Page 17 of Shattered Dreams

Her beautiful eyes, filled with pain and shock—I put it there. I fucking put it there, and I can't take it back.

The hotel bed's untouched, the sheets still stiff and tight like no one's supposed to sleep in them. It doesn't smell like home. It doesn't smell likeher. I've never hated a room more.

"I think you need to just lie low for a couple of days. Let her come to you." Axel stands up, checking his phone. "I've got to go and see Shannon. I'll call you tomorrow. Chin up."

"Has she said anything?" I ask hopefully, lifting my eyes to his as he shakes his head.

"Nothing you wanna hear."

Nothing like having a friend who's a realist.

I nod at him as he leaves; my only company is the TV. I turn it off, leaning back into my chair before picking up my phone. Ava and Poppy grin back at me from the lock screen, and my heart plummets. I took the photo of the two of them only last year, and already Poppy has grown so much.

How the hell do I explain this toher? How do I sit my little girl down and tell her I broke her mother's heart? What does a five-year-old do withthat?

Poppy. My baby girl.Her hero, she calls me. What happens when she finds out? What happens when she knows what I did to her mom? Fuck.

How will Ieverget Ava back?

I know what I've done is irreparable, but I have to try.

Everyone makes mistakes.

I just made mine repeatedly for months.

If it was Ava… If it was her with another man—I'd lose my fucking mind. I'd kill him. And she feels like that now.Because of me.

Selfish, stupid fucking jock.

I swipe the photo away and stare at my reflection in the dark TV screen. I look like shit, and I deserve it. My shirt's wrinkled, stubble thick on my jaw, eyes bloodshot. I've never felt more like the man Kieron always said I was—a fucking player, a selfish asshole who never deserved her. I bet he's loving this now, he’s probably waiting in the goddamn wings, just itching to step in.

"She didn't want you then, pal," I mutter bitterly to the empty room. "She won't want you now."

Who am I kidding?

Ava willneverforgive me, and I can't fucking blame her.

But Ava ismine.

My wife.My world.I'll fight for her—for us. Because without her—without them—I'm nothing.

The thought of being without her makes my chest ache and my gut twist.

How could I be so fucking stupid?

And forwhat?

I was everything her best friend Kieron said I was way back then—a player. And even when I had it all, I fucked it up.

Nothing's ever enough for me. I had the most beautiful woman in the world, the kindest, smartest, fiercest mother to my kid—and I still looked somewhere else. I didn't deserve her then. I sure as hell don't now.

I had to admit it—I was flattered by Annie's attention. She was hot, without a doubt, and she had massaged my ego when I needed it the most.

For what? Ego? Attention?

It’s fucking pathetic.

None of it matters. Only Ava matters. Only my family matters.