Page 4

Della present day

P ia came into my room and immediately frowned at the state of dishevelment I was in. I could not remember the last time I left my bed.

“Even goddesses need to eat, Della,” she said, frowning. “When was the last time you changed your clothing?”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Leave me alone,” I begged as I covered my face with my blanket.

I had not left my bed in weeks, if not months.

Thea had broken her curse six months ago, and I had not seen Haden since.

His words played in my head. I cannot wait for Thea to break her curse, so you do not have a reason to annoy us with your existence.

I was alone again.

I thought I would be desperate to see Haden, but it turned out that if I slept all day and did not leave my bed, I could push the longing from myself. So, I lay there, rotting in clothes that had not been washed in far too long.

Suddenly, the blankets were ripped off of me.

Pia gave me a look that let me know I couldn’t keep living like this.

But I did not have anything to look forward to anymore.

My right hand instinctively rubbed the five broken stars on my forearm.

I had gained a new sin for saving Thea and not taking her soul, but it was worth it.

No one else could see that I was marked, but that didn’t make me feel better. The mark had not changed since I saved Thea, and I was thankful.

“Maybe you should check on him?” Pia suggested, like she did every time she came in to bother me. “I doubt he’s doing fine like you think he is.”

Tears stung my eyes because I did not know what I wanted more—Haden to be doing well or for him to be as devastated as I was.

He did not curse my existence every day anymore, and he never called for me.

It was as if he had forgotten I existed.

At least when he cursed my existence, I knew he still thought about me.

I rubbed my face in frustration at how pathetic I sounded to myself.

“Della, just go check on him quickly and come right back. Maybe just seeing your mate from a distance will make you feel better.”

Maybe she was right. He wouldn’t even know I was there. I couldn’t keep feeling like I was dying. But the chances were high that I would feel like this forever. Haden had shown me nothing but hatred and cold indifference in the past nine years.

I knew I did not deserve his forgiveness, but I didn’t understand how my mate could hold onto hatred so violently. He would not even let me try to explain why I did what I did. Maybe it wouldn’t matter anyway. Maybe my reasoning would never be enough for him. But I did miss him.

“Fine,” I said as I stood.

“You’re going dressed like that?” She glanced at the wrinkled and too-big tunic I was wearing— the one that belonged to Haden when he loved me. I had not worn a dress in six months. I couldn’t even remember the last time I brushed my hair.

“Yes. He won’t see me.”

Pia wanted to argue, but before she could, I used my starlight to go to where Haden was.

I arrived outside of Thea and Cassius’ home.

Cassius showed it to me so I could help decorate it as a surprise for Thea.

I wondered what it would be like to have a home like this—one that was built for me by the man I loved.

Haden was once going to build me a home that we could live in and create a family in.

Grief slammed into me as I pushed away those thoughts. I would fucking spiral if I thought about it. That home still sat empty, and I knew deep in my heart that I would never get that family with him. This is not how this was supposed to go. He was mine, so why couldn't I have him?

My gaze drifted over the outside of the home, and I admired how well Cassius had combined his and Thea’s tastes into the house.

Jealousy bloomed in my chest. They had everything I wished to have, but it seemed I never would.

I walked closer to the wall of windows. It was dark now; the sun had set hours ago, making it easy to see inside.

They were sitting at the table eating a big, fancy meal.

My gaze swept over Thea and Cassius smiling at each other before moving over other faces I did not recognize.

Then I saw him. Haden was laughing as he talked with some woman.

He looked so unaffected by my absence. I could not turn away from the sight.

I had missed seeing his smile. I had dreamt of him smiling at me, but now his smile was for this woman who was talking, her hands waving around for dramatic effect.

She was pretty with her dark hair and petite facial features.

The woman next to her was smiling at Haden too.

My gaze stayed on his face and how happy he was. My chest ached in longing.

I swallowed down the pain that only seemed to triple.

This had been a stupid idea. I should have never listened to Pia.

Still, even as my heart broke, I wanted to watch my mate for a while longer.

Haden’s stormy eyes seemed to shine brightly.

He was happy. A part of me was relieved to know this, that I hadn’t killed his happiness for good.

I took in the whole group of them laughing and smiling together and felt like such an outsider.

Haden had found a new family, and it was one that I did not fit into.

The woman reached out and gripped Haden’s shoulder as they laughed again.

Grief consumed me. Anger and self-hatred slammed into my chest, making my body ache with longing.

I wanted Haden back. I wanted to come to a dinner party with him and be with our friends.

Tears fell from my eyes as overwhelming emotions clogged my throat and made me sob loudly.

Suddenly, lightning cracked across the sky, and thunder boomed behind me.

Then the rain began pouring relentlessly.

The change in weather had everyone looking out the window. I did not move because I knew they wouldn’t see me.

For a brief moment, Haden looked in my direction, but his eyes just flickered over me because I was a coward who had to hide to see him.

He frowned slightly as he watched the storm.

