Page 38 of Rok’s Captive (Barbarians of the Dust #1)

IS IT TOO EARLY TO SAY “I LOVE YOU”? (ASKING FOR A FRIEND)

JUSTINE

A s true darkness falls, Rok guides me into the cave. It’s within a twisting rock face, the shadows cold. I hurry inside, heart in my throat.

“Jacqui?” But there’s no answer.

It’s clear it’s empty. She’s not here.

I can sense Rok’s pain. It takes me a moment to realize it’s because of me. Because tears are running down my face and I’m in pain. I wipe them away as he pulls me into his arms, settling on the ground, his body warming as if to provide heat to keep away the cold.

“Do you think she’s okay?” I whisper, the question slipping out before I can stop it.

Rok’s mind is quiet for a moment. “Your sister-female is resourceful,” he projects finally. “She found water where most would find only dust. She did not go to the rival clan. She left markings for you to follow. These are the actions of one who means to survive.”

It’s not exactly the reassurance I was hoping for, but it’s honest. And maybe that’s what I need right now—not false comfort, but clear-eyed assessment.

“I should have never left her,” I say, the guilt that’s been building inside me finally spilling over. “I should have stayed with the bus. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t been so stupidly stubborn about wanting to find help.”

“Then you would not have found me,” Rok points out gently. “Your people might still be slowly dying in the dust, with no hope of rescue.”

“But Jacqui?—”

“Made her choice,” Rok interrupts, his mental voice firm. “As you made yours. Both choices came from the same place.” He taps his chest, where a human heart would be.

Tears well up in my eyes at his simple wisdom.

“How did you get so wise?” I ask, attempting a smile through my tears.

“Not wise,” Rok projects with a mental shrug, even as his fingers gently push away my tears, still clearly distressed by the sight of them. “Only existing for many cycles. One learns, or one does not survive the dust.”

I move closer to him, seeking his warmth as the night chill begins to settle around us. He lifts his arm in silent invitation, and I tuck myself against his side, feeling the steady rhythm of his breathing. All along where our skin touches sends a nice comforting buzz through my veins.

“Tell me about your sister-female,” Rok projects after a while.

The request surprises me, but as I begin telling him about Jacqui, of how brave she is and how happy I am that she’s my sister, I realize it’s exactly what I need—to remember Jacqui not as someone lost, but as someone whole and real and alive.

“She’s my little sister.” The memories flow more easily than I expected. “Always been the responsible one. The planner. But fun, too. Jacqui is the type of girl who has her head on her shoulders but still knows how to loosen up and enjoy life.”

Rok’s confusion ripples through our link. “Head on shoulders? Where else would the head be?” A brief image flashes from his mind—some terrible creature with a misplaced head.

I can’t help but laugh, the sound echoing off the cave walls. “It’s just an expression. It means she’s sensible. She thinks things through.”

His mental voice carries a hint of amusement. “All Drakav keep their heads on their shoulders. Those who do not…do not live long.”

I chuckle again before telling him more. Like about the time Jacqui dove into a lake to rescue me when I fell out of a canoe before we could swim properly and how we nearly drowned. The concept of so much water surprises him. I smile, continuing to tell him about the way Jacqui always, always put others before herself.

“She sounds like a good leader,” Rok observes. “Like Kol.”

The comparison startles another laugh from me. “Yeah, I guess she is. Practical. Reliable.” I swallow hard. “Stubborn as hell once she sets her mind to something.”

“Like you,” Rok projects, amusement coloring his thoughts.

“Like me,” I agree. “Though she’d hate to admit it.”

As I talk, the weight on my chest seems to lighten somewhat. Not disappear—it won’t until I know Jacqui is safe—but become more bearable. Rok listens with that intense focus I’ve come to cherish, his mind open to mine, absorbing every detail, every emotion.

“When we find her,” I send the thought to him, “I think she will like you.”

He grunts, and it makes me smile.

My very wild, unpredictable, dangerous alien.

Mine.

I stare at him now, the reality of it all coming down to settle around me.

“The Xyma,” I project. “They’re the beings that left us here. And…they haven’t come looking for us. It’s been weeks. Maybe they think we’re dead, or maybe they just…decided we weren’t worth the trouble.”

