Page 24 of Running with the Alpha’s Son (The Alpha’s Son #3)

“You wouldn’t believe how good it felt,” I say, pacing, almost bouncing around Jasper and my tent.

Outside the night air is cool and the choir of insects is buzzing a soaring ballad.

“It was like a warm bath only it was all light, moonlight, and I didn’t have a body but it wasn’t scary—it was like being a tiny part of something so big and wonderful and if I can just learn how to tap into that intentionally who knows what I could…”

Jasper is sitting on the edge of our bed, a dumpy mattress on the canvas floor, not responding.

“Are you listening?”

He turns his head slowly, squinting at me, then shakes his head as if he’s waking himself up.

“I’m sorry. Tomas had me hammering poles into the ground all afternoon. I’m wiped.”

He runs a hand over his face and through his hair and I join him on the bed.

“Did you at least get to ask about your mother?”

“No. Tomas palmed me off onto one of his team then disappeared. I didn’t see him for the rest of the day.”

“That’s so strange. I’m sorry.” I rub his back and shoulders.

“I doubt he even knew my mother well enough to tell me anything about her.”

Jasper’s muscles are crazy tense.

“Maybe he got distracted or pulled away. I’m sure he’ll tell you about her at some point.”

“I’d be surprised. My best guess is tomorrow they have me drilling holes or erecting the tarp roof and by the time our two nights are up we’ll leave and Tomas won’t have shown his face again.”

“Two nights?” I ask, leaning back a little, my hand stilling on Jasper’s shoulder.

“Yes. That’s what we agreed.”

“I didn’t think we necessarily agreed on two nights exactly.”

“We said a couple of nights. That’s two. A couple is two, Max.”

“I know but I just thought…”

Jasper looks at me questioningly.

“How long do you think we’re staying here?”

“I thought it was more vague, sort of like depending on how things go with Yoki.”

“Max, we can’t stay here. The longer we’re here the less likely they’ll let us go.”

“We’re not their prisoners, they said as much.”

Jasper stands but doesn’t move from the side of the bed. He takes one large breath. “You heard what Omar said, right? About how they’re diverting their wolfpower to their border patrols. They’re scared, Max—of nearby packs, maybe, or…either way, while I’m here they have bartering power. They could use me as a hostage.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m sorry, I forgot you were so valuable.”

He turns and the anguish is clear on his face. “This isn’t an ego thing. We left our security back at the house. No one knows where we are. And like it or not I’m—we’re not inconsequential. We are high-ranking pack wolves and that makes us valuable to people like the rogues. We have to think about this sort of thing.”

I stand, too, and step to face Jasper, putting my hand on his forearm in the hopes it’ll calm him down.

“I know, okay? I know this isn’t comfortable for you and I know why you’re worried. But you’re also making assumptions about the rogues that I don’t think are true. They’re peaceful. They’ve welcomed us as guests, not hostages. They built this whole place just so they could get away from the packs, not so they could be in a war with them. They said we could leave whenever we wanted and I believe them.”

He lowers his head, making the bags under his eyes more pronounced.

“They may not start the war,” Jasper says, his voice catching. “But when war comes to them, believe me, they’ll behave just like any pack wolf.”

I take his face in my free hand and rub his cheek with my thumb. “You don’t know that.”

He leans into my touch and I rise onto my toes to kiss him. When I pull away he’s staring at me intently, familiar concern creasing his brow.

“You’re too trusting,” he says.

“And you’re tired. Why don’t we sleep and we talk more in the morning.”

“Fine.”

We don’t say anything else as we get ready for bed. Our belongings were left in the tent as promised, so I grab my toothbrush from my pack and head to the communal bathrooms a little distance from our tent. Once I’ve brushed my teeth and washed my face I head back. Along the way I stop and turn to look at the moon, almost full and shining silver. For a second I bask in the light, feeling a fraction of the warmth and connection I experienced earlier during Yoki’s ritual. I know I need to stay as long as it takes to figure out how to access my powers. I just don’t know how to convince Jasper the rogues are good people.

