Page 34

Chapter

Twenty-One

“Well, it’s about goddamn time.”

I groan at Liam’s comment. He snickers from where he stands at the kitchen counter, struggling to uncork our second bottle of Trader Joe’s discount wine. Neither of us really knows shit about wine, but we generally agree that anything that’s either white or rosé with a pretty label is good enough.

“You’re not upset? You don’t think that my seeing him will, y’know—mess up the party vibes, or make anyone feel uncomfortable?” I ask. I’m sprawled against the arm of the couch, swirling the remnants of my wine.

Liam’s stare is so aggressively deadpan that I can’t help but hunch over in a fit of giggles.

“Sadie,” he says flatly, barely managing to contain a smile.

It’s the same tone he uses to chastise Howard when he’s being a little shit.

“You two have been flirting for the whole campaign—in character and out of character. I think we’ve all been waiting for this from the start, and it hasn’t disrupted our dynamic yet.

If anything, you two have made it all that much more enjoyable to witness. For all of us.”

“Uh-huh,” I scoff, smiling despite myself. I finish the rest of my glass, savoring the overly sweet prosecco as it bubbles its way down. My head is swimming pleasantly, and everything seems a little bit brighter.

“But what if things go badly?” I continue. “What if it’s a disaster and he reveals that he’s secretly been a terror this whole time?”

“Then I kick him out of the game, and we’re down a bard.

Mechanically, it wouldn’t be a huge loss,” Liam says.

His tone is carefully indifferent, and I smile.

D&D would be much less fun without Loren’s witty quips and hilarious whining, and we both know it.

But Liam’s always on my side, and if things go poorly with Noah, Liam will be the first to jump to my defense.

He finally comes to sit on the couch cushion next to me, uncorked bottle tucked carefully under his arm while he balances two bowls brimming with warm ramen in his hands.

“But he’s not a terror, Sadie,” Liam continues, placing each bowl on the coffee table.

His cooking skills have come a long way since our microwave ramen days in college: the bowls are brimming with pork belly, chili oil, carrots, mushrooms, and—my personal favorite—soft-boiled eggs.

“I think you’ll have a good time. He’s good people. ”

I think again of Noah—hell, I’d spent all fucking week thinking about Noah, stealing kisses in the back room of Alchemist after every morning painting session—and a familiar warmth blooms in my chest. I push off from my lounging spot on the couch.

“It complicates things, though,” I say as I lift noodles from the broth, letting them cool before slurping them down.

Liam pauses with his noodles halfway to his mouth. “How so?”

“Summer’s halfway over. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around.”

The bubbles in my stomach churn uncomfortably at the thought.

“You know you can stay as long as you like, Sadie.” Before I can protest, Liam holds a hand up to stop me. “But I know that’s not your plan, especially with how well the Paragon stuff is going. As long as Noah knows where you stand, too, then there’s no harm done.”

I refill our glasses with rosé and sip mine for a good twenty seconds before speaking again. “Why did you stay, Liam? In Heller. What changed your mind?”

I still remember the day he told me that he wasn’t coming back to Connecticut—that he wasn’t coming back to the East Coast at all.

It was the summer after we’d graduated college, and he’d gone down to Texas to be with his grandpa before he died, and to settle all of his affairs after he passed, too.

After the tears, he’d joked with me over video call that he was going to sell the giant house he’d inherited for a buttload of money—the house where he’d spent so many summers and Christmases—and get us a swanky apartment in the middle of Manhattan.

Then one week away from home turned into three, and then two months, and then the whole summer.

Liam kept claiming that there was more to his grandpa’s affairs than he’d realized, and that he needed more time to organize them and decide what to do.

And then he’d called, his wavering voice lacking the confidence and absolute assurance it always had, and admitted to me that he wanted to stay.

I could tell he felt awful. We’d made so many plans: to find the perfect apartment, to finally go to the Mermaid Parade at Coney Island, to visit every wine bar in every borough until we found the best one.

But of course I’d been supportive. I was disappointed, but I understood. Or I could at least try to understand.

He snorts, and the sound surprises me out of my memories. “I stayed in Heller because I knew there wasn’t any other way I’d get a house within the next ten years on a teacher’s salary,” he says dryly.

“Sincerely, though.”

He sits quietly for a moment, rolling his newly refilled wineglass between his palms. “I liked it here,” he says eventually, and he makes it sound so simple.

Maybe it is that simple. “When I was a kid and my dad moved back to Texas after the divorce—honestly, I thought he was literally moving to the Wild West. I believed all the stereotypes.” Not the funny ones, I knew, about cowboys and boots and riding horses to school—the ones about intolerance and prejudice.

Shit that made Liam’s dad keep his distance, while Liam’s grandpa welcomed him in.

