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Moonlight streaked across the street as I walked down the sidewalk. My heart pounded, growing louder with every step as I got closer to my destination. My entire body felt electrified with anticipation, even as my stomach twisted with uncertainty. This could either be the best decision of my life or the worst. But I had never been one to back down from a challenge. And there was something thrilling about taking the risk, especially when the reward was worth it.
And the reward, if this gamble paid off the way I thought it might, would be more than worth it.
The wind brushed against my face, bringing enticing scents from the forest toward me. On any other night, that smell alone would have been enough to draw me to the edge of the woods, where I would shift and let my wolf run and hunt for the evening. Tonight, however, my wolf and I had no desire to hunt. She was as set on our path as I was. I could feel her tail swish in eager anticipation inside me as we neared our destination.
I came to a stop in front of the house I had been in dozens of times over the last couple of years. Mira’s home. And her brother Jackson’s. I stared up at it for a long moment. Light streamed out from behind a curtain on the second floor, and that was it. Only one person in the house, just as I had hoped.
I took a deep breath. It was now or never. I strolled forward, shoulders back and head high as I moved up the path. I paused, a hint of nervousness swirling in my stomach for the first time as I stared at the door in front of me. This was it. One last time to back out. But if I backed out, I would regret it for the rest of my life. At this point, it was now or never.
I knocked and waited.
A light flicked on in the house. Footsteps sounded on the other side of the door, and a familiar, comforting scent grew nearer as I saw a large form in the frosted glass beyond. I waited, heart racing with excitement and more fear than I would have cared to admit. My wolf paced inside me with pent-up energy as the short wait for the door to open stretched on like an eternity.
Eventually, however, the door opened.
A tall man with light brown hair stood in the doorway. He towered over me, and I realized with a new jolt that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Each of his perfectly defined muscles rippled with each tiny movement, and my heart began thundering as my body began to heat all over.
Jackson blinked as he stared down at me. His head tilted in polite confusion as his brow furrowed.
“Audrey?” He glanced around. “Mira’s not here.”
“I know.” I knew that perfectly well. I had planned out this entire thing with that in mind. “I wanted to talk to you. Can I come in?”
The creases in his forehead deepened as he studied me. I waited, matching his gaze. Just being this near him sent my wolf into a frenzy. She had always been a bit on the wild side.
I stayed where I was, excitement and nervousness coursing through me, electrifying my entire body. The thought of him saying no or closing the door in my face terrified me more than I could say. I stayed where I was, though, unwilling to back down. I was going to see this through, regardless of the outcome.
After a moment, he nodded, taking a step back. “All right,” he said.
“Thanks.” I brushed past him. Another whiff of his scent, oak and vanilla, hit me as I strolled into the room, enough to send my wolf pacing inside me, her tail swishing in anticipation. She had waited for so long to do this that every minute it stretched on seemed only to annoy her further.
“Happy birthday, by the way,” he said after he closed the door. He raised his eyebrows. “Eighteen. Pretty big one.”
“Yeah,” I said, turning to face him. “It’s weird to think about.”
“I’m surprised you aren’t spending time with friends ton—”
His words cut off as he stared at me, his jaw-dropping as his eyes raked me up and down as he finally registered what I was wearing. He blinked in surprise as he studied me, lingering on my breasts, not bothering to conceal his interest. I wore a short skirt, a lacy top with a plunging neckline, and no bra. The heels on my feet accentuated my legs, and my auburn hair was curled and fell around my shoulders. His eyes flashed with an undisguised hunger and lust that made my stomach lurch with delight and my toes curl.
“There were other ways I wanted to celebrate my birthday than spend time with friends,” I admitted.
“Is that so?” he asked.
“Mhm.”
He dragged his attention away from my body to focus on my face. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about?” he asked. I didn’t miss the raw edge to his voice, as if he was trying to hold back some primal urge.
I took in a deep breath. For the first time since I had made up my mind to do this, a flutter of nerves churned in my stomach. It wasn’t like me to get nervous or self-conscious, but it wasn’t like this was an ordinary situation.
“I’ve been debating whether to talk to you about this for a while,” I admitted. I took a step closer to him, his oak and vanilla scent growing stronger, sending a lurch of desire through me. “I almost didn’t.” I gave a playful, flirtatious smile. “But since it’s my birthday and I figured I deserved something nice, I decided I would just bite the bullet.”
He raised his eyebrows, folding his arms as he leaned against the wall, his head tilting in question. The pause lingered. God, I had thought this might be difficult or uncomfortable. I just hadn’t realized it would be this nerve-wracking. I didn’t get nervous. And yet, here I was, standing in front of Jackson, feeling like a blushing, babbling kid. I could feel my cheeks flush as he watched me with that alluring intensity that always seemed to heat up my insides.
This was my last chance to back out. The last time I could brush past him and walk away, maybe go out and find Mira and have a drink to celebrate instead of doing what I really wanted. For a wild moment, I almost considered doing just that. Except I was here instead. I’d made my decision, and I was going to stick with it.
The edge of Jackson’s lip quirked upward in a smirk. “This doesn’t really feel like biting the bullet,” he teased.
