Page 22 of Sadist (The Triarchy Collection #1)

OCTAVIA

I don’t know what I had been expecting from Theo, but rage hadn’t been it. The pity that would make me crumple into a self-loathing husk wasn’t there. The hand on my knee hadn’t moved, and she was still looking at me.

“Did you report it?”

“Yes.” The simple question took me off guard, and I shook my head.

“I mean, I tried. The sergeant I was giving my statement to asked me three times if I was lying to get a payout from him. And with the payments he had already started…it looked bad. I dropped the charges and left after a lecture about how girls like me ruin good, hardworking men’s lives, and I should be ashamed of myself. I left the country the following day.”

The hand on my knee tightened, but she said nothing, a muscle in her jaw flexing.

“Say something,” I blurted.

“I’m thinking,” she replied.

“Think aloud.” I needed to know what was going through her head behind that cold mask.

“There is a funeral being held for you next weekend,” she said finally. “And I am trying to decide if he legitimately thinks you perished in that fire. Surely DNA must have proven otherwise, but I’m not sure how badly the body they recovered was burned.

It wasn’t what I was expecting her to say, and I blinked a few times.

“Badly,” I said after a long moment. “I was watching the live reports, and I got hold of the autopsy. There were little more than bone fragments remaining. It was a witness testimony that tipped the scales—one of the homeless in the area reported hearing me confirm my identity just before the explosion. The silence since has confirmed it.”

“Okay.” Theo nodded slowly, and I couldn’t help myself. I needed to touch her. I needed to know if she would pull away from me after hearing my darkest secret. I tentatively ran my fingers over her hand where it rested on my knee, her skin hot against my cold fingers.

“You’re frozen.” She took my hand in hers, and my stomach fluttered as she brought it to her lips and blew on them. “It’s not cold in here, Sweets. Do you feel okay?”

I nodded, a tornado of emotions hitting me at once. She wasn’t recoiling from me, but she was letting me leave.

I was going to lose this .

She was going to let me go, and I was never going to see her again. I leaned in, pausing as I got closer, searching for the disgust I still expected to see. But her brow only quirked a little.

“Can I…” I trailed off, feeling ridiculous.

I was chasing the need for reassurance that I shouldn’t even want, desperate to be sure that her spark of desire for me was still there.

Want. Need. Lust. Fuck, I would take anything.

She had told me that she intended to let me walk away from her, then cradled my hand like it was precious.

She had fucked me like she owned me, then left me in her bed to sleep elsewhere like she didn’t want to be near me.

She was a walking dichotomy, and I was at her mercy.

“Can you what, Sweets?” There was a low purr in her voice that heated my blood, and she drew her lips along my hand, still blowing warm air across my skin before taking the tip of my finger between her teeth and nipping at it.

Why? I tried to read her and failed through the maelstrom of emotions clashing around my head.

Did she know what I wanted and was just playing into it?

Anxiety clawed at my insides as she kissed the next finger, then nipped at it too.

Was she stalling to think? Trying to hide her disgust through distraction?

Fuck it.

Closing the distance, I crashed my lips to hers, slipping my hand behind her neck and pulling her against me. I had taken her by surprise—I could feel it in the moment of stillness under my hands as I ran my fingers up and into her hair, tugging at it.

Show me you want me. The words were a plea echoing through my mind as, for a moment, I thought she would pull away.

And then her hands gripped my waist, and I felt the moment she took control back, kissing me savagely. A wave of relief hit me, and my throat caught.

It wasn’t enough, though.

She was going to let me walk out that fucking door and didn’t even care that she would never see me again. She was making me feel all of this conflicting bullshit, and she didn’t even care!

I bit her lip.

Hard.

Her hand gripped my throat, and she reared back, fingers brushing over where I had sunk my teeth. They came away stained crimson, and I glared at her as I pushed against the grip on my neck.

Her thumb pressed against the pulse flaring at my neck.

“Naughty girl,” she crooned softly. “You made me bleed.”

“Fair’s fair,” I bit out, too many emotions hitting me at once after the blessed numbness. It always happened this way. Panic. Emptiness. And then it would come rushing back, and either send me into the dark to repeat the cycle or leave me emotionally frayed.

That god-damned brow arched higher, and her hand squeezed a little tighter.

“No, Sweets. There is nothing fair about this situation.”

“No?” I choked out past her grip.

“No,” she echoed. She looked at me for a long moment, her eyes searching my face. “What do you need right now?”

I pressed my lips together, refusing to let my reply slip free.

You, Theo. How had I gotten to this point?

“Talk to me, Octavia.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Sweets….”

“What’s the point?” I demanded venomously.

She tilted her head. “Feeling a touch brattish, are we?”

I glared at her mulishly, and she let out a soft, huffing laugh.

“Get up.” She stood, the grip on my neck making me go with her as she steered me toward her gym area. Snatching a hanging skipping rope off one of the other machines, she released me, only to grab my hands and tie them efficiently with the rope.

“Gym bondage?” I asked dryly. “Original.”

“Oh, Sweetheart,” she crooned. “Keep going. Please.”

She wanted a reaction, and I wasn’t going to give her one.

She wasn’t going to see the turmoil I was in.

I wasn’t going to let her see my desperate need for her to take it back.

For her to not be so flippant about never fucking seeing me again after finding out how soiled my soul was, when it cut deeper than she could know.

She could do whatever the hell her sadistic black heart wanted, and she was going to get nothing.

She was the same as everyone else. The tags around my neck clinked together as she hefted the other end of the skipping rope over the pull-up beam above us and yanked it tight, my arms stretching above my head.

“You done?” she asked, wrapping it around her fist and leaning in close.

“Are you?” I retorted, keeping every bit of emotion from my voice to hide the agony of my double meaning.

A slow smile spread across her lips, and she hauled against the rope again, my body stretching upward as she tied off the skipping rope…

and then disappeared behind me. There was a rending sound, and the T-shirt I was wearing loosened and then fell off altogether as she made a few swift cuts with a flip knife.

A second later, the shredded remains of the shirt were over my eyes as she blindfolded me.

I stiffened at the sudden dark, but her warm hand flattened over my stomach, her low voice in my ear making gooseflesh rise all over my body.

“Stay with me, Sweets,” she whispered. “Do you want to know my favorite interrogation tactic?”

Fuck her.

“I bet you’re going to tell me,” I said obstinately through clenched teeth.

There was a low laugh, and then I couldn’t feel her there. I strained my ears to hear her moving around, but the woman was so damn silent.

One heartbeat. Two.

My body tensed as the silence crept in.

Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. I counted every beat, each one a little faster than the last.

“Theo.” My voice wavered, and a moment later her hand brushed my rear.

“I’m here,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to my shoulder.

“The answer, my Sweet, is fear.” Her voice dropped low to the ground as she gripped my ankle and fastened something around it.

There was a clank, and then she gripped the other, doing the same.

“Fear breaks down barriers that even pain cannot…so we are going to play at the edge of yours while you tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours,” she continued.

A click, and my legs widened, my feet slipping against the concrete.

Another click, wider. Another click, and I had to shift my weight, my body stretching up as my stance widened with every click of whatever she had attached to my ankles.

“Darkness is your fear. So, we are going to play in it together.”

One more click, and I was spread wide.

“Beautiful,” she murmured, her voice coming up closer again.

“You look good enough to eat.” Her hand stroked up my inner thigh, and I jumped, the bar holding my ankles clanking against concrete.

“Now, Octavia. tell me why you’re angry that I’m letting you go,” she murmured, her breath disturbing the hair next to my ear.

Fuck.