Page 23 of Shadows of Air and Earth (Remnant Archives)

G asping, I collapsed into the arms of the shadow fae general who was scrambling back away from the faerie ring, my limp body held tightly against hers.

"It's okay," Remnant breathed heavily. "It's okay Xi, I got you."

Tears brimmed in my eyes, blurring my vision as I trembled in Remnant Dark’s hold. The memories of the anthousai realm leaving a smear of sickening residue upon my soul. The vestiges of what I had done, both monstrous and mortifying.

I sobbed, this time not bothering to hold back those goddess-forsaken tears. A weakness I never cared to expose to anyone but I was so damn tired of being strong but alone .

The shadow fae’s words from the Faerie ring still echoing hollowly in my mind. I need a friend who is just as lonely as I am.

Remnant's arms squeezed harder, dragging us both up to sitting with a heavy sigh. "Shh, it's okay. It'll be okay—one day, I promise. The memories will fade. I promise they will fade." Her hand ran up and down my arm soothingly as she whispered, "But for now, let it out, you’re safe with me, Xi.”

Sniffing, I took a shaky breath, "I heard—" I choked. "I heard what you said in there…"

My head hung, unable to continue, and unable to look into her eyes.

Staring at my hands shaking in my lap, I ashamedly recounted the number of times I had been spiteful and condescending towards the General.

The scars of my past were so thick they blinded me from the truth.

It was clear now, Remnant Ezra Solaire Dark was playing an end game that none of us could see and she was more than worthy of my loyalty and respect.

Especially after she laid her heart and soul bare to be judged…for me .

A gentle hand reached up and pulled my hair back over my face, and I summoned the courage to look up at the general.

Frowning, she threaded her fingertips through the tangled strands, eyes focused only on her work, never meeting my shocked gaze.

A small satisfied smile spread across her face, smoothing the strands one last time before her emerald eyes met mine.

“There, that is better now.” She sighed, pulling her legs back to scoot away, providing distance between us before speaking again.

"I meant what I said in there, Xi. You are a beautiful soul and our world needs more of it but even more, so do I. I do not expect you to feel the same. Trust is a tenuous thing, once broken it scarcely returns without a cost.” Reaching out, she wiped the rest of the tears from my face and I closed my eyes briefly at her gentle touch, "Which means what I have to say next is going to be difficult,” she added, her tone remorseful.

Eyes snapping open, I inhaled sharply, my pulse racing from my already heightened emotions. Riley, where was Riley? "What is it?"

Her brows furrowed and she nodded behind me, the words I feared spilling from her lips. "It's Riley."

Gasping, I pivoted on my knees to see him lying on his side, deathly still with Remnant’s shadows wrapped around him. An exposed area of darkness revealed thick bandages stained with blood, and emitting the putrid smell of decay.

"Ri!" I cried out, scrambling to his side.

My hands immediately reached for him only to pause, hovering over his deathly still frame—I did not know if my touch would harm him more.

"Sweet goddess," I whispered, seeing the white pallor of his skin and the dark rimmed circles around his closed eyes.

Sweat had soaked his hair, plastering it to his brow while the shadows swirled around him slowly.

An action that would have caused me alarm two days ago, but now I saw it for what it was.

Tenderness, care, love. They were a reflection of their master.

Remnant crouched on the other side of Riley, drawing my attention back to her, her lips pressed grimly together. "What happened to him?" I barked.

She placed a steady confident hand upon his brow with concern, something I had not been willing to do. Afraid, I was afraid. "He was injured fighting the anthousai. The thorns in their claws when embedded into their prey are poisonous."

I swallowed hard. Guilt joining my shame. Riley had been injured because of me, my lack of concentration, my emotions got in the way just as my parents had always predicted they would. "Does the poison need to just pass through his system, can he not fight it off himself with natural healing?"

Remnant's hand stroked back his green hair, her lips pursed. "I am afraid not. The poison inside of him is lethal. I have not ever seen a fae survive anthousai thorns without the assistance of a healer." Her eyes met mine expectantly.

The air stilled in my lungs and my heart thudded in my chest—the signs of hope dying just like the fae I loved along with my chances to ever tell him so.

My anger at him the past few days prevented me from recognizing the truth, why I had been so hurt by the confessions of his power.

I loved Riley, more than just a friend. "I cannot…

I can only heal cuts, bruises, small fractured bones," my voice trailed off in a whisper.

Brokenly, I added, "My ability to heal others is limited to these trivial things.

I have never been able to bring someone back from the brink of death before.

" Looking down at Riley a strangled sob tore from me.

Another round of fresh tears falling down my face, more than I had ever cried my entire immortal life.

I could not save him…I was worthless just as my parents had so often told me.

This was why they had trained me to not make mistakes and here I was facing the biggest mistake of my life.

I practically poured this poison down his throat.

Firm hands held my shoulders and shook me gently. "Xi," a shake, "Xi Lanora Chin. You must listen to me now."

Blinking while my heart lay dead in my chest, I looked back at the fierce shadow fae general bearing down at me.

"You have been able to heal someone from the brink of death before…" Her stern voice held no argument, but I protested anyway, I did not want her false hope. Remnant shook me gently again, cutting off my words. "Yes, you have. It was yourself. You saved yourself, Xi, the night of The Wailing."

I shook my head, "No, no, that wasn't me, it was Riley. He found a healer to save me."

Remnant snorted. "The only healer Riley found that night was the one inside of you." Her hands squeezed my shoulders and I could see hardened resolve in her stare, "Xi. Riley combined his energy with your healing power and possessed it so that you would live."

My deadened heart dropped into my stomach, like a stone sinking in water.

"His energy…the one of ownership, of enslavement—possession?

" I shook my head, thinking back to how desperately he had wanted to explain, both in the tunnel and when we had escaped.

Both times I had shut him down, fearful of the truth and what it would mean for us…

together, "No Riley would never do that to me, he could never do that to me.

" Remnant's hold on me broke when I fell to my hands and knees, wracked with too many emotions for my own stubborn self to bear.

My fingernails dug deep into the foliage and earth, willing it to soothe this pain.

"He knows—he knows what my freedom means to me," I cried, gasping at air that would not fill my lungs.

I did not want that air anyway, I wanted Riley's air or none at all, making his betrayal all the more excruciating.

Even when tainted, I still wanted him. I would always want him.

Tearing from the earth, my hands flung up to my neck in horror when I felt the heavy weight of a metal ring. My recognition of Riley’s possession revealed the horrifying truth for all to see. A collar, enchanted to do the bidding of the one fae I trusted above any other in this world.

"I’m so sorry Xi," Remnant whispered before continuing, "you know Riley…

he would never accept a life without you.

He would have done anything to save you.

" She sighed, "I would have made the same choice if I were him, if I had experienced all of what he has.

His love for you is fierce and reverent.

You are what keeps him grounded to this world instead of being swept away by the winds.

Just like you cannot live without his air, he cannot live without your gravity. "

Her words bounced against the numb barrier I shielded my emotions with, something I’d done since childhood to protect myself, but one thing she said stuck out to me and I held onto it. I wanted to understand, I needed to understand.

If I had experienced all of what he has…

I released the collar around my neck, slowly peering at Remnant through the white strands of my hair, swallowing back the bitterness and the contempt—emotions I never thought I’d hold towards Riley Dragoon.

But I didn’t want him to die, no I wanted him to live so I could see in his eyes the truth of what he had done to me and then I would walk away. I needed to walk away.

Staring down at his pale face with the god of death hovering just beyond, my voice was hard, "Tell me what I need to do. How do I save him?"