I shot him an annoyed look even as I couldn’t hide my own smirk. That casual teasing was one of the things that had drawn me to him in the first place. Now was the time.
“I think I’m in love with you,” I admitted.
And there it was, finally out in the open. Just admitting it to someone was a weight off my shoulders. I had wondered about it ever since I had first moved to town and met Mira. I left my old pack years ago because I couldn’t take living with my parents any longer. The alpha who had taken over the pack was too brutish for my taste, and my father had cozied up to him. I left with no plan whatsoever and eventually found myself in this pack.
Mira had become nearly a sister, and the moment I had met Jackson, I had felt this rush of electricity and energy, a sort of undeniable need that I had never imagined possible. I had wanted him from the moment I laid eyes on him.
On top of that, Jackson had been good to me this entire time. Kind and considerate. He had helped me get settled in, had taken the time to check in on me and make sure I was doing well. Hell, he’d even helped me find a job. At first, I had written it off as just a guy helping his sister’s brother. But at some point, I started wondering if there was something more to his attentiveness. That was also when I finally realized that all I thought about was him.
At first, I tried to ignore the feelings. Not ignore, deny. I sensed how badly I wanted him, how much my wolf wanted him, too. I told myself the feelings weren’t real, or that I needed to ignore them. It was easier that way, especially considering Mira. How the hell was I supposed to tell her I was in love with her brother? That I suspected he might be my mate? So I pushed them down, trying to forget all about them.
But the more time I spent with him, the harder they were to ignore. At some point, I realized there was no helping it. The feelings, that need to be around him always, would never abate despite how much easier my life would be if they did. I was his. And now that I was eighteen, I could finally tell him.
Which was why I found myself standing in front of him now, finally admitting the truth I’d tried to kid myself wasn’t real.
Jackson stared at me, his face unreadable. I thought I caught a glimpse of something in his eyes, something that might have been surprise or excitement, but I couldn’t tell. The longer he stared at me in silence, the more anxious I became, not something that typically happened. But there was something about being this open, bearing my heart to him, that made my pulse thunder in my ears and my stomach clench in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant.
“I’ve thought it for a long time,” I admitted. “Only, I didn’t say anything because Mira’s my best friend, and I was only seventeen to begin with. I wanted to wait until I was positive before doing anything like that.”
He remained silent, his eyes locked on my face. He straightened, every inch of his body alert, all his attention trained on me.
“And I think I sense a mating bond, too,” I said. Those nerves dug themselves deeper inside me as I tried to read his face. I bit my lip, heat rushing to my face. It took a lot for me to feel self-conscious, but a rush of uncertainty washed over me. “But since I’ve never felt one before, I can’t be certain. But it definitely feels like one, or the way I imagined it to.”
More silence. My heart rate had doubled at this point.
“I understand if you don’t feel the same,” I said. “But I wasn’t going to be able to forgive myself if I didn’t tell you. And I couldn’t wait any longer. So, here I am.”
He continued to stare. I searched his face, the slightest hint of unease bordering on dread seeping into my bones as I tried to gauge his reaction.
Nothing.
“Do me a favor and say something,” I urged.
He blinked as if coming back to earth, his attention focusing on my eyes. “Is this really what you want?” he growled.
“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t,” I retorted.
“There’s no going back once we cross this bridge. You know that, right?”
“I know,” I said. “I knew that when I walked over. I’m still here.”
He looked at me with undisguised longing. I could see him working through his own thoughts. I waited, heart pounding, in silence.
“All right, then,” he said.
He stalked forward, that hunger burning in his gaze as he came to stand in front of me. Before I could move or react, he pulled me toward him, pressing my body against his as he bent down to kiss me.
Fire burned through my entire body, and my wolf howled in triumph as his mouth claimed mine, his hand tangling in my hair to hold me in place. My mind went deliciously blank as my hand slipped under his shirt, my fingers tracing the hard muscles of his stomach. Ecstasy and lust blended together as he lifted me up, his mouth not leaving mine. My legs locked around his waist, and he carried me up the stairs into his bedroom.
After, we lounged in bed, his arm wrapped around me as he held me against his body. I nuzzled against him, resting my head against his chest. I smiled, relishing the feel of his fingers stroking my hair as I let my imagination wander. I pictured the future, what it would be like for the two of us in five, ten, twenty years. All I could see in those images was pure bliss. All my life, I had wanted to find a place where I could belong. I had finally found it.
“You all right?” he asked, breaking the silence and pulling me out of my reverie.
“Mhm. More than all right.” I angled my head so I could look at him. “So, what now?” I asked.
His muscles tensed beneath me. That should have been my first warning that everything was going to go to shit.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I don’t know how we’re going to tell Mira,” I confessed. “Do you think she’ll understand?”
He didn’t say anything. An unreadable expression had come over his face.
“I didn’t think you would be that stumped for ideas,” I teased. “I know I’m smart, but I can’t be the only smart one in the relationship.”
He swallowed hard. “Audrey, you are incredible.”
I gave a lazy smile. “Please, continue singing my praises. I like hearing it.”