Back at the tent, I arrive to find Jasper already under the covers, lying on his side, staring at the wall.

I flip off the battery-powered lantern and slide in behind him, slipping an arm around his waist. He shuffles so that his back is pressed against my chest.

“We can stay,” he mumbles lowly. “For as long as you need.”

When I don’t say anything right away, he turns awkwardly, straining as he tries to look over his shoulder.

“You’re sure?” I ask, lifting onto my elbow to ease his twisting neck.

He rolls over so that we can look at each other properly.

“If it’s what you want,” he whispers. “Nothing else matters.”

“Thank you,” I whisper back. “I’m sure it’ll just take a few days. I promise it’ll be worth it.”

I kiss him quickly, trying to say thank you without words, and he returns the kiss but pulls away faster than I’d like.

“Good night,” he says, before rolling back over, so I can’t see his face any longer.

“Night.”

Sweat drips down the side of my face.

“Concentrate,” Yoki commands. “Find your center.”

I squeeze my eyes together even tighter than before, grit my teeth, and attempt to focus. A low, strained growl rolls in my throat.

“Don’t force it,” Yoki says, cool as a goddam cucumber. “You’re forcing it.”

I risk a sneak peek through one eye and find Yoki already smiling at me like they knew I was about to cheat.

“Take a breather,” they command, and I exhale, opening my eyes and letting the tension flood from my muscles.

“I don’t understand,” I say, frustration heating my cheeks. “It’s been two days and I’m nowhere nearer to finding that light again.”

Yoki tilts their head to the side, appraising me with gentle eyes. They’re sitting on a cushion opposite me in the open doorway at the back of their tent. The scent of palo santo wood and burning sage drift from the shaded interior. The desert sun is high in the sky. I wipe the sweat from my forehead.

“You are attempting to commune with all of wolfkind, it takes patience, discipline, and above all else, concentration.”

“But I was concentrating.”

“Max,” Omar says, chiding me for whining. I glance into the tent where he’s sitting at the central table, organizing herbs or making bouquets of dried flowers for some lucky wolf’s wedding, I don’t know. “It’ll happen. Just relax.”

Omar has been a comforting presence the last couple of days, but even his sturdy and lighthearted ways aren’t much help right now.

“That’s easy for you to say,” I huff. “I’ve been meditating and chanting and inhaling burnt herbs and I’ve barely stopped the headaches from attacking me every time I try to connect with the lupine chorus or whatever.”

“It’s only been two days. Take your time.”

“I don’t know how much time I have. Jasper is—he’s worried we’ve been away too long already. I don’t know how long I can stay, and I need to figure this out before I go.”

“Connection to the chorus cannot be rushed,” Yoki says with sudden urgency. “You have innate power, that is certain. But to wield it takes practice. You must learn to focus. If you are unable to control your abilities, to funnel the voices, the results could be disastrous.”

I rub the back of my neck and sigh. “I know. You’re right. Shall we try again?”

“No, enough for today,” Yoki says, already standing and straightening out the skirt of their robes.

“But it’s only just after noon. Should I come back in a couple of hours or…”

Yoki rubs their chin like an old wizard, only they look like a child playacting. “Something is blocking you from truly connecting. I must think and commune with the moon gods to come up with a solution. Come back tomorrow.”

With that Yoki turns, their robes flung out like the petals of a flower, and leaves the tent for the desert.

I slump forward on my cushion, my shoulders rolling and head dropping. “Maybe it’s no use. Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to be the blood wolf.”

“Hey,” Omar says, suddenly standing right next to me. “You were chosen for a reason. The moon gods don’t make mistakes like that. Besides, you’ve barely started. It took me two weeks to even figure out how to sit still during morning meditation, let alone control my wolf presence.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you’re already leaps and bounds ahead of me.”

