Page 56 of Sexting My Bratva Boss
“Yes,” I choke out, giving him a watery smile. “I’m fine, just—it’s a lot.”
He nods, agreeing, his eyes misting over. With what, I wonder? Is he worried? Regretting this? Scared, like I am?
I don’t regret this.I know that. But one thought keeps coming back to me over and over… I wishshewas here.
In the car ride home, we’re both silent. I’m lost in thought, but whenever I pop back into the present, I can tell that Konstantin is watching me closely. He has the driver stop at a realty office and he disappears inside for a short time before returning.
Driving through the city, we take a turn and all of a sudden the feeling of things being vaguely familiar coalesces into recognition.
I gasp, covering my mouth, eyes filling and spilling over.
“Audrey.” He reaches over, unclicks my seatbelt, and slides me across the backseat to him. I press into his side, ashamed of the tears. “What’s wrong?” he murmurs, beard tickling my forehead.
Glancing over his shoulder, out the window, I take in the familiar street—the familiar home.
“I used to live here,” I whisper, voice trembling. “With my Nana. That was her house.”
Before it went into foreclosure.
Before I had to scramble to find the apartment on Magnolia, with Sal’s help, though now that memory is bitter.
Konstantin’s large hand cradles my head against him. I let the tears and the grief come, in waves, soaking into his perfect, bespoke suit. By the time we’re out of the city and almost home the feeling of hopelessness has receded.
“Leave us,” he tells the driver once we’re parked. The man gets out and walks down the street, lighting a cigarette. I wonder what the neighbors must think.
For what feels like a full minute, Konstantin only watches me. I wipe at the damp trails, self-conscious and finally giving in to gently covering my belly with one hand.
“You’re alone,” he says finally.
I nod. Today has been overwhelming, to say the least.
And if I’m going to do this, I need Konstantin to understand some things about my situation—about how hard this will be for me.
“It’s been one year, today, since my grandmother died.”
His eyes widen in realization as I continue: “She raised me. And I wasn’t ready for her to leave… I didn’t realize how sick she was. She was good at hiding it.”
I don’t need to remind him of my angry, forced confession—that I borrowed the money from Sal and his boss for my Nana’s home care. That fear and love are why I’m in this situation.
“And your parents…?”
I shake my head. “My mom, Nell, she’s an addict. Always has been. She dropped me off when I was three months old and I’ve only seen her a handful of times over the years. I have no idea where she is. My father…” I shrug, giving him a hopeless look. I have no idea who my father is.
He nods slowly, taking that information in. Then something occurs to me: “Didn’t you, I don’t know… do research on me, or anything? Before deciding…?” I gesture at my belly, and Konstantin reaches out, ghosting his fingers over my curves, a small smile on his face.
“No,” he admits. “It wouldn’t have mattered; I only wanted you. Not your past. Not other’s mistakes.”
The declaration calms something in me. The grief isn’t gone, but it’s lessened.
Konstantin carefully unfolds the ultrasound images from his wallet and hands them to me. We bend close, heads over the tiny blob that will be our future.
“My family,” he says quietly, almost a whisper, “I lost them, too. My brother… he passed away. After I left Russia.” Clearing his throat, he pulls away and looks out the window. I reach out, but stop shy of touching him, not sure if he wants comfort. “Mymother didn’t want me. Only the money. And, well, it looks like neither of us have a father to blame for our misfortune.”
His smile is beautiful and sad all at once.
I can’t help myself. I lean forward, practically crawl into his lap, and take his face in my hands. His beard is thick, much darker than his silver hair. For a moment I imagine what a younger, desperate Konstantin would look like, new to America. Fighting for a future.
My lips press against his gently. Konstantin relaxes into the kiss, covering my mouth with his, sucking teasingly on my bottom lip. He squeezes my hip, presses his other hand to my belly.