He didn’t smirk back. My smile vanished, and a small pebble of uncertainty and dread settled in my stomach. Something was wrong. I pushed myself away from him, staring at him with a creeping dread.
“Jackson?” I asked.
He sighed, pushing himself up so his back leaned against the headstand. I watched uneasily as he chewed his lip. Eventually, he rubbed his face.
“Fuck,” he muttered. Before I could properly register the word, he was already talking again. “You’re incredible,” he repeated, but this time, the words sounded more like an ominous warning than any sort of compliment. “But I don’t think this is going to work out. I don’t think it’s a good idea, especially right now.”
My world crashed around me as the words rang in my ears.
“You don’t…” I stammered.
“This was great,” he said. “But I don’t think a relationship is a good idea.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, my mind racing. Something constricted around my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. All I could do was stare at him in disbelief.
“So you’re saying you don’t feel anything?” I asked when I finally regained my voice.
He licked his lips as he ran his fingers through his hair. “No, I’m not saying that. I do feel something. And I don’t think you’re wrong about the mating bond, either. I’ve felt some sort of connection basically since you arrived in town.”
“Then why are you rejecting it? Rejecting me?” I demanded.
“That’s not fair. I’m not rejecting—”
“You just told me you didn’t want anything else. That’s the definition of rejection. The least you could do was admit it.”
He didn’t answer.
“Oh my God,” I said. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”
I scrambled out of the bed, head still swimming as I found my clothes and shoved them on hurriedly, my hands trembling as I tried to process what had just happened, because it didn’t seem possible. How had what had seemed like a perfect moment turned into this?
“You’re not an idiot.” Jackson got out of bed and walked over to me. He took my shoulder and gently tried to move me to look at him. “You’re amazing. I just—”
I jerked my arm away from him and stepped back, glaring at him. “Don’t touch me,” I spat.
“Audrey—”
“So, what? I open my heart to you, and you decide you’ll just take advantage of that and then run? You got what you wanted, and that’s it?”
“It’s not like that,” he said, a hint of a growl entering his voice. His features softened again. “I like you, Audrey. You’re smart, gorgeous, feisty—”
“Touch me again, and you’ll see how feisty I actually am,” I snarled, though internally, my heart was breaking, tears threatening to spill out as I desperately tried to keep myself composed. I wasn’t going to show him how much I was hurting.
His hand fell to his side. “It’s nothing to do with you,” he insisted. “It’s me. I promise. I want to go into the military, to go into special ops. I don’t want to have someone waiting and worrying about me while I’m out doing dangerous things, and I don’t want to have to worry about putting someone I care about at risk. You have to understand.”
“I don’t,” I snarled. “I don’t have to do anything. You yourself said you thought you felt something. So that was a lie?”
“No! Of course not. I’m being honest. I just don’t want to put you in a position where you could get hurt.”
“Well, you failed on that bit,” I growled.
“Audrey, please—” He reached out toward me.
“I told you not to touch me,” I snapped, jerking my arm away from him. It took all my strength not to give in to the urge to tear him to ribbons. I willed the tears to stay back long enough for me to get out of his sight. “I never want to see you again.”
I walked out the door, slamming it shut behind me as I hurried down the path, walking as fast as I could without breaking into a run. A lump had filled my throat to the point it was hard to breathe. I forced myself to keep moving, to not look back, to put as much distance between myself and the man I thought I had loved as quickly as possible.
The instant I thought it was safe and I was out of view, I doubled over. Tears dropped from my nose and cheeks to splatter on the ground as I sucked in a deep breath, willing myself to get a grip, but all I could do was replay his words over and over again in my head.
God, how could I have been such an idiot? I should have known something like this would happen. I had been an outcast and a reject my whole life. Why would the guy I had thought was my mate be any different?
There were so many dreams I’d had but never admitted: Jackson and I getting married, having kids, my best friend being my sister-in-law as he and I settled down and built a life for ourselves. I had pictured our dream house, the way our wedding would look, how we would grow old together. I had imagined so clearly what the rest of my life would be like with my mate, a perfect life where I would finally be happy.
All of that just flew out the window. It evaporated in my head in an instant. All that was left was me, alone, hunched over on the sidewalk, crying over a guy I would never get to have.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood like that. Eventually, though, I pulled myself upright and dried my damp cheeks with the heel of my palm. I could be sad later. Right now, I needed a plan.
I had meant it when I said I never wanted to see Jackson again. There was only one way to guarantee it, and that was to pack up and leave. It wouldn’t be too difficult. I had run away once before; I could do it again.
I’m sorry, Mira , I thought. Leaving her was the only pang of guilt I felt once the idea got into my head. I was going to miss her, and I knew she didn’t have many friends here. But I also didn’t think I could look her in the face and admit that not only had I had sex with her brother, but that he had rejected me after.
And if I stayed friends with Mira, I would inevitably have to see that asshole again. I couldn’t.
The best thing was a clean cut. To leave tonight, to put Jackson and this stupid town and everything else behind me so I would never have to deal with him again.
So that was what I did. An hour later, I threw my suitcase in my ancient car and drove away, putting the town and Jackson in my rearview mirror for good.
I would never have to deal with him again.