Page 16 of Ruthless Alpha (Nightfire Islands Alphas #3)

I couldn’t believe I’d told him. I’d never said those words out loud before. I’d never even really thought about them, never fully acknowledged what I’d known to be true since I was a child: I was a witch.

I was a witch, and if I was going to survive on Ensign, then I would have to learn to live with it.

I would have to learn to harness the power that lurked inside me.

It was a power I didn’t trust, a power I’d been taught to hate, and that instinct warred with what Xander had told me about the witches he loved.

As much as I tried to deny it during my first days and weeks in his company, Xander was a good man.

He was patient, kind, and generous, and if he loved those witches, they must share at least some of those qualities.

I already knew that the shadow witch—Julia, her name was Julia—had been kinder to me during our brief encounter than my own family ever were, and though I’d always kept my distance from Alyssa, she’d lived on Arbor for three years before anything happened, and the man she “attacked” had been telling his story that same night in the mess hall.

Was she really so dangerous? Had Alpha Slade dragged us into war over nothing?

The thoughts had chased each other round my head for days after that conversation, until I was so tired and confused and sick of the noise that I relented: I asked Xander to call Eve.

He’d been so surprised, so pleased, that I was happy with my decision for a solid few hours before I began to doubt it, and by then, Xander had already found her.

It took her two days to travel over from Argent, and those two days felt like an eternity and a matter of seconds.

What did she look like? Would she have some kind of physical marker, like Julia, or would she seem completely average, like the Lapine witch?

Would she be kind or stern? Young or old?

I didn’t know what I expected, and yet somehow, Eve wasn’t it. She was a little older than my mother would have been, with grey salting her mahogany curls, and despite the way Xander towered over her, she gave the impression that she was the tallest person in the room.

“You’re telling me I lived on this island for half a decade and you hid this from me the entire time?” she demanded, and Xander winced like a schoolboy who’d been caught in a lie.

“I wasn’t hiding it,” he protested. “I just didn’t think.”

“You shifters never do,” Eve scolded him. It was strange to watch how she interacted with him—as if his authority had no effect on her—but thrilling at the same time. “Do you know how old this thing is?”

“Uh—it’s pretty old,” Xander offered, and Eve rolled her eyes.

“ Pretty old,” she echoed. “The family who made this died out almost a century ago, and their power had been declining for another century before that. A real shame—their magic was incredibly unique, as far as I’ve read.

Golden threads that they could manipulate in any way they chose.

” My stomach flipped. That sounded like my magic—or at least, what little I’d seen of it before I buried it deep inside myself.

“This thing is three hundred years old, at least,” Eve continued, “and the magical signature is still as clear as if it were left yesterday.”

Three hundred years old? I could hardly believe it. The sword was so shiny and sharp—was that a testament to the care Xander took of it, or the power of its magic? I leaned toward the latter, since Xander seemed almost as shocked as I was.

“Oh,” was all he managed to say, earning himself another exasperated look from Eve.

“That’s right, oh,” she said. “And you’re also telling me that a girl you bought from Arbor can feel its effects?

” It was the first time Eve had acknowledged me since Xander introduced us when she arrived.

I couldn’t tell whether she was keeping her distance because I was Arbor, or because I was so clearly afraid of her, or because she was simply more interested in the sword, but couldn’t deny I’d been glad to watch from the sidelines for a while, catching my breath and letting myself grow used to her presence.

“Rosie says she can feel something when she wields it, yes,” Xander confirmed, putting an end to my comfortable lurking. Eve’s gaze was sharp and interested, but her smile was warm as she offered me the weapon.

“Alright, show me what you’ve got,” she said.

Just like that? What was she expecting me to do? I took the sword tentatively from her, holding it out like Xander had taught me. My gaze flicked over to him for a moment, and he smiled encouragingly at me.

“There’s nothing to show, really,” I admitted. “I just, when I hold it, I feel like there are things it wants me to do.” Already, I could feel a tug toward Xander, a desire to be closer to him. I could feel the weapon thrumming with readiness too—eager for a fight.

“Are they things that it wants you to do, or things you want to do?” Eve asked, and I frowned.

“I don’t understand.”

“Honey, I’ve been around the block a few times, and I’ve never heard of any object having its own desires,” she explained. “Magic has limits, you know, and one of those limits is giving objects sentience. What magic can do is use an object to channel existing power.”

“But I can’t—I mean, I’m not a good fighter, but this makes me better,” I tried to argue. “That’s not just channeling my magic.” Eve looked unconvinced.

“Isn’t it? Tell me, are you good enough with it that you can beat your Alpha over here?” She nodded at Xander, and I scoffed.

“No, not even close.”

“Well then, all that sword is doing is bringing out the best in you. It’s making you lighter on your feet, maybe, or faster, or a little stronger. It’s not telling you to do anything.”

“But—”

“Has it ever made you do anything that you didn’t really want to do?”

I thought of the heat of Xander’s body against mine, the feel of his hands pinning me, of his lips against mine, and the hot slide of his tongue. I shivered.

“No.”

“There you are, then,” said Eve. “You’re in control here, not the sword.”

“I don’t feel like I’m in control,” I muttered.

“That’s because you haven’t tapped into your magic properly.

Xander said you’ve had some… difficulty with that.

” Eve didn’t strike me as a particularly tactful person, but she was clearly trying.

I appreciated it—that very human flaw, and the attempt to mask it.

Perhaps witches really weren’t so different from everyone else.

“I haven’t used magic since I was little,” I told her, “and then it was only once. Since then, I’ve been trying to—trying to keep it down.”

