Page 8 of Roommate Wanted

Unknown Number:Great. What’s the address and number of the apartment?

I frowned, trying to remember what I had scribbled on the advert. I gave up since the wine had taken over, and I texted the person my address.

Shit. They could be criminals.

So I texted again.

Me:Don’t try and kill me, I am armed.

I smiled, feeling better, until I realised thatImight sound like a serial killer. Now the potential roommate might be alarmed, and I couldn't afford to lose that rent money.

Me:I’m not violent unless you're a serial killer or a food thief.

Relieved that I got that straightened out, I put the phone down. There was nothing worse than people in your home or work who stole food. I tried to remember if the bathroom and Addison’s room were presentable before checking my social media messages for the room. There were a grand total of zero messages.

When the buzzer went off, I jumped because if that was the potential roommate, they were quick.

Or perhaps time travels faster when you're drunk.

Did time travel or pass?

I was still considering this when I answered the buzzer by letting my potential roommate in.

I should've gone to the toilet first, but it was too late since I was only on the first floor. I unlocked the door just as someone knocked on it. When I opened the door, I found a smiling, dark-haired giant. I looked him up and down for two reasons.

He was hot, but I was drunk.

He wasn't a woman, but again, I was drunk.

“You're a man,” I said to him, about to touch his broad chest. “What are you? Six feet? You would steal all of my food for sure.”

Why was he wearing a T-shirt? Wasn't it cold outside? Did men's nipples usually poke out like that?

His pecs looked large. My eyes travelled across his chest to his arms.

Oh, my.

I touched his stiff, muscular arm.

Warm. Hard. Silky smooth.

Oh, this was bad.

So bad.

I couldn't have this fine piece of manhood as my roommate. But he smelled so good. I leaned in to inhale his cologne. The universe must hate me. I glanced up at his brownish-yellow eyes, clean-shaven face and such a thick head of hair. I reached up to touch his long hair, rubbing the strands between my fingers.

“No man-bun,” I muttered to myself.

I glanced down at his denim jeans and decided the universedidhate me.

This was bad, so fucking bad.

That didn’t look like a banana in his pocket.

“You can't live here,” I said to his crotch, feeling sad all of a sudden. “I asked for a roommate with a vagina. Not you, little man.”

“Are yae talkin’ to me or ma dick?” the vision said in a sinful Scottish accent, startling me.