Page 18 of Shadows of the Lost Relic (Vanguard of the Ancients #1)

Chapter 18

Lyra

T he infirmary smelled of antiseptic and despair. The harsh lights buzzed overhead, casting everything in a cold, clinical glow. I stood in the doorway to one of the private rooms, my legs feeling like they were made of lead. Caspian lay on the bed, his chest rising and falling in a slow, even rhythm, but he was lost to the world—magically sedated to keep the forge’s power from consuming him completely.

I moved closer, my heart heavy with guilt and fear. Caspian looked so different now, so fragile. His usually tanned skin was pale, almost sickly, and there were dark circles under his eyes. The strain of wielding the forge’s power had taken its toll, and I couldn’t help but wonder if we had lost a piece of him for good. The thought twisted my insides, making it hard to breathe.

I reached out, hesitating for a moment before gently placing my hand on his. His skin was warm, but there was no response—no sign that he knew I was there. The silence was deafening. I tried to take solace that his skin was only warm to the touch now and not the raging inferno it had been, but it wasn’t nearly enough to make me think he was safe.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. I didn’t know if I was apologizing to him for not being able to save him from this, or if I was apologizing to myself for failing to protect the people I cared about. Maybe it was both.

A quiet knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned to see Kane standing there, leaning heavily against the doorframe. His face was pale, and his movements were slow, careful, as if every step hurt. His struggle was a reminder of how close we had come to losing him.

“Hey,” he breathed, his voice rough. “How’s he doing?”

I forced a small smile, though it felt hollow. “No change. The healers said he’s stable, but they’re keeping him sedated until they’re sure he won’t lose control again.” Won’t burn the building down and kill everyone was what they had actually said, but I wasn’t going to repeat that.

Kane nodded, his eyes dark with worry as he looked at Caspian. “He’ll pull through. He’s stronger than he looks, and he’s got you looking out for him. I’m a testament to how that can help a man.”

I wanted to believe that, but the doubt gnawed at me. Everything had gone so wrong, so fast. The Shadowborn’s attack had left us all shaken, and the cost had been far higher than any of us were prepared for. The building was in ruins around us, and Caspian wasn’t the only one who had paid a price.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, my gaze shifting to his chest. Even though it was healed, I could still see the ragged, bloody wound that had almost cost him his life.

“I’ve been better,” Kane replied, trying to sound casual, but I could see the pain etched into his features. “But I’ll live. Thanks to you.”

His words were meant to comfort, but they only made the guilt weigh heavier on my shoulders. I had saved him, yes, but it was so much more than that. I had reached out and bound us together. The healers had speculated that I had somehow accessed his powers and tied our fates together. How I had done it, they weren’t sure.

I couldn’t believe I had bound us together with forces more powerful than I had ever imagined. It made everything even more complicated. There was a lot of discussion to be had around what happened between us, and I wasn’t ready for any of it. I still hadn’t spoken to Evan about what he had done for me, and it was only his actions that had made me think saving Kane was possible at all.

“I didn’t do it alone,” I mumbled, my eyes dropping to the floor. “It was a team effort.”

Kane’s hand brushed my arm, warm and reassuring. “Don’t downplay what you did, Lyra. You saved my life. That means more to me than you know.”

I looked up at him, meeting his gaze, and for a moment, everything else faded away. It was just the two of us, standing in the aftermath of a battle that had nearly destroyed us. His eyes held a depth of emotion that I wasn’t sure how to handle—a mix of gratitude, affection, and more. It felt bad to admit it scared me.

“Lyra,” Kane said softly, breaking the silence. “I know this is a lot to take in, but we’ll figure it out. We always do.”

I nodded, but the words felt empty. How could we figure this out when everything was falling apart? When Caspian was lying unconscious in the infirmary, and the Vanguard was barely holding itself together after the attack? When the prophecy loomed over us, threatening to unravel everything we knew?

Kane must have sensed my turmoil because he stepped closer, his hand still on my arm. “Hey now, Princess, chin up. You still have me.”

Even as I was trying to suppress a groan at his joke I wanted to believe him, but the fear that had taken root in my heart refused to let go. The more I cared about Kane, Caspian, and the others, the more vulnerable I felt. And in a world where the stakes were life and death, vulnerability was a dangerous thing.

“I need to check on Theo,” I said, pulling away from Kane. “He’s been running himself ragged since the attack.”

Kane didn’t try to stop me. He just nodded, understanding in his eyes. “I’ll stay with Caspian.”

I left the infirmary, my steps heavy as I made my way through the corridors of the Vanguard. The air was thick with tension, and I could see the strain on the faces of the people I passed. Everyone was on edge, waiting for the next shoe to drop. The Shadowborn had shaken us to our core, and the fear that they would return was palpable.

I found Theo in one of the training rooms, trying to put it back to rights. The force of the power Caspian had unleashed had caused havoc all over the base. The buildings that were still standing were in shambles. Honestly, we were lucky anything had survived.