“Thanks,” I say, and Omar places a hand on my shoulder.

“You’ll get it.”

For a moment his eyes are full of this strange intensity, like he’s trying to tell me something, but I can’t figure out what. Then he laughs and smiles that crooked smile.

“You must be hungry. Wanna get some lunch?”

Just the mention of the word lunch and my stomach rumbles like there’s a thunderstorm brewing in my belly.

“Totally.”

“I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong,” I say as we make our way to the lunch tent. “Why was it so easy that first day?”

Omar chews the inside of his cheek and thinks for a moment before answering.

“I think it probably caught you off guard,” he says. “That was the first time you’d truly let your guard down, right?”

He’s not wrong. On that first day I felt safe, with Yoki and with Omar. I knew they were trying to help me. And while that hasn’t changed, for some reason, whenever I’ve tried to truly let my guard down over the last couple of days I’ve hesitated. I have no idea why.

“I suppose.”

“Yoki said something was blocking you. You just need to figure out what that is.”

What could be blocking me?

Back home there’s a whole bunch of reasons why I might not want to open myself up completely. There are prying wolves who want to know too much about what I’m thinking. Wolves who’d like to use that information against me. Then there are the wolves I’m closest to. But why would I be worried about letting my guard down around the wolves I care about the most? And then it hits me…is it Jasper?

The last couple of days he’s been pretty quiet. He’s been working to help build the school and getting nowhere with Tomas. I know he wants to leave, that he’s only staying for my benefit. Is that why I’m having trouble connecting? And is this blockage the same thing that’s preventing us from mind-linking?

“Earth to Max,” Omar says, waving a hand in front of my face. I hadn’t even realized I’d stopped walking. We’re standing a few paces from the entrance to the lunch tent. “You okay in there?”

“Huh? Oh yeah. Sorry. Just thinking. Ow.”

Something pinches in the back of my mind and suddenly I’m aware of a presence behind me. I spin to see who’s there but all I see is a shadow cast on the ground as whoever it was darts away behind a tent.

Weird.

“Something wrong, cuz?”

“I’m—I’m fine.”

I turn back to the tent and cast a glance across the tables. Jasper is sitting alone in the far corner, watching us.

“Oh, he’s here.” Omar has clearly spotted Jasper as well. “Listen, you know that full moon ritual I was telling you about?”

“The drum circle thing? It’s tonight, right?”

“Yeah, I should go help the gang get ready. Make sure all the drums are—drumming. But I’ll catch you round.”

“Will I see you there?”

Omar is already backing away, eager to make his exit. “Yeah, I’ll be there, I’ll be the one banging on the offbeat.”

“Great, you’ll stick out then,” I say.

“See you,” he says, then turns and jogs away.

I head inside the tent, signaling to Jasper that I’ll grab some food then join him. Once again I load my plate with the most ridiculously delicious-smelling food—today it’s pork chops, coleslaw, green beans, and mash—then plonk myself down across from Jasp.

“Hey,” I say when he doesn’t greet me but instead stares at me like there’s something on my face.

“Hey,” he grunts.

“Still no info about your mom?” I ask, assuming that’s the reason he’s in a sulky mood.

“Tomas wasn’t even at the school today. Good news is the roof is up. Should just be a day or two more until the whole thing is finished.”

“At least you can say you’ve accomplished something while you’ve been here.”

His expression softens a little. “Still no luck accessing your blood-wolf powers?”

“Nada.”

“That sucks.”

For a moment we sit quietly, neither of us touching the piles of food in front of us.

“Maybe they overestimated—”

“I don’t want to leave yet,” I interject before he can finish his sentence. “Yoki is going to figure out what’s blocking me and then—”

“What if nothing is blocking you?” he asks, sounding more irritated than I’d like. “What if they’re just saying that to keep us here.”

