Page 41 of Second Night Stand

Izzy woke inLillian’s arms. She’d slept with Lillian in her own bed, like a couple, like they’d do this again and again. But she had to respect Lillian’s boundaries. After they’d snuggled for a few minutes, Izzy reluctantly pulled away.

“Our people will be here by nine,” she said. “Do you want to… get a coffee or something so you can come back in like you didn’t spend the night?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Of course not.”

“Why of course not?” Lillian asked, putting her arm across Izzy’s belly and pulling her back in.

“The most gorgeous woman in the world in my bed? I don’t mind if my friends know you spent the night.”

But Lillian might mind. There was discreetly flirting in front of the Reed-Whitmer Ballet Company, and there was sitting at the kitchen table first thing in the morning glowing from great sex.

“It wouldn’t help.” Lillian gave Izzy a playful kiss. “I’d be wearing what I wore yesterday.”

“I could loan you something.”

“Maybe a corset? That would be much more subtle. Why don’t you make me a coffee here.”

Izzy would have liked to spend all day lazing around with Lillian, but Velveteen Crush and the Reed-Whitmer Ballet Company arrived before nine. An air of revolution vibrated in the house as they designed their routine and rehearsed. Izzy was ready to give a Blue Lenox speech to inspire the group, but Sarah had beat her to it and plus they didn’t need inspiring.

Around nine p.m., the teams left.

“I thought we’d never get done.” Lillian dropped onto the sofa. “Who am I? I’m always the one saying, Work more. Stay longer.”

Izzy sat next to her. “You trained them well.” She rested her head on Lillian’s shoulder. “There’s only four teams after us. Dance Magic, Effectz, Dream Team Marchers, and Retroactive Silence.”

“I can’t believe they brought them back.”

Should Izzy ask? What happens with us? Broken Bush echoed in the moment, all those times Izzy had sat with a girl and wondered if she should say how she felt. Would that open the door to something wonderful or just ruin a beautiful moment?

Lillian took a breath to speak. Would it be an apology or a proposition? If Lillian said, I like you, but you know this won’t last, Izzy would have to muster all of Blue’s strength not to cry. If Lillian suggested they stay together, rainbows would dance across the night sky. But then if she changed her mind, like every woman eventually changed her mind, the stars would go out.

“I want to show you something,” Izzy blurted.

If there was a chance Lillian might choose her, Lillian had to see all of her, including the part that looked like a vintage (i.e., decaying) theater.

“I want to see anything you want to show me,” Lillian said earnestly.

An hour later, Izzy unlocked the back door to the theater. At least back doors were supposed to look shabby. Right? Walking through the lobby with its shredded carpet and exposed wires where sconces once hung screamed, Crumbling mess. A fluorescent tube flickered above their heads.

“Even better than the basement of the soundstage,” Lillian said, looking around.

“It’s a wreck.”

“I like a beautiful woman in a dark hallway.” Lillian kissed her.

The hallway disappeared, and Izzy’s heart rested peacefully between beats.

“This lighting says, Serial killers live here,” Izzy groaned when they broke away from their kiss.

“I’ll protect you.”

Izzy led Lillian onto the theater stage. Izzy flicked on the light switches mounted in a questionably wired panel at stage left. In the dim glow, the theater looked… okay.

“It’s beautiful,” Lillian said.

“I thought it could be.”

Izzy sat down at the end of the stage, her legs dangling. She pulled off her sweatshirt and spread it out to make a seat for Lillian.

“Everything in this theater is grungy.”

Lillian sat down beside her.

“So why did you buy it?” Lillian asked without a shadow of criticism in her voice.

“We had some bad experiences performing. Axel got kicked out of a men’s bathroom when he was in drag. But they wouldn’t let him use the women’s bathroom either. Tock was ready to sue, but you know how that goes…” Izzy put a hand on Lillian’s knee.

“You didn’t want to spend two years filing motions?”

“Seemed like that could be really hard.”

Lillian leaned her shoulder against Izzy’s.

“Then what happened?” she asked.

“We did a show in Seattle. After the intermission, the bar decided we were too unconventional for their customers. Velveteen Crush is a no-audition troupe. Anyone can join. That means a lot of people come who are working through stuff. I’m a professional. That bullshit doesn’t touch me.”

