Page 45 of Sacred Vow

TILLY

T he late morning sun streams through the window, and I peel my eyes open to find my body cocooned around Caesar’s. He has one arm locked around my waist, holding my body to his, and his other arm rests beneath my neck.

His face is nuzzled into my hair, and as I listen to the soft sounds of his gentle breaths, I realize that I’ve never been more content than I am in this very moment.

I snuggle into him, and when his arms tighten around me, a dorky smile pulls at the corners of my lips. I’m officially one of those girls who goes stupid, crazy when she’s fallen head over heels in love with a man. I’ve got to admit, I never saw it coming.

When I first met Caesar, I thought it would be nothing more than an infatuation, that a quick tussle between the sheets would get him out of my system, and now, I realize how naive I was.

Caesar Di Rozé isn’t the type of man you can simply work out of your system.

He’s the man who brings you to your knees.

He’s the man who destroys you. He’s the man who changes the whole damn game.

I haven’t just broken some ridiculous little vow, a throwaway promise made in the middle of the night, something I wouldn’t have even thought twice about at the time.

I laughed in that damn vow’s face because right here, wrapped in the safety of his strong arms, it’s more than clear that I have fallen so deeply in love with this man that there’s no going back for me.

There’s no pretending anymore, no hiding the truth.

He needs to know what he’s done to me, even if it means losing it all.

And after last night, I’m well aware that he isn’t ready.

Kissing me in the club and then taking me to dinner was one thing, but last night with Annie was another.

That’s when I saw it. He’s crossed that same line.

The only difference is, he doesn’t realize it yet, and he’s too damn stubborn to admit it even if he had.

There’s one thing I know for sure, though: he’s wrong.

He keeps trying to push this narrative that he’s a terrible man, that there’s a lot I don’t know about him, but how could a man who takes me to dinner at two in the morning just to care for me be a bad man? I won’t believe it. I can’t.

I might not know the things he’s done in his lifetime, but I can sense what’s on the inside, and he’s not the person he’s so adamant that he is.

Both Izaac and Zephyr have made comments about it. Izaac told me to be careful with him, that he has demons, while Zeph said the same thing. Only he said he thought that maybe someone like me might be good for his father to help him see through that darkness. But what darkness is he referring to?

Letting out a breath, I reach across the bed and feel for my phone before scooping it up and checking my notifications.

I mindlessly scroll through social media as Caesar sleeps behind me, and while I’d love to wake him and spend what’s left of my morning riding him, he needs his sleep.

It wasn’t just a huge night for me, it was for him too.

It’s Monday morning, and while I don’t have classes until this afternoon, he’s the CEO of his company. He makes his own rules, and if he wants to spend the morning sleeping with me in his bed, then that’s his right, and I’m not going to be the one to mess with that.

When I run out of things to scroll through, it occurs to me that my old friend, Google, might be able to offer me some of the answers I’ve been looking for.

I open a new tab, and as I type his name into the search bar, a wave of nervousness crashes through me.

I feel as though I’m crossing an invisible line, that I’m breaking some level of trust between us, yet I can’t bring myself to put my phone away.

Instead, I hit search and watch as pages of articles flood through.

My gaze roams over the screen. Everything is about his company, Di Rozé Security, about this amazing man who built his company from the ground up, turning it into the biggest and best security company across the globe, and while I’m more than proud of him, it occurs to me that if anyone was capable of burning something on the internet, it would be Caesar.

I scroll through the endless pages of articles about his company, when another headline catches my eye: “Di Rozé charged, ten years without parole.”

What the fuck?

I open the article and quickly scan through it, shock rocking through my body with every new sentence I read. Convicted murderer. Attempted kidnapping. Ten years served.

I try to put together all the pieces of the story, hating how heavily it leans into his ex-wife, making her out to be a saint and tearing Caesar to shreds.

While I don’t know her or know anything about her, I know the kind of man that Caesar is.

