Page 18

POLARIS

“ D o you want me to come in with you?” Wylder asks, his arm draped over my shoulder, cocooning me in his warmth. Despite how much I love it, I shake my head as I look up at him.

Standing outside of Professor Juniper’s class, I sense a few students give us a questioning glance as they walk by, completely aware of the witch caught in the wolf’s den. The last thing I need is him stepping inside with me too.

“Don’t you have your own class to attend?” I respond, and he shrugs. There’s a feeling to that gesture, one that shakes me to my core. One that understands he would skip it for me.

Like he thinks I’m worthy of that.

“If you need me, I’m here,” he offers, his words much lighter than the message his actions are sending, and my body hums with delight.

When I don’t respond right away, too caught up in the unspoken revelation, he glances down at me with furrowed brows and I quickly brush it off. “I’m fine, honestly,” I add for good measure, even though I want to deepen my addiction to him.

“She needs the space to think,” Bryony calls out, appearing at my side. She isn’t wrong about that, but knowing it’s visible to others makes me dip my chin in a failed attempt to hide my burning cheeks.

“Shut up, Bryony, or I’ll say something like that to Minnie,” Wylder retorts, causing me to gasp in surprise. I look up just in time to see Bryony glare at him before rushing inside.

As the queen of blushing, I’m sure there was pink coloring her cheeks as well. Wylder chuckles to himself as I glance up at him.

“You noticed that too?”

A smirk stays on his face as he glances down at me. “I notice anything and everything that might affect you, Little Witch.” Another shrug. It’s as if he doesn’t recognize the effect his words have on me.

“Me?” I breathe, and he cocks his brow.

“They’re your two closest female friends. They don’t come close to me,” he adds with a wink, pulling me closer against his side. But when he notices the puzzled look on my face, he elaborates. “I don’t want them to do something foolish that could hurt you down the line.”

I may not even be here then. I suppress my initial thought, but it lingers in my mind. I definitely won’t survive if my mind constantly wanders to the negatives instinctively.

“I’ll come find you for lunch, okay?” Wylder murmurs.

I rub my lips together nervously, recalling what happened in the dining hall at breakfast, and my stomach twists. “I’m not sure if?—”

“I’ll sit outside with you if I need to.

Damn, I’ll get them to set up a whole table just for us in the dining hall if necessary,” he declares, dropping his arm from my shoulders to face me directly, placing a hand on either side of me as he looks me straight in the eyes.

“But please, Polaris, don’t push me away anymore. It’s tearing me apart.”

I gulp as his words floor me once again, and he leans forward to press a kiss on my forehead before disappearing into the crowd of students filtering off in every direction.

Any chance I have to decipher how he makes me feel vanishes when I hear someone clearing their throat, pulling me from my thoughts. I find Professor Juniper giving me a pointed look from her position at the classroom door.

Her arms are crossed over her chest, her circular glasses resting on the tip of her nose and her hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail. None of this is any different from usual, except for the way her lips purse in distaste.

“Playing games with other factions isn’t a good idea, Polaris.”

My eyebrows rise in shock, but instead of allowing embarrassment to creep up my spine and take control, I meet her disapproving stare with one of my own. “I didn’t realize that was any of your concern.”

I try to step around her to enter the classroom, but she blocks my path. “It’s not. But as a member of the Serenity coven, I?—”

I lift my hand, cutting her off before she continues to spew her opinions at me. “I’m going to stop you right there because I don’t need your advice, nor do I want it.”

I’m trembling inside as I push past her and enter the classroom. Bryony is already in her seat, but she’s too busy whispering with Foster to notice the drama I’m caught up in. Instead of letting the stress linger, I drop into my seat with a huff and pull out my grimoire.

When Professor Juniper closes the classroom door and takes her usual spot at the front of the class, ignoring me, I feel relieved.

A thrill pulses down my spine knowing that I stood up for myself. Or was it because I didn’t want her to speak poorly about Wylder? Either way, I feel empowered. Now, if only I could execute that level of attitude and confidence with everyone else.

“Again, Polaris.”

My breaths rasp between clenched teeth, my chest rising and falling in quick, sharp pants as exhaustion clings to every inch of my body.

“I can’t.” It’s hard enough for me to say the simple words, never mind what she’s actually asking.