“And while some of them are true, I fell in love with Heller. It has a small-town charm that reminds me of home, and all of Grandpa’s friends were so kind, inviting me to barbecues and block parties and offering to send my résumé to their kids’ schools. They were asking me to stay.”

He pauses to take another drink.

“And New York scared the shit out of me,” he says finally.

“When we made all those plans, Sadie, I just—I relied so much on you. I knew it wouldn’t be all bad, not if you were there.

I knew I’d find my place eventually if we could just get through those first couple of years.

But I don’t think I even had that much in me.

I couldn’t get used to the idea of being surrounded by so many people and having to pinch every penny, or having to fight for space on the sidewalk and in the subway.

I felt like the city would swallow me whole. I felt like I would disappear.”

I used to love how crowded the city was.

It reminded me that I was surrounded by people who were also striving to carve out a place for themselves in a city of dreams. There was community in that beautiful, passionate struggle.

And though his words twist my heart, I know there were times when I’d felt the same—like if I wasn’t careful, I’d be swept away.

“But why not just stay in Connecticut, then?” I ask. “If you wanted something small-town, you could have found it there, too.”

Liam shrugs, picking up a chunk of the soft-boiled egg from his bowl.

“I don’t know.” His mouth twists into a wry half smile.

“I got sick of New England winters. I like the parks here. I like the calm energy of the town.” He pauses.

“And I suppose I wanted to stick around awhile to see if I could understand my dad more, and his dad—to figure out why he might have chosen this place.” I don’t point out what Liam doesn’t say: to figure out why he might have wanted to live so far away from me.

“It’s warm here,” I agree after a moment of quiet. “And not just in terms of the weather—though it is hot as balls—but the people are warm. You’ve really built a good community for yourself, Liam.”

He sips at his broth happily. “I’m glad you think so, Sade. I’m glad you’re a part of it.” I open my mouth again, but he beats me to the punch, smiling mildly as he corrects, “For now, at least.”

He juts his chin in my direction. “But what about you? Do you miss it?”

“Miss what?”

“The city.”

I take two thoughtful sips before I speak.

“I do,” I admit. “Parts of it.”

“Like what?”

I circle my finger around the rim of my wineglass. “Is it really crazy to say that I miss riding the subway?”

“Honestly? Yes.”

I grin. “There were plenty of times when it was gross, sure, but—I liked to just sit there and imagine where everyone was heading, y’know?

What was their story? And in the summers, I would always get off a stop or two early, just to enjoy the walk.

It felt like everyone in the world was outside, sitting at coffee shops or running across the street or reading on the grass in Bryant Park.

There’s no better place on earth to people-watch than New York. ”

I set my glass on the coffee table and hold my hands in front of my face, fingers curled as if I’m cradling a ball.

“Really, Liam, I just felt like I had the world at my fingertips. Growing up, I always thought that New York was where things happened. That it was where people went to make things happen, right? I believed you could find whatever you were looking for in the city.”

It would have helped, perhaps, if I had known what I’d been looking for in New York. Even now I still don’t know what exactly I want—from the city or otherwise—and it leaves me feeling directionless. Unmoored.

“There was something so energizing about living moment to moment. For so long, I loved the rush of it, until…” My lips twist sourly. “Until I couldn’t keep up.”

Liam lets the words hang between us for a moment. I’d surprised myself with the admiration in my voice, the way I’d gushed about a city that had left me feeling so bone-tired.

He smiles gently. “Texas is good for that,” he says. “Slowing down.”

I let my head fall back against the couch’s cushions, let my eyes shutter closed. “It’s been so nice,” I admit. “You’ve been so nice. Everyone’s been so nice. ”

“I get it, Noah’s very nice.”

I swat at his hand. “I adore Morgan and Jules, too, and we text all the time. We keep meaning to hang again soon, but I’ve been…distracted.”

“Uh-huh.”

I press my lips together to try to hide a smile before consuming my next mouthful of ramen. With so few noodles left in the bowl and my fine motor skills deteriorating with each glass of wine, my chopsticks are becoming unwieldy. Disadvantage on dexterity.

“I think you’ve needed this break for a long time, Sadie—and I’m glad you’re spending it with us. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of newbie players. I’ve never had a group take to the game as easily as you all have.” He exhales a whooshing sigh. “I’ll miss you guys, once it’s over.”

“Are we that near to the end?”

Liam lifts his shoulders in a sloppy shrug. “Depends. I suppose you’re not too far off from confronting Shira…” His mouth twists in a lopsided grin. “We’ll just have to see.”

“No hints? Not even for another hefty pour?”

He reaches for his glass and drains it completely. “I’ll never break.”

I know it to be true, so I don’t press.