Page 21 of Seven Graves

About seven inches, she said. Decent girth.

I’m still surprised at how quick she told on herself.

I bet it’s in here, somewhere. I ran my finger down the top of her ebony dresser, smiling and testing a drawer.

I shouldn’t have. If I thought staring too long at her bed was doing a number on my cock, then this is just torture…

and maybe opening whichever one has her toys in it will result in a mess Bridget won’t be cleaning up…

but one that’ll have Viper pissed enough to burn me alive for my sins.

How do women fit this many pairs of underwear in such a tiny drawer?

I’m dying to shove one of these into my pocket but… I’m not. I’ll earn that.

My eyes caught another drawer, slightly open on her nightstand and I grinned, feeling pretty damn positive I’ve struck gold this time. I walked over to it, sliding it open just a little and… jackpot .

Very predictable, Little Viper.

“Ohhh, you dirty, dirty girl…”

There’s a rosebud in here, I think I found her Girthmaster, a few small bullet vibes…

an anal plug. Nipple clamps? Really? No judgment…

whatsoever. Just a little unexpected. I see a cock ring I’m half-tempted to throw down her garbage disposal.

There’s a shlong in here that has a set of balls ?

! I don’t get it. Wait—it’s flat on the bottom.

This is fucking mountable.

I’m absolutely salivating, and my dick really hurts. I have a solid image of her riding this thing in that coffin, and I think I’m about to blow a hole through my jeans. I can’t take this shit anymore. I’ve reached my limit. Pulling out my phone, I shot her a text without even thinking.

Me: When I called it a Girthmaster I didn’t suspect that the accuracy would be more disturbing than what I do for a living. Shame shame, I know your name.

The little dots popped up almost instantly, and I smiled to myself like an ex-wife with a voodoo doll and a fresh box of pins.

Viper: Not in the mood Malek.

Sad face. Here I was having a jolly old time, and she had to go and spoil it. No matter. I bet this will fire her ass up. I pulled the monstrous rubber cock out and took a nice selfie with it, giving her my most charming smile, and making sure the dimple was on full display.

Me: *insert picture* Will this help?

I kill myself with my wit and charm. Har-har.

Ping.

Oh, goodie. She texted back. This is fun.

Viper: Cute. I see you still have no respect for my privacy. I didn’t clean that.

Mother Mary…my psycho kicked in and I couldn’t help myself. I brought it closer to my face.

Ping.

Viper: Oh and before you get any sick ideas…its last ride was in a guy’s ass. ;)

“Aagghhh, cad é an fucking fuck!”

I dropped that floppy member so quick that everything left in the drawer nearly bounced right out of it. She’s lying. She’s gotta be lying, right? I slammed the drawer closed and called her. She was already laughing hysterically when she answered it.

“Oh, drat. Did that last message get received too late, Irishman?”

“You’re a dirty little liar.”

“Am I? I hope you licked it.”

I dragged a hand through my hair, shuddering. “Tempting as it sounds, I don’t have a habit of using my tongue on a cock. I’m pretty familiar with—”

“I’mma stop you right there. I couldn’t care less. Get. Out. Of. My. Apartment.”

“But I was patient !”

“Ha! No…you weren’t. Were you expecting a cookie, or a medal for that sad attempt at patience?”

I smiled and pulled the drawer back open. She’s definitely lying. She got me, though. She’ll love this. “That depends…what kind of cookie?” I grabbed the dong and got my knife out of my pocket, flicking it open and sitting at the end of her bed.

“I can’t begin to describe the ways you annoy me, Malek. But…since you couldn’t be a good boy and I have you on the phone, I had a question about your mysterious tech guy.”

“Oh?”

Shit. Did she find out I’m trailing her?

“Does he have any access to a law office or police department?”

I couldn’t help my grin while my head cocked to the side, holding my phone while I got to work on my present. “I’m sure he could. Dying to hear this.”

“If only that were true.”

“You wound me. Spill.”

“Well, it hasn’t happened just yet, but there’s a small chance I could get assault charges. I feel like I scared a Karen into submission, but you know how they are.”

I blew harshly…on a dick of all things, brushing off pieces of silicone and getting back to work. “Tell me you pommeled her arse, otherwise you should go back and finish the job. Jail time isn’t worth a love tap, Little Viper.”

“Well…I was actually feeling really good about the whole thing, but now you’re making me second guess myself. Is there anything you won’t ruin for me, Jeffrey Dahmer?”

“Haha. And here I thought you had me convinced you only clean bodies. You said this isn’t what you do. Dare I ask what made you ambush a Karen?”

“She fucked with my niece. And had her little spawn carry out whatever she couldn’t.”

I paused.

“Say the word and I’ll take care of her.”

“Not necessary. I’d rather let her piss herself with fear for a little while.” For a second, Robert Maulden and his pissy pants were about to catch their own assault charge for the unkind intrusion of my witty mind.

“Well, if it comes to that then I’ll see what I can do. Might cost ya.”

“Forget I asked.”

I poked my lip out and finished up my handiwork. “That’s not nice.”

“Says the creep still in my apartment.”

“Relax. I’m all done here.” I dropped Mr. Floppy to the middle of her bed, grinning, and stuck my knife back in my pocket.

“Done doing what?”

“Let me know if you need a discreet bailout or my tech guy.”

“Malek! You better answer me. What did you do?”

“Sleep tight, love.”

“Ma—”

Call ended.

Oh, she’s fuming. This is too much fun. My face hurt from all the smiling and continued to hurt the entire way back to my house. I’m a little sad I don’t get to see the look on her face when she gets home, but I’m giddy at all the possible texts she’ll slam me with later.

Now, I’m off to talk to a man about a Karen.