Page 4 of Secrets Across the Sea

Hertfordshire, England – 1808

Knocking on the door to her father’s study, Elizabeth held her breath. Perhaps this time he would respond?

His daughters needed him. His tenants needed him. Life required action of him; no matter how his heart grieved. No matter how they all grieved, things continued to move on.

Laying a hand upon the smooth wooden door, she frowned and glanced down the hall, the silence deafening.

For over three months they had been shifting for themselves, the Gardiners absent since the funeral, Aunt Phillips long dead, and no insights into Mother's mysterious relations. Now though… now they would begin to garner Father’s roles. She, Jane, perhaps even Mary, would serve as parents, instructors, and masters of an estate.

Masters of an estate? Were they ready? They had never been trained. Their father had never trained them for HIS role. His.

“If only he would come out from his study,” Elizabeth sighed as she pushed away from the door.

Yet, she stilled, pulling her lower lip between her teeth as she gazed backward, why would he begin to, when he hardly ever had before?

∞∞∞

“Jane,” Elizabeth began matter-of-factly, “I have asked Mary to keep Kitty and Lydia occupied for the day… We two must talk.”

Nodding, Jane gently closed their late mother's sewing box, her embroidery laid on her lap as she fixed her gaze upon Elizabeth, awaiting her to continue.

“Every day I have tried, yet PaPa continues to ignore me. The time has come for us to carry the load. Already we have worked with Mrs. Hill, arranging menus and answering her queries, but a housekeeper cannot be expected to see to the finances or every detail of the household forever. Then there is the estate, seeing to tenant wants and needs, planning crops, investing, and… well, I could go on.” Rubbing at the tight ache of her head she added, “All that besides the needs of our sisters. Education is of the highest priority, but decisions must be made regarding clothing, when Mary is to be out, if Lydia should be allowed equal spending money to Kitty or Mary despite her age?” Pouring herself a cup of tea, Elizabeth moaned, “Unending decisions...” her mind exhausted before they had even begun–what to do first hidden in the whirl of choice.

Jane stared wide-eyed at Elizabeth, fingers resting upon her lips until, nodding, she smoothed her features and said, “I pity poor PaPa–were it not for Mrs. Hill’s determination, I fear he would cease to eat. You are correct, however. It is time for action on our part; for all our sakes. Still, what do either of us know about running an estate? The household runnings we have at least observed and assisted many times, but an estate?”

“I know,” Elizabeth huffed. “The prospect of taking on all these tasks–at once no less–is daunting. Though, between you and I–and in smaller things, Mary–we can make it work. Yes?”

A wry chuckle from Jane, a welcome sound to Elizabeth’s ears, filled the air. If only their house could be filled with laughter again. With sounds of life; even if that meant arguments and unending noise and people. Even if it meant constant aggravation… It meant home.

It seemed that had died with their mother.

Their mother?

Eyes widening, Elizabeth leaned toward her sister. "Jane, do you know anything about Mamma's cousin or uncle? We cannot ask Father, but Sir Lucas would know given it was he who revealed their existence."

"Mamma's cousin? Her uncle?" Jane questioned incredulously, her gaze narrowing on Elizabeth. "You know Mamma has none. Whatever Sir Lucas may have said, he is wrong. When did you hear such a thing?"

Hands clenching, Elizabeth's head tilted down. "When he came and told PaPa what had happened. It. PaPa confirmed his words; did you not hear?"

Sitting back, Jane shook her head, "I think none of us were in a position to listen beyond that horrible... Listen, Lizzy, whatever you thought you heard, none of us were clear in our thinking. Pain. Confusion. It passed as though a dream. Can you even be certain of what you heard? Besides, Mamma would not lie to us. Never. She did not keep secrets. Please, Lizzy. Let us speak no more about it. Not even to Sir Lucas. Please ."

Taking a firm breath, Elizabeth nodded, "If it upsets you, I promise to leave it be. Perhaps I did mishear? In the meantime," she smiled halfheartedly, "we have better things to do."

Jane was correct in one thing, they had all been in a confused state; equally, however, she knew what she had heard. There had been no mistake. But she had promised Jane and, for now, that was a promise she would keep.

“Well, Jane, where do we begin?”

Head lifting as Jane tossed her valuable embroidery onto the small table beside her and stood, Elizabeth followed the form of her sister with all interest.

“I think,” Jane began as she procured paper, ink, and a quill from the writing desk, “it would be best if we made a list of all the duties you and I shall be taking on. Some we can share, of course, but your talents and mine do vary; I for one have no skills for bartering, and I shudder at the thought of having to speak to tenant farmers regularly–their wives and children when need be, to be sure, but…”

“Then I promise to take that duty on,” Elizabeth laughed, the conversation regarding their mother’s secret at a firm end. “That is, if you promise to do most of the bookkeeping. I am competent at figures, but you know I do not enjoy them. You however are exceptional at them… AND you enjoy them, which, if at all possible in the assigning of these tasks, should take precedence. Going to speak to the tenant farmers gives me an opportunity to walk and be outdoors rather than being locked away the day long, and that pleases me greatly.” Sighing she prodded her sister as she drew near the paper between them. “If only all our tasks could be assigned so easily, but here, should you continue to prove as agreeable as this, perhaps they shall?”