He had to have been in love with this woman at some point, so how could he have ever done the things this article is saying he did?

I reach the bottom of the article and immediately start from the top again, and once I’m done, I try to make sense of what I’ve just read.

Caesar kidnapped his newborn son, and when the ex-wife and the new partner came to collect the child, he refused, which is when it turned violent. Caesar killed his ex-wife’s new partner, murdered him in cold blood, and did ten years behind bars because of it.

There’s no way. This has to be wrong. This man, who’s currently holding me as though I’m the most precious being in the world, couldn’t have done what this article is saying he did. When I search it again, I use more detailed keywords, and hundreds more of the same article pop up.

He keeps telling me that he’s a bad man, that I should run while I still have the chance, and this is why.

As far as I’m concerned, Caesar has never lied to me, so why the hell shouldn’t I believe him when he says things like this?

The evidence is right here, yet the idea of walking away leaves me in agonizing pain.

Tears well in my eyes, and I discreetly slip out from under his arm, taking myself into the bathroom so the tears can flow freely.

I don’t even understand why I’m crying so much.

Am I crying out of fear, out of learning that this man I’ve only just fallen for is a murderer, or because of the hell he’s had to endure?

Fuck. What is wrong with me?

If everything they’re saying in these articles is true, then I should be slipping out before he wakes and never coming back again.

Maybe I’m delusional, or maybe I’m just a complete moron who has no regard for her own life or safety.

Either way, I don’t want to leave. Caesar deserves the benefit of the doubt.

He deserves to tell me his own story in his own time.

He doesn’t deserve to be feared by the woman he invited into his bed.

With that resolve, the tears begin to dry up, and I wash my face before stealing a fresh toothbrush and getting ready for my day.

Everything south of the border is sore, and I have no doubt that getting through my afternoon classes in those stiff auditorium chairs is going to be a punishment, but it was more than worth it.

After finishing in the bathroom, I discreetly step back out into Caesar’s room and make my way to the comfort of his bed. Before I can get in, a hand shoots out, locking around my waist.

A squeal tears out of me as Caesar pulls me back into his bed, rolling on top of me as his lips nuzzle into the side of my neck.

He braces himself on his elbows, but I wrap my legs around him, pulling him down against me, making me realize that I don’t give a shit what was said in that article. This right here is where I’m happiest.

Everybody has a past, and if it’s true, and he’s done ten years behind bars making up for what he did, then who the hell am I to hold that over his head?

He’s already done the time, paid for his mistakes, and come out the other end.

He’s built this incredible life for himself, so as far as I’m concerned, he’s not the same man he was in his old life.

This man in my arms is nothing but a bossy CEO with a devilish need to please me and a wicked tongue game.

Unbelievable warmth spreads through me, and I realize I can’t hold it in anymore. I have to tell him how I feel. I can’t keep pretending, not when something so real is waiting at the other end.

“Caesar?” I murmur, nervousness growing in the pit of my stomach and threatening to pull me under.

He pulls back and gazes down at me, putting just the slightest distance between us, and as he watches me, taking in the nervousness in my eyes, his expression changes, already knowing what’s coming.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, my heart already breaking, knowing exactly how this is going to go, but I can’t hold back anymore. I have to let this out before it eats me alive. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

Caesar lets out a breath, his arms locking around me as he rolls us across his bed until I’m straddling his hips.

As I sit up, I press my hands flat against his strong chest and stare down at him.

His hand hovers on my thigh as the other reaches up and brushes something wet off my face, making me realize the tears have started to fall again.

“Don’t say it,” he begs, resignation flashing in his dark stare.

I shake my head. “I tried not to, but it just happened. I didn’t even realize it was happening until it was already too late.”

He brushes my hair back over my shoulder, his fingers trailing down my arm before finally finding purchase at my waist. “I know, hellcat. I think I might have known before you did.”

A heaviness weighs down on me as I search his eyes, having no idea where we’re supposed to go from here. “It wasn’t supposed to go like this.”