Did he think of me every time it rained like this?

Probably not. I let myself watch him for a moment longer as the rain soaked me.

I couldn’t take this fucking torture anymore.

I turned away from the window and the life I would never get to experience.

He was fine without me.

My absence had not destroyed him.

He was happy.

I took two steps and stopped, unable to bring myself to leave him. My bond was tugging so violently inside of me that I had to rub my chest to stop the ache.

“I thought I saw you.” Haden’s voice came from behind me.

At first, I thought my broken heart was making me hear things, but when I turned, he was really standing there in the rain.

His pretty eyes glided over the tears running down my face.

Then they flickered down to the tunic I was wearing with nothing else.

My hair was a mess too because I hadn’t washed or brushed it.

Gods, this was fucking embarrassing. I turned away from him and started walking again.

He was following me, and suddenly this became a fucking nightmare.

What the hell was I thinking coming here looking like this?

I didn’t want him to see me like this, destroyed by his absence when he looked so good.

Pia was right; I should have changed and made myself look better.

I stopped when I realized that it wouldn’t have made a difference. Haden had told me how much he hated me for nine years. Looking like I was put together more was not going to change that. Nothing was going to change that.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, but I couldn’t talk without my emotions escaping me completely. I started walking again. “Ardella.”

My own name was the dagger in the heart—my undoing.

A loud sob escaped me, and I could not hide it.

His hand gripped my shoulder and turned me toward him.

His stormy eyes were not filled with excitement at seeing me.

They looked like they were filled with irritation that I ruined his nice night or maybe just because he had to see my face.

I looked down because I could not stand to see how much he hated me, even though I understood. That was what was so hard about this. He had every right to hate me, and I could not be angry about it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see me,” I whispered.

“Why are you here?” he asked again.

I shook my head, not wanting to answer. When I looked up, I saw that he was just staring at me, waiting for me to speak.

All I could think about was if he loved me as much as he hated me at this moment, then he would never have left me.

I never got to hear him say that to me after he was reborn.

He never had a chance to tell me he loved me. He wasn't all in anymore.

“I wanted to see you,” I confessed.

My answer made his jaw clench tightly. Haden stared at me as if I said something terrible. I held my breath, my foolish heart thinking maybe he would cave in and tell me he was glad I was here. But when I saw the icy blue of his frost magic coming up, I knew he would never be happy to see me again.

“It's been months; why now?” His voice dripped with anger.

“I wanted to know if you were doing okay. I missed you.”

He took a deep, irritated breath.

“I’ve never been better,” he said. I nodded as I looked away from him.

My mating bond pounded violently in my chest. It wanted me to take him home and not let him leave me ever again.

“I thought I made it pretty clear over the past nine years that I did not ever want to see you again. I meant it. Thea broke her curse; you don’t need to come around here anymore. ”

“Please,” I begged.

Haden took an angry step toward me. My bond tugged violently like it wanted to snap.

“If you let me explain…”

“Explain?” he hissed. “There is nothing to explain. You killed Remiah—murdered her. No reason will ever be good enough for that. I have not thought about you for months, and I thought you finally understood that I don’t want you around.”

His words pierced straight into my heart and shattered any delusions I had that he could forgive me with time.

I swallowed down my sobs because I didn’t want him to see me fall apart.

I would do that in my home. I was about to answer him, to spill my heart out for him, but stopped when I saw the woman behind him.

Her eyes stared at us. Her dark hair was soaking wet from the rain. Gods, she was pretty.

“Haden?” she called out. He stilled as his gaze went to her. “Are you all right?”

“Yes. I’ll be back inside in a minute.”

“Okay.” She nodded and turned away.

I couldn’t help that the storm above us increased its intensity.

All I was doing was making a fool of myself.

Haden did not want me; if he did, he would have called to me.

He would have reached out in these past six months, but he didn’t.

He was absolutely fine without me, and the thought made my storm stop completely.

Stars, this is what I was going to feel like for the rest of my life. He deserved to be happy without me.

“Storm—” Haden’s voice broke, and when I looked at him, I paused for only a moment. The void was staring back at me. I had not seen this version of him since I killed Remiah.

“I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone,” I said quickly and let my starlight take me back home without looking at him. Pia looked at me as I appeared in my room, soaking wet. There was a puddle of water under where I stood, and all I could hear was the rain dripping off of me.

“Della?” She frowned.

I said nothing as I walked past her and into the washroom.

I started a bath, stripping my clothing off, and sank into the tub.

He’s better than he’s ever been. He looked better than he’s ever looked.

I closed my eyes tightly as I tried to be relieved that my mate was not suffering.

But I could not. Pia knocked on the door and came in.

“Della, what happened?”

“He is doing better than he ever has, and hasn’t missed me.”

I looked at her, and she looked back at me with pity. Pia knelt next to the tub as my tears fell freely.

“Oh, Della,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I said with no emotion. I was hanging by a thread and I did not care what happened anymore. This was not how it was supposed to end.