The reality of our situation has been slowly crystallizing in my mind ever since we found the others. The transport isn’t going anywhere. No rescue ships have appeared in the sky. We are stranded on this planet.

“If no one comes for us,” I continue slowly, “we have to build a life here…” I stop, swallowing hard. “I want to stay with you.”

Even as I say the words, something tugs at my chest. The thought of leaving without Rok…and then I realize, I hadn’t really thought of leaving at all.

Rok shifts, turning to face me fully, his golden eyes intense as his glow pushes away the darkness.

“You are mine,” he projects, the possessiveness in his mental voice sending a shiver down my spine. As if the thought never occurred to him that I wouldn’t stay.

And I guess I’m not going anywhere.

I reach up to trace the contours of his face, memorizing each line, each angle. The first time I saw him, I thought him terrifying. Now, I see the beauty in his otherworldly features, in the strength and grace of his form.

The fear for Jacqui is a live wire under my skin, but Rok’s arms are the only thing keeping me from unraveling. I need this. I need him. To remind me I’m not alone. My muscles unwind stitch by stitch, the heat of his body seeping into mine like sunlight against frost. For the first time since we left camp, my breath comes steady.

“Kiss me,” I say in my mind.

His head tilts slightly, that now-familiar gesture of curiosity. “Water sharing, from the mouth.”

“Yes,” I whisper aloud, my voice barely audible even to my own ears.

Without hesitation, Rok leans down, his mouth brushing against mine, tentative at first, as if testing the waters. His lips are warm and firm, the press of them sending a shiver through me. I part my lips slightly, inviting him in, and the moment he deepens the kiss, all hesitation vanishes.

His hunger is raw, unrestrained, as if he’s been waiting for this moment since the moment we met. His hand tangles in my hair, tilting my head back as his mouth claims mine completely. The kiss is not just a kiss—it’s a declaration, a promise, a sealing of something unspoken between us.

And I kiss him back with equal fervor, my hands sliding up his chest, tracing the lines of his muscles, the heat of his skin against my palms. Every inch of him is strength and power, but beneath it, I feel the vulnerability he only shows me.

Rok pulls me closer, his massive arms wrapping around me as if to shield me from the rest of the world. His touch is everywhere—his hands sliding down my back, gripping my hips, his claws careful but possessive. His body radiates a heat that seeps into me, igniting something deep in my core.

“Mine,” he projects, his mental voice a low growl that resonates through me, sending a shockwave of need straight to my core.

“Yours,” I whisper aloud, my voice trembling with the weight of the truth. “Always yours.”

His glowing golden eyes meet mine, and for a moment, the world seems to stop. There’s nothing but him and me, the space between us charged with an almost unbearable tension. Slowly, reverently, he lifts me into his arms and lays me down on the smooth rock. His gaze never leaves mine, his expression a mixture of awe. Desire.

Rok’s hands move to the edges of my shirt, his claws careful as he peels the fabric away. His gaze darkens as each inch of skin is revealed, his breathing growing heavier. When I’m bare before him, his eyes roam over me, leaving a trail of heat in their wake.

“You are…like a ray of pure light,” he projects. “Beautiful.”

I feel a flush creep up my neck, but there’s no time for embarrassment as he lowers himself over me, his mouth trailing a line of kisses down my neck, lingering at the hollow of my throat. His tongue flicks against my skin, teasing, tasting, and I gasp at the sensation.

His hands explore me with a surety that leaves me breathless, his touch both tender and possessive. He cups my breast, his thumb brushing over the sensitive peak, and I arch into his touch, a soft moan escaping my lips.

“Please,” I whisper, voice trembling.

He growls softly in response; the sound vibrating against my skin as he takes my nipple into his mouth, his tongue swirling around it in a way that sends a jolt of pleasure straight through me. My hands find his shoulders, gripping him as he moves to the other breast, giving it the same attention, his teeth grazing just enough to make me gasp.

The ache between my thighs grows unbearable, and I shift beneath him, pressing my hips up against his. His loincloth does little to hide his arousal, the hard length of him pressing against me, and I whimper at the contact.

“Rok,” I whisper, more insistently this time, my hands sliding down his back, urging him closer.

He pulls back slightly, his glowing eyes meeting mine, and the look in them steals what little breath I have left.

