Page 5

Lucy

T hree long weeks have passed. No matter how I approach the subject of Miles leaving, he always ends up yelling and arguing with me.

He has no reason to stay here. He doesn’t help, and he’s starting to frighten me.

His mouth, the same one that once tenderly kissed me, now unleashes words meant to pierce my soul. Miles was the first person to show me love, but that has long since been snuffed out. Everything is a mess, and I can’t believe I ever let him slip the red-flagged wool over my eyes.

“Lucy, you deserve better. I know it’s your house, but if you left, do you think he’d leave?” JoJo asks from where she sits next to me.

Her long brown hair is braided and curls around her neck.

I scootch back into the plump cushion of the metal chair on my best friend’s front porch.

“No, he’ll move that bitch in. ”

Leah, the cotton-candy airhead I work with, has cool hair, but that’s about it. She over shares, cracks her gum, and is so fucking annoying. I hated her before, but now I wish them both a painful, tortuous death.

I can’t believe he’s fucking around on me with her. Miles has decimated my self-esteem.

My mother’s words of my worthlessness replay in my thoughts, a constant soundtrack of doubt and negativity. The past has a disturbing way of making its presence known, clawing at your heart and dredging up every painful memory.

“This isn’t on you. You’re an amazing woman. Miles is the fucking shitstain who’s gonna regret this. How’s the unpacking going?”

JoJo fills my glass with iced tea and pours the rest into hers.

“I’ve made a dent, but haven’t put everything away or fixed much. There are temporary patches on things, like plywood over the broken porch planks—don’t want anyone falling in the hole—and dishes out to cover the cracks in the kitchen counter. I’ll get there, eventually.”

“Are you still sleeping on the floor?”

I sip my tea, then say, “Yeah.”

She lets out a deep sigh. “You can’t sleep on the ground. It’s not good for you. ”

“I can’t sleep with him, either, and I’m not leaving my fucking house.” I look out into her yard, wishing Miles would just disappear.

“You gotta decide what to do. This is toxic.”

“I know what to do. I want him gone, but he won’t listen. Every time I bring it up, he has a man-tantrum.”

A few days ago, he punched a hole in the wall after I asked him to leave. I’m less afraid of him hurting me and more terrified that this will always be my life, me just cleaning up his messes.

“He needs to get over it. First, if you can’t get him out of your old one, order yourself a bed. Then why don’t we get together and toss him out? Change the locks, all that stuff.”

“Sweetheart,” I say, grinning, “I love you, but you’re five feet tall and maybe one hundred pounds soaking wet. I may be bigger, but he can still overpower me.”

“Do you know what they call people like me?”

Pursing my lips, I shake my head.

“Ankle breakers,” she deadpans, her blue eyes sparkling.

I giggle, but then sober. “No way am I gonna let anything bad happen to you. I’d hate myself forever if something happened to you.”

I pick at the lint on my sweater. The only person I can think of to help is Billy. I’ve called three taxidermy shops this week but haven’t been able to find the right one.

“What about the bed? You really need to buy one and stop sleeping on the floor.”

“He could fuck her on it to spite me. I can’t deal with the thought. His disgusting lame ass needs to disappear.” I wrinkle my nose.

She nods.

As silence settles between us, the thought of going home fills me with dread, but I have to get ready for work. My expectations for the house were high, envisioning it as a symbol of new beginnings. However, all I’ve experienced is disappointment and heartbreak and the same old bullshit.

Setting down my glass, I rise from my seat. “I love you, but I gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

She stands and pulls me in for a tight hug. “Get rid of him, then order a new fucking bed. Buy a dildo while you’re at it.”

I hold her arms as I pull back and shake my head.

“Babe, you might be able to fake it with him, but I damn well know you haven’t been properly laid in a while. It’s about time you have all the orgasms you deserve.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” I say with a smirk as I let her go. “Love you.”

“I love you, Lucy,” JoJo calls out. “Keep pushing forward.”

On my drive to work, I swing by my favourite café, grab two extra-large coffees from the drive-thru, and put them in my cup holders. One for me and the other for my favourite coworker. Thankfully, my hands are no longer shaking from my run-in with Miles.

