Page 11 of Sealed With A Kiss (GSC In Love #5)

Nikolai Survolar

T he sticky, gray, tangled web of guilt clung to me.

Henri at the training center called me out on it, and I wondered how many other magic weavers could feel or see the toxic slime coating my conscience.

The stench of betrayal weighed heavy on me since mating Milo two weeks ago.

So far, my mate couldn’t tell how badly it weighed on me.

But now that my brother was interrogating me, it was only a matter of time before Milo was as well.

“You have nothing to feel guilty about.” Zander sat across from me in the Pink Coffee Café, letting his ginger chai latte grow cold.

“She wouldn’t have wanted you to feel like you were betraying her.

Have you asked Hendrix for some of his special tea to speak with the dead?

Perhaps hearing from her directly will ease that shadow plaguing your soul. ”

“I couldn’t face her.” My head rested on my hands, elbows leaning on the table. “And how would that make Milo feel?”

“Probably better than seeing his mate acting like a pained shell of a man. Think about it man. You have only been mated a few days and instead of walking on cloud nine like any other man would be right now, you are moping and wearing that guilt on your sleeve clear enough that even Ellen in the botany department could tell something was wrong with you. Do you really believe your fated mate can’t feel that through your bond already? ”

“Fuck, you’re right. He probably knows how twisted I feel inside.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force back the migraine creeping in. “But why wouldn’t he have asked me about it, then?”

“He’s probably just allowing you time to figure it out on your own.

” Zander reached out and soothed a hand over my bicep, easing some of the tension as his healing magic flowed between us.

“He’s not stupid. He may have already worked out what the issue is and knows that it’s something only you can fix for yourself. ”

“I just hate feeling like this. But every time I’m happy in Milo’s embrace, I think about the promises I had made to Stacey.” The icky goo of guilt crawled up my throat and made speaking hard. “I told her forever, man.”

“That was when you both were earthside, Nikolai. She would understand you moving forward with your fated mate. Remember how you told me she sent you a sign that she was happy for you?”

I remembered the bluebird that landed on my shoulder the day I decided that Milo and I go to the beach, just before I claimed him as my own.

Blue as the color of Stacey’s dragon, the bird just sat on my shoulder and sang a few notes of a familiar song.

The one I had sung for my wife on the day we got engaged.

“That was before I mated him, Zander. Maybe I misconstrued the message? What if it was just a coincidence and not from her at all?” I leaned back and stared at the ceiling, about to admit the biggest part of the situation.

The part that sent a pang straight to my heart each time I looked in the mirror.

“Her mark isn’t on me any longer. Milo’s claim made her mark irrelevant.

It disappeared. I no longer have that reminder that she once was here. ”

“What the fuck do you call my niece if not proof that Stacey lived and loved?” The harshness of Zander’s voice, along with a smack over my head, forced me to straighten up in my seat and look directly at him.

“Willow is a mini version of her mother. There’s no other sign you need that Stacey will always be a part of you.

It’s just not the way you two had planned. ”

“It’s like my head knows all this—”

“But your heart is hurting still.”

“Exactly.”

“Well, for what’s it worth, I think you should tell Milo how conflicted you feel.

” Zander took a sip of his tea. “Then ask him if he would be okay with you drinking Hendrix’s special blend and seeing Stacey yourself once again.

Talk to her and let her convince you of what we all know—you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Your fated is here and alive. Let yourself be fully his. ”

***

Walking into my house and finding my mate and daughter napping on the couch together was not what I expected, but something about it healed me just a bit. Warmth and the feeling of rightness blanketed my scarred heart for a moment.

“You’re home.” Milo cracked an eye open and gave me a lopsided lazy smile. “We missed you.”

“I missed you too.” And I did miss them. I also felt torn open inside, like everything I was doing was the opposite of what should be done. Like I was going crazy.

“Are you ready to tell me what is bothering you?” Milo bit his bottom lip. I noticed this action as a habit he did when stressed about a situation.

“You can tell?” I sat down on the couch across from him.

“I’m not dumb. I bet even Willow can tell.” Milo brushed a kiss on our daughter’s head and slipped out from the cuddle. “Am I right in thinking it has something to do with Stacey?”

I sighed, nodding. “I just don’t know how to stop feeling like I am somehow betraying her by being with you and having her daughter grow close to you.”

“I know there’s nothing I can say. This is something you need to process yourself. But know that I understand.” Milo tilted his head. “Why don’t you get the tea from Hendrix I heard about? You can visit with Stacey in the between dimensions. Have her tell you that it’s okay to let her go.”

“I don’t know—”

“Feel free to tell me to stop talking but I think you may need to see her again.” Milo got off his couch and knelt on the floor in front of me, grabbing my hands in his.

“Talk it out with her so that you can come back to me and appreciate what you have here on earth with me, your daughter, and whatever else your future may bring.”

I squeezed his hands, my heart clenching in love at the trust this man had in me. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“Honestly?” Milo shook his head, leaning down and kissing our combined grasp. “No. I would prefer you process this with her help than to continue to watch something dark hanging over you and our bond.”

“It’s that bad, huh?” A rush of embarrassment flooded me. How did I convince myself my mate wouldn’t notice my inner battle?

“Baby, it’s worse.” Milo’s lips turned up and he winked. “But I knew eventually you’d tell me what was wrong.”

“Then I’ll go talk to Hendrix and get the tea.”

“I’ll be here when you return.”

“I know.” I leaned down and kissed Milo gently on his adorable button nose. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Milo gripped onto my shirt and held my face close to his. “Go get rid of this guilt. We deserve to be happy.”

Now, I just needed to build up enough courage to face my late wife and tell her I’d moved on.