Page 83 of Royal Trouble
“I didn’t come here to talk about Liam,” he said, his sleep-deprived brain finally taking in the formal blue dress and elegant fascinator.
Bollocks. Had she been on her way to the wedding?
“Right.” She gave a curt nod, the feathers on her fascinator bobbing to accentuate her every movement. “So, why are you here then?”
“I came to apologize.” He closed the distance between them. The smell of her lavender and lemongrass shampoo greeted him like an old friend, and the tension in his chest slowly began to unfurl. “There’s nothing more important to me than your happiness, and I couldn’t stand up today and celebrate true love knowing I’d thrown my own shot at love away.”
So much of their relationship had been in the public eye, which was why he’d wanted this moment to be private. He didn’t want to worry about who might be watching or listening, and he didn’t want Everly to feel pressured to forgive him, though he damn sure hoped she would.
“I fucked up, royally. I never should have accused you of leaking the DNA test. There’s no excuse for how I behaved, and I’m truly sorry. It guts me to know I hurt you when hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do.”
Everly stared up at him with glassy eyes, but she said nothing. He took her hands in his, and she let him. They were small and warm and fit perfectly with his.
“I told you I’d changed, that I wasn’t the same arsehole you’d known at school, and the first time I was tested, I fell right back into the old pattern, believing there was no way a woman as intelligent, beautiful, and kind as you could want me for me.”
“Xander—”
“Please. Let me finish,” he said, giving her hands a squeeze. If he didn’t get this out now, he never would, and these words needed to be said aloud. She needed to know exactly how he felt before she returned to New York. “Since we decided to give this thing between us a real shot, you’ve been nothing but honest and supportive, and instead of turning to you for comfort when things went wrong, I lashed out at you.” He paused, pulse thundering. “For what it’s worth, it was Lotte who leaked the story to the press.”
Everly quirked a brow. “Lotte did this?”
“Yes, if you can believe it.”
“Dammit,” she said, withdrawing her hands from his as realization dawned on her face. “I should have known.”
“You couldn’t have known, love. None of us saw this coming.”
Though he bloody well wished he had.
Ten years of strategic warfare training and he’d been blindsided by a vapid courtier.
“You don’t understand. Lotte was in the rose garden the afternoon I dropped off the test results.” Everly sighed and shook her head. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. I doubt you would have been ready to hear it, and I was in no shape for a rational conversation.”
Christ, he’d turned the whole thing into a royal disaster.
“I’m not proud of the way I behaved,” he said, raising a hand to cup her slender cheek, “and I know there’s nothing I can do to make it up to you, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday.”
He didn’t deserve her. He knew that now. Knew that if she stayed, she’d be giving up the quiet life she’d built for herself in America, exchanging anonymity for court gossip and paparazzi and everything else she’d told him time and again she hated about his world. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—ask that of her. He had to let her go.
Even if his chest felt like it would crack open at any second.
“I should have known things would end this way,” he said, forcing himself to meet her steady gaze. “Living in the spotlight is challenging under the best of circumstances, but in the worst…” He trailed off, searching for the words. “I couldn’t ask that of you, Evie. I care about you too much. I was born into this life, and I have obligations to uphold, but you have a choice. You can walk away and leave it all behind.”
…
He was right. She could walk away free and clear.
It was what she’d wanted all along, wasn’t it? To escape this world and the toxic behaviors that permeated every aspect of life at court. If Lotte’s duplicity had proven anything, it was that nothing had changed in the long years she’d been away.
The media was without mercy, and privacy was non-existent.
The court was full of vicious, social-climbing snakes.
When you screwed up, which was inevitable, the entire world would be right there to judge you—harshly.
Who would willingly subject themselves to such a lifestyle?
I would.