“In this, Lizzy, I fear you may not find me as yielding or agreeable as usual. Still,” Jane said, moving to begin their list making, “I believe we shall come through this with only some small moments of quarreling; for I promise to accept the role of bookkeeper, and that is no slight concession.”

Five hours and two pounding headaches later, the pair sat back, assured that–though in need of some adjustments–their list of tasks and who should be assigned to them was laid forth in such a way as to know at a glance who was to do which task. Unfortunately, it did nothing to demonstrate how to learn those new skills, nor how often and in what order of priority. Still, Mary would spend a full day each week following one of her elder sisters to better learn and assist them, and though it had the potential to at first slow things down, the ultimate benefits to their time and to Mary’s skills could not be ignored.

“Well, Jane, we are done,” Elizabeth sighed as she slumped deep into the settee.

“If you consider making a list as ‘being done,’ then yes. If you are speaking of our being spent for the day, you are also correct. If, however, you meant our work is done, then I believe you shall be gravely disappointed; for it has only begun.”

Raising her shoulders one after the other as the tenseness of every muscle in her body spoke angrily, Elizabeth gazed lazily at her sister. If only she had the strength left to rebut Jane’s jest.

“For once I have no reply, save a moan. I am spent. Entirely so. If agreeable to you, I am for bed.”

“What of food? You have not eaten.”

“No,” Elizabeth agreed, “I have not. However, I fear I have not the strength to lift a spoon to my lips. Ascending the stairs shall be its own accomplishment.”

“Very well,” Jane said, eyes narrowed as she viewed her sister. “I assume you wish to wait until tomorrow to discuss this with our sisters–Mary in particular ought to have a say in it.”

“Tomorrow. Yes. Tomorrow. Sleep well, Jane,” Elizabeth murmured as she forced herself to stand.

“Goodnight,” Jane’s soft voice followed as she mounted the stairs, until, at last in her room, Elizabeth fell into bed. Asleep in moments though fully dressed, and dreaming not of the days to come, but of their mother’s secret.

∞∞∞

Suppressing a yawn, Elizabeth observed Lydia’s fierce glower with little surprise.

“If Mamma were still here, she would not make me do all the studying you have planned!” Lydia whined as she stood from her seat at the table, setting her hands on her hips as she stared defiantly at her two oldest sisters. “Ask PaPa, he will not make me!”

“Lydia,” Jane soothed, “I know everything has changed… However, it has been left up to us to do all these things. Each of us has a role to play. Indeed, upon reflection last night, I came upon an idea; if Elizabeth agrees, I thought that you and Kitty might follow Elizabeth or myself as we take care of the estate, house, and other tasks once a week? It would be a great help to us. And then Mary might do the same twice a week? Perhaps occasionally completing some task on her own?”

“That sounds a capital idea,” Elizabeth smiled as she buttered a piece of toast. “My only complaint is that I did not contrive it myself–to think some have said I was the clever one–but no matter, I shall gladly enjoy the benefits of your scheme. Are you all in favour of it?” she asked, turning to each sister to fully include them in the conversation.

“I am,” Mary said quickly. “A rewarding use of time, I think… though, I would prefer not to have to speak with the tenants, or contend with too many men for that matter.”

“You and Jane,” Elizabeth chuckled, “afraid of all those strange men–that is the problem, I fear, with girls’ education. We are kept so long at home, disallowed from spending overmuch time in company outside of family and some charitable works, that when at last we are ‘out,’ we know not what to say or how to act save for what we were made to memorize. Well, we need to make certain, Jane, that our younger sisters do not face the same lack, and joining me occasionally when I see to our tenants is one way to help in that. Perhaps,” she whispered conspiratorially, “we may learn what men truly do discuss, or, if so fortunate, what they enjoy. Mr. Kingston, for example, I am certain, has strong views on fish, and I for one am unspeakably eager to hear.”

“Oh please,” Lydia begged, “anything but fish. Though I do favour your plan to follow you two. It sounds a lark! I would much rather that than be stuck here studying. All. Day. Long. Ugh! What say you Kitty?”

Whirling on her sister, Lydia’s curls danced around her as Kitty considered her answer a moment too long.

“Oh, do answer, Kitty! It would be such fun, I should think! Almost like being in charge… or like a married woman even. It. Oh…” Lydia said, lip quivering as her eyes grew glassy and body as still as ice.

“Very well,” Kitty agreed hurriedly, brows furrowed as she studied her sister. “I will. I mean, we shall… I promise.”

“What is the matter, Lydia?” Jane asked, her own expression falling at the sight of her sister.

“Mamma. I. I miss her so and… it was her dream. All of us married, running our own homes. But, even if it happens, she… she never… and I…” crying Lydia dropped into her chair, arms thrown upon the table as she began to weep into them.

“Shhh,” Jane soothed as she hurried to Lydia’s side and began to rub small circles upon her back, “shhh. It shall all be alright.”

Observing the wide-eyed heartbreak of her sisters, Elizabeth’s face fell. Alright?

Perhaps. If they could learn to stand by and care for one another as they never had before. And if they could keep the estate afloat.

If? Those were rather large ifs, and, she thought, her eyes cutting toward her Father's study, they would have to do it alone.