Page 29 of Secret Revenge

The woman laughed loudly. “You know I never needed any of that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Travis sounded crestfallen. “But still?—”

“Travis,” the lady said, cutting him off, “I forgive you for everything that happened back then.”

“I don’t know Barbara,” Travis replied. “I don’t know if I deserve to be forgiven.”

“You always were a wonderful partner, Travis,” the bride said, placing a hand on Travis’s shoulder. “It’s too bad you never got to see that about yourself.”

I was reeling from anger at this point. The two of them had a very important relationship that I hadn’t known about.

What the hell?I had no idea why I was so upset, but my anger burned so red hot, I felt the ground under my feet would burn and turn to molten magma.

I had come out for this gig with Michael to clear my head of thoughts of Travis and get a hold of my emotions. Unfortunately, I ended up more confused than before. It was driving me insane. I wanted to scream out my frustration as Travis and Barbara hugged each other.

Feeling angry and confused, I stomped back towards the wedding, hoping not to get lost in the hedges of the maze.

14

TRAVIS

Idon’t deserve your forgiveness, I thought to myself as Barbara hugged me.

I really didn’t. I tried to explain that to her, but the damned woman never listened to me. Even after all these years, she had not learned how to listen. I chuckled with her head on my shoulder as I remembered the first time I saw her.

It was back in college. I was a junior, while she was a freshman. Some football star on a scholarship had jumped the line at the admissions office and she was the only person to say anything about it. At 5’8”, she wasn’t a short woman. The guy, however, was at least 6’6” and looked like he weighed 250 pounds.

He was the star linebacker on the football team, and a projected top twenty pick in the NFL draft. This guy was built like a tank, fierce, with his blockhead football friends in their letterman jackets behind him. Barbara had clutched her books to her chest and pointed to the back of the line for them to return there.

Things had heated up. The athletes felt insulted, but Barbara nipped it in the bud by calling none other than the Dean ofAdmissions. I remember how amusing it was that she casually had the Dean of Admissions on speed dial. I later learned that all three boys had to make a public apology to her to retain their scholarships.

The first thing I said when I spoke to her that day was, “I’m sorry I didn't step up behind you.” She laughed and shrugged it off, and we became close and stayed so until we graduated. We dated and got engaged, then I ran away, giving no reason for bailing out on her. And yet, she forgave me.

It was her air of quiet competence and inner strength that had drawn me to her in the first place. Even now she seemed to know far more than she let on, her intelligence dancing behind her bright eyes.

“Well,” Barbara said, breaking off the hug. “I should return before my husband realizes I’m missing.” She grinned broadly and winked at me.

“Burn,” I hissed jokingly. “Do you have to rub it in my face?”

“Yep,” she said, getting up. “See you inside?”

“Sure,” I replied. “I just need a minute alone.”

She nodded and glided away, as graceful as ever. I rolled the diamond ring in my fingers. I really hadn’t expected Barbara to keep the ring. She kept doing things that amazed me, just for the sake of it. It was a beautiful ring. I really wished she’d kept it or at least pawned it. I did not feel comfortable taking it back from her.

The ring, not the wedding invitation, was the final piece that told me I had lost her for good. I had no idea how I felt about that. I reflected one last time on how great things were with her. She was the only woman I ever allowed myself to get close to. The only woman I could ever say that I loved. That was gone now and looking back at the relationship held nothing for me but pain.

Although I was lying to myself. She was not the only woman. Painful as it was for me to admit, there was another.

Emily.

There was no denying how insane I was about her. It was different than it had been with Barbara—to be frank, I’d never been so uncontrollably sensually crazy for her. I tried to push away the thought as quickly as it entered my head but decided that there was no gain in self-deceit.

It was no use denying how she made me feel. I rarely formed deep connections with women, but somehow with Emily there was much more than a physical relationship between us. It was as though she had seen into my soul that first night we had dinner, and I had seen into hers. And I liked what I saw.

While I had mixed emotions over Barbara getting married, that reaction wouldn’t have been as intense if I hadn’t met Emily. It was my conflicted feelings for Emily that compelled me to attend Barbara’s wedding. She had been living rent-free in my head for days, and I needed to confront the ghosts of girlfriend’s past if I was to have anything with Emily.

You can’t.After our first one-night stand, that had seemed a certainty. But our second rendezvous—and her willingness to be with me again, however briefly—gave me a spark of hope.