Lillian’s arm around Izzy’s shoulders said, I know that’s a lie, but I’ll let it slide.

“But I was setting them up for something they weren’t ready for. I owed it to everyone to create a safe space.”

“You owed it, or Blue owed it?”

Izzy searched for the answer. Around them the theater rested in its former glory and its current disrepair, beautiful and broken.

“When I bought the theater… I don’t think I knew the difference.”

Lillian kept her arm around Izzy.

“It’s not just a money pit.” Izzy might as well put it all out there. “It’s in foreclosure.”

“Oh, Izzy.”

“I double mortgaged my house to buy it.”

“You’re not going to…?”

“Lose my house? Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve been trying not to think about it.”

Lillian wrapped her arms around Izzy. For a moment, it didn’t matter what happened to the theater or the house. Then Lillian released Izzy from her embrace, keeping her hands on Izzy’s shoulders as she’d done when she’d first hugged her on the beach.

“What kind of lawyer do you have? My father knows a lot of people in real estate. Didn’t you say Tock was an attorney? Who are you talking to about this?”

“I haven’t told anyone.”

“Wait? What about your troupe when we agreed to cut up the Shape of You? You were supposed to tell them. They needed to know what was at stake for you.”

“We need to show the world body positivity. That’s what’s at stake.”

“You know that’s not the whole truth.”

“If you knew your dancers would be fine and it was only you with something to lose, would you have told them?”

Lillian hesitated.

“No,” she said quietly.

“We don’t take our good advice, do we?” Izzy said. “Can I show you why I fell in love with the theater when I first saw it?”

She rose. Lillian followed her. For an hour, she showed Lillian the cornices and frescoes she loved because they were so traditional, and she wanted her people in that classic space. Eventually, they returned to sitting on the stage.

“Thank you for showing it to me.” Lillian kissed the top of Izzy’s head. “I want to show you something too.”

Whatever Lillian wanted to share, Izzy wanted to see.

“Nothing we’ve done on the show has challenged our skills as ballet dancers,” Lillian said. “I mean, it’s hard to come up with performances the judges will like, but that’s not the same thing. I gave up everything to be a dancer, and eventually I’ll age out.” She shrugged as though it was funny—so young to be too old—but she stiffened as though she were falling off a stage. “I know we said we weren’t going to stay together after the show.”

Are we?Lillian’s eyes seemed to say.

“But before that, I want you to see me dance. I want to show you why I gave up so much. I want to show you why it’s all worth it.” Lillian took her arm off Izzy’s shoulder and folded herself into the lotus position. She rested her chin on her steepled fingers. “At least I think it’s worth it.”

Izzy didn’t speak as she watched Lillian get ready. Lillian spent a long time walking up and down the stage, testing the spring of the boards, occasionally picking up a bit of detritus. Then she took off her jacket. Then she called up something on her phone and handed it to Izzy.

“I’ll give you a count of three and then press play. I don’t have pointe shoes, so I can’t go on pointe.”

Lillian walked to the side of the stage, her steps measured like a diver walking to the end of the springboard. She turned.

“One, two, three, play.”

The first strains of music played. Izzy knew Lillian was good. She’d seen videos. She’d seen Lillian perform on the show. But Izzy hadn’t understood. Now Lillian leapt. She wasn’t just good, she bent the laws of gravity. She floated in the air and chose when to step down, and when she did, she did so as lightly as if she were stepping out of a silver carriage. But up close, Izzy could see every muscle in Lillian’s legs. Every striation belied her weightlessness. When Lillian bent the laws of gravity, she bent steel. Impossible that a human being could be this strong. Her grace so controlled and so fierce. And it made sense: Lillian’s relentless drive, the striving for perfection. Lillian was trapped in a diamond box of her own making, all so she could land the final move with a grace that rippled the silvery edges of the universe.

All Izzy had ever wanted was for her lovers to put her first, but would it be fair to ask Lillian to put Izzy before ballet? To reorganize the universe Lillian created and shattered in a single leap? Wouldn’t that be like fencing a unicorn in your backyard?

Lillian turned to Izzy with a little bow.

“Not bad, eh?” Lillian said, but her eyes said she knew how much better she was than not bad.