Page 9

CHAPTER 9

Sachie preceded him into the bedroom and stood awkwardly while he closed the door and secured the lock.

When he turned, he glanced around the room. “Okay. No chair, no problem.” He nodded toward the bed. “You can assume the sleeping position. I can stand close or sit on the floor. Either way, I’m here for you.”

Sachie pulled back the comforter, climbed into bed and settled back against the pillow. Her gaze never left Teller as he wandered around the room, pretending an interest in the paintings on the wall.

“You can’t just stand there. I won’t be able to sleep knowing you’re unable to rest. ”

“Then I’ll sit on the floor.” He dropped down where he stood.

From where she lay on the bed, Sachie had to lean up on her elbow to see him. “I can’t see you down there. You might as well not be here. Really, I’ll be fine alone.” She stared at him, her eyes narrowing. “Unless you want to sit on the bed. There’s enough room for both of us.” She moved over. “Your choice. If you’re regretting your offer, don’t worry about it. I’ve been dealing with it for the past week.” She lay back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling, prepared to keep her eyes open as long as she could.

Teller rose to his feet and stared down at her. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re stubborn?”

“After many years, I’ve learned to be,” she said, refusing to meet his gaze. “Self-preservation at its best.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him frown and glance down at the bed.

“Are you sure about this?” Teller asked.

“If you’re going to be here until I go to sleep, yes.” She tugged the comforter up to her neck. “I’m not closing my eyes until I can’t hold them open a moment longer. That might take a minute.”

The bed sank as Teller sat on the edge and kicked off his running shoes. He raised his legs and lay them over the comforter beneath which Sachie lay .

Even if she wanted to get closer to him, she couldn’t without digging herself out from under the blanket with his body weighing it down.

Teller clasped his hands behind his neck and leaned back against the headboard. “Do you want to talk or would you rather have silence?”

“We could talk for a while,” she said. “At least until I get sleepy.”

“Okay,” he said. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Not our pasts,” she said.

“How about our futures?” he suggested. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Figuring her future was a safer subject than her past, Sachie opened up about a good dream she’d always harbored. “I want to buy a house someday. Not a townhouse or condo. I want a place with a yard.” She stared at the ceiling, imagining that house. “I always wanted a dog.”

“What kind of dog?” Teller asked.

“A rescue. It doesn’t matter how big or small. Just one that might not have had the best life. I’d like to give a dog like that a home where he’ll be loved and happy for as long as he lives.”

“Isn’t that what we all want?” Teller mused. “To be loved and happy for as long as we live?”

“Yeah,” Sachie answered softly. “Pretty much. Why is that so hard to achieve? ”

Teller snorted. “I wouldn’t know.”

Silence stretched between them.

“What about you?” Sachie asked. “Where do you see yourself five years from now? Married, two incredibly cute kids, a house with a picket fence?”

For a long moment, Teller didn’t answer.

Sachie feared she’d pushed too far with the questions. “Maybe it’s time I closed my eyes and went to sleep.” She forced her eyelids to close, dreading the nightmares, but feeling awful for putting Teller on the spot about his future. “I shouldn’t have put words in your mouth. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Teller’s voice was warm and smooth, sliding over her like a gentle hand.

Sachie peeked at him from beneath her lowered eyelids.

He stared straight ahead, his gaze inscrutable. “I guess I’ve never thought that far ahead. For so long, my life was movement from one place to another, never staying long enough to set down roots or to get to know my neighbors. I didn’t get attached to anyone or anywhere, knowing I might not be there tomorrow. The only attachments I’ve grown were with my teams. They were the only people I trusted to have my back. And I had theirs.”

He didn’t have to say it, but Sachie knew Teller would give his life for his brothers in arms .

“It wasn’t until I came to Hawaii with my team that I even started thinking of purchasing a place of my own.” He laughed. “Most guys my age have a house by now, with a wife, kids and a couple of dogs or cats. I never pictured that for myself.”