Artie’s been my partner since I started at the station. He has a fatherly disposition that has always comforted me. He’s also been a great mentor, teaching me the ins and outs of the job, the rules both written and those unsaid.

Walking into the station, I set the coffees down on the staffroom counter before heading to the locker room to change.

On my way out, I’m met with the lively atmosphere of the main area, where the television hums in the background, the sound of fingers dancing across keyboards fills the air, and playful banter echoes between colleagues.

It’s a generally calm place, as the vast majority of my coworkers are chill.

I lift the coffee to my lips as I sidle up to Artie and hand him his.

“Thanks for thinking of me, Lucy. I don’t think there’s enough caffeine for today.”

Artie chuckles as we sit. Some days my job is a ton of sitting or writing. Other times, it’s transporting people to the hospital. Transfers typically occupy a substantial amount of our shifts.

Being an EMT is not as glamorous as movies and television make it out to be, but I’ve spent some of my best days helping people.

“I suppose it’s a bad time to tell you I got you decaf, then.” I smile as his eyes widen in mock horror. He knows I’d never do such a thing. The only place decaf belongs is the trash.

“Are you settling in alright?” Artie runs a hand through his short grey hair.

“It’s been a lot lately, but hopefully I’ll be able to figure some shit out soon.” I look down at my takeout cup, wanting to talk about anything else.

“Have you heard more about the serial killer in town?” Artie asks.

“No, I thought they caught the guy that was taking women.” It was all over the news.

“They got him, but this is another one. Real sick. I want you to be safe if you’re out and about.”

I take a drink of coffee. “What’s he doing that’s so sick??”

“No one knows. That’s the problem. No bodies are showing up, people are going missing, and families are getting letters with pieces of people in them,” he says with a shudder.

“Shit, that’s messed up. Stealing someone’s world, and then rubbing it in the family’s face? Sadistic,” I whisper.

“Are you okay?” he asks. He somewhat knows about the bullshit going on.

“Had a run-in with Miles before work.” I say as I pull our schedule binder out of the drawer.

“Did he hurt you?” Artie’s blue eyes darken and his face hardens.

“Nah, I kneed him in the nuts. He just won’t leave, and I’m really over it.” I mimic his confidence to hide any suspicion of fear.

“Proud of you. We’ll get him the hell out.”

I smile and nod. “I see we’re going to a school this week. Who gets to wear the costume this time?”

The dog mascot has ten years’ worth of sweat inside it, and always stinks of feet. But the kids always love it, which helps when trying to hold their attention.

“Neither of us. We’re teaching basic first aid, what to do if your parents aren’t there or if they’re hurt. It’s a new program being implemented because of how many kids are on their own after school. ”

“Sounds like a plan. Better go see how well the ambulance is stocked. You know how the other shift can shit the bed.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I’m glad you say the quiet parts out loud,” he says.

The evening passes at a comfortable pace, and I’m relieved at the calmness of it. I needed something normal and predictable. The shift can go either way, and you never know until it happens.

“We have the next few days off. If I can help, let me know. It’ll get me out of my wife’s honey-do list.” Artie smiles and raises an eyebrow.

“I’ll let you know. There are so many things to fix. First is to get Miles the hell out of my house.” I lean against my car.

“If you need a male presence, you know I got you,” he says, resting his arm on the back of his truck. “I’ve complained to the manager of Meaty Burgers. Told ‘em his attitude is shit and they should hire someone else.”

“Wow, thank you. I don’t know what to say except to have an amazing sleep. I hope the pillow is cool on one side all day for you.” My face flushes, but my shoulders relax. I’m grateful for him.

I smile at Artie and get in my car before he can see how his words have affected me.

While driving home, my chest tightens, and a mist covers my eyes. Artie will never know how much his warm-heartedness means to me. Genuine kindness is foreign in my life, and I have a hard time accepting and processing it.

My parents never went the extra mile to make me feel comforted, instead doing everything in their power to make sure I knew how unwanted I was by them.

I dig for tissues in my purse when I get to a stoplight to wipe my eyes.

The front door slams shut, startling me awake. Surrounded by pitch black, I groan before reaching for my phone to check the time.

It’s only noon, and I let out another groan. I guess four hours of sleep is better than nothing.

