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“If you'd prefer,” he said, “you could sit with the others. I don't mind doing all this. I expected I would, Breela.”

“I can do it. See?” I sliced another piece of cragroot and tossed it into the bowl where I'd season them before placing them in the foil. “I'm really not useless.” Though I felt like I was. Completely. A total burden.

“You're doing well,” he grumbled.

I tilted my head, looking up at him, but he kept his face turned away. “What does Breela mean?”

His ears burned green, and eyes shifted to our right as if he needed more distance between us. ”Helper.”

Maybe. I didn’t push it.

Laughter rose again from the firepit, bright and carefree. A reminder of what I wasn’t. Of what Ruugar clearly thought we never could be.

I swallowed around the ache and focused on chopping cragroot.

We all ate dinner together at the table inside the gazebo, the guests gushing about the orc meal and complimenting both me and Ruugar.

I’d only cut vegetables and made the chumblings, but the joy they’d taken in this simple thing I’d done for them made my cheeks get hot and happiness surge through me.

But all I had to do was glance at Ruugar for my mood to fall.

He’d stared at me throughout the meal, and I suspected a confrontation was coming where he’d chew me out for kissing him and tell me in no uncertain terms never to do it again.

I’d do my best to act businesslike when he told me. And I’d do my best not to cry.

Because I’d liked our kiss. Especially liked it when he flipped me onto my back and laid on top of me.

I may not have kissed much or had sex, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t read books with steamy scenes or touched myself.

I knew what brought my body pleasure, and inside that tent? It had been Ruugar.

After dinner, the guests returned to the fire to toast marshmallows and make s’mores while Ruugar and I cleaned up.

As we worked, he didn’t say a word, and I didn’t dare say anything myself.

I was afraid if I spoke, he’d start laying down the rules.

Such as no kisses. And then I’d really cry.

It was all I could do not to let them fall right now.

We joined the others at the fire, and it was fun.

I’d never been camping before, though I’d watched movies where people camped, and always thought I’d enjoy it.

The crackling fire sent up twisting ribbons of smoke that curled into the night air.

Embers glowed orange and tiny sparks soaring toward the sky before vanishing into darkness.

The scent of burning wood mixed with the faint spice of whatever orc seasoning Ruugar had used on the meat clung to my clothes and skin .

Mary laughed and nudged Joel with her elbow, the two of them sitting close together. He grinned and linked their fingers. Across the fire, Carol tucked her legs beneath her, leaning into Pete’s side as he murmured something into her ear. They were all so at ease, so wrapped up in each other.

Love looked easy for them, effortless in the way their bodies gravitated together, as if their love had settled comfortably between them.

In the soft glow of the fire, every touch was casual, natural, assumed.

I wondered if Ruugar had ever held someone like that.

If I could be someone he’d hold like that.

The thought bit into my chest, pressing against the loneliness that had taken root long before tonight.

A hollow feeling spread through me, deep enough that even the warmth of the fire couldn’t touch it.

Sitting next to him but never close enough made me feel like I was on the outside looking in, standing on the edges of something I wasn’t meant to ever touch.

I should’ve felt part of this warmth everyone was sharing, but I didn’t.

Beyond the firelight, the trees stretched tall and dark, their shadows shifting, their leaves rustled in the breeze. Ripples from the falls echoed over the clearing. It should’ve been calming, but my chest felt too tight.

Ruugar sat to my right, his long legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles, his shoulders stayed hunched forward as he stared into the flames. The flickering light created sharp shadows on his face. His tusks gleamed in the firelight, and his brow stayed furrowed in thought.

He hadn’t truly looked at me once. Not since dinner. Not since what happened inside the tent.

Heat crept up my neck, embarrassment and regret curling hot in my belly. He was acting calm now, distant, like nothing had happened. Like our kiss, his hand on my waist, his mouth crashing on mine, was a mistake that could easily be forgotten.

I wanted to look away, to focus on the stars scattered above us like winking gemstones, but my gaze kept returning to him. I’d never wanted anything more, and I’d never felt more foolish for it.

Mary stretched with a contented sigh, then leaned into Joel’s side.

“Well, today was just perfect.” She squeezed his arm.

“The ride couldn’t have been better, and my ass isn't even that sore. Top that off with the amazing orc meal prepared by Ruugar and Ben.” She lifted her drink in a toast echoed by the others.

“Now we get to savor this lovely evening together. I’m stuffed full of s’mores, cragroot, and the loin burger Ruugar grilled to perfection.

I’m going to sleep amazingly well with all this fresh air around.

” Her low laugh rang out. “Again, thanks to Ruugar and Ben for making this seamless and fun.”

“You're welcome,” Ruugar said, speaking pretty much for the first time in what felt like hours.

I murmured the same thing.

Joel chuckled, kissing Mary's cheek. “Best meal I’ve had in ages. And that fire makes me feel like we’re young again, doesn’t it?

” His gaze swept across the group. “My wife and I used to camp when we first got married.

Really roughing it with just a double sleeping bag and the wide-open sky above.

A fire, sure, and we'd cook over it. Can't get much better than that, other than this.” He lifted his drink toward us all. “To another great day tomorrow.”

All of us raised our drinks and took sips.

Mary chuckled, resting her hand over his. “On that note, I know better than to stay up too late. My bones will make me pay for it in the morning.”

“Oh, I’ll be massaging that knee of yours, don’t you worry.” Joel’s voice dropped into something quieter, something meant only for her.

Her laughter shouted out her affection. “Goodnight, everyone.” She rose, pulling Joel up with her.

