Page 33 of Salvaged Heart

I woke to the feeling of a warm body pressed against my back and muscular arms holding me close. I was cocooned in Beck’s woodsy scent, hot, slow breaths tickling the base of my neck. It wasn’t the first time I'd woken like this over the last few months, but those other times had all been dreams. Each morning would go the same. I’d wake thinking Beckham was in bed beside me, and I would snuggle into his warmth only to find the bed suddenly empty, cold, and myself miserably alone. The crashing weight of grief that would follow the realization it'd all been in my head made me wish I could close my eyes forever and live with him inside my dreams.

But there was something different about this morning. The bed was warmer, his scent stronger, and the rise and fall of his chest against my back an unfamiliar sensation all too real. I twisted over, expecting Beckham’s phantom body to be just a memory, but my face collided with a muscled chest instead of an empty, cold pillow, and I heard the faint thump, thump, thumping of his very real heart.

The previous night came back to me. Limbs wrapped around other limbs, hot frantic kisses, whispered I love you’s, and mind-bending orgasms. He was here. He was really here, and he’d done what I'd once begged him not to do but had prayed desperately that he’d ignore.

He had waited for me.

I would never let him go again.

As if roused by the very same thoughts that circled my brain, Beck shifted beside me, muttering something unintelligible into my hair. A deep rumble vibrated through me, making me shudder in his arms.

“You cold, baby?” He muttered and tugged the blankets around me tighter.

“No, it just hit me that last night happened.”

I felt his sleepy smile next to my ear, followed by soft, leisurely kisses down my chin and over my jaw until his lips found mine. This kiss was slow and deep. Gone was the frenzy from last night, and we took our time waking one another up. He pulled me on top of him, and I ground our hard, still-naked bodies together until we were falling over the edge of bliss. It was lazy and unhurried and so incredibly perfect that a small tear appeared in the corner of my eye. I didn’t wipe it away. Instead, I let it roll down my cheek onto his skin.

He didn't mention it. He just ran small reassuring circles into my back as we came back down. “Merry Christmas,” he whispered.

I’d almost forgotten. “Best Christmas ever,” I mumbled, falling back asleep to the soft rumble of his laugh.

I’d been dreading returning to Lake Norman for days, already pushing the journey back twice. The reality that Beck’s life was now here in Nashville and mine there, eight hours away, was enough to make me want to pack up all my belongings. But I’d made a commitment to Kara and, more importantly, myself. Nashville wasn’t good for me, plus I had therapy and doctor’s appointments I needed to go to back home.

“It will just be for a little while,” Beck promised me.

We had so many things left to discuss, but there was no hurdle I wouldn’t face if it meant I got to be his. The silver lining was that his father wasn’t due back until after New Year’s, which meant all projects were on hold and Beck could make the long drive back with me. He’d get to stay a few days before catching a flight back to Nashville.

It wasn't much, but I’d take what I could get.

“There’s somewhere I want to take you before we hit the road.” He was loading our bags into the trunk. A navy beanie pulled down tight over his ears. I’d never seen him wear one before, but it made his blue eyes shimmer in the frosty December air.

“If it’s to see my parents, then you can count me all the way out,” I grumbled.

Laurel had texted Beckham Christmas night after we’d failed to show up for church with them, choosing to spend the day worshipping each other’s bodies instead. Apparently, our cover was blown, and the Mitchells were less than thrilled about Beck’s and my relationship. The way my stepfather had been lighting up Beck’s phone since told me that it would not be pretty when that confrontation happened. They could go fuck themselves as far as I was concerned. It wasn’t like they had approved of my life choices to begin with. I didn’t need them approving of them now.

“I don’t think anyone is ready for that.” He pecked me on the lips and opened the passenger door for me.

“So, where to then?”

“It’s a surprise. Hopefully, I’m not overstepping here.”

“Well, that just makes me even more curious.”

We pulled up ten minutes later outside a little white church. It was vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why I knew it.

“A meeting?” I questioned.

It was thoughtful of him, but I could make it back to North Carolina without. I had been making an active effort to speak up in the group and get to know the other regular attendees. I had even gotten myself a sponsor at the never-ending encouragement of Kara and my therapist. Things would be more comfortable there.

Beck’s expression was halfway between hesitation and regret. “Not quite.” He pursed his lips and looked at me. Nerves began to jumble in my stomach. “I found Jonah.”

My heart skipped a beat. “Here?” I looked out the window, half expecting to see his ghost standing in the graveyard waiting for me. But the memory was already flooding back. Of course, this place looked familiar. I’d been here before, staring out of my mother’s car window as she told me if I didn’t get my shit together, I’d follow Jonah into the ground next. I’d been too lost in my grief to remember the exact church.

“Laurel and I were able to track his grave down a few months back. I’ve been visiting him.”

“You have? Why?”

“He’s important to you, and I figured he would understand the pain I was feeling not being able to be with you.” He squeezed my hand reassuringly. “It’s up to you if you want to go talk to him. I’ll come with you, or I can stay here, or we can turn the car around and pretend we never came. But I wanted you to at least have the option to say goodbye properly.”

It was the greatest gift he could have given me.

Months ago, all I needed was this closure. I’d told myself if only I knew where he was laid to rest, if only I could visit him and feel that connection once again, then maybe that would be enough to heal the deep ache in my chest. But it wasn’t there anymore. Instead, what was left was peace. I’d spent the last few months working on that broken part of myself, and while it would never be healed, I no longer needed this.

“Did it look like someone was taking care of him?” His grave. I had to know he hadn’t been forgotten.

He nodded. “A few times when I came, I saw an older man sitting with him. His dad, maybe? I don’t know. I stayed away when he was there.”

For some reason, that felt like enough.

