Page 34 of Savage Desire (The Savage Six #2)

34

POLARIS

T ime stills as I hide away in the toilet stall, staring blankly at the ceiling as I replay the memory again and again. Even if I didn’t call him Daddy in my vision, I know it with all that I am that he is my father. The warmth in his eyes, the fierceness in his voice, the love in his tone. It was him.

Of all the things for me to remember and of all the times for me to remember it, I’m blown away. It’s like a piece to the jigsaw in my mind has found its rightful place. Like the corner starting piece. Now I just have to figure the rest out.

The bell rings in the distance for the second time since I’ve been in here, confirming I’ve missed an entire lesson. I’m not sure if there will be consequences but there’s no use worrying over it now when it’s already done.

I needed a minute after the combination of the memory and watching Bianca hit the mat from my kick. It was too much. A shiver runs down my spine. If I struggle after kicking someone I dislike, how the hell am I supposed to take down my blood kin when the time comes?

I sigh, counting backward from five. The second I reach one, I jump to my feet, forcing myself to get up and get on with it. Unlocking the stall door, I instantly find the mirror sitting above the vanity across the room. My reflection is… horrifying.

My hair is matted and disheveled, sticking out in every direction, while my face is red and a little swollen. It must have been from where Bianca managed to make contact with my cheek. A bruise looks to be forming on my shoulder and I tug my jacket down carefully to see the same mottled color all down my arms too.

Fuck.

As if seeing it finally confirms its there, a dull ache vibrates through my body and I realize how badly I was beaten. I may have won in the end, but it wasn’t without pain.

Turning the faucet on, I give myself a moment to splash some water in my face before I reach for my sand to redo my hair. “Capillus.” It’s barely more than a whisper, but it’s the pick me up I need as my hair fails back into a neat ponytail.

At least I look a little more put together now. It’s just a shame that I don’t feel it.

Taking a deep breath, I repeat my father’s words once more before I turn to the door. The second I step out into the hallway, I’m overwhelmed by the flow of students hurrying by. It takes me a moment to realize they’re all heading in the opposite direction of the dining hall where everyone should be going at this time.

My eyebrows gather in confusion as I fall into step with everyone and the two girls beside me huddle in close to one another. “What do you think the assembly could be for?” the blonde girl asks, and her friend shrugs.

“I don’t know. Maybe someone else triggered the curse,” she mutters in response, and I freeze, my steps faltering. The person behind me has no warning and comes barreling into me, but we both manage to stay upright.

“Watch yourself,” the guy grunts as I nod, terror settling deep in my gut as I maneuver myself to the side, pressing my back against the closest wall as I try to calm my sharp breaths.

An assembly?

Someone’s dead?

Was it me? Is it Bianca?

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

My fingers tremble as I pin my bag to my chest, my face tingling with fear and anxiety as my gaze darts up and down the hallway for any sign of distress.

Just breathe, Polaris.

Nausea burns up my throat and the distress and worry over being sick again grows stronger, when a hand lands on my shoulder, jolting my attention to the new arrival.

Stormy eyes meet mine as I look up at Blaze. “What’s going on?” My jaw falls slack as I stare at him, speechless despite the turmoil inside of me. “Don’t make me make you tell me,” he warns, his fingers flexing on my shoulder, and I whimper.

I either find the strength to tell him or he’s going to realize his compulsion isn’t working on me.

Taking a deep breath, I exhale slowly before I settle my eyes on his. “Is there an assembly?” I ask, and he nods once, tight and sharp. “Why?”

He shrugs. “I’m not sure. Why does it matter?” he grunts while his eyes tear me apart, peering deep into my soul just like Tatum does, and I can’t stand it. Not from him. Not when there are so many things he thinks I don’t know but I do. Yet even more that I don’t recall.

Abort. Abort. Abort.

The quicker I get to it, the quicker he’ll leave me alone. “Is it because I killed Bianca?”

My words hang in the air for what feels like an eternity before he shakes his head. “That’s what you’re worried about?”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” I breathe, and he sighs, the tension in his shoulders easing just a little before he leans in closer so we’re nose to nose.