“Because you didn’t have that growing up?”

He nodded. “At least, not since I was ten. Maybe I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment or sorrow. I had no frame of reference other than the homes depicted on television or in the movies. But those weren’t real and definitely not attainable, especially while I was on active duty. I watched my buddies marry, divorce and never get to see their kids. It wasn’t for me.”

She stared up at him. “And now?”

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “When I first came to Hawaii, I wasn’t sure I’d stay. I probably wouldn’t have stayed but for my friends...my team. But this place is growing on me. Being a part of the Brotherhood Protectors gives me a purpose I couldn’t find in a corporate job. I can see myself actually putting down roots.”

“Daring to make it your home?”

He nodded.

“Does that frighten you or at least make you itch?” she asked with a grin.

“A little,” he admitted .

“Are you too conditioned to getting orders to move and feel like something will happen to send you somewhere else?” she asked.

He nodded. “I guess.”

“I get that. You don’t believe you can have permanence in your life, and it makes you hesitant to take a chance on anything that smells like permanence.” She closed her eyes again.

“I’ve been in some of the worst firefights and up against some of the worst of mankind. I’m not supposed to be afraid of anything.”

“Except being proven right?” She looked up into his gaze. “That nothing is permanent? I hate to break it to you, but you’re right. Nothing’s permanent. Sometimes, you have to take a risk and go for what you want deep down, even if you only get to have it for a short time. It’s better to have some joy in life than to have none at all.”

He didn’t say anything for a long time.

Sachie suspected she’d bored him with her psychobabble. She closed her eyes and pretended she was finally going to sleep.

A moment later, Teller said, “You chose the right field to go into.”

“I hated my childhood. I didn’t want other kids to hate theirs if I could do anything to make it better.” She lay her arm on the bed, her fingers brushing against his thigh. “I should’ve done more for Luke.”

“You couldn’t have known he would do what he did.”

“I knew he wasn’t in a good place. His whole demeanor changed over the course of a three-week period.”

“You can’t keep beating yourself up over it.”

“I’m having a hard time letting it go. My nightmares are a continuous reminder, like I’m supposed to see something I didn’t see then, learn something I can use to keep it from happening to someone else.”

Teller captured her hand in his. “Going over the event before you sleep isn’t going to keep you from having a nightmare. Think of that house you’ll have someday and the puppy you’ll play with in the backyard.”

She frowned.

“Go on,” he urged. “Close your eyes and think of him. Tell me what he looks like.”

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine her future puppy.

“What color is he?” Teller persisted.

“ She is kind of a reddish-brown.” Sachie was making it up, but in so doing, she could imagine a puppy that color.

“Long-haired or short-haired? ”

“Long,” she said.

“Must be a golden retriever…?”

“No, it’s smaller than that,” she said. “More like a Pomeranian with floofy long hair.”

“Now, describe the yard,” he said. “Is it a lush green lawn or a garden like the one at your cottage?”

Sachie spent the next few minutes dreaming up a puppy, yard and house, all with her eyes closed. Eventually, she described the inside of the house, which had a kitchen and living room with windows overlooking the ocean. By the time she got to the bedroom, she was so sleepy, she imagined climbing into bed with a smile and falling asleep beside a handsome, gentle man who spoke in warm, gentle tones that soothed rather than hurt.

Teller sat beside Sachie as she drifted into sleep, her hand in his, her chest rising and falling in a steady, relaxed rhythm. He closed his eyes, thinking about all that he’d learned about this amazing woman and the terrifying things that had happened to her that day. He worried that whoever was after her would somehow slip past his defenses as had almost happened with the drone.

Honolulu would present its own challenges. The city was big and chaotic, with tourists crowding the streets day and night. Protecting Sachie would be even harder there than on the Big Island.

He’d do whatever it took to keep her safe. She deserved no less. He couldn’t erase the abuse of her childhood, but he could do his best to make sure she had a chance at her future.

