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CHAPTER 14

Rogue

H er arms wrapped around my waist, her front pressed to my back, every bit of this feels like a gift. This is something I never shared with Ayla. I didn’t have a bike back then. In fact, this is the first time I can say I’ve had a woman I genuinely have feelings for on my bike. It’s a unique feeling knowing that for some motorcycles scare them. For me, to ride reminds me I’m alive. The sounds, the wind, everything feels so much more when on a Harley-Davidson. Sharing this with her, the fearless way she embraces it, gives me this pull deep inside.

We ride with Henley at our back until we pull up to her townhouse. She climbs off quietly. I follow suit and secure her helmet in my saddlebag before we enter her house.

Henley is behind us, I point to the couch, “crash there, brother.”

“You got it, Rogue.”

“I have a guest-room,” she tells me.

“Get that, but he needs to be downstairs.”

“Oh,” she studies me, “okay.”

In a daze, she makes her way to her bedroom. Taking her by the hand I pull her to me. Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her close. “Gotta let it out, buttercup.”

She snuggles into me, but doesn’t speak. Her hair is matted with a mixture of Diaz and Benincio’s blood. I know she needs to get this off her to begin processing what she’s experienced today.

“Let me draw you a bath.”

Again she doesn’t answer. I move to the bathroom and I’m surprised to find her following me rather than staying in her room alone. In her bathroom, there isn’t much space. I get the bathtub filling with warm water and look around for Epsom salt or a bath bomb, something to relax her. Under the cabinet I find a pink bath bomb and toss it in. Once the water gets to a decent level, I move to Michele.

Gently, I lift my sweatshirt from her body. My t-shirt clings to her as the blood from Cartagena seeped through to her skin. I remove it tossing it in the trash can for me to dispose of later. She stands in front of me in my rolled boxers that have another man’s blood on them.

A growl escapes me.

“Jennings,” she softly says my name, “are you okay with all of this?”

I drop to my knees in front of her, slowly sliding my boxers down off her body. Her concern for me is sweet in a way I’ve never experienced before. “I’m okay with you and that’s all that matters.” I won’t lie, another man’s blood covers her body right now. No, that is not okay. Even if I understand how it happened, why it happened, it doesn’t feel good.

Everything inside of me screams that anyone who will lose blood for her is me. Benny saved her life, I don’t know what I think of that.

Hopping up, I guide her to the tub and hold her hand as she climbs in. Once she slides down into the water, I begin massaging her neck and shoulders.

“Close your eyes, Michele,” I whisper.

“I don’t think I can.” At least she’s being honest with herself.

“Know you think that’s all you’re gonna see, but need you to trust me.”

As her eyes close, I feel my chest tighten in a way I haven’t felt in a really long time.

“You gotta work through this. I know it’s hard. Saw a lot of shit today. Learned things that I’m sure shook you up. Gotta work through it.”

She blinks, but closes her eyes once again. I begin to wash her with the wash cloth and some shower gel. Moving around the tub, I do the best I can in the small space.

“Face the scars now so they don’t cut deeper long term, baby. Not gonna be easy, but avoiding it will make it claw at you.”

She trembles under me but keeps her eyes closed.

“What did Benny say?” I speak softly.

The tear falls from her right eye first before the rest come down in streams from both eyes equally. “He told me,” her voice cracks, “to be free.”

I massage her neck once more as I lean in close to her ear and whisper, “then find that freedom he wants for you, buttercup.”

“Jennings,” she whispers. “Do you think Benny really is okay with letting me go?”

“What do you mean?”

“I want to live life free from my past. My life here in Creekdale, I actually love it. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been at my little flower shop. I don’t want things to change. I don’t want to look over my shoulder wondering if Benny is really letting me go. And now, I wonder if any of his associates will come after me. Something I never considered before today.”

“What did Benny say to you in the warehouse?” I repeat my question.

“He told me to be free and find happiness.” The words come out without a crack now.

I pause washing her, she blinks her eyes open meeting my stare. “Then yes, buttercup, Benny is letting you go. He set you free with those words, but baby, I have a feeling the man set you free when you made the choice to leave his world. He is not dumb. He knew why and knew it was for the best.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Probably not the best time to say this, but I sense you have a type, buttercup. Benny and I aren’t so different. If I thought my world wouldn’t be safe for you, I would let you go and hope you found a man strong enough to love you the way you deserve, gentle enough to know when to let you lead, and loving enough to accept your past has many layers.”

“Is your world safe for me, Jennings?”

“As safe as it can be.” I tell her the truth. “Unfortunately, buttercup, even in a world following the laws of man, bad shit still happens. I couldn’t keep my wife safe from drinking and that meant I didn’t keep my daughter safe from her. Dominiks death is as much my fault as Ayla’s. I knew Ayla was struggling and I didn’t save her from herself. I have to live with that. And that has zero to do with my life in the club. I can’t make you promises. I can tell you I’ll do everything I can though to keep you safe and give you the happiness you deserve.”

Blinking, she studies me for a moment. Whispering, she shares what I thought was weighing on her mind, “how do I know no one else will come for me like Diaz?”

“Because Diaz found his end in coming after you. Between Bianchi and our contact to another cartel to absorb Diaz’s territory and people, if anyone even breathes your name it will get back to the Kings. I will move mountains to keep you safe. Nothing from Benny’s world touches you again.”

