Page 77 of Sexting the Bratva Beast

I can’t sleep, but my brain is so foggy that I can’t think either. I need to speak to someone. I need my friends.

Chicago is eight hours behind, so I Google how to make an international call and wait for it to connect me to Gianna.

“Cartier!” Her voice sounds a million miles away, but I can picture her with her babies as if they’re in the next room, sleeping peacefully in their cribs. “Are you alright? What’s going on? Is Andrej with you?”

I smile to myself as more tears well in my eyes. I’m an emotional wreck, and Gianna’s voice isn’t helping because I realize how much I miss her and Mika.

“I’m fine. Andrej is outside running security checks.”

“Is he looking after you, Car? Because if he isn’t, I’ll fly out there myself and sort him out.”

I chuckle and almost choke on my tears. “You can’t. You have babies to feed, remember?”

“Okay, I’ll send Leo then.” She pauses. “Seriously, Car, if he hurts you…”

“He proposed to me today.”

Silence.

Then, “He what? He asked you to marry him?” The line is muffled momentarily, and I wonder if Gianna is speaking to Leo in the background. “Did he give you a ring? What did you say?”

“Which question do you want me to answer first?”

“What did you say?”

“I haven’t given him my answer yet.”

“Wise.” I hear her sucking in a deep breath. “Ignore that. Do you love him, Car?” Her voice is gentle now. The surprise smoothed over.

“Yes.”

“So, what’s holding you back?”

I go to the window and peer out into the darkness, at the blanket of pristine snow glowing in the lights from inside the house. “I love him, but I don’t know if I can be with him.”

Gianna takes her time. “Because he’s Bratva?”

“Yes. They kill people, Gi. I just don’t know if I can live with that on my conscience.”

“Look, Car, I wish I was there so that I could speak to you properly about this, but for now, I want you to listen to me, okay?”

“Okay.” I stare at my hazy reflection in the window and pretend that it’s Gianna.

“I never told you and Mika about my background when we were in Montenegro together because I didn’t know how you would react. But my family is mafia too. My marriage to Seamus was arranged by my parents because it was a good alliance between the Sicilians and the Irish. But then I met Leo and, well, the rest is history as they say.”

I feel numb.Gianna comes from a mafia family. The words roll out in front of my eyes, but they don’t seem to make any sense.

“Do you think I’m a bad person, Car?”

“No.”

I can almost see her smile. “Leo and Andrej are not bad people either. Their world is different to the world you grew up in, but they would die protecting their family.”

I think about Leonid rescuing Ivana and Tamara, and the story I heard about Andrej at the women’s shelter launch. Then animage of my biological parents being gunned down by Leonid and Andrej’s father pops into my head.

“My parents were murdered by the Ivanovs.”

“That’s not what I heard, Car.”