“Jasper, do you really think that’s what they’re up to? If they wanted to hold us prisoner they would just lock us up. They’re trying to help.”

“And Omar? Is he just trying to help?”

I reel back, pressing my shoulder blades into the chair behind me. He can’t be serious.

“Omar is Yoki’s apprentice. He’s learning how to be in touch with his spiritual self. What’s your problem with him?”

Jasper doesn’t say anything. He shoots me a glare then picks up his fork and moves the unwanted salad around on his plate.

“Jasper, don’t you trust me?” I ask, keeping my voice low so the tables around us can’t hear. “After all this time. Everything we’ve been through. Don’t you…?”

He drops his fork and sighs. “Of course I trust you, Max. It’s not that. It’s…” He looks around and I realize what the issue is.

“It’s them. You don’t trust them.”

“I don’t trust him,” Jasper says, all too petulantly.

“Omar is helping me.” I reach out and place my hand on top of Jasper’s. “That’s all.”

“We’ll see.”

I pull my hand back and stare at Jasper, who’s biting his lip and scowling.

“You know what? I’m not hungry anymore.”

Before he can say anything else, I’m shoving my chair back and stomping from the lunch tent.

A couple of hours later I’m sitting on the rug in our tent, legs crossed beneath me, trying to meditate. My hands are resting on my knees, palms open to the pointed ceiling, my eyes squeezed shut. I keep trying to accept the intrusive thoughts darting into my mind, to acknowledge them and let them pass the way Yoki showed me. But I can’t. They keep coming in an angry swirl and I find myself only getting more riled up.

Why is Jasper so incapable of trusting? Why is he determined to hate the rogues when they’ve done nothing to hurt him? Why can’t he let go of the past and accept the moment he’s in? Why can’t I?

“Hey,” Jasper says, his voice piercing through and breaking the negative spiral. “You mind if I come in?”

“I’m trying to concentrate.”

“You look like you’re in pain.”

I open one eye and find Jasper leaning sheepishly through the door, half in, half out. With a sigh I let my posture collapse and quit meditating.

“You can come in,” I say.

He slips through the flap but hovers anxiously at the edge of the rug.

“About earlier,” he says, “I want to apologize.”

“Oh yeah?” I crab-walk on my hands and feet backward to the bed, hoisting myself onto the lumpy mattress.

“Yeah,” he says, and comes to sit at my side. “I’m sorry, Max. I didn’t mean to—I don’t not trust you. It’s just hard for me to be around the people who…”

“Who you think murdered your mother.”

He looks up, a little shocked at my candor.

“Jasper.” I squeeze his knee with one hand and clutch his arm with the other. “I’m sorry. I know how much losing her has hurt you. But these aren’t the same people, the same wolves who did that. This place is proof that rogues are just as civilized as any pack wolf—more than some of the ones we’ve met. You can’t blame them for something they didn’t do.”

To my surprise he leans into me, resting his head on my shoulder and burying his face in the crook of my neck. He stays there for a moment, just breathing, then he kisses my neck and sits up to look at me.

“I know. You’re right. And I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I know I’m sort of forcing you to stay here. That can’t be comfortable for you. I appreciate it.”

“I appreciate you.” He kisses me softly then leans back, smiling. “Did we just have an adult conversation?”

I laugh. “I think so.”

We both smile and Jasper pulls me in for a hug.

“Sooooo, it’s a full moon tonight,” I say. “There’s this drum circle thing happening out in the desert. You want to go with me?”

He takes a moment, swallows. “Sure. Yes. I’d—love to.”

The night is warm and the lamplight golden as Jasper and I walk hand in hand along the path that leads to the edge of the Sanc. Around us rogues are emerging from their tents to join the trail, everyone dressed in their nicest clothes—light, flowing fabrics dyed natural colors. Kids are running excitedly up and down the path and there’s a sense of occasion in the air, like something special is about to happen.

