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MAXINE

I ride in the back seat of the truck to Tijuana in silence. Smoke and Blood exchange some mysterious words and phrases, sounding more like code than actual sentences, most of which I can’t hear or understand.

My emotions range from high elation to devastating depression, because, in the end, Hector won. His callous words were true, and I realized too late the mistake of keeping the truth about myself from Blood. A mistake I can’t fix or take back.

So many mistakes I would’ve changed. Not going to a nightclub underage, not going home with perfect strangers, but not telling Blood about my past with Hector wasn’t one of them. Even with the way it all turned out, I still wouldn’t have been able to bear that part of myself to Blood. To witness the pain and disgust in his eyes and to know I put it there would’ve killed me. I wasn’t brave enough to suffer that kind of hurt. Instead, I’d remember the time we shared together before my past poisoned our future.

I’d been through too much to trick myself into believing Blood would come around, as Smoke suggested. A man like him could never accept his woman was once forced into sex with his enemy. It would be too much for his ego, his pride, and in the end, we’d end up hating each other. If I could wipe away those horrific memories, I would, but wishing and dreaming doesn’t change the past.

When we reach The Tropics, I try numerous times to catch Blood’s eye, but he pointedly avoids me. He has a few words with Smoke, and I hear my name mentioned, then he stomps up the back stairs to his room on the second floor without a second look. The same room where I held him after Javi died—the same room where our emotions evolved into something more—something I never expected. I’d tried to warn him, then fooled myself into thinking all could be forgiven and forgotten, but I knew all along I was right—Blood isn’t strong enough to handle my life.

BLOOD

I slam the door behind me, then pace in front of the couch. I have way too much pissed-off energy jetting through me to sit. Hector’s death filled me with satisfaction—until reality hit, and his words ricocheted inside my head, his sneering face haunting me.

I pitch my phone onto the couch.

Fuck me, but I want to blast the fucker all over again.

Maxine witnessing Hector’s bullshit made it so much worse. It would be easy to blame it on Diesel not keeping eyes on Maxine and allowing her to show up. I could also just blow off Hector’s shit comments. Tell myself he was spitting bullshit, just trying to get under my skin. And it might’ve worked—until I looked into Maxine’s eyes and saw the truth. She didn’t have to say a word, but I knew. Shame radiated off her, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Like a tornado, the force of his insinuations twisted me up until I was numb.

I stood there helpless, experiencing the pain of another one of Hector’s victims who I couldn’t save. It tore me up she didn’t tell me, or didn’t feel she could tell me. I thought, after all we confessed, we could be honest with each other, but I was wrong, and hearing the truth out of Hector’s sneering mouth made it worse.

I grab a bottle of Jack off the bar and throw myself onto the couch. I rest the bottle on my thigh, but I don’t drink. Wouldn’t fuckin’ help anyway. I sit there for a long time, just staring at the ceiling until a knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts. I contemplate ignoring it, but, in the end, I fling the door open, and Smoke silently enters.

“I took Maxine to my place so she can take a shower, change and spend the night. Marisol’s already fussing over her. Giving her something to eat and clean clothes.”

“I appreciate it.” I gnaw at the inside of my cheek. “Tell Marisol I said so.”

“What went down tonight—it’s a lot for Maxie. Her being a civilian and all. It’s not every day you end someone’s life.”

“It’s more than that.”

Smoke grabs the bottle out of my fist and pours a healthy amount in two glasses, then hands me one. “Give her some time to settle. Maybe by then you’ll have your head outta your ass.”

“What the fuck?”

“You knew the power Hector had over her. Did you think it didn’t include him fucking her?”

“Not the point.” I shake my head. “She should’ve told me.”

“We all should do a lot of shit we don’t do. It’s called being fuckin’ human.”

“He enjoyed taking her down, throwing her past in my face.” I shoot the Jack, then spin toward the bar, and splash more whiskey into my glass.

“And if she had told you, would it have made a difference? Would you have turned her away?”

“Fuck no.” I slam the glass onto the granite top.

“So, then what’s the big deal?”

“She didn’t trust me enough to protect her, and she didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

“Sounds like bullshit to me,” Smoke challenges.

“You have your woman nice and safe in your house.”

“Yeah, now. Or did you forget she was the daughter of the cartel kingpin of Tijuana and she kept it from me?”

“Completely different.”

“You’re right, Maxie’s story is way worse, ‘cause she had no choice but to do what Hector said. I’m pretty sure reliving that nightmare was the last thing she wanted to talk about. Especially since he basically held her prisoner.”

“It’s better this way. She deserves a fresh start after all the shit she’s been through, not hanging with an outlaw biker.”

