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“ T here she is! Our darling Duchess.”

Squinting in the daylight, Verity gratefully accepted a lace parasol from a servant before turning to look across the terrace, where a small party was gathered.

“Come join us,” Helena called with a winsome smile. “We’re enjoying our tea before we enjoy a game of bowls.”

Verity didn’t have any other choice. She put on a smile and forced herself to keep her hand at her side instead of picking at the fabric of her dress. It was one of her older, worn ones with blue flowers—terribly simple for a duchess.

She’d forgone all the beautiful gowns she had purchased since her marriage, not wanting any reminder of what she was leaving behind. It felt easier this way. Safer.

Only now, Verity found herself somewhat regretting it, as she recognized several faces of London’s beau monde studying her curiously from under the awning. Raised eyebrows and pursed lips and side glances told her that rumors would spread around the country by nightfall.

“I trust you know everyone here,” Helena said lazily as she shifted in her seat, purposefully bumping knees with one of the younger gentlemen, who blushed furiously. “Do introduce yourself if you don’t. It’s only a small house party. Come, have some tea.”

“You mean champagne?” Verity asked, coaxing airy laughter from most of the party. “Thank you. I indeed would like some tea. My apologies for my late arrival.”

I didn’t even know she was entertaining.

Why didn’t Helena say something last night upon my arrival?

Of course, she would welcome me; she has promised her doors are always open.

I never realized she told everyone this as well.

Perhaps she is lonelier than I realized. Can she bear to be alone, I wonder?

The conversation picked up about a count crossing the seas and happening upon a dowager duchess. Names were tossed around and mockery brought out, causing laughter that pained Verity’s head.

She smiled along, content to be quiet and a mere fly on the wall. It had seemed a wise idea to move about after her late arrival. But spending most of the night silently weeping had done her no favors.

“Oh, yes, please do!”

“Yes, Verity darling.”

Verity jerked her head up. “Pardon?”

Leaving her sofa fellows behind, Helena picked up her wrap and sat beside Verity. They were squished hip to hip, which was hardly appropriate. But judging by the missing shoes and bonnets, Verity supposed it was an unconventional house party in every sense of the word.

“They were asking about the Iron Duke,” Helena quipped. “Is his skin as cold as metal?”

“Oh. Oh no. He’s…”

Verity paused as she recalled the last time she had touched Tristan. It would have been during their kiss. She recalled his warmth, firmness, and gentleness.

She swallowed. “He is human as any of us might be.”

Helena clapped. “No one should ever bet against me, for I am always correct. In my experience, men are always warmer than women. It is why we go together so well.”

“It is growing chilly under the shade,” noted a baroness who was nearing her forties but happily and wealthily widowed as Helena. “I believe the lawn is calling to me. Bowls, anyone?”

“Oh certainly!”

“First, I must fetch my bonnet. What a horrible thought to end up with freckles at this time of year.”

“I’m ready to play!”

Everyone chattered happily like old acquaintances. When Helena didn’t rise, the others nodded and waved to her. A few of them remembered to wave to Verity as well or otherwise forgot she was there.

That’s for the best. I don’t think I’m cut out for my rank. Perhaps I never was.

“Dearest Verity.” Helena set down her champagne glass to wrap an arm around her. “You’re chilled to the bone and absolutely miserable. Would a game of lawn bowls lift your spirits?”

A sigh escaped Verity’s lips. “I’m afraid not. I would be positively awful to play with right now. I’m sorry, Helena. Perhaps coming here was a mistake.”

“Don’t say that! You are always welcome. And it was clear you needed some time away from London. I’m only glad I arrived last week to air out the Lily room for you. It’s lovely, isn’t it? One of my favorites. You will be comfortable there for as long as you like,” Helena added with a pointed look.

The honesty and kindness in her gaze nearly brought Verity to tears. She ducked her head, sniffling as her eyes stung.

“You are too kind. I don’t need it now.”

“But that is when you need it the most, I think. You haven’t said a word about what happened.

Was he so dreadful to you? Never mind, don’t answer that question.

I know how men can be. Dukes, too. He was horrible and couldn’t see you as a human being with a beating heart, with hopes and love and sadness.

Men never could see that. They never see us. ”

Such somber words only worsened Verity’s pain. A tear spilled over.

She shook her head, leaning into her friend’s embrace. “He did, Helena. I swear it. Just for a moment. But then… I don’t know. I was wrong. I was so very wrong about him.”

“We cannot be right all the time. And this world wasn’t made for women,” Helena noted with a heavy sigh. She pulled a handkerchief out of a hidden pocket in her gown. “Here you are. Do wipe your tears. Shall I stay here with you?”

Laughter rang out nearby, reminding Verity that they weren’t entirely alone. She accepted the handkerchief before shaking her head. “Thank you, Helena, but no. I shall do just fine on my own. I need some time to think.”

“Just remember that you are more than a guest here. You’re my friend. Practically my sister,” Helena added with a charming smile as she rose gracefully to her feet, without a hair out of place. “Do as you like. Send for me at any time. I shall come to you later.”

“Very well. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me,” Verity told her sincerely.

Coming to Helena’s was meant to distract her. But as Verity returned to the house and wandered the halls in a slow search of her rooms, she feared she couldn’t stop comparing this house to the manor she had left yesterday evening.

She turned onto the hall and paused at the sight of a tall figure passing by. Her heart dropped when she realized it was only a footman.

“Your Grace?” he asked and took a step toward her as she stared.

Verity shook her head. “Go on, please.”

He hesitated before nodding and leaving her alone.

She didn’t know any of these servants. She had brought her maid along, before realizing that didn’t particularly feel right either. She’d sent the young woman home with a promise to pay her wages until she found her a new position.