“Theo,” I called out as I stepped into the room.

He paused, a box of debris in his hands, and turned to face me. His chest was heaving, sweat dripping down his forehead, but his eyes were sharp, focused. “Lyra. What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I replied, crossing my arms. “You should be resting.”

“I don’t have time to rest,” he said, his voice tight. “Not when the Shadowborn could strike again at any moment. We need to get back on our feet, and we can’t do that if we don’t have access to the parts of the facility we need.”

I frowned, stepping closer. “You can’t keep pushing yourself like this. You’re going to burn out.”

He shook his head, a bitter smile tugging at his lips. “I don’t have the luxury of burning out. None of us do. Not when our lives are on the line.”

His words hit me hard, and I realized we were all teetering on the edge, trying to hold ourselves together while everything around us crumbled. Theo had always been the steady one, the one who led us, who we looked to, but even he had his limits.

“We can’t keep going like this,” I said quietly, the weight of everything pressing down on me. “We’re barely holding it together, and the next time the Shadowborn attack…”

Theo set the box down, his expression softening as he looked at me. “I know. But we don’t have a choice. We have to keep fighting, no matter what.”

“At what cost?” I asked, my voice trembling. “How many more times are we going to lose someone we care about? How many more times will we have to make impossible choices?”

Theo’s gaze hardened, but there was a softness around his mouth that told me he understood my fear. “We can’t afford to think like that, Lyra. We’ve come too far to turn back now.”

I swallowed hard, trying to steady myself. Theo was right—we didn’t have the luxury of second-guessing ourselves. But the fear that had taken root in my heart refused to let go, gnawing at me with every passing moment. I had almost died. Caspian was trying to contain a power that belonged to the gods. Kane had almost died. Evan had been injured. And that wasn’t counting all the other Vanguard members we had lost in the attack.

“What if we can’t do this?” I whispered, the words slipping out before I could stop them. “What if we’re not strong enough?”

Theo stepped closer, his hand resting on my shoulder. “We are strong enough, Lyra. We’ve faced worse before, and we’ll get through this too. But we have to stay focused. We can’t let doubt tear us apart.”

I nodded, though the doubt still lingered in the back of my mind.

Had they really faced worse before? I had never faced anything like this. This was end of the world stuff. I wanted to believe that we were strong enough, that we could overcome whatever the prophecy and the Shadowborn threw at us. But the more I thought about it, the more uncertain I became.

“What if…” I hesitated, unsure if I should even voice the thought. But Theo was watching me, waiting patiently, and I knew I couldn’t keep it to myself. “What if my feelings for you… for Kane, for Caspian… are clouding my judgment? What if I’m putting us all at risk because I care too much?”

Theo’s expression softened, and he gave me a small, reassuring smile. “Caring isn’t a weakness, Lyra. It’s what makes us stronger. It’s what keeps us fighting, even when the odds are stacked against us.”

“But what if it’s too much?” I pressed, my voice rising with anxiety. “What if I make a mistake because I’m too focused on protecting you?”

He shook his head, his hand squeezing my shoulder. “You’re not going to make a mistake. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Your heart is what makes you who you are. Don’t ever doubt that. It’s not your job to protect us. We’re a team. We look out for each other.”

His words were comforting, but they didn’t completely ease the knot of fear in my chest. I knew that caring about my team was important, that it was what drove me to protect them. But the stakes were so high now, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that my emotions were blurring the line between what was right and what was necessary.

As if sensing my inner turmoil, Theo’s expression turned more serious. “Listen to me. We’re all in this together. You’re not carrying this burden alone. Trust us, just like we trust you.”

I nodded, though the weight of the prophecy and the bonds that hung heavily between Kane, Evan, and me were like chains trying to drag me down. The idea of being tied to someone by fate… it was both exhilarating and terrifying. But with everything else going on, it felt like yet another complication in a world that was already spiraling out of control.

“We need to talk to the Vanguard council,” I said, taking a deep breath to steady myself. “I still think the ritual can help Caspian. Not to mention, we need more information about the prophecy. If we’re going to fight this battle, we need to know exactly what we’re up against.”

Theo nodded in agreement, his eyes reflecting the same determination I was trying to hold on to. “I’ve been thinking the same thing. I actually have a meeting set up for this evening. Caspian won’t be able to be there, but we’re his team, and you have been spending a lot of time with him. He would trust you to speak up for him, I’m sure of it.”

It was a lot of responsibility, speaking not only for me, but for Caspian as well. But we were part of a team, we were more than that. We were as close as two people could be without saying words that couldn’t be taken back. Words I didn’t want to say while he wasn’t awake to hear them.

I nodded as I sighed, my shoulders slumping. “I will try to get some rest before this evening, then.”

Theo watched me go, a pensive look on his face as I went back to the infirmary, my head swirling with more thoughts than it had when I left it.