Smoke closes the distance between us. “You don’t believe that.”

“I can’t let what happened to Javi happen to her too.”

“One thing has nothing to do with the other, and you know it.”

I grunt because, again, I have nothing.

“I don’t know what to think, and I sure as shit don’t know what she thinks, but you barking at me isn’t helping.”

“Just don’t let your pride get in the way.” Smoke shoots his drink, then heads for the door and turns. “Diesel said they’re holding Javi’s funeral tomorrow.”

Smoke slams the door behind him, and I collapse onto the couch. I suck in a deep breath, but it doesn’t help the tightness squeezing my chest or the pounding in my head.

MAXINE

I focus on the pebbles and sand under my feet, unable to witness the small casket descending into the earth. Whispered murmurs and soft weeping mix with the steady rain pelting umbrellas at the small cemetery on the outskirts of the city. The priest offers prayers in Spanish, but all I can picture is Javi’s sweet face at the gym. The eager way he wanted to help, his cocky attitude, so mature beyond his thirteen years, and now never to experience a future. Explaining or understanding death baffles most, but the senseless death of a child cuts deep.

I position myself close enough to pay my respects but far enough from the family so I’m not intrusive. When the priest closes his Bible and consoles the family members, I turn to leave. Off to the edge of the path, beyond the gravesite, I see Blood standing among a cluster of straggly trees, almost out of sight.

Every proud bone in my body tells me I should walk in the other direction, but my fragile heart takes over. As I draw closer, the sorrow etched across his gaunt face is painful. When he looks up, he stares at me with weary eyes. It’s only been twelve hours since I’ve seen him, yet it feels like a lifetime.

So much has come between us. Assisting him in a murder I would do again ten times over, then the wicked truths of my past spewed out like garbage for everyone to wade through. Bad enough Blood had to hear it from Hector, but he also had to bear the humiliation in front of his brothers.

I stop a few feet in front of him and graze my fingertips against his arm. He stares over my shoulder, focused on the gravesite.

I draw in a breath. “I know you’re hurting, and I?—”

“Don’t,” he whispers the one word, and his chilling grief surrounds me.

My brain tells me to just walk away. Put whatever I thought we might’ve or could’ve had behind me. Look to the future—a new start away from Mexico—away from Blood.

“I met Marisol last night.” Again my heart wins out. “She told me she and Smoke had a rough start too.” When Blood doesn’t respond, I forge on. “She actually lied to Smoke about her real identity.”

“And?”

Okay, so he isn’t going to make it easy, but I’m not used to easy. “Smoke forgave her, and now they’re so happy. They’re even trying to have a baby.”

Blood lifts his head like the weight is too heavy for his shoulders. “What does that have to do with us?”

“I thought we could?—”

Blood slowly shakes his head. “First of all, I’m not Smoke, and whatever happened for them has nothing to do with us.”

“But don’t you see?” I grip his arm tighter. “Maybe we?—”

He pulls his arm out of my grasp like I’ve lit him on fire. “There is no ‘we.’ There is no ‘us.’ Whatever you thought we had was a mistake.” He spins away from me, and his long strides take him to his Harley parked by the curb of the cemetery path.

The rain comes down harder as Blood swings his leg over the seat, throttles the engine and pulls away without a second look. When the rain soaks through my jacket, I peer over my shoulder at Javi’s grieving family hugging and comforting each other. Such a senseless tragedy. There is nothing I can do to ease their pain or mine, so I walk away from the gravesite over the sparse grass and pebbled sand.

BLOOD

Fuck! I stomp across the wet grass and mud patches, pissed-off and—fuckin’ miserable. Usually this feeling is accompanied by anger, but not today. Watching Javi’s family torn apart and knowing I played a part in it has overwhelmed me until I can’t breathe.

Then Maxine asking me all kinds of questions I couldn’t answer. Getting away from her and getting away fast was the only solution. Too much has passed between us, and shutting her out is the only way. The pain on her face when Hector spit out his bullshit ripped me apart, and I know the only way for her to move forward is away from this place.

She needs to start new, and as much as it kills me, I have to let her go. I have to do for her what I failed to do for Javi—get her as far away from my life as possible. Make her think I’m the bad guy, the bastard who turned her away because of her past. Making her hate me is the only way to assure her safety and her future.

I ride all the way to the coast, park on one of the cliffs overlooking Baja and watch the ocean crash against the sand. The rain lets up, so I head back to The Tropics, then straight up to my room. Tomorrow, I’d wake up knowing Maxine is in the States and on her way to beginning her new life—without me.