They walked toward their cabin hand in hand, their shoulders brushing like a couple who’d long since become parts of each other, like breathing and heartbeats.

Carol stood next, smiling at Pete as she reached for his hand. “Bed, love?”

Standing, Pete grinned. “Is that an invitation?”

She rolled her eyes but tipped her face up for a kiss, one he gladly gave, slow and lingering, like they had all the time in the world to savor each other. “Goodnight.”

“Y’all have sweet dreams now,” Pete added, winking as he led Carol toward their own cabin, her laughing softly as they disappeared inside.

As they took turns in the bathroom building, the fire continued to crackle, and once they'd shut out their cabin lights, the night got quieter. Emptier .

I remained in my chair, my arms wrapped around my middle, watching the flames flicker and the shadows they cast. Pete had kissed Carol like she was something to be cherished. Joel had teased his wife with equal sweetness.

I didn’t know what romance like that felt like.

My gaze wandered to Ruugar. He still stared into the fire, his body as unmoving and unreadable as it had been since that kiss.

I swallowed and stood, brushing off my pants. “I’ll…I’m going to get ready for bed.”

Nothing. No flicker of acknowledgment, no shift toward me, not even a glance in my direction. As if nothing I said or did mattered. I blinked fast as I turned away.

I dragged my feet to the tent and grabbed my bag, digging through it for the small pouch of toiletries. With the strap over my wrist, the bag dangling, I made my way to the small wooden bathroom structure, my boots scuffing on the packed dirt.

Inside, the single light buzzed overhead.

The mirror above the sink was streaked with condensation from the shower someone must’ve taken a short time ago.

I ran water in the sink, letting it cool before splashing my face.

The soap smelled faintly of roses, but even the pretty scent couldn’t wash away the tightness in my throat.

After drying my face, I gripped the counter and stared at my reflection in the still-steamed-up mirror.

Did Ruugar see the girl who had spent too long trying to escape her crappy life?

The runaway, the burden? Or did he see this, see me , and how I felt when he touched me?

Because when he kissed me back, his hand gliding along my waist, his breath unsteady, I could've sworn he'd wanted the kiss as much as I had.

Had I imagined his heated response? Perhaps I’d only seen what I needed more than anything else.

What did Ruugar see when he looked at me? Maybe a silly woman for kissing him.

The stark heat of my sadness spread through my limbs like I was sinking, like I was being pulled under.

But there was nothing to grab onto, nothing to keep me from disappearing into something too empty to escape from.

I squeezed my hands against the sink’s edges until my palms ached, needing something solid to hold onto to keep from falling apart.

The ache in my chest burned.

I rubbed my hands down my cheeks, forcing myself to breathe. Enough, Beth. Get over it.

Brushing my teeth gave me something to do, something to focus on other than how mortified I felt. Ruugar’s silence felt heavy. Final. I spit out the last of the toothpaste, rinsing my mouth, and dried my hands on one of the towels. Peering into the mirror again, I let out another slow breath.

Shoving everything back into my bag, I turned and opened the door, stepping outside.

I collided with a wall of solid muscle. Strong hands caught my arms before I could stumble back. Ruugar’s grip was steady, grounding. Too grounding. If I let myself settle into it, I’d never be able to pull away .

I shouldn’t have looked up. I should have stepped back, whispered thanks, anything to put space between us.

But I did look up, straight into Ruugar’s dark eyes.

And everything inside me, all the edges of hurt, the bitter ache of loneliness, tilted toward him like a flower seeking sunlight. Like my body had decided, without my permission, that he was what I needed most.

The contact hit like a spark catching dry tinder.

His warmth, his scent, so frustratingly familiar, closed around me, stealing my breath before I could stop.

My hands splayed over his chest, and for a moment, I didn’t move.

I couldn’t. This close, our shadows stretching together under the dim lantern light, it would be so easy to rise onto my toes and kiss him again. I’d?—

I needed to stop that train of thought right away, but I couldn’t seem to do it. He’d made no effort to move away. He didn’t let go.

Neither of us spoke.

Without a word, he released me and stepped past, ducking into the small bathroom.

Between one heartbeat and the next, the moment fell apart.

Chilly night air replaced the warmth where his hands had been, making me very much aware of his absence.

My arms still tingled where he'd touched me, my body refusing to admit that it was over.

It was only a simple touch, too short a time to mean a thing to him, but too long a time for me to forget.

I exhaled and turned, walking back to the tent.

Inside, the space seemed even smaller than before.

The air felt heavy with tension, even though Ruugar wasn’t here yet.

I knelt on the sleeping bag and tugged my shirt over my head, quickly unfastening my pants and sliding them off my legs.

The cool night air kissed my bare skin, raising prickles along my thighs as I rummaged in my bag for the oversized shirt I wore to bed.

Goosebumps shivered across my skin. I wanted him to see me.

To notice me as Beth, as a woman who craved him, who ached for the heat of his body pressed against mine.

I swallowed hard, my fingers clenching around the fabric of my nightshirt, caught between the sting of rejection and the desperate hope that his reaction meant something more than regret.

The tent flap snapped back. Ruugar ducked inside, but the instant he took in the sight of me still kneeling, still daydreaming, wearing only a bra and panties, his gaze raked across my body.

Heat slammed into me like a wave. My breath snagged, and my skin tightened under his perusal. The look in his eyes shouted hunger, but just as quickly as it came, he shuttered his gaze. With a muffled groan, he flung himself out through the open tent flap, escaping into the night.

The gust of air he left behind barely stirred the space, yet I felt too cold. Exposed.

Like the last bit of hope I’d been foolish enough to hold on to had fallen apart.