Page 56 of Sawyer

My breathing halts.My boys are my world, and for him to admit he misses them, too, means more to me than anything.

They miss you too.

They don’t need to say anything; I see it.It’s like they deflate a little when he’s gone.

It’s hard being without you.I don’t like it.

I don’t like it either.

“Ma!Ready!”Noah screams, bringing me back to reality.

Sawyer left us yesterday, giving me a scorching kiss on our porch that I know Kevin and Noah didn’t miss.I heard Noah giggle, and Kevin just rolled his eyes, so on our morning walk today, I thought I would talk to him about it.Even though Sawyer’s been around a lot, we don’t show much affection in front of them.Even after Kevin asked Sawyer if he was my boyfriend, I’ve been hesitant.Like I was waiting to see if he’d bring it up to me, too.But I think the time for waiting is over.

I quickly shoot off another text to tell him we’ll talk later, then pocket my cell as the boys join me.

“Ready?”I look at them both, about to start our usual Sunday morning stroll around the back of the property to check the lavender.“It’s a great morning.”

“Ready!”they reply in unison, and we get to walking.

Noah runs to the side, not able to stick to a slow pace, grabbing a daisy and plucking it from the ground.

“Here, Ma.”He passes it to me, and my smile is instant.

“Thank you, honey.”I make a show of putting the daisy to my nose and smelling it, before placing it behind my ear, where it will, no doubt, get tangled in my hair at some point.

I turn to my older son as we wander over the hill, getting a full view of the farm.“How do you feel after your game yesterday, Kev?”

“Good.We’re a great team.”His expression brightens, and I smile at the sight.

“Well, we were all cheering.”

“I heard, Ma.”I don’t miss the grin he tries to hide.He might be embarrassed by me cheering for him, but I also know he loves it.

“Did you hear Sawyer?He was cheering too.”I hold my breath, and his smile falters a little.

“Yeah.”

“Do you like having him around?Here at the farm and coming to your games?”I swallow, my nerves starting to fester.

“He’s okay.”Kevin shrugs.“Doesn’t seem like he’ll know what to do around here much, though.”

I chuckle.“No.No, he doesn’t.But he’s smart, and he has lots of other great skills.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

I stop short.Here we go, the moment I was waiting for.And I thought I’d be more prepared with an answer.

“Oh, um, well, we’re just getting to know each other.”I’m not sure how in depth to go with this.It’s new territory for us.“But if you don't like him, then he doesn’t come around anymore.This is your home, Kevin, and I need to know if you don’t like or don’t want Sawyer to be in it.”It would break me, but my sons have to come first.

“I like having him around,” he admits, offering me a soft smile.“I like him coming to watch me play.I like that he makes you smile.”

My eyes burn with tears.“He does make me smile.Are you okay with him being around more?Spending the nights, staying with us regularly?”I’m not really sure if Sawyer will be, but I want to make sure Kevin knows he has a say in what happens in his safe haven.

He nods, giving me a side hug that warms my heart.“Yeah, I’m okay with it, Ma.”

Both of us smiling and walking side by side, we notice Noah’s gotten into something up ahead.

“Uh-oooohhhhh.”I wonder what trouble he’s found.