“Please,” I whisper, and the last thread of his restraint snaps. He claims my lips again, this time with a ferocity that makes my toes curl. His hands move to my hips, tugging away the last of the barriers between us. I shiver as the cool night air brushes against my heated skin, but the chill is quickly forgotten as Rok presses himself against me, his body radiating a warmth that sets me alight.

His hand slides between my thighs, his long fingers exploring me with a gentleness that belies his size. When he finds the sensitive bundle of nerves, I cry out; the sound disappearing into his mouth as my hips buck against his hand. He watches me intently, his eyes glowing brighter as he works me into a frenzy, his fingers teasing and stroking until I’m trembling beneath him.

“Now,” I gasp, my hands clutching at his shoulders.

He growls softly, the sound sending a thrill through me, and positions himself at my entrance. He hesitates for only a moment, his gaze locking with mine, and then he pushes forward, slowly, carefully, until he’s fully seated inside me.

I gasp at the sensation, the stretch of him almost too much, but the pleasure far outweighs the discomfort. Rok’s breathing is ragged, his body trembling as he holds himself still, giving me time to adjust.

“You feel—” His thoughts stutter against mine, reverent. “Like fire and water combined. Impossible. Perfect.”

His wonder floods through our connection, carrying images of the desert’s cruel antagonism—the way life here exists between scorching heat and precious moisture, always at war. Yet with me, inside me, these opposing forces don’t destroy. They ignite.

“My light,” he growls, and the words vibrate through every point where we’re joined, like a claim written in the oldest language. Of flesh. Of need.

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss, and when I roll my hips against his, he takes it as permission to move. He starts slow, his thrusts deep, but as the tension builds between us, his control slips.

His pace quickens, each thrust sending a wave of pleasure crashing through me. I cling to him, my nails digging into his back as I meet each movement, our bodies moving in perfect sync.

“Mine,” Rok growls again, his voice a low rumble that vibrates through my entire being.

“Yours,” I whisper, my voice breaking as the pleasure builds to a peak. The word feels too small for what’s between us now—what’s been growing since he first carried me through the desert.

When my release finally comes, it’s like a tidal wave, crashing over me with an intensity that leaves me shaking—not just from pleasure, but from the shocking truth that rises with it:

I love him.

Rok stills suddenly, his golden eyes widening. “Why does your heart race? Are you dying?” His mental voice is frantic, claws flexing against my hips like he’s ready to fight death itself.

A breathless laugh escapes me. I press my forehead to his, our minds entwined as I whisper back, “Worse. I’m in love.” I can’t describe it. It’s only a feeling. So I send that feeling to him, every ounce of it. The depth of it. The light of it.

For a moment, Rok’s hips stutter. His growl vibrates through my bones, part triumph, part reverence. “Love,” he repeats, right before his glow suddenly swells. He seals the word with his lips on mine.

I love him.

This fierce, golden alien who learned to smile for me. Who fought monsters on my behalf without hesitation. Who changed himself to fit me better, yet never asks me to be anything but what I am.

Rok follows moments later, his powerful body shuddering against mine as he finds his own release, his mind wide open to mine, sharing every ounce of his pleasure and…and his love. The emotion pours into me, warm and certain as sunrise, and I clutch him tighter, my cheek pressed to his pounding chest.

We collapse together in a tangle of limbs, my revelation still humming through my veins. Rok cradles me against him, his arms wrapping around me like living armor. His skin glows faintly where it touches mine like our own private constellation, and my heart swells in my chest.

“Thank you,” I whisper, but it’s not just for this moment. It’s for the water shared when I was thirsty. For carrying me when I couldn’t walk. For seeing me—really seeing me—in a way no one ever has.

Rok’s thumb brushes my lower lip. “We are one.” His certainty vibrates through our connection. “Forever, Jus-teen.”

And he’s right. I know it with a bone-deep certainty. Messed up as my arrival was, I was meant to be here. He was meant to find me.

The knowledge settles in my bones as sleep pulls at me.

I am his.

He is mine.

And this desert that tried to kill us both?

It brought me home.

A sense of peace settles over me. Not complete—not with Jacqui still missing—but enough to quiet the worst of my fears.

“We will find your sister-kin,” Rok projects, sensing the direction of my thoughts. “That is my oath to you, Jus-teen.”

A smile crosses my lips.

I believe him.