on him.”

“I keep thinking I’ll come down here and find him sitting up and lecturing you on something you did wrong.”

“Honestly, I’d kind of welcome that right about now.”

Elisa smiles slightly and puts on her best Raf voice. “ Fiorella, you spend far too much time under those cars. You know what people say, don’t you? Why can’t you be more into girl things? ”

“What do you think he imagined when he said girl things anyway?”

“Knitting. Tea parties.”

“Guess I was never going to live up to his expectations.”

“You don’t have to. And who knows? Maybe getting shot will knock some sense into him.” Elisa pats his arm again lightly. “He’s a good person though.”

“It’s easy to forget with all this, but he tries.”

She sits back and looks at me. “You know, I think Luca needs a bigger house.” Her eyebrows raise. “Since our whole family just moved in.”

“Oh, God, I know. It’s weird, right?”

“He didn’t even hesitate to bring us here.”

I chew my lip, not looking at her. “He hasn’t hesitated at all this whole time. Whenever I need something, he gets it for me. I mean, he’s overprotective and possessive, but he means well. He really seems to give a shit.”

“How’d you end up with a good one?”

“Pure chance, I guess.”

She lightly knocks her elbow into mine. “Go find your husband and thank him for me, would you? I’ll keep an eye on Raf for a while.”

“You sure?”

“Go ahead, take a break. Least I can do is babysit our partially dead brother.”

I give her a quick hug and stand up. I’ve been sitting at Raf’s bedside for an hour, and my legs are stiff as I take the stairs.

I’m thinking about what Elisa said, and she’s right.

Luca didn’t even hesitate to turn his basement into a makeshift hospital for Raf.

He hired a nurse and one of the best doctors he could find, all at his own expense, and he must’ve paid out the ass for all that equipment and the drugs and the cleaning supplies.

I’m sure it’s not totally altruism. He wants Raf to survive for his own selfish reasons.

But there are other ways to do that. He could find another space instead of keeping everyone here in his house.

I bet he hasn’t had more than a few visitors at a time for years, and now he’s got three people living with him, plus doctors, nurses, and guards.

He’s upstairs washing his face and getting changed.

I stand in the doorway to the bathroom and watch him for a second.

I love the way he moves with such fluid grace.

There’s something about his presence; even when he’s not talking, he’s still the center of my attention.

I can’t stop looking at him and wondering how I found myself here, in this house, married to this man, carrying his baby.

And how he’s not panicking over all the chaos I’ve dragged him into.

“How’s he doing?” Luca asks when he notices me watching.

“Same as before. Which is a good thing.”

“That’s good. Dr. Gabriel thinks he’ll be back with us soon, within the next couple of days.” He dries his face with a towel. “How’s Elisa settling in? Does she need anything?”

“I’ll ask her.”

“And what about Raf? What does he need? I can get more pillows, another bed, a space heater if it’s cold down there?—”

“He’s fine. Honestly, he’s not conscious, so he can’t complain.”

He nods, staring at me. “And what about you? What do you need, Fio?”

“Nothing. Everyone’s good. You don’t have to keep worrying.”

“I know this place feels crowded. I was thinking of getting another place, something bigger?—”

I can’t help myself. I stalk over and throw myself at him.

He seems surprised as I bash my mouth into his in an ugly, almost painful kiss, but I’m desperate to taste him, and I can’t help myself.

I taste him and hug him tight, and if he were someone else, anyone else really, I don’t know if we’d still be here right now.

But Luca’s holding everything together. He saved my brother.

He’s protecting my sister. And now all he does is ask what more he can do for me.

“It’s enough,” I whisper, holding him so tight. “It’s too much, honestly. You don’t have to keep giving.”

“You know this is all for you.” His lips brush against my neck. “Everything is for you and that baby we’re having. I’ve made so many mistakes—” He stops, cutting himself off. There’s a sudden swell of emotions in his eyes, and it takes me off guard.

I lightly touch his face. “You’ve mentioned something about this before.”

“It’s not easy to talk about.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” I lean in and kiss him softly. “But you can talk to me.”

His jaw works. He’s not the kind of man that wants to burden me with his problems, but I can tell this eats at him. Whatever happened in his past, it’s always there, lurking in the background.

His fingers grip me tighter. One hand slides up into my hair, and he pulls me close.

“It happened when I was young.” He whispers as he kisses my neck, my blood pulsing deep down into my core.

“I had an aunt. I loved her to pieces. She was on the outside of the Famiglia and ran this incredible little bakery. I’d go there and help her clean up most days after school.

She’d always give me her little experiments.

New cakes, breads, pastries, basically anything she was playing around with, and they were always incredible.

She had the best laugh—” He stops talking for a moment, his breath coming fast.

