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HAVOC

I t’s overwhelming how right everything feels. My heart is swollen, bursting out of my ribcage from the love in this room. This is my family. They’re enough; they always have been.

I broke in front of them, and without hesitation, they came together to pick up the pieces. I give Madeline a kiss before standing, seeking out the one person I’m still undeserving of.

“You look...” Kade stops, giving me a once over and choosing their words carefully. “Alive.”

“That’s about as good as I can offer.” I smile.

“That’s enough.” They nod; it feels like forgiveness, but I know it’s not.

Because I haven’t asked for it yet.

“I’m sorry.” I mean it with every fiber of my being.

“I am too. I should have done more.” They tuck blue hair behind their ears, uneasy as always.

“No. Don’t take responsibility for my mess. It wasn’t your job to fix my shit. It certainly wasn’t your job to tolerate it, and I’m sorry I broke your trust.” It’s the truth. “I should have been honest with you.”

They nod. “Tolkien misses you.”

“I miss him too,” I admit with a soft smile. “I think I’m going to stay with Maddox, though.”

“Oh?” Kade raises an eyebrow, waiting for more juicy details.

Everyone around us is enveloped in conversation, small groups of skaters catching up and celebrating today’s massive win. Deandra was so upset every time a text from DreadPool updated her on the situation yesterday, I knew there was no way she was going to stay out of it.

Having her here is everything.

It reminds me that Asha is still the glue, even though she’s not here anymore. It reminds me that glue has the power to continue to hold even when it dries clear.

“Yeah. She just…” I’m trying to condense love into words that don’t exist, and it fails me. “We just…make sense.”

Kade nods, understanding perfectly somehow. They grab my shoulder. “Well, come over for coffee or something.”

“I’d like that.” I nod.

“What’s your plan for today?” Kade asks, making me hopeful that there is genuine forgiveness there and a desire to stay friends.

It means more than I can explain.

“Meeting a new therapist.” I grin awkwardly, like my physically broken head isn’t enough, the acknowledgement of my mind’s fragility too embarrassing to admit.

“Love that for you.” They drape an arm over my shoulder and pull me in, dropping a kiss to the top of my head.

“Maybe tomorrow?” I ask, my voice full of optimism.

Kade answers far too seriously. “Only if you bring those cheese bread balls.”

“Deal.”