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FIONA

“ H ey, Fi!” Sebastian shouts as his eyes dart toward me, glass in hand as he fills it. “What are you doin’ here?” He hands a patron their beer before turning to face me, his bright smile ever-present.

I smile at him as I rest my hip against the counter, arms crossed over my chest. “Leo asked me to check in since he’s busy. To see how it’s going with the new guy.” I nod in Wayne’s direction, watching as he grabs a couple of long-neck beers and slides them across the counter. Seb’s eyes track the movement too, completely rapt.

My eyes widen slightly.

Oh, boy.

“So…” I prompt, shaking Seb out of it. He blinks a few times, eyes still locked on Wayne as he works. Wayne’s dark hair is cut into a very modern mullet. His clothes are baggy and ripped, leaving his shitty tattoos on display. My head cocks to the side as I observe him before my attention turns to Seb.

He’s chewing on the inside of his cheek as he crosses his arms over his chest. Sebastian is buff, but his muscles are far more lean in comparison to Leo’s large, muscular build. Leo often mentions how Seb is a huge puppy, and I can’t help but agree.

But puppy or not, he makes me feel safe. They all do here, which is why I’ve stayed, even after Jaxon told me they all have a dark, complicated past—because don’t we all?

Sebastian runs his fingers through his dark, sandy hair, making it stand on end before he grabs the rag and wipes it aggressively over the wood countertop below the liquor bottles.

“You look stressed,” I point out, which is unusual for Seb. He’s usually so happy-go-lucky.

He chuckles, shaking his head as he turns back around. I scan the low-lit room. The hues of red and brown are always comforting, welcoming in their ambiance. Most of the tables are filled, and every bar stool has its own resident. My eyes catch on a flash of blonde hair before Seb pulls my attention away.

“Nah, just tired. Been a long day.”

“Ah, shit. Yeah, you had the long shift today, didn’t you?”

“Yep, I’ll be working ‘til close, but it’s not so bad.”

I roll my lips between my teeth to keep from smiling. “Is Wayne staying until close?”

Sebastian’s eyes dart toward the new hire. “He fuckin’ better be.” My eyebrows shoot up, grin breaking free.

“All righty then,” I muse, still grinning slyly. Sebastian finally glances at me and huffs out a breath, rolling his eyes, but his smile is just as wide.

“Oh, fuck off?—”

“Hey, Wayne,” I say, waving my hand to get his attention. He glances over at me, face utterly deadpan.

“Hey.” Short, cold, and to the point. Oh, I bet Seb hates that.

I brush past Seb. “Just wanted to stop by and see how it’s goin’. Do you need help figuring anything out?”

Wayne shakes his head before glaring over my shoulder. “Pretty sure even if I did, that big fucking oaf would be up my ass instantly,” he mutters.

I snort loudly enough to garner Sebastian’s attention. He’s over in a nano-second. “You need anything?”

Wayne and I look at each other. I’m trying not to laugh, and he doesn’t bother to hide his glare of irritation. “What’d I say.”

“I see what you mean,” I muse as I glance over at Seb. He’s staring at Wayne with stars in his pitifully bright, hazel eyes. Oh, boy. That’s a bout of work drama waiting to happen.

“I’m so not dealing with this tonight,” I mutter, shaking my head with a laugh.

“Dealing with what?” Sebastian questions, brows furrowing.

“Me either,” Wayne mutters as he turns away, making himself busy until someone calls him over. It’s a voice I recognize. My breath stilts in my lungs as I glance over, finding Jamie leaning over the counter, long, blonde hair tossed over her right shoulder as she mumbles something to Wayne.

I can’t believe after years of not seeing her, she’s just here again.

It’s almost like she never left. But she did. And everything’s different now.

It was fun in the beginning—when Jamie and I first met at Gin River, the bar I used to work at in Le Grande, which was only meant to be a pit stop in my unknown journey since leaving home. But I quite liked it there. Until…

Until… him.