“You have to,” she snaps back. She’s not handling it calm and collected now. No. Her anger and lack of control are fully visible, and I’m at the center of it.

It seems my earlier attitude toward the professor has come back to bite me. We’re no longer taking private lessons in her back room. Instead, she has me on full display in front of the entire class.

My shoulders sag as I struggle against the chokehold my magic has me in, but that doesn’t matter to Juniper.

“Do as I taught you. Read the room, Polaris. Feel it, feel everyone,” she calls out, her shadow looming over me as she circles around, making me even more of a spectacle for the room as everyone watches.

The desks have been pushed aside and used as seats for the other students to watch my torture, which is precisely what this is.

“I’m trying,” I grind out, and she scoffs.

“Not hard enough.”

I want to cry. I’m sure the sweat dripping down my face probably makes it look like I already am, but I’m not. I don’t think.

The sand in my hand isn’t enough; I feel like I need to immerse myself in it, and even then, it won’t magically compel me to do what she wants.

Completing another lap around me, she comes to a stop within my line of sight. Her nostrils flare as she purses her lips and points a finger in my direction. “As a mind witch, as the center, you must be able to control your ability to read the room.”

Anger boils through my limbs.

“All I can sense is you,” I snap back. It’s the truth. I’ve definitely learned something today, but it’s just not what she wants. Maybe she knows I won’t be able to reach the peak she’s demanding; she just wants to watch me suffer trying.

“Not good enough,” she barks, and I’m sure I hear someone snicker. More than that, I can feel it in my chest, just a twinge, but it’s hard to confirm over the fury radiating from Juniper.

“Give her a break. She needs to breathe,” Bryony calls out, coming to my defense for the second time since this all began, and Juniper’s angry stare whips her way.

“No, she needs to learn.”

“She’s not learning anything like this,” Bryony insists, but Juniper pays her no mind as she turns back to me.

“You need to focus, Polaris. Try again.” I blink, the movement sluggish as the weight of the world descends with the closing of my eyelids, but forcing them back open is even more difficult. “Say the motions out loud as you perform them. Draw strength from it,” she adds, and I sigh in resignation.

“Sand,” I start, clenching my fist tightly around the grains clumped together in my hand.

“Close my eyes,” I add, breathless as I follow my own command.

The room goes dark, but the rigidness that pains my limbs doesn’t subside like it did the first time I tried.

Now, I’m locked into a state of despair, and it’s not helping my abilities.

“Explore the darkness,” Juniper calls out, and I want to scream at her to shut the hell up, but it won’t do any good; I’ve already told her three times to no avail.

Instead, I follow her instructions, my head pulsating with every beat of my heart as I navigate the darkness.

“Memores. Cogitationes. Intentio.”

Three words on repeat, just a movement of my lips without sound at this stage, but it helps tremendously.

It feels like I’m back in that moment when Blaze and the wolf were fighting on the lawn.

Back then, I was scared and confused about what was happening to my body.

Now, I can sense the emotions and feelings in the room, just as I did so intensely in that moment; yet instead of being overwhelmed by sensations I couldn’t understand, I remain grounded. Strong.

Light flickers across the backs of my eyelids and a pale shadow casts over the darkness, mirroring the energy in the room. The students are wisps in my mind. All white. Only Juniper stands out in a different color.

Red.

She’s taught me the colors to watch for.

Blue for calm.

Green for fear.

Yellow for love.

Red for rage.

She’s burning with it.

It’s so bright that no one else exists beyond the white outline in comparison, which apparently means nothing to her.

“What do you see?”

“Just you,” I grind out, my body aching with tension as she huffs, and even the illusion of her in my mind slaps her hands at her sides, just as I assume the woman before me does, the sound echoing around me.

“Take five.”

I collapse onto the floor, my knees buckling under me, but I manage to catch myself on my palms.

“Are you okay?” Bryony asks a moment later as I feel a hand on my back.

I don’t waste energy tilting my head to look at her.

I’m drained, completely spent, and— “Shit, ignore me. Stupid question,” she mutters.

Despite the disaster I’m drowning in, a whisper of a smile skims my lips for a moment. “Here, I’ve got some water for you.”

A cool bottle presses against my arm and I lift my hand blindly to take it from her. Thankfully, I hear her twist the lid before bringing it to my lips, sighing with relief as the icy liquid touches my tongue.