Sometime in the midst of worrying whether he’d be enough, Teller must have fallen asleep. A muffled cry jerked him awake. He leaped from the bed, fists clenched, ready to take on the enemy.

As he searched the room in the starlight streaming through the French doors, he realized he was alone but for the woman lying in the bed behind him.

Sachie’s head moved from side to side, her eyes closed, tears slipping from the corners. “No,” she murmured. “Please. No.”

Teller sat on the bed beside her and laid his hand on her shoulder. “Sachie. Wake up.”

“No. Please don’t,” she whispered. “Let me help.”

“Sachie, sweetheart, it’s just a dream.” He shook her shoulder gently. “Wake up.”

She jerked and cried out and then held her breath, her entire body stiffening as if experiencing the shock of witnessing her patient’s suicide all over again.

Teller couldn’t stand the horror etched across her face. He had to do something to bring her out of the nightmare. Slipping his arm around her back, he gathered her close, cradled her against his body, and smoothed his hand over her hair and down her back. “It’s just a dream, Sachie. You’re not in your office. You’re with me.” His heart breaking at her distress, he pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Please, wake up.”

Sachie pressed her face into his chest and sobbed.

“Oh, Sachie, it’s only a dream. You’re not even on Oahu. You’re on the Big Island, and I’ve got you. “You’re going to be okay,” he said, repeating it over and over.

She raised her head, her eyes wet and red-rimmed, and stared at his face. When recognition dawned, the stiffness in her shoulders evaporated, and she melted into him, laying her cheek against his damp shirt. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here for you,” he said, stroking her hair.

“Every time I have the dream, I know the ending, but I keep trying to reason with him,” she said. “It doesn’t change the outcome.”

“And, sadly, it won’t,” Teller said.

“Why can’t I dream about being attacked in the cottage or by the drone?” She laughed, the sound trailing off on a lingering sob. “At least the ending was better.” She blinked up at him. “I’m sorry. You’re not getting much rest. You were supposed to leave when I went to sleep.”

“I’m okay. I drifted off.”

“You don’t have to stay. You need your sleep.” She didn’t move out of his arms.

She was warm and soft and fit perfectly against him. Teller had no desire to leave her. “I’m all right where I am—if you are.”

She nodded. “But you can’t be comfortable. At least lie down.”

He scooted down the bed and lay back against the pillow, all the while holding her in his arms. When at last they were lying side by side, he gathered her close. She rolled onto her side and rested her hand and cheek against his chest. Her breath warmed his skin beneath his T-shirt.

“If all we do is lie here, it’s resting our bodies,” he said. “You don’t have to go back to sleep if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t,” she murmured, her fingers curling into his shirt. “I’m not the least bit sleepy.” Her voice trailed off, and she yawned.

“Good,” he said softly. “Neither am I.” Truth was that he was more awake than ever, his body fully aware of hers pressed against him. His groin tightened automatically.

“Teller?” Her voice was barely a whisper .

Teller focused on tamping down his desire to hold her even closer. The last thing she needed from him was a sexual advance. Given her past, anything between them would have to be initiated by her. And she’d have to be fully awake and aware. “Yes, ma’am?”

“You make me feel...safe…” Her words trailed off, and her breathing grew deeper.

Safe .

He almost laughed. She wouldn’t feel so safe if she knew how much he more he wanted to do than just hold her. However, hearing her confess how she felt set him on the right path. His desire cooled.

Though he told himself he was content to just hold her, he knew it was a lie. He’d have to keep up his guard against more carnal feelings for this woman. She had enough problems without her protector becoming one of them.

While he lay with her in his arms, he directed his thoughts to the following day and what they hoped to accomplish on Oahu.

Eventually, he drifted into a fitful sleep, having his own nightmares of an attacker getting to Sachie before Teller could reach her. He woke all the more determined to identify her stalker and take him down.

Teller’s number one goal was to keep Sachie safe until they successfully neutralized the threat.