The more of that life I can leave behind, the better.

There was some mending to be done to her heart, and she worried about the time it would take. She hadn’t thought she had given much of herself to Tristan. But even the little moments had left their mark.

“It was my father who first taught me how to dance when I was younger. He’d met my mother at a ball and fell in love with her the moment she stepped on his toes.

So he taught me to dance as a child while I stepped on his feet, and he would lead me around,” she had told Tristan one evening while he was finishing his supper.

He usually nodded along, mostly absent-minded, while he tended to business. But when she was done with her story that time, he’d paused and then looked up at her.

“Your father loved you,” he had said.

“He did. Very much,” Verity had replied. “Didn’t your parents love you too?”

Tristan had immediately looked away, making her regret the question.

It felt so natural to her. She knew she had been loved by her mother because her father said so. And she knew her father had loved her, though it was in his own way and harder to discern as she grew older. Even her aunt Eugenia loved her, sharp tongue and all.

“Love is only a temporary sensation like any other feeling. It comes and goes,” Tristan had told her while shuffling his papers.

It had struck her then how differently they must have been raised.

“But love lingers. The Bible teaches it is so.”

“The Bible teaches many things we choose to ignore. And emotions are meant to be managed more than they should be felt.”

“That is a lonely way of looking at the world and our lives,” she had tentatively responded.

Nudging the tray toward her, Tristan wouldn’t look at her any longer. “All of us are alone.”

Standing now in Helena’s halls with no one around, Verity felt her legs grow weak. She leaned against the nearest door and pressed her forehead against the frame. It was cold and sharp and unforgiving. Much like her husband, it seemed.

Did he mean those words? He must have. Perhaps he was trying to tell me all along not to get my hopes up. Not to care for him. Not to feel for him…

Verity shook her head. She didn’t know why she still felt anything toward him. Those words from those letters would never leave her mind. They had kept waking her even after she cried herself to sleep.

Off she went, wandering the house in solitude before taking an afternoon nap. The sky was dark when she arose in search of supper.

But there were even more people in the dining room. The table was nearly full when Verity peeked through a partially open door. When a footman moved forward to open it for her, she waved him off and hastily stepped back.

A violin played, and laughter rang out. There was chatter about more games to take place this evening. The energy was high; Verity could feel it from the hall. It felt like spiders crawling up her spine.

“What fun!” Helena cried out more than once.

This was the life that her friend desired, now that she was free to do as she liked.

Verity loved that for her. Helena had not always had such access to money, freedom, and happiness.

And while she was grateful that her friend was enjoying living the high life, this wasn’t something Verity could do right now.

She mouthed an apology before turning away. She made her way down to the kitchens, making a small tray for herself despite the protest of the servants. A maid insisted on at least carrying it for her.

Together, they went to Helena’s sparse library. There was a fair amount of space, but several of the bookshelves were empty. The maid eyed her curiously, saying nothing as she set the tray down.

“Is there anything more I can do for you, Your Grace?” she asked.

“No, that will be all. Thank you,” Verity added as she settled into the comfortable chair.

By the time she tucked her bare feet under her dress, the maid had left and she was all alone.

The following days followed much of the same thread, with Helena hosting friends who wandered in and out of the house party. Meanwhile, Verity avoided them as much as possible.

Three days passed by the time Helena came to search for her in the library.

“You’re not even reading,” she scolded gently, coming to sit beside her. “Whatever are you doing here, away from all the fun?”

“I’m not interested in archery right now.”

Helena tsked. “You would be if you saw how easy it is to laugh at some of them. It’s not that difficult. I could teach you if you like.”

Verity managed a wan smile. “No, thank you. But I’m glad to hear you have been enjoying yourself.”

“Oh, I have,” Helena said with a warm grin. “There is no fault to be found in joy. That’s what I like to say. You used to say that as well, but I’ve never seen you so melancholy. Not since your father passed. Will you talk to me, Verity?”

“I don’t know what I would say,” Verity answered apologetically. “I don’t even know myself.”

Eyeing her carefully, her friend asked, “Then what do you know?”

It was a question that made Verity think deeply. Tristan came to mind.

She gave a slight shake of her head before it came to her. “I know I don’t belong here. I never should have intruded on your fun, Helena. You’re too generous a hostess. But I think it’s time I leave. I want to see the countryside. I want to be with my aunt.”

“Then you’ll be where you were already,” Helena pointed out with a slight frown. “You’re going backward, darling. You’re not supposed to do that.”

“The fresh air will do me good,” Verity corrected her. She had considered the idea, but it hadn’t felt right. Hiding here wasn’t right. “Might I use your carriage, my dear?”

An exaggerated sigh escaped her friend. “Already you wound me. First, you desired to leave my side, and now you’re running away. I’ll be absolutely miserable without you. But very well. Tomorrow, I suppose? Sunrise?”

“That would be much appreciated.”

The two of them rose to their feet and held hands as they faced each other, smiling. Verity didn’t know what she had done to deserve someone as good as Helena. She was truly indebted to the woman.

“Then I shall say farewell now because you know how I abhor public goodbyes. Do be careful. Write to me at once and let me know how dear Eugenia fares—if the witch still breathes.”

It was a joke, though Verity knew Helena and Eugenia had never gotten along particularly well. Yet they were similar in many ways.

“And Verity?”

She paused. “Yes?”

“Will he come for you? Do you… Do you want him to?” Helena asked hesitantly.

The questions were the same as those that lived in Verity’s heart. They hovered over her head in her every waking moment. She knew what answers she wanted, but the truth… She didn’t know.

The answers scared her either way.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I think.”