“I think I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, that chapter of my life is closed. I don’t think visiting him will reopen it. I just don't think I need it like I once did. If that changes, I know where I can find him now.” I squeezed his hand back. “Thank you for giving me this, Beck. Thank you for visiting him. I’ll never be able to repay you for that.”

He held my cheek in his palm and kissed me softly. “You never need to repay me for anything. You love me, and that’s all I’ll ever need.”

If I’d thought the drive to Nashville had been bad, it had nothing on the drive back to the lake. It seemed like all of Tennessee was taking the same roads, and we sat in traffic most of the way. My knee bounced with annoyance. Patience had never been my strong point. Beck tried to keep me entertained, chatting away about how he'd spent the last few months, pointing out things he saw along the side of the road, telling me stories of his childhood, and when all else failed, serenading me with bad ’90s country. This is why I preferred my bike. At least then, I could feel the wind against me, fresh air in my lungs, and the constant adrenaline that came with each engine rev.

By the time we pulled off the highway and onto the side streets wrapping around the lake, I wanted nothing more than to jump from the car and walk the rest of the way back to Kara’s. My legs were cramped, and my whole body vibrated with restless energy. I was taken aback when Beck took a right onto the peninsula instead of continuing straight in the direction of Kara’s house. But when he reminded me the bike was still parked at Arbor Ct, a nervous wave of anticipation rolled through me.

“It probably won’t even start,” I grumbled. “The thing was already on its last legs. No way it survived fall and winter outside.”

“You think I left it out in the elements? I brought it inside the day you left the hospital.” Of course, he had. Beck was thoughtful like that.

“They didn’t sell the house yet?” I presumed someone would have told me if it had, but as I had been unavailable for a few months and my share of the money wouldn’t be accessible for a year, maybe no one thought it necessary. “Hasn’t the renovation been done for weeks?”

“The last I heard, there'd been a couple of offers, but I don’t think they accepted one yet. Margery has been handling things.”

He turned into Arbor Ct, the house looking much like it had the last day I'd been here, except that the large oak trees lining the driveway had lost their leaves. A black for sale sign sat by the mailbox, turned towards the road. I was overcome suddenly by the realization that I’d almost died here. If Beck hadn’t saved me, this place would have been the last I’d seen. Like he could read my thoughts, he squeezed my knee, letting me know he was with me.

“Will you come inside?”

I nodded hesitantly. I hadn’t needed to see Jonah for closure on that part of my life. But this was different. This wasn’t putting the past behind me. It was an accomplishment, the beginning of my future. Coming to Arbor Ct. this summer led me to Beck. This place had transformed from everything I had been running from into everything I had been running to. I hadn’t seen the project completed, but I needed one last look inside. One last reminder of the distance I'd come since pulling up to the same steps back in June. It was a different house now, and I was a different man.

Beck unlocked the door slowly, taking my hand as we stepped inside. My jaw dropped as I took in the place. The hardwood was refinished, a new banister swept up the stairs, a chandelier sparkled overhead, and in the back, leading out to the back porch, was a set of gorgeous french doors. The lake glittered in the winter sun beyond. It was exactly like?—

“My drawing,” I whispered, stepping into the space to take it all in. “You redid it just like I’d pictured.”

He nodded. “There’s more.”

I let him guide me from room to room. Some I had seen completed, and others were brand new, but each matched the renderings I'd done all those months ago. It was as if Beck had picked my sketches up off the page.

I turned to thank him. He was smiling at me, and it was like looking at the goddamn sun. My chest ached at the thought that he had done this for me. Taken my sketches and turned them into something I could touch. But the thing that took my breath away was how much he’d believed in me, that he had seen my vision and thought it worthy enough to recreate.

“I got a phone call the other day.” He was talking again, and it took me a moment to register the words that were being said. “A family who lives a few roads over saw the pictures the realtor posted. They loved the work we did. They are renovating their place, a three-bed, two-bath right on the water, and wanted me to take a look. Draw up some plans. Submit an official bid on the contract.”

“Beck, that’s fantastic. You’re going to do it, right?” If he got the job, he would be moving back. I wouldn’t have to stay here alone.

“Yeah, I think I will…” He trailed off as we stepped onto the back porch and headed toward the lake. “Do this with me?”

I tugged him to a stop, looking up at him with confusion. I didn’t understand the question.

“Your plans were amazing, Anders. Just look at how this place turned out.”

“That was all you,” I reminded him. I might have helped, but without his blood, sweat, tears, and expertise, there was no way the manor would have turned out so good.

“I don’t have an eye for design like you do. I can fix stuff and paint walls, sure. I can handle logistics. But you're the one who breathed life into this place. If it weren’t for those drawings, this place would have felt cold and empty. It’s because of you that it feels like a home.”

“What are you asking?”

“Go into business with me. You handle the interior design stuff, and you should probably handle any math, too,” He chuckled. “I’ll handle everything else.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I want a life with you, Anders. I don’t just want to wake up and fall asleep with you. I want to build something together. Something that’s ours. This could be it.”

I looked at him then, taking in the side of his face as he took one last look at the house. His eyes sparkled with excitement and hope. I saw it then, clear as day, something I had never let myself imagine before.

I saw my future.

Our future.

The life we would create together.

And it looked like nothing I could have ever dreamed would be mine. It looked like the bluest eyes and the brightest of smiles. It looked like sunrises and sunsets and a million things in between. There would be joy and laughter, and sometimes sadness, too, but as long as he was holding me, the worst of it could no longer touch me.

“Think about it at least.”

I pressed my hand into his cheek, grinning as he leaned into my palm and kissed the tip of my thumb. There was nothing to think about. It was the easiest decision I’d ever had to make.

“I’m in.”