I shiver. Just thinking about him makes me sick to my stomach. My eyes scan the room again of their own volition, and I can only breathe again when his painfully familiar face isn’t anywhere to be seen.

And it won’t because I disappeared. And he didn’t follow.

But Jamie’s here… and she was there. And so was he, so he could’ve…

No. I shake my head vehemently, forcing myself to find the reason. I left after Jamie. She said she’s been here since she left almost two years ago. It’s fine.

I’m fine.

Breathing through the tightness coiling in my gut, I walk up beside Wayne, and I don’t even have to force a smile when Jamie looks up and clocks me. Her bloodshot, hazel eyes widen, and she blinks owlishly. Her pale, pink lips part on an exhale, and I swear I can taste the beer on her tongue.

“F-Fiona?” She stumbles over my name, and I’m not sure if it’s because she’s surprised or just hammered.

Either way, I’m enamored. And amused.

“Jamie.” I wink just to watch her flush. “What are you doing here?”

Her eyelids flutter on a blink. “Was looking for you. But then you weren’t. Annndd beer sounded good. Hmm. Then, I was sad?—”

“Then, she decided to chase every beer with a shot of Jameson,” Wayne finishes for her, probably tired of her drunken drawl. I find it charming.

“Yep.” Jamie pops the P, heavy eyelids drooping.

“Jameson, really?” I confirm with an arched brow. Wayne shrugs as he pours the shot and hands it to Jamie, along with another bottle of Budweiser.

She tosses it back, eyes rolling as she rights her head on her shoulders. The glass clanks against the bar top before tipping over with a dull thunk. Wayne swipes it up before walking away to tend to someone else waving their hand.

I’m quiet as I step closer, taking in every inch of this version of Jamie I haven’t met before. Sure, she would drink when she came into my old place of work but never to excess. Usually not even enough to get a buzz.

She lifts her head, then smiles as she drops it into her palm. “You’re so pretty.” She squints hard. “You make me stupid.”

I giggle, chest contracting as it washes through me. “And you’re drunk.”

Jamie nods slowly—surely—eyes wide with feigned sobriety. “Yes,” she slurs. And then, she frowns as she looks at me. Over me. Another blink. “I should go home. Gonna—yeah, go home.” She pushes back, and I reach out, gripping her forearm before I can even think about what I’m doing.

We’re both staring down at my tattooed fingers wrapped around her tanned, naked forearm. Feeling her skin against mine reminds me of her arm wrapped around me mere days ago. Her breath against my face and her soft but inquisitive words.

She’s a fucking detective…

This is such a bad idea.

“You’re not driving.”

Jamie snorts. “No shit.”

My fingers curl a bit tighter, making her breath hitch, and fuck me if that doesn’t make my blood hot. “Then, where are you going?”

“There’re cabs, yanno.”

I frown. I don’t like that either. All the things that can go wrong, inebriated and alone, in the dark. I shake my head resolutely. “That’s not safe when you’re this drunk.”

Jamie blinks. “M’fine. Can handle myself.” She tries to pull away, but my grip tightens. She looks down again, chest rising and falling a bit faster.

Just let her go. She’ll be fine.

You can’t risk…

“Come home with me.” Fuck.

Her breath hitches, and the sharp intake is loud in the buzzing chatter of the bar. But she doesn’t pull away, and that gives me hope.

What the fuck am I doing?

Jamie seems to sense something, even in her state, because her eyes narrow slightly. Which is honestly an adorable look when she can barely stand straight.

Even drunk off her ass, she’s as smart as a whip.

“What’re you talking about?”

I swallow. I have no idea. “It’s not safe for you to be alone right now. You should… Let me take you to my place. We can hang out. Talk. Sober you up a bit so I don’t have to worry about you drowning in a puddle of your own vomit. A win-win.” I grin, feeling unbalanced.

Jamie snorts, which turns into a laugh as she tosses her head back. Her hair falls off her shoulder, exposing her throat to the dim lights above. My eyes trail up the slope of her neck, over her rounded jaw, and across the pink hue of her cheeks.

