Page 104 of Scandalous Kingpin

“I didn’t think you were religious.”

Emotions slipped into her gaze, an acute sense of guilt turning her eyes a deep blue.

“The point is, Christian, Ivy chases yours away. And when you find someone like that, you hold on to it with both hands and never let go.”

“What do you think I’m doing?” I closed my eyes and pressed a fist to my forehead, swallowing the lump in my throat. “But the tighter I squeeze, the faster she slips through my fingers.”

The dark cloud that had stalked me for years swirled faster, a thunderstorm in the making.

“You need to talk to her.”

Tension zipped down my spine and I cracked my eyes open to glare at her. “I do talk to her.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose, and the gesture sobered me. I finally let myself see a part of myself in this strong woman.

“What I mean, son, is talk to her about what you’re feeling, whether that be fear, joy, love, passion…”

“And if she—” I searched for the right word and failed. “If she doesn’t like what she hears or sees deep down?”

After a long moment of silence, she answered. “It’s just a risk you have to take.”

Chapter Forty-Six

IVY

Ihadn’t seen Christian all day.

Ever since my call with Wynter, I’d spent hours agonizing over how Christian and I could move forward.

Needing a break, I headed to the library. It wasn’t as grand as mine back at Murphy Castle, but there were enough Agatha Christie books on the shelves to keep me busy. With Cobra huddled next to me on the loveseat, I readMurder on the Orient Express,getting lost in the suspense I knew this old favorite would deliver.

It was well into the afternoon when the door to the library opened. My heart jumped in my throat when I saw Christian walk in, freshly showered in a T-shirt and loose-fitting pants.

He ran a hand through his damp hair as he took the seat opposite of me.

“Hi.”

His eyes drifted down my body, then to Cobra.

“Can we talk?” A visible swallow worked its way down his throat. “Maybe without the dog.”

I mustered a smile. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of my bodyguard.”

His lips tilted up. “It’s her job to attack.”

“And you think I’d tell her to attack you?”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” His eyes flickered with emotion and lines of exhaustion bracketed his mouth, causing my chest to squeeze until I thought it would burst.

I sighed. “Well, I’m not.”

Christian’s lips curved with a faint hint of bitterness. “Maybe I’ll wish for it after this.”

The air between us hummed with a lifetime’s worth of unspoken words, broken promises, and frustration.

He leaned over, bringing his elbows to his knees. My heart stilled as the eyes of the deep blue oceans looked back at me. Butterflies swarmed my stomach, ready to take flight, right along with all my feelings for this man.

Whenever he was around it felt like free-falling, but in a good kind of way. Most of my anger had dissipated over the past few days, thanks to my conversation with Wynter and a last-minute call with my therapist, and I’d finally let myself work through my conflicting feelings.