“You didn’t kill anyone, Amica Mea.” He runs his fingers down the column of my throat. “Forget about this conversation between us, but know you didn’t cause anyone any harm they didn’t deserve, and know that you’re strong, resilient, and powerful. Be confident.”

He’s gone in the next breath, leaving me to slump further against the wall. Now I silently wish he could compel me. The confidence, the resilience, it’s not easy, but if I want to keep up this lie, I need to pretend.

Offering myself one final big breath, I push off the wall and blend back into the crowd as I make my way to the assembly hall. My eyes zone in on the witches’ section and I spot Bryony straight away with a spare seat beside her. She eyes me with concern as she waves me over, and I try as hard as I can to avoid looking in the wolves’ direction. A cheeky glance at any of the guys could result in me seeing Bianca too, and I’m not ready for that. Not yet.

“Are you okay?” Bryony asks as I take the seat beside her and nod, offering the best smile I can muster. “I was worried when you took off, but Drummond wouldn’t let any of us leave until we had our turn,” she explains, and I force my lips wider as I reply.

“Honestly, I needed the time to myself. Thank you, though,” I breathe just as the room falls quiet and I turn my attention to the front of the hall.

Professor Whitmore stands front and center, hands steepled before him as he looks over the crowded room. “Thank you for gathering before lunch. I will keep this short and sweet so you can all get some food before your next class,” he starts, beaming at everyone. “Most of you will be familiar with this time, but as we have new students from Florentine’s, we feel it is necessary for us to make an announcement.” My stomach twists in confusion as his eyes darken just a touch at the corners. “Tomorrow marks the acknowledgment of the next group of students to be released from the confines of their blood kin curse. Those affected will be called out and summoned to the gathering at noon tomorrow where their blood kin will be revealed, and next steps will be taken.”

My heart thunders in my chest. The room is overwhelmingly quiet apart from him and it only fuels my panic to greater heights. It’s not me, is it? I hope not, but I’m so confused about any information I thought I knew about my birthday since Florentine’s held so much back that I can’t be sure.

Gulping, I listen intently as Professor Whitmore reels off sixteen names, none of which are from Florentine’s, or those that came when I did at least, and I heave a sigh of relief.

“To those unfamiliar, this will happen on a regular basis. Any questions, please let us know,” he states before offering a short wave and exiting the stage.

Bryony scoffs beside me. “What questions are there to ask that they’re actually going to answer?” she mutters, and I hum in agreement even though her complaint leaves me a little confused. My brain can’t take any more, though, so I push it to the back of my mind and rise from my seat with the rest of the students.

I follow the sea of bodies toward the door, and when I step out into the corridor, I hear who I think is Wylder calling my name. I can’t avoid them forever, not that I’m even sure I want to, but when Bryony plants her hand on my arm, I focus on her instead of him.

“I need your help. Can I talk to you before we eat?” she asks, uncertainty warring in her eyes, and it leaves me a little unsettled, but then her fingers tighten and I wince, aware of the bruises beneath her touch. “Sorry. I just… please, Polaris,” she breathes and I nod before she tugs me outside and in the opposite direction of the dining hall.

I hurry to keep up with her, confusion churning in my gut as she finally slows her pace outside. She darts across the perfectly manicured lawn, settling on a large oak tree before taking a seat in the shade it offers.

Pressing my lips together, I do the same, dropping my bag at my feet as I fight back another wince at the pain raking through my body.

“Is everything okay?” I ask through gritted teeth as I gingerly hold my arms against my chest.

She hums, looking off into the distance for a moment before she turns back to me. “It’s not going well.” She doesn’t expand on the fact, but I don’t push, giving her a moment to find whatever it is she’s referring to. “The replacement for my coven I mean.”

I note how she doesn’t address them as The Renegades like usual and a pit forms in my stomach.

“How so?” I ask, already not wanting to know the answer, but she’s my friend. She’s helped me with a lot and I promised myself I would help her too. Even if it makes me uncomfortable because I know where her allegiance lies.

