Page 6 of Rogue If You Want To (Fur-Ever Mountain Pack #2)

OTTO

After my grandfather passed, I pictured what it had been like for him as he left this realm and went to join the goddess.

I pictured him being here one second and then suddenly running along a riverbank, floating through the water, catching something to eat, playing with others, and being pain-free, care-free, and happy… so very happy.

This gave me such comfort as I grieved his loss, and I’d held onto that belief up until now.

Now that my brother assured my death, I could see I’d managed to get it completely wrong.

Instead of waking up to see my grandfather waiting for me in the river, there was darkness. So much darkness, and the pain… The pain seared through every inch of my body. Never had I experienced such agony.

And worse than the physical hurt was the fact that my otter was gone. I couldn’t feel him at all.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. But I couldn’t do any of it. My body refused to move, which made sense considering I was probably dead.

Dead. My brother had won. And knowing him, he was celebrating.

The more I struggled, the more it hurt, and I managed to move not at all, solidifying my theory.

Then, I remembered something I learned in school.

Some philosopher somewhere said that death might be going to be with the goddess, but it also could be just having the best night’s sleep ever.

I’d never been the best student, and why this stuck with me, I would never know, but I was glad it did. It gave me hope.

Option one obviously didn’t happen, and I decided to force option two. I worked as hard as I could, trying to get back to sleep. Sleep was so much better than this torment.

It must’ve worked, because the next thing I remembered was darkness again. But this time, the pain was less. I still couldn’t find my otter, but I could feel him… maybe. He was still really far away.

Maybe going to the goddess was a journey that required steps and this was one of them.

Sleep. That’s what I was going to do. Over and over again until I finally reached my destination.

And I did exactly that. I’d force sleep using every trick I knew, from counting to reciting otter law in my head over and over again.

When I came to again, I just willed myself back to sleep like I did before.

It was the only thing I could physically do, and I held onto it like it was the golden ticket to peace.

I lost track of how many times I went through the cycle, but this time when I woke up, something had changed.

My body wasn’t against anything hard, the ground beneath me now soft…

and I was warm. That wasn’t the weirdest part, though.

I was covered by something… not dirt like I initially feared.

Logic caught up with me, and I realized my face was fine, unlike my body.

And if you were getting buried, it was all of you.

I heard something in the background, just a shuffle of feet. Not too close, but not as far as my otter.

No more going back to sleep. I worked hard and cracked my eyes open… slamming them shut instantly. It was so bright it hurt. Maybe I’d made it to the goddess after all and was in the glorious sun along the riverbank near my grandfather.

I cracked my eyes open again. This time I was able to keep them open long enough to catch a glimpse. I wasn’t outside. I was in a room… one I didn’t recognize.

I blinked away the fuzziness.

Where was I?

I inhaled deeply, and it was like all the scents slammed into me at once.

So different than by the water, where I couldn’t scent a thing.

There was mildew, lots of dust, some meat, and soap.

But none of that shocked me as much as the scent coming to the forefront, the scent of lavender and pine.

And was it basil? What was I tasting? Scenting?

My otter, who I hadn’t been able to find, lunged forward and gave me the answer I needed. Mate. Our alpha.

Fuck.

I scrambled to get up. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t bring somebody else into this. How could I have a mate? I was rogue. No, no, no, no. This could not be happening.

A warm hand took mine, and all the panic and anxiety fell away. Nothing else remained but me and the person connected to that hand.

“Mate.” It came out like a croak.

I dared for the first time to look in their direction.

And there he was, my mate. An alpha wolf. He had bags under his eyes, his hair disheveled, and it looked like he was wearing someone else’s shirt that he’d found in a ball in the corner of the locker room, and still… he was the most gorgeous man I’d ever laid my eyes on.

I needed to figure out what to do, and I needed to do it quickly, because this… me being here with him… it could only put him in danger. I refused to be the reason my mate came to harm.

“Otto. Yes, I’m your mate.”

Oh goddess. How did he know my name?

“Do you remember me? Torin? We met at the accident?”

He said it like a question, because we both knew it wasn’t an accident. You don’t accidentally get marked as rogue. You don’t accidentally get attacked. You don’t accidentally have your phone missing.

I must’ve told him my name? I didn’t remember it. Everything had been so dark, and hurt so much. But my brother made sure no one could identify me, so that had to be it.

“Where am I?”

And then he told me exactly where I was and how we’d gone to the new pack, one that was started by a man who gave refuge to others, for help. He also told me about how he came to find me when I needed him most.

Gods, it would’ve been so much better for him if he hadn’t.

He was my mate, but he didn’t have a pack. And there were people, the small pack, who took us in and tried to help me heal all out of the kindness of their heart. And all of them were going to suffer because of me.

Didn’t they understand? Once my brother found out I was alive, there was going to be no stopping him. I was the one thing that stood in his way, and he refused to let me stay there.

“I need to get out of here.” My whispered words were cut off by my mate hugging me, holding me close.

“You need to trust me. Please… say you trust me.” He tightened his hold, comforting me as he pleaded for my acceptance.

And the thing was, I did trust him. It wasn’t about that. Fate wouldn’t send me someone I couldn’t trust.

But I needed to protect him. That was what mates did, and this was the complete opposite of protecting him.

“Let’s go outside and meet the others, and then we’ll work on what’s next,” he said.

I nodded, unable to fight him. Even if I wanted to, I didn’t have the energy. He helped me stand, my knees nearly giving out, and then put his arm under mine and around my back, basically holding me up as I hobbled outside.

There was a fire pit and sitting around it were two men, a small boy, and an older gentleman, all pretending not to notice that we were coming out, with the exception of the little boy, whose eyes were glued to me.

“Let me introduce you to the shifters who started this pack.” My mate helped me sit me in a chair.

He didn’t get to introduce me, they took it over from there.

“I’m Creven. I’m the Alpha of Stoney River Pack. Your mate brought you here. You’re rogue, yes?” He dove right in.

“Yes.”

“What did you do to become rogue?” He wasn’t mincing words.

I didn’t blame him. He had his pack to protect, and from the looks of it, it was he doing all of the protecting… although never underestimate an omega with a young one.

“It was my twin. I was ambushed. But not by my pack… I mean my bevy… it was hired bears. And my brother… he wanted me out of the way.” It was so ingrained to call it a pack, and at this rate, I was going to get them all confused.

Creven nodded in understanding. “Is he Alpha now?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. My father is, or was when I got hurt.” Understatement of the year. “But he doesn’t plan to stay there in that position.”

“Well, before we deal with any of this—” The older man stood up. “You need to heal. And in order to heal, you need to shift.”

I was wearing a robe, one that belonged to someone here, and it made it easy for my mate to help me up and take it off.

I tried to shift. Nothing. My otter stayed just out of reach. The only time he was at all close had been when he declared Torin my mate and that was for only a millisecond.

Over and over again I attempted to shift. Each and every time I failed.

Creven got up, took off his clothes, and shifted. I could feel him trying to force my shift. But he wasn’t my Alpha, and even if he had been, my otter was going back further and further with each try.

Auden looked to my mate. “See if you can get his otter to come out.”

And he did the same thing as Creven, his wolf going so far as to butt his head against me. Still… nothing.

I crumbled to the ground and began to sob.

I was broken. My otter was missing. And I had put the lives of my mate and this pack, who had been so kind to help me, in danger. My brother was right to keep me from being in power.

I couldn’t even handle taking care of myself, much less an entire pack.