Page 29 of Safe Word

The second message was a picture of a gym. The accompanying message said that it was where Kannon worked out. I wasn’t sure of the validity, but I knew Ceasar didn’t make empty threats. There was even a picture of me in that fucking coffee shop on my and Kannon’s second visit. You could only see the back of his head, but it was him.

The other messages included pictures of my mom’s and sister’s social media accounts and a screenshot of my sister at a campus party, living her best life. I should have expected that he would go to any lengths to get me back in his clutches. I refused to let them touch Kannon or my family just because my dreams didn’t turn out the way I expected them to. I had to put on my big girl panties and face reality.

I knew Kannon would try to intervene if I told him about the messages. Cyrus’s threats were nothing compared to the damage Ceasar could do. He had reach beyond what any of us could comprehend. The sound of Kannon’s laughter and him saying my name when we explored each other’s bodies made a beautiful song in my head as I fought back the tears stinging my eyes. I tried to steady my breathing as I dropped the tablet next to me on the couch.

He had joked the fear and anxiety away until I almost forgot the danger existed. He gave me room to be comfortable. I said I needed to breathe, and he’d let me do just that, with no questions asked. Now I had to do something for him.

I couldn’t tell Kannon about the messages. I knew he would be livid to know that not only was the label threatening me, but they were threatening him too. His first instinct would be to go into fight mode to protect me and not consider the danger he might be in as well.

If I woke him up, he would be suited up and ready to go before I could finish the story. I couldn’t send him into an ambush. I knew that he was probably in even more danger than me, because the label wouldn’t dare interfere with their money.

Kannon was the type that would stand between the world and the people he loved. That was who he was, and I loved that about him, but I refused to bury him because of it. Somehow, without hearing the words, I knew I had made my way onto that list. If I told Kannon what was going on, I wouldn’t be able to control the way he reacted. My only choice was to not give him a choice.

The decision was made without me even having to think about it. My heart tried to protest, but my head wouldn’t hear of it. I picked the tablet back up and sent Ceasar a reply before I could change my mind.

Me: Send a car for me at nine in the morning. I’ll send my location.

I didn’t stop moving until I made it to the guest room. I knew that if I stopped, I would have enough time to change my mind. I loved Kannon too much to put him in danger. I should have never come here in the first place. I grabbed a pair of leggings from the bed and pulled them on before picking the tablet back up.

After scribbling a note, I went to Kannon’s bedroom and placed it on the pillow where I should have been. Kannon was a gorgeous giant sprawled out on his stomach with his mouth parted. He looked so peaceful and unaware of the chaos brewing around him as he slept. I wanted to kiss him or at least touchhim one more time for the road. There was no telling when I would see him again.

My heart wrenched in my chest as I rushed out of his room. I knew things couldn’t return back to the way they were between us before this week. I could only pray that he would understand why I had to leave.

I picked up his tablet once I was back in the living room and pulled up his rideshare app. There were only a few cars in the area this time of night, but I was able to secure one that was only eight minutes away. It felt like an eternity.

I would go to the nearest cheap motel to be picked up in the morning, because I refused to let anyone know where Kannon lived. I couldn’t do that to him. I knew I had to leave before he woke up.

Grabbing three of the twenties from the bowl next to his front door, I slipped out with nothing but my notebook in hand. As I stood on the stoop, looking out for my ride, I prayed that one day Kannon could forgive me for leaving. Then I prayed that one day I had the chance to explain everything to him. Right now, hope wasn’t on my side. I left to keep him breathing after he’d given me time to. Now I could only hope that I didn’t break before morning.

When I finally plopped down in the back seat of my ride, I cried into the sleeve of his hoodie covering my hands. “I’ll miss you, my love. But it’s better for you to hate me than for me to bury you.”

Chapter

Seven

Kannon

I wokeup reaching for her. The dip in the bed where she should have been was empty. Before I considered that she might be in the bathroom or up making breakfast, I found a piece of paper, a note. My heart sank before I could even read the words. I knew she was gone. I couldn’t feel her.

I blinked a few times, trying to adjust my eyes to the unfamiliar sting and the dim morning lighting of my bedroom. I couldn’t bring myself to read Carteay’s note at first. Instead, I threw the paper down and jumped out of bed.

The kitchen was empty, and I knew the guest room would be too. I was surprised to find her things still there. Still, I knew better than to hope. Back in my room, I stared at that crumpled sheet of paper, willing the words to say something other than goodbye. It pissed me off that my hands shook as I picked it up.

Kannon,

First of all, I need you to know that I’m not running from you, from us. I want us more than anything, but it’s selfish to think that I can just be with you and ride off into the sunsetwithout any consequences. My consequences aren’t for you to face.

Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me time to breathe, but I need to keep you breathing too. I’ll miss you, my love, but I rather miss you than to bury you. Please don’t come for me. Protect yourself like you protect everyone else. I’ll be fine. You kept me safe. Let me do the same for you. Let me fix this.

Mercy.

Carrie

I read the note twice then a third time just to punish myself for having feelings.What the hell did she mean, let her do the same for me?

Turning around, I snatched my phone from the nightstand, then I remembered she didn’t have a damn phone right now. I dashed out of my bedroom, unsure of where I was headed first. Where the hell was she? How long had she been gone?

Please don’t come for me.

Those five words reverberated in my head like a pinball.

Mercy.She’d safe worded. I knew the rules, but I didn’t give a fuck about rules right now.

Fuck! I knew I needed to respect her wishes, but at what cost? Who was to say that she really knew what was best for her? It was my job to protect her. I couldn’t move without knowing the facts though. I had to make some calls. At the same time, I didn’t know who I could trust yet. I needed to know who was who. I needed her help to get her out of that shit.

What if she doesn’t want to be saved?I was annoyed at my own logic, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t right. What if Carteay really meant what she said? What if all this was to her was a hiatus from her fast-paced life? I plopped down on my couch and buried my face in my hands as reality set in.

What they said must have been true. Everybody didn’t get to have a happily ever after.