She tucks a loose tendril of hair behind her ear as she continues to look off into the distance before glancing at me again. “Everyone is out of sync in the group without our center. Lucille’s loss is proving hard, more so on others, but it’s leaving all of us disheveled,” she murmurs, making that little pit in my stomach grow.

“I thought you were having meetings with the other sections of your coven,” I offer, and she sighs. It’s all she really mentioned the last time we talked. I haven’t seen her much since then.

“We have, but it’s clear the expectation is for us to find a new center, it’s our only option.”

My muscles clench, bracing for what comes next, and when her eyes lock on mine I know the words she’s going to speak before her lips even part. “I’m asking you to reconsider, Polaris.”

My smile is tight, and I’m unable to hide the rejection from my face. “I’m sorry, Bryony. I can’t.”

“Please, just hear me out, okay, I?—”

“There’s nothing more for me to hear on this matter,” I state, rising to my feet. My body aches from head to toe but I force myself through it. Locking my eyes on hers, I sigh. “I am more than willing to be here for you, as your friend, but what you’re asking, after everything that happened, is too much.”

I hiss as I hoist my bag over my shoulder and she quickly rises to stand with me. She reaches out to grab my arm again, but quickly recoils when I back away. Desperation flashes in her eyes as she bats away the unshed tears.

“I want to be there for you, Bryony, I really do. The last thing I want is to see you like this, but I can’t sacrifice my morals and sanity for yours. I might not have much going for me, but I have that.”

She shakes her head. “I know it was bad, Polaris. I know it was a mess, but the reason behind it is gone now. She’s gone now, and it would help you feel more grounded with your magic too. It’s a win-win all round,” she insists, refusing to let it go.

I take a step back, struggling with the gnawing feeling in my gut. There’s a hint of guilt there, but what overwhelms me the most is the sense of pressure that I don’t want or need.

“I’m aware I’m going to need a coven eventually, Bryony, but it can’t be, and won’t ever be, The Renegades. I don’t want the constant reminder of that night with me forever, and that’s exactly what will happen if I intertwine myself into their fold.”

She nods, more tears tracking down her face. “I’m sorry. I said I would ask. I just… I don’t know what to do. My mind is mush, I’m so out of sorts, nothing feels right, my magic is… I don’t even know what it is. I’m just lost and my connection to the elements is… wavering.”

“Have you spoken to anyone about it?” I ask, real concern taking hold of me as I connect with the helplessness she’s sinking in.

She sniffs, wiping at her nose as she shakes her head. “No. There’s no one for me to talk to. Not in the coven at least. Everyone’s acting strange and none of it makes sense.”

“How can I help you, Bryony?” I murmur, and her eyes snap to mine. “Apart from that,” I add, making it clear exactly where I stand, and she sighs, completely deflated.

“I’ll figure it out, Polaris. Thanks,” she breathes before rushing off toward the dorms.

My heart aches at her despair, and the people pleaser in me immediately feels bad for declining her offer, but if I only learn one thing here, I want it to be the knowledge of putting my own thoughts and emotions before others.

Torn over what to do, I glance back at the academy building, my stomach grumbling since I haven’t eaten a single thing yet, but my view is obstructed by a white-haired wolf with a stack of two pizza boxes in his hand.

He shuffles from foot to foot as he eyes me before clearing his throat. “I was hoping we could talk now,” he states, and I exhale.

“This morning has been a lot. I’m…” I look down at my arms, the bruises hidden beneath my jacket, and I bite back the urge to cry, or scream, or whatever release my body is searching for as I turn back to him. “I don’t know if I have the mental or physical capacity for anything right now,” I admit, and his eyes narrow as he likely catches a glimpse of the swelling on my face.

“Bianca hurt you.” It’s a statement, not a question. One I can’t deny. He wipes a hand down his face as he balances the pizza before offering me his hand. “Please, Silver. Let me take care of you. Even if we don’t talk just… let me make sure you’re okay.”

I glance at his upward turned palm, then to his face, repeating the motion three times before I settle on his marbled eyes and place my hand in his.

“Don’t make me regret it,” I mutter, and he smiles.

“Never.”