“That is so far from what I had in mind,” she mutters in what was probably meant as an internal thought but came out loud enough for me and a few others to hear. I stifle my laugh, but Seb doesn’t manage the same.

His cackle fills the air, making Jamie flush beautifully. “Whatever,” she grumbles as she pushes away.

“Wait.” I reach for her again. I don’t manage to grab hold, but she pauses, even if it is a bit of a stumble. I glance back at Wayne and Sebastian. “You guys good?”

Wayne grunts. Sebastian rolls his eyes before wagging his brows. “We’re good, Fi.”

I flip him the bird as I hop up on the counter and spin around, dropping my feet to the floor on the other side. Jamie is balking at me, hair a tangled mess around her head as I step up to her. Grabbing her elbow, I guide her around the back, ignoring the racket of my heart as we step through the back door and into the darkness.

I can’t help the way my eyes ping around the small parking lot. It’s mostly enclosed by a privacy fence and bathed in yellow light, which gives me relief, but the shadows lingering within draw goosebumps to my skin.

Jamie stumbles over the gravel, reverting my focus back to her as I help her into the passenger seat. I reach for the seatbelt, leaning in to pull it across Jamie’s torso. Her breath stutters when I draw close, and even as I taste the alcohol leaking from her pores, I still inhale deeply, smelling lavender beneath it all.

As I press the buckle into the latch, I can’t help but turn my head, putting our noses centimeters apart. The yellow light of the lamp post outside is all I have to see, but it’s more than enough to catch sight of her wetting her fucking lips. The heat from her tongue radiates outward, licking across the tingling skin of my mouth.

My molars press together, hard enough to cause an ache as I force a breath. Because I’m very much sober, and Jamie… Jamie is not. She can’t make sound decisions. Because if she could, she definitely wouldn’t be in my car with me. And she sure as shit would’ve never agreed to come to my place.

Jamie’s never been that forward, no matter how hard I tried.

I flirted relentlessly, drawn to her adorable stumbling from the moment I met her. So impossibly cute in her oblivious charm. But no amount of blatant perusal could ever get her to take the next step. We shared short conversations, important conversations that I always looked forward to every time I saw her. She was almost always clad in her bulky, polyester police uniform. A uniform that never failed to make me fucking hot.

But every interaction was always cut short by her retreating. Either mentally, and the conversation would die out, or she’d quite literally move across the bar to drink alone in the corner when Rhett wasn’t with her.

And as much as I tried, as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t force something out of her when she clearly wasn’t ready.

I’m worried she still isn’t. That she only agreed because she’s fucking drunk—and not because she wants to be around me.

But she did pursue me the other day. She followed me out, worried for me. She started a conversation and tried.

I’m the one who walked away.

Maybe it’s different this time… It could be.

I pull back with a stuttering breath, closing her door with a soft thud before dropping my head against the cool metal. The night air is balmy but comfortable, and I breathe in slowly for three consecutive breaths before the goosebumps prickling across my skin force my head up so fast, my neck cricks. I grit my teeth through the flare of pain as I glance around.

I parked directly under the streetlamp for a reason, its light bathing my car directly. But I peer through the surrounding shadows regardless, hating the heavy thump of my heart in my chest, the sweat lining my palms and prickling the vertebra of my spine. How I know there’s nothing out there, but that doesn’t stop the ever-present feeling of being watched.

Of knowing it’s still possible.

I’ve been so careful. I don’t use credit cards or have any loans. There are no bank accounts in my name or any contracts that I’ve signed. I pay in cash and get paid with cash—which Jaxon and Leo graciously help me with.

I’ve made sure there’s no sign of a paper trail following Fiona Hale out of Le Grande.

But I’m risking it all now—by bringing someone to the only place I feel safe.

When I slip into the driver’s seat, I feel Jamie staring at me, rather obviously. I peer out the corner of my eye into the dark interior of the car as I place my key in the ignition. When our eyes connect and she doesn’t look away, my lips quirk at the corner.