“You have cartel contacts?”

I laugh, “I’m not best friends with them, no. But I do know someone who has ties to a group of Nomad bikers we have an affiliation to.”

“Do bikers do that? Have affiliations with other clubs?”

“Not gonna lie to you, Michele. Sometimes we have agreements and affiliations that benefits both clubs, sometimes we got problems with other clubs, and other times we stay in our place and thousands of other clubs that exist stay in their own spots.”

“And you trust these men tied to this cartel?”

“Cut from the same cloth, yeah I do. Devil’s Due MC Nomads. They don’t stay in one place, but have been to Bama and Creekdale more than once as one of their ol’ ladies has a tattoo shop and shit north of here. Another one of their brother’s, his ol’ lady caught herself a tie to Javier Almanza. That man is determined to get as much of North America under his control as possible. The man respects the life of a motorcycle club and we give him respect in return. He will get Diaz’s organization in line and not one of them will even dare speak your name again.”

“And just that easy I’m supposed to be safe.”

I shake my head, “nothing easy about negotiating with men in that world, but Almanza family is the best option to take control of what Diaz was runnin’. That’s all I can do in that world. My world, no one will come close enough to you again to remotely pose a threat. Almanza and Devil’s Due taking your back is icing on the cake, baby.”

She doesn’t say anything more as I wash her hair for her. Once I get her out of the bath and dried off, I move her to her bedroom. Finding pajamas, she allows me to help her dress. As much as I want to kiss her, touch her, caress her, tonight isn’t the night.

“I gotta shower babe, get some rest.” I tell her turning on her shower.

I move around noticing she’s staying in the doorway. Knowing now is the not the time to push for anything physical I wash myself quickly before stepping out to dry off.

“Buttercup, you can go to bed.”

“I rather like this view,” she teases then yawns.

Shaking my head, I move to her room taking her by the hand leaving my clothes and towel on the bathroom floor. She climbs in bed and I move around to her other side. Climbing in, I lay on my back as she snuggles in beside me half draped on me. Willing my cock down, I lay there holding her.

She doesn’t relax into sleep. I kiss the top of her head. “Gotta let it all go, buttercup. For you and for Benny.”

“Jennings,” she says into the darkness of her room, “why haven’t you kissed me since we got home?”

“Because you aren’t ready. I kiss you, it turns to more, you aren’t ready for that. You need some time to process today. I’m gonna give you that time.”

She lets out a sigh and I’m not sure if it’s relief or disappointment.

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I know what I want and it’s right here in this bed.”

“Are you always so confident?”

“Yeah,” I tell her the truth, “now sleep.”

She shifts again pulling in closer, but doesn’t speak. It takes her some time but she does drift off.

I lay in bed looking to her ceiling. How do I keep the nightmares away? I can keep her safe from my world, but can I keep her safe from me? The thoughts plague me all night. In the morning she begins to stir as I sit fully dressed on a chair in her room. She extends her arm in the bed looking for me.

Sitting up, she calls out, “Jennings.”

“Right here, buttercup.”

“Why are you over there?”

“Better place for me to be right this minute, baby.”

“Are you leaving?”

“I’m thinking we should talk.”

She jumps up out of the bed and marches over to me. “Oh no, no way. I have been through hell. You tell me you’ll be patient. You tell me I’m not ready, and now you want to have some talk. You said I’m in my head. Well, get out of your own, Jennings.”

“There is a lot to me you don’t know, Michele.” I give her the truth.

She shakes her head. “No,” the tears fill her eyes. “I’m trying to be free. I told you my life here matters. I want to see what this spark might be. Even if it doesn’t work out, I want to take that risk.”

Her fire brings me to life as I grab her wrists and pull her to me. I can’t resist as her lips crash to mine. She climbs on my lap and presses against me.

Breathlessly, I pull away. “You gotta know something, Michele.”

“If you tell me you’re a serial killer, I will stab you in the balls. I didn’t take it well when Benny told me what his occupation was. I don’t care what you and your brothers or club are into Jennings as long as you come home to me. I don’t want to know what you and your club are doing as long as you and me are doing you and me. I have learned I don’t need to know anything but what I feel and what you feel. If it ain’t about that, don’t tell me!”

I almost want to smile. She couldn’t be better suited for my lifestyle. “As much as I want this, I can’t do it without telling you. We can’t sleep together.”

She laughs, full out belly laughs. “Now, I know it’s been crazy and maybe you hit your head, but Jennings I’ve seen your penis, it works. We can indeed sleep together.”

I smirk, “I’m happy to know you are into my penis and it working, but,” and I drop my face watching hers, “you need to know I can’t sleep beside you. I don’t ever want to hurt you. Sometimes I have nightmares, vivid ones from my time in service. I can hallucinate.”

She cups my chin shutting me up. “We fight back those demons together. One nightmare at a time. I’m not saying you can’t sleep with me and I’m not saying I’m going to force you to, but you keep telling me we do this at my pace. You have given me all this attention and pulled away when I’ve practically humped your leg. You have been nothing but gentle with me. We have faced death together, Jennings. We can battle some dreams until we beat those too.”

“Fuckin’ gift,” I whisper before I devour her mouth in mine.