Eve looked as though she was trying very hard not to say something, and she clearly didn’t succeed, because she was visibility irritated when she blurted,

“That’s no good for anyone.” I tensed—I knew that repressing my magic wasn’t good for me, but I had no other choice—and Eve’s face softened almost instantly. “It’s not your fault, honey; that island of yours thinks up is down and right is wrong, but—”

“They’re not like that,” I snapped back, the instinct to defend my island rearing up before I even knew what I was saying. “It’s perfectly reasonable to fear witches. You’re—we’re—”

“Are humans right to fear shifters because they think your wolves define you, that you might turn at any moment and savage them because you can’t control the animal inside?” Eve countered. Her tone was gentle but firm, and I couldn’t help feeling chastised.

“No,” I muttered.

“Your power is just like your wolf,” she continued, smiling now.

“It’s not in control: you are. Sure, there are some witches out there who use their power to hurt, but it’s just the same as those shifters who let themselves become more wolf than man.

If you’ve got a good heart, magic isn’t going to change that. ”

I had no argument for that, yet I couldn’t entirely quiet the terrified voice in the back of my mind, screaming at me that she was only trying to manipulate me, that she wanted me to give in to the evil inside me so she could use it for her own purposes.

I tried to ignore it as best I could. It was just like all the other instincts I’d had to learn on Arbor: it might have served me then, but that didn’t mean it was always right.

Eve let me stew for a few moments before she stepped back, clapping her hands together.

“Now, let’s see if we can tap into this connection,” she said. “This is just like the shift—at least, that’s what I’ve heard. The same way you’d call on your wolf to take your skin, you can call up your magic and let it out, let it just flow right into that sword for me.”

She gestured at me, then at the weapon expectantly. What did she want me to do? Call on my magic, she’d said, the same way I would call on my wolf. I could do that.

Closing my eyes, I tried to tune in to my body.

My wolf’s ears perked up, expectant, but I moved past her, not just a little guilty, I’d barely let her out since I arrived on Ensign—and looked deeper.

I knew there was something there; it had always been there, like a stone weighing me down, but there was no life to it, nothing to answer my call.

I took a breath and tried again, and again, and again.

“I can’t,” I cried, letting my arms fall down to my sides, the sword’s tip hitting the ground beside me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Xander wince.

“Of course you can’t,” Eve said, as if she’d been expecting me to fail. “You’ve been repressing your magic for over a decade. Keep practicing, though, alright? Keep looking inside yourself, and you’ll find the right thread to pull.”

I wasn’t sure I believed her, but I tried again. Nothing. Frustrated, I pushed deeper, trying to find something inside me that felt like magic. Sometimes, I thought I’d brushed up against it, but every time I did, my stomach flipped and I suddenly felt nauseous.

It felt like hours I stood in that basement, with Eve murmuring gentle encouragement and Xander standing over us, brooding and concentrated. Maybe it was, or maybe it was only a few minutes before Xander said,

“I think she’s had enough for today.” I wanted to argue with him, but my arms felt like lead from holding the sword up.

My head hurt, my legs felt like jelly, and my stomach was in knots.

Luckily, Eve seemed to agree, and she only gave me another encouraging smile, promising that she would be on the island for the next few weeks if I needed any more guidance.

I didn’t know how to thank her, so I only nodded.

It wasn’t even close to adequate, but I was so drained and overwhelmed that I feared I might cry if I tried to speak.

I let Xander escort her out while I dragged myself into the kitchen, collapsing into one of the dining chairs.

I wouldn’t have the energy to make dinner this evening, but the sparks of terror that crackled through my body at the thought were only a reflex: I knew Xander would understand, knew he wouldn’t mind taking care of me.

Sure enough, when he appeared in the doorway, Xander only looked concerned.

“How are you feeling?”

I felt like I’d been hit by a truck, like I’d run a hundred miles, like I was looking into the face of the monster who’d lived under my bed as a child. More than anything, though, I was surprised that I felt disappointed.

“I know it’s only my first try, but I didn’t—I didn’t feel anything at all,” I confessed. “I don’t even know if I want to. The stuff she said about how power is just like my wolf—it made sense, but I can’t really—I can’t make my body believe it.”

Xander said nothing for a little while, his strong brows drawn together in thought. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, as if he were sharing a secret.

“When I was stepping up to be Alpha, I was scared of the power I had,” he said.

“I’d spent my whole life watching my Dad use his authority to encourage the culture we have now, and I knew if I wanted to step into his shoes—if I wanted to live—I was going to have to be just as strong as he was, but I didn’t want to have to be strong the same way.

I’ve mostly just gotten used to it now, and I still don’t always like it, but I’ve been able to use that power for good things, too.

I’ve helped my friends when they needed it, and I know it doesn’t feel like it, but things have gotten better for females here. ”

I believed him. As brutal as this island was, the females I’d met in the laundry didn’t seem afraid of him—he might even have been the only male on the island they weren’t afraid of.

It had never occurred to me that he hadn’t simply taken the mantle of Alpha as something he was owed, something that had always belonged to him.

Seeing him now, I could hardly believe it, but Xander wasn’t the kind of person who would lie just to make me feel better.

I loved that about him. I loved many things about him.

“I know I didn’t really have time to come to terms with the power I had,” he continued, “but you can take your time now. Keep trying, but don’t stress yourself out over it, okay? It’ll come when it comes. When you’re ready for it.”

His words loosened a few of the knots inside me. If he could seem so at ease with his power now, maybe I could feel that way about my own one day, when I was ready.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

Xander hovered in the doorway, as if wondering whether to approach me or to stay where he was. I found that I desperately wanted him closer. I wanted to feel his strong hands anchoring me, and breathe in his lovely woodsmoke scent.

He didn’t approach me, though, only smiled and said,

“Any time.”