Page 164 of Ruin My Life

I don’t want his kindness.

I don’t want Rebecka’s warmth.

I don’t deserve any of it.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Damon

MY MOTHER ANDISPEND THE EVENINGcatching up—talking in hushed voices about what’s been happening back in New York.

I couldn’t risk calling her, not with everything in motion, so I passed messages through her nurses. Short, clinical updates. But there was only so much I could say without revealing too much.

Now that I’m here, sitting across from her in the glow of a kitchen light I used to think of as sacred, the weight of everything I couldn’t say comes crashing in.

I should’ve told her to go to bed hours ago.

But I won’t lie—I missed this. I missedher.

There are days I wonder what it would be like to give it all up. To stay out here with her forever. To become a ghost in a quiet house by the sea.

But I know myself. Know what I am.

A man like me can’t stay hidden. Not forever.

And even if I could, I don’t think I’d survive doing nothing—not while there are people out there who still need help.

I’m rinsing dishes, loading them into the small dishwasher beneath the counter, while she sits in the corner seat at the dining table, nursing what’s left of her tea.

Her gaze is fixed on the window, watching the ocean shift under the stars like it’s alive.

The open sky is one of the things she’s always admired—one of the things that’s convinced her to stay all the way out here, away from danger.

Then, casually—like she’s commenting on the weather—she says,

“So. How long have you been in love with Brie?”

I nearly choke.

I jerk toward her, blinking in disbelief. “Mamá.”

She doesn’t even flinch. Still looking at the window, serene as ever. “Oh, come now,mijo,” she hums. “All these years and you haven’t mentioned a single woman, let alone brought one all the way out here. That says something.”

“I brought her because New York isn’t safe,” I say, my voice low but tight. “This just seemed like the best option.”

“Mm-hmm,” she replies, finally turning her gaze toward me. “That’s why those boys you call your brothers are all staying in safehouses, andshe’shere with you.”

Her stare is sharp—the kind that doesn’t miss anything.

She’s right, and we both know it.

I’ve kept this place a secret from everyone. Monroe, Chavez, Connor, and Lee don’t even know it exists.

But when everything fell apart, I knew I’d bring Brie here.

Partly because she already had the address after hacking my system.

But mostly because Ineededto.