“What happened to her?” I ask, prodding him along, because I know he won’t be able to get through this without some encouragement.

“She was on the outside of the Famiglia, but still a part of it. They used the bakery for certain kinds of deliveries. I didn’t realize it at the time, but they were using it as a front for cocaine storage.

Aunt Donna probably hated it, but she was a good woman and loved her family, so what could she do?

I saw them unload a few times when I was over helping wash up after closing, and she’d always just cluck her tongue and shake her head and feed the soldiers her leftovers like it was nothing. ”

“She sounds incredible.” I smile as I lead him to the bed. We sit there, side by side. “That must’ve been hard for her, but she did what she could.”

“Everyone loved her. I swear, part of me thinks they kept on using her bakery because the guys adored her so much. But it all changed when I was in sixth grade.” He sucks in a breath and tilts his chin up.

“This is why I’m so protective of you, Fio.

I hate that I’m burdening you with my pain, but I can’t keep running from it.

I have to stop acting like it didn’t happen. ”

“You can tell me.” I put my hand on his leg. “I promise, I’ll be here no matter what happens.”

He doesn’t look at me as he talks. “They jumped me on my way home one day. I was riding my bike. I don’t even know where I was coming from anymore, but the guys came out of nowhere.

Knocked my ass to the pavement and dragged me into an alley.

They must’ve been following me. I think about that a lot.

What if I had ridden faster? Or been quick enough to get away? ”

“You were twelve.” I try to picture poor young Luca coming up in this family. “Our life isn’t good for kids.”

“It’s barely good for adults.” He shakes his head and looks at me.

“They beat the piss out of me. I’d gotten in fights before, but nothing like that.

Three older guys, probably early twenties, hit me until I was bloody.

I lost two teeth, broke my wrist, broke two fingers, four ribs, had my jaw wired shut, and got a concussion.

They beat me unconscious, but before everything went black, they had one question for me.

They asked it over and over, and eventually I answered because I was desperate for the pain to stop. ”

I bite my lip to stay calm. I hate those guys, whoever they were. The thought of poor little Luca getting hurt like that. “What question was it?”

“They wanted to know where the shipments were going. They said it over and over. I can still hear them.” He blows out a long breath and hangs his head. He lapses into silence.

And I realize it then. Horror sinks over me as I realize what he’s been carrying all these years, ever since he was a twelve-year-old boy. “You told them about your aunt’s place.”

He nods, staring at the floor, his gaze distant now.

“They robbed her that night. There weren’t even any drugs in the back right then, and no shipment was coming for another few days.

I wasn’t there, so I don’t know how it went down.

A couple days later, when I woke up in the hospital, I heard Aunt Donna had been killed in a botched break-in.

The sweetest, kindest woman I’d ever known was dead, and she was dead because of me.

It fucked me up for a long time. I told my father what had happened when I could finally speak, and you should’ve seen his face.

The pure disappointment in his eyes. Like I was the one who killed her. ”

“It wasn’t your fault.” I pull him against me and cradle his face. “Look at me, Luca. You know it wasn’t your fault.”

“It took me a long time to really start believing that, but I finally do, and it still doesn’t matter.

Aunt Donna died because I wasn’t strong enough.

Now my biggest goal in life is to never let anyone down that way again.

That’s why I’ll protect you until I die, Fiorella. Because you’re important.”

I kiss him and stroke his hair. “That’s a really good way to honor your aunt’s memory, but you are strong, Luca. You were twelve years old back then. Of course you told them what you knew. Anyone would have. It isn’t your fault.”

“I still carry it. I’ll always carry it. There’s no getting over what happened for me, but I’ve learned to live with my sins. I’ll atone for them one day.”

I fight back tears. I hate that he’s got this scar in him. But what else are we, if not a collection of all the fuck-ups and embarrassments we’ve suffered over the years? It made him who he is today, and I care about this man more than I ever thought I would.

“I can help,” I say, pulling his face to mine. I kiss him again. “I can hold some of it.”

“Fio—”

“Let me help.” I kiss him again, harder. “Let me be here for you. I know it’s hard. It’ll hurt; that’s fucking life. But we can do this together. We really can.”

He pulls me into his arms and kisses me so deep I feel like my head might fall off. I can’t breathe, can’t think, and I let myself slowly sink into his taste.

Slowly, he breaks away, forehead against mine.

His fingers grip my sides. “You want to know something terrible?”

“Please, absolutely.”

“I’d never do this shit for anyone but you.” He kisses me gently and slowly, tasting and probing. “Only for you, Fiorella.”

That’s the messed-up thing. I believe him. I don’t think Luca’s some great hero, but when it comes to me, he’ll do absolutely anything.

And knowing that I have a partner who will burn down the whole world if I ask him to makes my chest swell like it’s going to crack in half.