Once we reach the edge of the settlement, the desert stretches out into eternity under a deep, dark, star-dotted night sky. Rogues drift toward the horizon, all heading in the same direction but finding their own paths. Jasper and I follow.

We walk for the better part of an hour until the Sanc is just a light haze on the horizon at our backs and a bonfire comes into view up ahead, lighting up the yucca trees and the bulbous rocks. In a circle around the bonfire are wolves wearing hooded robes of the darkest crimson. Before them sit tall drums, with real hides stretched over the top of the wooden barrels. Sparks fly up from the fire and get lost among the stars. The moon is already a quarter of the way across the sky, full, silver, and welcoming. The crowd of rogues meanders at the edge of the drum circle. Some groups form, others stand holding hands with their loved ones, watching and waiting. Jasper and I find a spot between a family of five, their youngest kid swinging from Mom and Dad’s arms like an excited monkey, and an older couple, the woman leaning her silver-haired head on the shoulder of the man.

For a second I catch a glimpse of a face across the circle, half in shadow but weirdly familiar, and a ping pinches at the front of my brain, just like the one I felt earlier. I squint to relieve the pain and when I look up the face is gone as quickly as the sensation.

Who was that?

“I think they’re starting,” Jasper says, stepping forward ever so slightly.

From the edge of the circle Yoki emerges in a matching robe, carrying a long stick with a bulbous globe at one end. Omar trails behind them, also sporting a blood-red robe but unlike Yoki and the others, his is sleeveless, revealing his muscled arms and his rogue tattoo. He has a drum strapped to his chest.

He and Yoki stand at the edge of the bonfire and the crowd settles, silence stretches across the desert. Slowly, Yoki raises their staff to the sky and shakes it. The bulbous head must be filled with beans or rice because it makes a sound like a maraca. Yoki’s shaking grows in intensity as they raise their free arm to the sky and let out an animalistic yelp. In response Omar raises his right hand complete with drumstick, the other drummers in the circle follow Omar, and then in unison they bring their drumsticks down onto the skin of their drums.

The beat is deep, resonant, and echoes across the desert. Together the drummers beat a steady rhythm, with Omar leading and keeping the pace. Yoki yelps again and the drummers in the circle turn in unison to the right so they’re each now facing the back of the drummer in front of them. Another yelp and they begin to walk, their steps uniform and in time with the beat. They march and drum, kicking up dust and gaining momentum. Omar beats faster and the circle responds in kind.

Each beat of the drums sends a vibration through my body, as if the sound waves are rippling through my muscles. I shiver and squeeze Jasper’s hand tighter. He squeezes back. I wonder if he’s feeling it too.

As the circle continues to move the wind picks up, seemingly whipping the dust in a whirlpool along with the drummers. The edges of their robes catch and flutter about as if caught in a magic cyclone. The fire spirals. I turn my gaze skyward and it feels like the stars above are rotating as well. Or maybe the stars remain where they are and it’s me and the earth that are spinning.

Jasper leans a little closer and I catch a glimpse of him staring up at the moon, a serious revelry in his eyes. I follow his eyeline and there she is, a still beacon in the center of the swirl, the calm at the eye of the storm. The moon’s light is all-encompassing, flaring in all directions, and I feel it again: the warmth I felt the first day here when Yoki performed their ritual—the sense that we are all connected, one pack under the moon. In this moment I believe I could reach out with my mind and speak to any wolf on the planet.

The moment is interrupted by a growl. I pull my attention from the moon to find Jasper, no longer caught up in the moment, staring across the drumming circle. His top lip is curled back, exposing an elongated fang.

Again I follow his eyeline across the circle, just to the left of the blazing fire, and my gaze lands on the same face from earlier, only this time the pieces click into place in my mind. I know who that face belongs to.

A sharp pain stabs at the corner of my mind but doesn’t hurry away. I bite down through the pain as I stare at the man on the other side of the fire, the man staring back at us.