“Thank you,” I rasp, finally managing to pry my eyes open again, and she offers me a tight smile.

“If it makes you feel any better, she used to do this to Lucille a lot too.”

“It doesn’t make me feel any better,” I reply honestly with a defeated smile.

“Let’s go, Polaris. You’ve had enough time. All you’re doing here is making a spectacle of yourself,” Juniper grunts, and my gaze snaps to hers, my neck tightening from the quick movement.

“I’m pretty sure that if you backed off, there wouldn’t be a spectacle,” I grumble back, handing the water bottle to Bryony as I force myself to stand. She shakes her head as if I’m wrong, but I know I’m right.

She revealed my magical abilities to the entire class, letting everyone know I’m a mind witch. I saw the look exchanged between Bryony and Foster, and I hated it, but I hate the fact that I’m sure she’s doing this on purpose even more—for that exact reason.

Knowing she did this to Lucille doesn’t do anything to ease the tension inside of me; if anything, it makes it worse because I don’t want to be a replica of her, but that’s all Juniper is going to push for.

She clears her throat, planting her hands on her hips as she taps her foot. “Polaris, if you can’t do this alone, you must consider a coven.”

And there it is. Thinking it is one thing, hearing it is something else entirely.

I should have seen it coming. I shouldn’t have pissed her off, then maybe she wouldn’t have thrown me in the deep end.

Deeper than that, she’s exposing my secrets to the entire class, which I’m sure will flood through the entire academy in no time.

Which I’m sure will be just another thing people use to try and manipulate me.

Although, it has offered me a way to tap into my abilities that wasn’t possible before. I’ll be grateful for that fact later, I’m sure, but right now, I’m far from it.

I steady my gaze on hers. “I don’t need a coven,” I say calmly, and she scoffs.

“I think you’re mistaken.”

I shrug, hoping to come off as nonchalant as Wylder did when he did it earlier. “I think you’re asking too much too soon.”

“If you were part of a coven like The Renegades, you would have control over this right now,” she says, and I frown, tired of her constant insistence on linking me to a coven.

“Why are you more focused on this than on actually helping me strengthen my magic?” I snap. It doesn’t make sense. Her role is to empower us as witches, not to match-make us with covens.

Don’t get me wrong, the offer is enticing. The idea of having complete control over my magic is everything, and likely the boost I need in my confidence to survive this place, but my morals… this would change everything, and my morals are all I have left.

“Because strengthening your magic is risky without a coven to ground you,” she says, and I drag my hand down my face.

I’m not going around this circle with her again. Not today. Not when she’s drained me to practically nothing.

“I’m not having this discussion right now,” I declare, feeling somewhat empowered for standing up for myself, but that feeling is short-lived as she shakes her head at me.

“You should.” She closes the gap between us, wrapping her fingers around my upper arm as she pulls me toward her, and my spine stiffens, pain coursing through my limbs as my defensiveness finally surfaces.

Despite the aches, I push her away, shaking my arm out of her grip as I glare at her. Rage fills my eyes as my nostrils flare and the sand in my hand slips through my fingers. But instead of grains falling to the ground, flames do.

Holy fuck.

I yelp and jolt backward, just like most of the other students in here, as the flames burn bright, quickly reaching nearly as high as my waist. Juniper swiftly takes control of the situation, muttering a few soft words under her breath.

The flames diminish to nothing, but a fire still burns in the professor’s eyes as she looks at me.

“You’re proving my point.”

Defeated, I raise my hands in surrender. “I can’t do this right now.” I can’t let this woman pressure me when I’m just not ready.

I bolt for the door, snatching my backpack as I go. I nearly buckle under the weight of my grimoire, but that doesn’t stop me from putting one foot in front of the other to escape this batshit crazy woman.

Fortunately, no one stops me, likely because they saw how uncontrolled my magic is at the moment. For me, it’s just another addition to my ever-growing list of problems. Problems that are learning to swim in the despair I desperately hope they drown in.

As I feel the mid-morning breeze on my skin while stepping outside, I can’t help but worry that she’s right. But even if she is, she needs to let me figure it out on my own and find my own way.

Diamonds are created under immense pressure, but it’s impossible to rush the process.