Page 35 of Salvation (Rising From the Ashes #3)

Campbell

“ D ude, you’ve got it bad. It’s kind of sad.” Willow snorts behind me as I watch Ivy walk away. She’s smirking when I face her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I do. I know exactly what she’s talking about. I’ve had it bad for Ivy since I was nine years old, and I’ve finally come to the conclusion that it’s not going away at thirty-two.

Willow rolls her eyes. “Sure you don’t. Why don’t you tell her how you feel?”

“Because it’s—”

“Complicated,” Willow finishes for me. “Yeah, I got that. Look, don’t treat me like a child who can’t possibly understand big emotions. I know what I see.”

“Oh, yeah?” I ask, quirking a brow. “And what’s that?”

There once was a time when I was her age, and people tried to act like I didn’t know things either.

They told me I was too young to know I wanted to marry Ivy.

Too young to know what love was. Too na?ve to understand my feelings.

But they were wrong. Maybe life didn’t turn out how I planned, but I always knew what I felt.

So, it’s the least I can do to listen to what she has to say.

Willow shrugs as if this is all so simple. “You love her. And she loves you, too.”

She at least got the first part right. I love Ivy. I always have, but love doesn’t always mean you get the girl.

“She’s engaged.” The words burn so badly it’s like acid on my tongue.

I don’t know what I walked into the other night.

All I know is that I opened the door, and he was crowding her with anger in his eyes, and in my book, that should mean that he doesn’t get her, either.

But that’s not how this works. I don’t get a say in Ivy’s life just because we share the girl in front of me.

“No, she isn’t.” Willow’s voice pierces through my thoughts, and it takes a second for me to process what she said.

“What?”

Willow’s sigh is as dramatic as only a teenage girl can be.

She puts her hands on her hips, staring me down, and I won’t lie—she terrifies me.

She’s still dressed in black from head to toe with the only color on her being from flecks of paint, but that’s not why she scares me.

She scares me because she’s a perfect reminder of everything I’ve always wanted.

“That man from the other night was her ex-fiancé. She told me that herself. Looks like you have no more excuses.” She punctuates her sentence with a shrug of her shoulder as if the news she just delivered didn’t rock into me with the power of an explosion.

“Are you sure?” I asked breathlessly.

Willow looks as if she might be ready to hit me. “I’m starting to think my brains came from Ivy.”

Her voice is so unimpressed that I probably would’ve laughed if I weren’t currently trying to wrap my head around the fact that Ivy is no longer engaged.

Ivy isn’t engaged.

IVY IS NOT ENGAGED.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information because there is still so much unresolved between us.

But I know what I want to do because once upon a time, I promised myself that if there were ever a chance to get Ivy back, I’d take it.

No hesitation. And without even realizing I’ve made the decision, I know that’s what I’ll do now.

A foreign feeling of hope sparks in my chest.

“I love her,” I say, suddenly unable to keep that fact to myself.

“No-duh.”

I narrow my eyes. “Your attitude is bigger than you are.”

Willow narrows her eyes back at me. “That I must get from you.”

This time I do laugh. It sounds rusty, like my vocal chords don’t quite remember how to do it, but that feeling of hope spreads further with the sound.

“No, that would be my brother, Isaiah.”

“You have a brother?”

“Yeah. He’s older than me,” I say, feeling a knot tighten in my throat because it makes me sad whenever I think about Isaiah.

He’s become a topic I’ve started to avoid.

I had a hero-worship for him growing up.

What younger brother doesn’t look at their older brother that way?

But he’s not the same guy I grew up with.

“Do you have any other siblings?”

Willow is so hot and cold, it surprises me that she’s asking about my life, but I’m glad she is. I want her to know about my family, just like I want to know about her.

“I do. A younger sister, Ali.”

“Do I get my sparkling personality from her because I don’t think that’s from you, either?” Her quip might have hurt if I didn’t recognize the glimmer in her eyes. She’s goading me, and that she really does get from me.

“I don’t know. Does yours sparkle?” I ask with a pointed look at her clothes.

A laugh slips past her lips before she can stop it, and my heart swells three times in my chest. It’s one of the best sounds I’ve ever heard.

“You know what—I think you might be alright.” It’s said with an eye roll and a scoff, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling ten feet tall because my daughter thinks I’m “alright”— and that’s a start.

“So,” I say, changing the topic before she can take it back, “speaking of family—I was wondering if you would like to meet mine? My mom is dying to meet you.” A strange look passes over Willow’s face, and she slips her lips between her teeth, chewing on the bottom one.

“If it’s something you don’t feel comfortable with, all you have to do is say no, and I’ll take care of it.