She reaches out and skates her fingers over my cheek, pressing into the dimple in my cheek. “So pretty,” she slurs. I roll my eyes but catch her hand as it drops to the center console with a heavy thunk.

“Thank you, Jamie,” I respond softly as I pull out of the parking lot and onto the main road. Her head rolls against the headrest, eyes half-closed as I drive toward my apartment—which Seb put in his name for me—watching the dark road spread out behind us.

“ Mmm, you’re welcome.” She looks around blearily. Blinks a few times. I huff in amusement. “Where’re we going?”

“My apartment.”

Her eyes widen, and she pushes herself up in the seat, managing to lift her head just enough to really look around. “Why?”

I reach across the center console to rest my hand atop her jean-clad thigh. Jamie’s head drops to stare at my hand on her. I flex my fingers, spreading them wide before curling them around her slender but muscular thigh. Her muscles bunch beneath my hand, and my heart flutters in my chest as I feel what I do to her.

Jesus fucking Christ, I’m not going to survive the night. Alone with her and not being able to touch her the way she should be touched. To not have her when I’ve wanted her for so long. And that’s not even mentioning the precarious stability of my life at the moment… and for the foreseeable future.

I have to be able to up and leave at a moment’s notice. I can’t get… attached.

But I can’t take when I’m not sure she even wants. That she can even go there. I don’t know a lot about Jamie, but I do know she was in the closet most of her life, forced to hide who she was because of her family and their extreme religious beliefs. An experience—a pain —I can only imagine. Because as shitty as my own parents were, at least they didn’t care I was gay.

They only ever cared about themselves and their own drama, leaving me and August alone but together.

I swallow the lump in my throat that’s nearly unbearable whenever I think of my twin brother. My best friend. Just… gone.

“Hey,” Jamie’s voice breaks through the reverie, and it’s not until I blink through the blur in my eyes that I realize we’re in the parking lot. Her own fingers are clamping around mine, squeezing. I flex, and she drops my hand, cheeks flushing.

I peer through the windshield, fighting past the weight in my gut. “Come on,” I say instead, grabbing my purse and pushing the door open. It’s quiet but brightly lit with security cameras—the main reason I chose this apartment building. And while it’s on the pricier side, it’s worth it for the extra peace of mind.

Helping Jamie out of the car is easier than it was getting her into it, but tackling the stairs is an entirely different story. By the time I’ve entered the code and we’ve started up the first flight, I’m out of breath and Jamie’s struggling to keep ahold of my shoulders.

“Fuck’s sake,” I mutter, heaving out a breathless chuckle. “Get enough to drink, babe?”

She stumbles. “Was upset,” she eventually mutters after righting herself with a cute little frown. I snort but clasp her waist a little tighter. She reeks of booze, but every once in a while, I get that whiff of lavender again.

When we reach the second flight and I turn left, leading her to my door, she heaves a breath. “Finally.”

“You’re tellin’ me.” I release her to unlock the door, tensing when her finger drags down the side of my damp neck. Jamie curls a lock of my hair around her finger and tugs, drawing a surprised inhale from me.

I lean into her, exhaling when her nose brushes through my hair. “Smell good,” she breathes against me—and I freeze.

Jamie must feel my tension because she pulls back with an apology, her lips skimming the shell of my ear on the way. I bite my bottom lip and shake my head in short bursts, trying to dispel the panic of memories—because that’s all they are.

Haunted memories. But I’m here now.

With Jamie. And I’m okay.

I lean forward with a shaky inhale and push the door open, stepping aside. Jamie looks up at me, confusion scrunching her brows together and causing her mouth to pinch. I look down the long hall, seeing muted, yellow lights cast across cream colored walls and the worn, maroon carpet.

“Gonna stand out here all night?” I prompt, which kicks Jamie into action. She steps past me and into my place. I watch her back as she walks. The flex of her triceps, the subtle sway of her hips. The way her fingers twist in her hair, pulling it over her shoulder. And then, I drop my head between my shoulders and blow out a heavy breath.

Lord, give me the fucking strength.

Because I’m about to make a mess of everything.