“No,” he agrees, his lips pulling into a soft smile as sadness creeps into his eyes, telling me what I already feared. He’s going to let me go. “I’m sorry, hellcat. I should have kept more distance between us. Made it clearer that this couldn’t happen between us.”

I shake my head. “It’s not your fault. You laid out your terms from the get-go, and I agreed.

I just . . . I guess I didn’t fully understand what I was agreeing to.

I didn’t realize how amazing you were or how you’d make me come alive.

I didn’t realize how different it would be with you.

I thought we’d have sex once or twice and I’d move on, but I can’t.

I don’t want to move on. I’m happy here. ”

His hand tightens on my thigh. “I’m not good for you.”

I shake my head, resisting the urge to scoff.

He has no idea what’s good for me. “I should have known from that very first night at Vixen, before you’d even touched me.

I could feel it then. There was a connection, and you can’t deny it.

The way you looked at me, and the way our eyes met across the room. It was like a collision.”

“We can’t do this, Tilly.”

“But what if we could?” I push. “Nothing has to change.”

“Everything has to change.”

I fall forward onto his chest, his arm locking around me as he pulls me into him, holding me as though he’ll never let go.

“Don’t say that,” I beg him, my heart beginning to shred to pieces inside my chest. “This is what I want, and you can’t deny that you want it too.

I see it every time you look at me. Every time you touch me.

I can feel it. When you kissed me last night, that meant something. ”

“You don’t understand what you’re asking for,” he tells me. “You might think you want this, but you don’t. Please don’t push this, hellcat. When I tell you that I am not a good man, I mean it. No matter how I might feel, I am not the man for you.”

“Don’t—”

“No,” he says, cutting me off as he rolls us again, hovering over me and staring directly into my soul.

“Hear me, Tilly. The last thing I want is to hurt you, but this is exactly why I laid out our ground rules from the start. You have your whole damn life ahead of you. You’re only twenty-two.

You should be dating idiots like my son, not getting wound up with a man like me.

And while you think you might want this, you don’t. ”

Tears spill over my eyes again, and as I look up at him, every piece of me breaks. He simply stares at me, watching the wreckage unfold before him. “Would falling in love with me really be that terrible?”

A softness creeps into his eyes, and he drops his head, gently brushing his lips over mine. “No, hellcat,” he murmurs. “Falling in love with you would be the best thing I ever did.”

My arms twist around the back of his neck, pulling him down into me, and he holds me as the tears continue to spill. “This is goodbye, isn’t it? I have to walk away.”

Caesar lets out a heavy, broken sigh, sounding just as crushed as I feel.

“Believe me, if I could hold on to you forever, I would, Tilly. You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel as though I might have a chance at seeing past my demons.

I’d give you the world, but I can’t. I can’t pull you down into me, and I know you don’t understand this now, you may never fully understand it, but believe me when I say that I’m doing this for you. ”

Everything shatters, knowing just how close we could have been, and how easy it would be for me to tell him that I already know. That I know about his past and what’s keeping him at arm’s reach, but I won’t do that to him, not when he’s clearly not ready to open that door.

“But what about you?”

“What about me?” he asks as though what he feels doesn’t even matter.

“You feel this, too. I know you do, you can deny it all you want, but I know it’s there,” I tell him, willing him to hold on to this, willing to give it just the slightest chance to see where this could go. “When do you get to be happy?”

The softest smile pulls across his face, and when he brushes his fingers across my jaw and trails them up into my hairline, I see it clear as day. He doesn’t just have feelings for me. He’s in love with me, too. “Baby, just knowing you exist in this world is enough for me.”

The heaviest weight constricts around my chest, and I lift my chin just a fraction, closing the gap between us and pressing my lips to his with a brief kiss. “But that’s not enough for me.”

“I know.”

“So, what now? Am I supposed to just go on, pretending that I don’t already belong entirely to you?”

“Yeah, hellcat,” he tells me, his chest vibrating against mine. “That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.”