I rise from the floor, the stiffness in my muscles aching as I make my way out to the hall. Needing to know why the door slammed shut.

I stop at the bedroom door and knock, but no one answers. When I twist the handle, it opens to an empty room. All his stuff is gone and my mouth drops open in shock. I hope my prayers have been answered.

When the front door slams again, and familiar heavy footsteps echo through the main floor, I beeline back to my room, closing the door smoothly. The last thing I want him to know is that I’m awake.

I’m a fucking prisoner in my home. Should I call JoJo? Artie? I’m desperate for backup, but I don’t want to put them in danger.

After checking Google one last time, I spot a taxidermy shop I haven’t tried and call the number while pacing around my room.

Looking through the curtain panels, I find Miles is throwing bags into the back of his car. Leah stands with her hands on her hips, looking around the driveway.

Nausea rolls through my stomach, and my heart beats faster. I’ve never felt so fucking happy and irritated at the same time. That goddamn whore can have him. Leah thinks she’s won the lottery, but it’s just a slimy scam.

“Hello?” a familiar deep voice answers, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Billy?” I whisper.

“Lou? What’s the problem?” The nickname sends flutters through my stomach.

“I need your help,” I say. Turning away from the window, I anxiously curl my finger through my hair.

“What’s going on, darlin’?”

He has always called me his Lou or darlin’, and at this moment, that piece of predictable comfort is enough to pretend everything is fine.

“My ex-boyfriend, he, well, uh...” I stumble over my words.

“Are you safe? Want to meet in town?”

I glance down at my PJs as I contemplate how to answer.

“Lou, what do you want? What do you need?”

“I need help. He’s been a fucking idiot and… he’s moving his stuff out. I just don’t know if he’s gone for real, ya know? It’s okay if you can’t help. I just didn’t want to put my friends in danger and he’s been a real piece of work.”

“Gotcha. Send me the address and I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he says before he ends the call.

I walk down the stairs, looking around as the steps creak beneath my feet. The sound of his muffler gunning away from the house makes me breathe easier.

Padding through the main floor, I make sure the front door is locked. Once that’s done, I lean against the door and let out a shaky sigh. I’m one step closer to being safe… well, safer.

Looking down at myself, I wince at the rumpled pajamas, and when I sniff my shirt, a raunch odour hits my nose. I should at least have a quick shower before Billy gets here .

I rush to the bathroom, toss off my clothes, and get under the water, taking half a second to cherish the warmth before cleaning up.

Once I turn off the water, I grab a towel to dry myself off before changing into leggings and an oversized sweater. After the wild start to my day, I need some comfort.

After putting on my Vans, I flick off the lights and lock the door behind me as I make my way outside. With a quick glance around the property, I see Miles and Leah have left and nothing is amiss, except for the trampled grass beside the house.

I put my hands in my pockets before a revving engine catches my attention. A familiar charcoal grey Chevy Cruze sedan with the windows down pulls into the laneway.

Billy parks and swings the door open before getting out of the car. He’s clean-shaven except for his moustache, and his smile is wide as he locks eyes with me.

His tall, muscular frame is accentuated by the striking display of tattoos adorning his arms. The bold letters of his dark T-shirt proclaim down with the sickness. He sprints across the space between us, wrapping his arms around me as he pulls me in tight.

“Hey, Lou,” he utters.

I wrap my arms around his waist and melt in his arms as the scent of amber and vanilla fills my senses. His chin sits on top of my head as I look down, noticing his ripped jeans are covered in bleach stains.

“Did you come from work?”

“Something like that.” He laughs. “Wanna go for a drive?”

I pull back, my gaze locking with his dark brown eyes. I can’t help but notice the playful pop of hot-pink hair peeking out from under his hat. It’s ridiculously handsome on him.

“Yeah,” I whisper.

He grabs my hand, his tattoo-lined fingers wrapping around mine. He has his septum pierced like me, and a new eyebrow piercing glints in the sun.

Once we reach the car. I don’t waste any time getting into the passenger seat, buckling in before we’re off.

“Where are we going?”

“Anywhere you want, Lou. What’s going on?”