I don’t ever want you to feel pressured. ”

It’s true. My mom can pester me all she wants, but she won’t meet Willow until Willow is ready. She’s calling the shots here, and I will protect her decisions.

She looks up under her lashes, her gaze meeting mine, and her mask slips just enough for me to see beneath the attitude she uses as a shield. She’s vulnerable. “Do you think they will like me?”

I rub at my chest with the heel of my palm, a sudden ache forming there.

“I think they will love you,” I answer honestly.

Willow tilts her head as if trying to decide if I am telling the truth. Whatever she sees must convince her because with a tentative smile, she says, “Okay. I think I want to meet them.”

______________________

My hands shake as I walk up the sidewalk to Ivy’s front door. Willow handed me everything I’ve ever wanted on a silver platter when she told me Ivy is no longer engaged, but I have no idea how to take it. So I’m here—doing this—because it’s the only place I know to start.

Quickly, I raise one hand and knock, then shove it back in my pocket to hide the tremble. I force myself to take a deep breath and calm my racing heart as I wait to hear footsteps on the other side.

This is Ivy, and before everything else, she was my friend. She’s not going to judge me.

That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

My conversation with Hayes has been on my mind for over a week. Everything he said made sense, but I have still hesitated to make an appointment with the doctor. Maybe it’s stupid for me not to want to go alone, but that’s where I am.

I could have asked Hayes to go with me. He would have agreed in a second. I could have even asked my mom or anyone else in my life. Except, I didn’t want to. I want it to be Ivy. So here I am, with my hands shoved in my pockets and my heart trying to beat out of my chest, praying she says yes.

The door creaks open, and there’s a very real chance I might puke. Then my eyes land on Ivy, and all that pent-up tension inside my chest melts away.

Her honey eyes are on me, and there’s a slight wrinkle between her brow. Unable to stop myself, I pull one hand from my pocket and press my fingertip into the groove.

“Hi, sunshine.”

Ivy frowns, and my heart skips, reacting to every single thing she does.

I really should get these heart palpitations checked out because it can’t be normal to be this affected by someone. But I guess if I’m going to die, going out looking at Ivy would be the best way.

“Campbell, is everything okay?” Worry tightens her voice, and I drop my hand, remembering why I’m here.

Clearing my throat, I search for the words to tell her what I need. To beg her to give me just this one thing. “I’m okay. I just—I need a favor.”

“Okay.” She says it slowly, like she’s afraid to ask what that favor might be, and instead of keeping her waiting, I push forward, getting the words out before I can chicken out.

“Will you go to the doctor with me?”

Ivy’s eyes widen with surprise, whether with the force in which I asked the question or because of the question itself, I’m not sure.

“Are you sick?” As she scans me from head to toe, the worry in her eyes makes something warm spread through my veins.

I could spend forever with her eyes on me, and I’m not sure if I would think it’s enough . It simultaneously burns and soothes, making me feel alive and giving me enough clarity to know I’m doing the right thing.

“Physically, no, but mentally—” I stop and shrug, “yeah, I am, and I have been for a long time. But I never wanted to admit it. I was ashamed.”

“Why now? What’s changed?”

It’s a fair question, seeing as I’ve shut her down every time she’s tried to talk to me about this, but it still makes me want to laugh because what hasn’t changed in my life over the last three months?

Instead, I rub the cut on my palm and give her the raw truth—the one that has the possibility of shattering me one day.

“I realized I had someone to get better for. Two people, actually.” Ivy’s breath shudders, but she’s doing better than I am.

I’m not sure my lungs know how to take in air anymore.

“And those two people deserve the best version of me, but I don’t think I can become that version alone. I need help. Your help.”

“Why me, Campbell?” she whispers, and I smile. It’s crooked and imperfect, but I still smile.

“You already know the answer to that, sunshine.”

“Tell me anyway.”

I reach up, wrapping my finger around my favorite curl and tug. “Because you’ve always been the only person who sees me and never made me feel broken because of what you saw.”

For a lifetime of seconds, it’s always been her, and if she were to turn me away right here in this moment, it would still be her. I’ll go on counting the seconds of missing her until the day I die.

Ivy takes one careful step forward and then another, her gaze never straying from mine as she lifts her hand and places it on my chest, directly over my heart. The place she branded herself into a long time ago.

“I do see you, Campbell.” She leans in, placing a kiss against my cheek, and I close my eyes, savoring the feeling. I can’t be sure, but when she pulls back, it almost sounds like she whispers, “Only ever you.”

And it’s just enough to give me hope that this ‘yes’ is just the first.