Page 102 of Ruined By the Northern Duke

“I thought,” he said carefully, lifting his head to gaze at her, “that I could keep you safe. That keeping you at bay was the most important thing. But I was wrong. Keeping you away nearly killed me.”

“It hurt me,” she pointed out. “Youhurt me. Again and again.”

He nodded, which surprised her. “I was wrong about so much. I was the one still lost in the past. Every time we were apart, I convinced myself that you were like her. That all women were like her. And yet every time we were together… You were always you. I was an idiot, Verity. I was wrong, and I’m sorry. Because even through it all, even though I fought it all along, I love you. It’s the only truth I’m certain of now.”

As her entire world spun, Verity waited. She felt her breath catch in her throat. Her heart skipped a beat. Tristan intertwined their fingers on his leg. He radiated warmth and sincerity.

She looked back at him, trying to comprehend everything he had said. There was nothing more for him to say.

She considered the weapons he had laid down. His pride and apology and everything else. And he expected nothing now. She could see in his eyes that he would leave if she asked him.

Did she want that?

How am I supposed to know what I want, after everything that happened?

“You deserved the truth. All of it,” he murmured.

She did. Verity knew this. But she hadn’t known he knew it. Hadn’t she deserved better from him as well? But there he was, trying to make amends.

Only she didn’t know what to do with it.

Tristan’s gaze didn’t shift, but she felt him squeeze her hand comfortingly before releasing her fingers. A sense of loss shot through her when he gently put her hand back in her lap and slowly rose to his feet. There was that awful lump in her throat.

Following his every move, she watched as he slowly fixed his cuffs, drawing out the moment. And then he turned to leave.

“Wait,” she cried suddenly and sucked in another breath. She twisted a little to gaze up at him a little longer. The thought of parting suddenly hurt, a stabbing sensation in her ribs. “I… I forgive you.”

“You do?”

“But I need time,” Verity continued hastily, the words spilling out before she understood them herself. But she let them, as they felt right. “We need time. I want to believe you—every word—but I want it to be real. I want us to be real. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, Tristan. All I need is time to know that you speak the truth.”

He glanced down at his hands before looking at her. “I understand. There is… There is much of me buried away. Parts of me I don’t recognize anymore. I cannot guarantee anything of myself.”

“But you’ll try?”

“Yes.”

He bent down to her. She reached out her arms, and he grabbed her by the elbows, pulling her to her feet in one swift motion. It left her breathless as she clung to him.

“My hands,” he murmured. “I shouldn’t touch you.”

A surprised laugh escaped Verity. “I think my hands are more filthy than yours, Tristan.”

“I always liked it when you said my name.” Warmth flooded his gaze, and that surprised her.

So she said his name again. “Tristan.”

She studied him for a while before lifting a hand to his chest. There came the wild thumping of his heart beneath the damp fabric of his waistcoat and shirt.

Just as she was wondering if he might let her listen to it, Tristan slid his hands up her arms and around her waist, pulling her closer. She melted into him, resting her cheek where her hand had been a moment ago.

“Did you mean it?” she murmured. “You said home was wherever I am.”

“It is. You are home, Verity. And I will try,” Tristan vowed in a whisper. “I will go wherever you wish. I will take you on picnics. I will read to you in the evenings. I will keep you warm in the rain and attend to you in teahouses. We’ll go on carriage rides, and I shall dine with you every night.”

A smile spread across her lips. The chill of the day was far away now, with his heat seeping through her. “Will you really?”

“I will dance with you at every ball until we cause a scandal. I only wish I could see the world through your eyes. But I will do my best for you so that someday you understand just how important you are to me. I promise, Verity,” he reassured her.

Verity nuzzled him. “Then I think you are off to an excellent start.”