He taps the steering wheel rhythmically with his fingers as he drives. I stare out the open window, the gentle breeze against my face. The lull of the car makes me want to fall asleep, and I enjoy the comforting silence.

“Miles cheated, and yes, I’m sure of it. He’s been an absolute bitch since I called him out on it. When he admitted it, he also told me what a horrible human I am. Blames me for everything. I’m so fucking tired. He claimed he couldn’t possibly be attracted to me because of my appearance and the state of the house. I regret him moving in,” I ramble.

“I asked him to leave, I’ve demanded, but he just won’t go… Well, until today.” No wonder no one wants me. I barely make any sense talking, let alone venting like a lunatic.

Billy slides his arm around the passenger headrest, checks over his shoulder and, with a quick motion, we’re on the side of the road.

“That cum stain won’t be the one who messes with your head. He’s the load his mother shoulda swallowed. Tell me what you need me to do.”

My eyes widen. Hearing the truthful words from someone else means a lot. “I want him to leave me alone, and I need help fixing up the house.”

“Alright, I’ll help you out.”

“How?” I whisper as cars zoom by us.

“Let me worry about him. We’ll work together to fix the house.”

“Thank you,” I whisper. Looking down at my hands.

“How’ve you been sleeping?”

I tear my attention from my hands to his gaze. His eyes have crinkle lines around them, his eyebrows are drawn together, and a warmth fills my chest as I recognize genuine concern in his expression.

“I haven’t, really. I’m sick of sleeping on the floor. Gotta wait for him to bounce before I get a bed. ”

“First up, buy the fucking bed. Hell, let’s go now. You can try them out and get it delivered. Jesus Christ, Lou. Second, I’ll help you fix up your house and show you that you aren’t ever the fucking problem.”

My chest tightens, and a fierce desire to be closer to him zips through me. I want it to be him who shows me everything I’ve been missing out on.

Billy pulls back onto the road, and we drive into Kawartha Lakes and find a mattress store.

Once we’re out of the car, he grabs my hand and pulls me inside. There’s something about Billy which lifts my worries.

“Hello, sir, can I help you?” A man in a suit greets us as we enter.

“Just browsing for now,” Billy says.

The man nods and walks to a large desk. The store is pretty much empty, other than an elderly couple across the showroom.

“Let’s try ‘em out.” Billy arches an eyebrow playfully, and I can’t help but smile.

He flops on a bed, and I join beside him. When his hand grazes mine, sparks of desire flow through me. The bed is too hard for my liking, but since Miles took his, I shouldn’t be too picky.

When I turn to look at Billy, he scrunches his face before a slight shake follows. “Nah, let’s try again.”

We walk around the showroom and I’m a little stunned to see there are so many choices. I touch my fingertips to my lips and look around, unsure what to do next. Billy grabs my wrist, pulling me to another section.

Dropping on a soft mattress, I worry I’d wake up with a sore back. It’s featherlight but no structure, and I begin to feel like I’m in a story I remember from my childhood. This will be my first new mattress, and I want it to be perfect.

“Lou?”

I turn to look at him. His warm hand clutches mine, and my chest flutters with the contact. “Too soft. I need a happy medium.”

“On to the next, we go!” he exclaims with a wide grin.

It’s as if we’re on an adventure and not shopping for a mattress. Billy twirls me in the middle of the store to their shitty music and winks at me.

We head to the other side, and after testing a few more, we finally find a perfect one.

“This one’s the right one.” I turn to look at him as he closes his eyes and fakes snores. When I try to get up, he holds my hand tighter and chuckles.

“Let’s find the stiff in the suit and get you home.”

Billy doesn’t let go of my hand until I have to sign the papers and swipe my card for payment. Glancing at him, I smile.

He does a sway dance to the elevator music in the store, and his attention on me burns into my soul. Each time I steal a glance at him, my heart hammers against my chest.

I’ve wanted Billy for so long. None of this feels real. Grabbing the paperwork and card, I bid the salesperson farewell.

After sliding into the passenger seat and buckling up, he glances at me.

“Having a bed is gonna make all the difference for you. I’m not fucking around when I say I’ll be there.”

“I hope not,” I whisper. Having Billy around more would make me feel safer.

He lowers the windows, turning up the music as we drive back to my house.